Smoking In The Boys' Room
by CorrinaTFF
Summary: Rendezvous in the boys' room at the football field had become a regular routine. It was a way to pass the time, with good friends and a few smokes. What happens when things get complicated and feelings start to interfere?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I claim nothing except for this baby that is my story. Stephenie Meyer owns everything else. Damn the luck!**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------PROLOGUE-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People were laughing and drunk all around me as I waded my way through the crowd of loudmouths, looking for someone. People were in groups or coupled up everywhere. My eyes narrowed slightly as I scanned the overly crowded room. _Where is he?_

Then I saw him, across the room, leaning against the wall. Jessica was with him. Actually, she was hanging all over him, leaning into his side, trying to get him to touch her. Her hand was rubbing up and down his muscular throwing arm while the other was wrapped around it. She was holding onto him as if she owned him. I felt a sudden irrational urge to pull her hair out of her head.

I marched across the room and looked her square in the eye, smiling as falsely and sweetly as I was able while tilting my head to the side to look at her. In the sweetest voice I could manage, I spoke with a slight pucker to my lips, "If you don't remove your hand from _my_ man, I will break it in so many places you will _never_ be able to hold your pompom again," I nearly sang the end of my statement in disdain.

Her eyes widened as my words reached her poorly developed brain. She looked up at Edward as if pleading for him to intervene. He stared down at her, shrugged and started to chuckle uncontrollably. She spun on her heel and stormed off toward the front door, stomping her feet like a four year old having a temper tantrum.

I smiled moving to Edward's left side. I reached down, grabbed his cock as I stared him straight in the face, simply stated "Mine" and kissed his sculpted square jaw. He leaned in to whisper into my right ear as he reached around my left side to grab my ass. "Bella, it's always been yours." He pulled me closer to him, kissing me urgently. I felt his tongue dart out and slide along my lips before it entered my mouth. I heard the music getting louder.

_To get caught could surely be the death of us all__  
__Smokin' in the boys room__  
__Smokin' in the boys room__  
__Teacher don't you fill me up with your rules__  
__Everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in school_

_Hey can I be excused?__  
__Put me to work in the school bookstore_

I woke up groaned and slammed my hand down on the snooze button repeatedly. _Damnit! I need to stop having these dreams about him!_ _He is and forever will be off limits!_ Edward and I were a mismatch. He had made that fact abundantly clear. I pried the sleep from my eyes and peered at the clock. _6:45_.

With another groan into my pillow, I rolled out of bed, shut off my alarm and dragged my ass into the bathroom. I turned on the hot water and allowed a good steam to develop in the room. I needed to relax my muscles. The dream had my body feeling as if it were tied in knots. If I stayed that tense all day, I would never make it through fourth hour. I praised God for it being senior year.

* * *

**If you aren't familiar with the song, below, you will find a blip link as well as a Youtube link. Just switch the (dot) to a period.**

http://blip(dot)fm/profile/SassyCorrina/blip/34505989/Motley+Crue-Smoking+in+the+Boy's+Room

http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=ElQTZFHGXFY


	2. Chapter 1: Home State

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I claim nothing except for this baby that is my story. Stephenie Meyer owns everything else. Damn the luck!**

**Some readers from the "I love 80's Music" Naughty Heels Contest asked for more of a backstory. Others just asked for the story to continue. I am doing both. And so we begin. **

**This chapter is one hundred percent EPOV. If you don't like Edward … he doesn't really give a fuck.**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 1: Home State-------------------------------------------------------------------------**

It was the dumbest fucking idea Dad had yet. What the hell were we doing moving to this little podunk town called "Forks" at the edge of Washington? I couldn't believe he was fucking serious. If mom wasn't such a passive wife, we could have stayed in Chicago. Shit, Chicago was where everyone I knew lived. Chicago was where my girl was. Chicago was home to the Bears and the Cubs. Chicago was _my_ _home_.

Tanya had been pissed when I told her we were moving. Damn, that girl could get angry. She had gotten so pissed off she had paced my bedroom floor, half naked, flinging her arms everywhere. At one point, I got worried about my guitar and instinctively walked over and stood in front of it. Tanya angry was such a fucking turn-on. The angrier she got, the hornier she got. The hornier she got, the more attention my cock got. It was fun to fuck with her sometimes and purposefully piss her off. I was going to fucking miss her.

Don't get me wrong … I didn't love Tanya, and she knew it. It was all about the sex for me, and she was a pretty good lay. If I wanted her to give me head, that's exactly what she would do. She was all about pleasing her man, and I ate that shit up!

The move to Forks was bullshit! How my father could just throw everything away was beyond me. We had a great life in Chicago. I had a sweet setup with an influential coach, great teammates, and good friends. Those fuckers needed me!

"Where the fuck is this place?" I was irritated to say the least. Sitting in the backseat of our Escalade was alright, but I had been here for three motherfucking days already. If we didn't get there soon, I was going to lose all my hair. I had caught myself tugging on it too many damn times to count.

"Edward Anthony!" Mom gasped out. "Do not curse at your father and me. Be a gentleman, and show the respect you were raised to give."

I couldn't fucking help but roll my eyes. Back in Chicago, before all this shit, Dad and I would go back and forth cursing in our conversations. Mom obviously hadn't been around when we did, but that wasn't the point. Some of the shit that came out of my father's mouth was fucking hilarious. Some days he would curse harder than I would. A strong sense of humor was always present with us. That is why I had laughed when they told me we were moving to this fucked up little place.

*********

"I heard from Carlisle today," Dad had blurted out in the middle of Bach's "Air on the G String", while we were seated at the dinner table. The title of the composition always made me laugh, which was why it quickly became one of my favorites. Mom had always felt food digested better with classical music to soothe the body and mind. I never knew where she got all the new-age bullshit from.

Her eyes had widened briefly as she paused cutting her meat. Her head had slowly risen to look up at my father. "How is he, Ed?" Mom should have known the answer to that shit. She talked to Aunt Esme every day on the phone over coffee. She called her around eight every damn morning, knowing Aunt Esme would be up. She would get up early enough to make sure Uncle Carlisle had a good breakfast before he headed into the hospital. He was Chief of Staff at Forks General and the town loved him.

Dad had glanced at me prior to looking back at my mother to speak to her. I had no idea what the fuck was about to happen. "He's well. He told me of an opening they have at his hospital. They're in desperate need of a good cardiologist." I had watched him, curious as to why he was swiftly stuffing carrot after carrot into his mouth. He took a sudden interest in the design on his plate, barely looking up when my mother spoke again.

My mother had furrowed her brow and tilted her head as she looked at my father. "Where is Carlisle again, dear? Washington?" That's when I knew something was up and was getting unnerved. I remembered thinking they had lost their damn minds to Alzheimer's. She knew all too fucking well where Dad's brother lived _and_ worked! I had felt the muscles in my back tense as if they were bracing for a harsh blow.

Dad had cleared his throat and chanced a glance at me again. He didn't usually have problems just saying shit, so I wasn't able to figure out what the fuck was on his mind. Then, I couldn't understand why the fuck he would have been so nervous speaking to Mom about his own brother. That shit was clear now, but a small part of me had screamed to ignore all the bullshit and let them play their little game with each other. I had shrugged it off, ignoring all the fucking warning sirens going off in my head.

I had heard so many stories of Dad and Uncle Carlisle growing up. They had caused Grandma and Grandpa Cullen a lot of grief when they were younger. But Meme and Papi were proud when both their sons became doctors. Uncle Carlisle went into General Medicine not wanting to focus on a single illness. Dad was currently one of the top cardiologists in Chicago. He was well respected in the community and we lived a pretty comfortable existence.

Dad had pulled me from my musings as he spoke, starting up with the game play again.

"Yes, love. Forks, Washington, actually. He and Esme have been there two years now and seem very happy." Dad had begun to stare fixedly at his plate again.

"Alright, what the hell is going on? You two are acting weird!" I waved my fork between them because the fucking table talk had started to piss me off. There was no way Mom had forgotten where her brother-in-law and old college roommate slash best friend lived. If either of them ever missed a call, you knew something had to be wrong. I also knew they always talked for hours to be sure all the gossip in both cities was entirely discussed.

Dad and Uncle Carlisle had finally demanded that their wives trade off on calling until those cell phone family plans came out. Now they would talk all the fucking time with the mornings being their only ritual.

"Edward Anthony, you watch your tone, young man! I will not warn you again," Mom had threatened me. I knew it had been an empty threat. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to stifle a chuckle. She had never actually followed through on anything along the lines of punishment. But it was fucking funny to watch her face nonetheless.

I had run my hands through my hair, tugging lightly at the follicles at the back of my neck. I did that when I turned into an emo bitch. I hated that shit but couldn't help it. I hadn't even realized it until Tanya told me it annoyed the shit out of her. I smiled thinking of how it was just another way for me to set my girl off.

"Come on, Mom! Just tell me what's going on? You and Dad both know where Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme live. You talk to her every fu … single day!" Yeah, I had fucking stuttered trying to suppress that shit. "Have you two lost your minds?"

"Ed," Mom had said, seemingly pleading for Dad to say something that made a lick of sense. "We tried this your way. Please, just tell him the news." I knew then, that I was fucked. Mom's words had let me know I was not going to like the shit Dad had to tell me. I remember my muscles had tightened as my hands involuntarily balled into fists on the table.

"Tell me what news?" I had started laughing, almost in hysterics, as the thoughts began to run through my mind. "What? Are we moving to Washington?" My body had begun to shake as my laughter had gotten louder. "That's a good one Dad! As if you would give up your practice and status here to live the small-town-life of Forks!" My hands had relaxed as I convinced myself how ridiculous the thought of us moving was. I remember looking over at my father and all my amusement had been choked back instantly. I had turned my head and looked at my mother who was wringing her napkin in front of her. Fittingly, I heard Bach's "Toccata in D Minor" start. "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! You watch your mouth!" Shit! She had used my full name. That usually meant she was pissed. She had then lowered her voice to a dulcet tone. "I raised you better than this, Edward. It would be in your best interest to act like the young gentleman I raised you to be."

I had glared at my father and nervously huffed, again balling my hands into fists. "You are kidding me, right?" I had pleaded. "We are not moving to Forks, Washington?" My statement sounded more like a question. The silence had been deafening. I had pounded my fists hard on the table in aggravation, causing my glass to bounce in front of me, effectively spilling some water. "I am not fucking moving there! I'll go live with James. His parents will take me in and I'll finish school here."

I had tugged at my hair resigning myself to figuring out who the fuck I was trying to kid. It had been an empty threat. James's parents thought _I _was the bad influence in _his_ life. Little did they know, their fucking "perfect angel" was the one getting me and the rest of the team fucked up every Friday night. No way in hell were his folks going to take me into their house. I remember trying to hatch a plan to have Tanya hide me in her house when I heard my father's stern voice.

"Edward!" I knew right fucking there that my life was changing and I was fucked.

*********

It had been two months since they had told me about the ridiculous concept of moving. Yet, there I was in the back of the Escalade, my iPod piercing my eardrums as I played my anger playlist. Nickelback's "Burn It to the Ground" began playing. It was what I wanted to do to the whole damn town of Forks for pulling my father into their promise of serenity. I abruptly wondered how fast a small town like Forks would take to burn. It was a sick fucking thought, but what the hell, I needed a laugh. I removed one of my earpieces to hear an answer I was sure to find comical.

"How many people live in Forks?" The words left my lips sounding as if it were idle curiosity that had provoked the inquest.

"A little over 3,000, I believe." My father seemed genuinely happy with the query. "It's small but everyone there is very friendly and interdependent. Your uncle was able to enroll you in the high school without issue." He looked to my mother as a smile spread across his face. "Shelly Cope was very kind to be so helpful."

I couldn't help it. I shook my head and chuckled to myself at the contrast of my former and future lives. Yes, Forks would be a quick burn. Those fuckers had to hold town meetings in the school auditorium or some shit. The one building could always be spared. I wasn't a completely sick and twisted fucker. I started to put my earphone back in but halted when I heard my mom's high-pitched shriek.

"Oh my goodness! Shelly is back in Forks? Why didn't Esme tell me?" Mom was appallingly excited. Dad looked over at her with a goofy-ass look on his face. I could see his eyes in the rearview mirror, brimming with amusement. I shook my head watching them act as though they were a couple of teenagers. I cringed at the thought of my parents ever being teenagers. It was just sick to fucking think about them ever doing the shit I do.

Dad lifted Mom's hand and kissed her palm. "I thought it would be a nice surprise for you. I asked Esme and Shelly to keep it a secret." Dad chuckled and quirked a brow before he continued. "Actually, I am shocked they were able to keep this from you. You ladies do love to gossip about everything."

He turned her hand and ran his lips over her fingertips eliciting a blush from my mother. I would never get over all their mushy love crap. Why the hell they chose to do that shit in front of me, I don't know. That shit was supposed to be behind closed doors away from the disgusted look of their teenager's eyes.

I never had to do that shit with Tanya. She gladly took what I gave her when and if I decided to give it to her. "Will you two get a room?" I looked again into the rearview mirror just in time to see my father narrow his eyes at me.

"Edward," he said in a stern voice. That shit was getting old fast.

I rolled my eyes, stared back at him and stated in a mocking tone, "Yeah, Dad, I know. Watch your mouth Edward Anthony Masen Cullen or I will have it sewn shut." Mom fucking giggled and covered her mouth like a little girl with a secret or some shit. I couldn't remember if I had ever heard her giggle like that. It was fucking discomforting.

To avoid more of the coming awkwardness, or my need to heave, I quickly put my earphones back on and went back to my playlist. It was time for some Disturbed. I needed to live in my private moment of loathing the move. I still couldn't fathom why Dad had given up a lucrative practice and the respect of most of Chicago to uproot us and move to this fucked up little town of 3,000 nobodies.

*********

The slight jostling of the Escalade woke me. It was dusk and we were pulling down a winding dirt road. I could make out a three-story white house near a river. It was huge and yet shadowed by a very large tree that seemed to grow right into the upper balcony. "Dad, where are we?" I asked a bit disoriented as I stretched my neck to get the kink out.

"This is your Uncle Carlisle's place. We'll sleep here this weekend and spend some time with your aunt and uncle. The movers won't be here with the truck until Monday."

He pulled the SUV to a stop near a wooden deck close to what I thought might be the front door. I watched as Aunt Esme ran out the door just as my mom was quickly exiting the car. They ran to each other, bodies crashing into hugs and started jumping up and down like excited teenage girls. I could hear them squealing through my mom's open car door. The sight of two grown women acting like schoolgirls caused me a bit of irritation.

I stretched my limbs as I reluctantly removed myself from the backseat and walked to the rear of the Escalade to help dad with the bags. Just as I rounded the back of the SUV, I heard a gasp but refused to turn to face whoever had made the sound.

"Is that our little Eddie?" Shit! Fuck my life. I really did not want to put up with that shit. I was fucking sixteen years old for Christ's sake! Aunt Esme had kept me trapped in her mind as her little nephew Eddie and I had never wanted to curse a woman out so bad in all my life. I was no long that frightened little boy who used to cling to my mother's legs.

I rolled my eyes and steeled my nerves before turning to face her. It was going to be a long fucking weekend_._ "Hi, Aunt Esme," I sighed and gave her a bit of a passive smile.

I really fucking hated being called Eddie. They called me 'Little Ed', 'Eddie' and 'Little Eddie'. My fucking name is Edward. Fucking pain in the ass adults! Who the fuck said everyone had to have a fucking nickname?

I pushed my hand out toward her to shake her hand. Before I knew what she was doing, Aunt Esme pulled me to her body in a tight hug twisting us left and right, making me feel like I was in some dumbass freak show.

I looked over her shoulder after I heard a throat clearing. "Esme, love, let the poor boy go." I thanked God above for Uncle Carlisle's empathy. I smiled and mouthed my appreciation to him. He gave me a quick grin and a wink in understanding. Finally, I had someone on my side of this mess.

I watched as my uncle approached my father, shook his hand and did one of those half hug-back pats.

"Ed."

"Carlisle."

They gave the typical masculine greeting. I could handle those types of greetings. It was all the female gushing bullshit that was starting to piss me off. Why the hell had I been stuck with the female fucked up mess? If I didn't know any better, I would fucking swear I was being punked.

Aunt Esme gripped my biceps holding me at arm's length and looked directly into my eyes. "You are such a handsome boy." She gasped. "Oh, and so strong! Carlisle! His muscles are bigger than yours, darling," she teased. She was squeezing my arms while smiling like she just stole a cookie from the cookie jar. I was getting very uncomfortable with all the emotional display and touchy feely shit. I shuffled my feet and looked at the ground trying to beat back the blush from all the unwanted attention. I could feel the heat creeping into my ears and prayed for solace.

"Esme, my darling wife, please let the boy go and let's get them inside so they can get comfortable and relax." Again, the sweet relief came from Uncle Carlisle's perception of my needs. He proceeded to the back of the Escalade, grabbed a couple of bags and motioned for us to follow him into the house. Mom and Aunt Esme were holding tight to each other walking arm and arm through the door, their arms devoid of any baggage. Whoever decided chivalry was the best way for males to act was definitely female. Damn woman made that shit up wanting to do less and less.

In the early stages of education, didn't we learn about cavemen clubbing their women and dragging them back to the cave to do their bidding? All the caveman had to do was hunt and bring the kill home. The woman did everything else. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Not the fucking clubbing, I'm not an abusive fucker.

*********

"_Bring me to life_

_Wake me up__  
__Wake me up inside__  
__I can't wake up__  
__Wake me up inside__  
__Save me__  
__Call my name and save me from the dark___

_Wake me up__  
__Bid my blood to run"_

I reached toward the side table, grabbing for my phone to shut the damn alarm off. Piece of shit wasn't where it was supposed to fucking be. I sat bolt upright and scanned my room not recognizing where I was at first. I pressed my hands into my face and used my fingertips to rub the sleep from my eyes. I twisted my torso to stretch out my back as I took in my surroundings; the realization of where I was dawned on me. I groaned remembering the fucking move to Forks, Washington. This was going to be my first day at Forks High School. Let my fucked up existence in purgatory begin.

_  
"__Save me from the nothing I've become___

_I've been living a lie__  
__There's nothing inside__  
__Bring me to life"_

Finally coherent enough, I realized my phone was singing to me from my jeans pocket on the floor next to the futon that was my current bed. Snatching up my jeans, I pulled the phone out and reset it for tomorrow. I was already fucking annoyed and my day had only begun. I groaned aloud realizing it was going to be a long fucked up day.

On top of everything else, I had a fucking problem. The worst part of the move so far was having no one to take care of my ever present morning wood. Tanya had always been good at helping me out in the mornings. We'd meet up at her place before school for a quickie or a blow nearly every damn day. Her parents were never home. They were always away on business or some shit most of the time and apparently Tanya had some dirt on her housekeeper. It must have been some good shit, because that woman never spoke a word to Tanya's parents about our morning ritual. Tanya was a loud bitch too, so there was no fucking way anyone in the house couldn't hear her.

Tanya. Just thinking about her mouth on me had my balls screaming for release. I pulled the sheet back and sat up on the edge of the futon tugging at my hair. I pulled my t-shirt from the pile of clothes on the floor and set it beside me on the bed. My hand went to my shaft and I began making slow strokes up and down. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel the flat of Tanya's tongue pressing against my tip, lapping at the wetness from my slit. I settled back against the pillows on the futon resting my body so I would have the clarity to focus. I let my thoughts drift back to Tanya taking me further into her mouth, keeping her tongue pressed hard against my length. Her tongue would massage the veins straining against the force of the blood flowing through them. She was good at giving head and I was the luckiest fucker alive for getting that mouth whenever I wanted it. She was always ready and she was mine.

I reached down gripping my balls with my other hand, imagining Tanya's fingers rolling over them, massaging deep to help bring me to orgasm. My lids showed her head bobbing up and down over me as her eyes looked up at me. She pulled back and traced my tip with her tongue because she knew how fucking good that shit felt to me. She took me into her mouth again sucking harder this time and moved her hand over my shaft with her mouth. I felt my balls begin to tighten as my shaft grew harder …

"Edward, son, it's time for you …" Dad had just fucking burst through the den door without fucking knocking. He stood in the doorway, eyes wide, with his hand gripping hard onto the door handle. His mouth gaped like a goldfish gasping for air lying outside its bowl.

"Dad! Holy, son of a …!" Well, if that didn't kill the motherfucking mood! I quickly grasped my sheet and pulled it around me in an attempt to hide my humiliation. I glared at my father who was still in the doorway, crimson and clearly embarrassed by what he had just caught me doing. "Do you mind giving me some fucking privacy?" My own mortification caused my voice to raise an octave or twenty. I could feel the fucking heat of embarrassment rising from my chest and spreading over the tips of my ears.

"Dah, yuh … sure", he managed to splutter out and closed the door quickly behind him. His abrupt entrance had my cock flaccid as a wet noodle. My balls were going to ache later from the lack of release. It had been damn near a week since my last orgasm. Then, today, I had been fucking cockblocked by my own damn father. Fuck my life.

I dragged my ass out of bed, went to my suitcase to pick out my clothes for the day and went down the hall to the bathroom for a quick frosty shower. There wasn't enough time to try to rub one out, and no way in hell was I going to take the risk of being walked in on again.

After my frigid shower, I threw on my clothes, grabbed my shit to start my day and went looking for my father. I didn't want to see the look on his face, but I had no fucking choice. I needed a ride to school because my car wasn't in Forks yet. It was on the moving truck which, dad had said, wouldn't be here until later today. I found my father in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of coffee while looking out the back window towards the river. I briefly wondered how long it would take me to walk all the way to Forks High. I squashed that idea not wanting to walk through all the dirt that was the Cullen drive.

"Dad." He didn't respond so I cleared my throat. There was still no response. I drew a deep breath and raised my voice. "Dad, time to go!"

He spun around to face me spilling coffee on the hardwood floor as he moved. "Damnit, Edward! You shouldn't sneak up on people like that." He had a stern look on his face and I had to laugh at his canon.

I cocked an eyebrow, stared at him half amused and smirked. "Really? You're actually going to bitch at me for fucking sneaking up on you? How about we talk about barging into someone's room without fucking knocking?" I knew I had him. More importantly, he knew I had him and I had made my fucking point.

His face flushed the shade of crimson I had seen earlier and he began looking around the kitchen for a dish towel. He grabbed the one off the stove, wiped his mug, set it on the counter then bent over and began to mop up the coffee from the floor. "Watch your fucking mouth young man." It was fucking comical to see my blushing father make an attempt at parental discipline while rebuking me for the same damn thing he was doing. I laughed because this shit was fucking priceless.

I started coughing to cover my laughter, rolled my eyes and decided to tread lightly. "Can we go now? I'd like to get to school early so I can figure out where my classes are." I didn't want to have to ask anyone where shit was. It was bad enough I was starting at a new high school half way through 'the best years of my life'. I didn't want to have to rely on any of these 'tards for information. I worried about who I would befriend, not wanting to be classed in with the fucking nerds and geeks just for being the new kid in this fucked up small town.

Dad stood and pulled the keys from his pocket and tossed them to me. "Take the Escalade for today. Your aunt is going to take your mother and me to the house once the movers arrive." He pointed a finger at me then. "If you get one dent on my vehicle," he paused briefly narrowing his eyes, "you'll be cleaning house for your mother for an entire year to pay me back for the repair bill, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah." I waved him off and walked out the door to start my trek to my new prison and its inmates. He was just as protective about his car as I was mine. He knew I wouldn't let shit happen to it.

When dad had suggested my car be brought on the moving truck, I had nearly lost my shit. I imagined the fuckers taking it off the truck just to take it out for a drive. I made sure I wrote down the names of the fuckers responsible for driving my baby to Forks. I notated the miles on the car, checked the fluid levels and if they moved my seat a millimeter out of position, I would have fucking known.

Once the movers had loaded my car, I got to work on wrapping my baby up in a total of thirty padded moving blankets. If I could have wrapped her in bubble wrap on top of that, I fucking would have. She was my baby and I was keen on taking really good care of her. I had caught James leaning on her on the second day that I had her, talking to Tanya. I made that fucker wax my Volvo every month until we moved. I remember telling him if he dared to put an ass print on my car, he would pay a price. James didn't know he was a lucky son of a bitch, because if that fucker wasn't my best friend there was no end to what I would have made him do. He got off easy.

I started the car and knew I needed to change my attitude before stepping foot on school grounds. I pulled out my iPod and brought up my calming playlist. No one was ever going to hear this shit. I had that fucking playlist buried. I pulled up Claude Debussy's "Clair de Lune" and put it on repeat because it was going to be the only fucking thing to calm me enough during the short drive. I pictured myself sitting at the Masen family antique Steinway, playing Debussy for my mother. It had been nearly two weeks since I had played. I reflectively flexed my fingers as I felt out of practice and in desperate need of having my fingers dance over the ivory.

I pulled into the Forks High School parking lot taking quick note of the vehicles there. It was empty, save for a few beaters. I figured the cars that were there belonged to faculty. I recognized Shelly Cope's beat up 1999 white Ford Taurus from her visit this weekend.

Shelly Cope had been kind enough to bring my class schedule and books when she came to see Mom and Aunt Esme over the weekend. My ears were still recovering from all the girly squealing that had happened Saturday afternoon. I shook my head and gripped my hair at the memory of the three grown women who had acted like fucking teenage girls at a fucking slumber party. They had been jumping up and down, clapping their hands and squealing like mad. I don't think I'd heard any girls my age that fucking loud.

I parked as far away from the faculty cars as possible knowing what we used to do to teachers vehicles back in Chicago. I exited the Escalade and pulled out the map of the school. Scanning the grounds as I walked toward the main walkway was tedious at best. I paced the entire route for my daily class schedule. There was still a good hour before school was to start, allowing me precious time to memorize building and class placement.

Once I had walked my route three times, committing it to memory, I noticed a fucker in the quad as he leaned against a picnic table watching me. He was a big dude and kind of intimidating. 'Big' wasn't quite enough of a description for this guy. Fucker had some meat on his build. He looked to be made of nothing but muscle. Dude must have used some steroids or some shit. I decided avoidance was best for now for fear of a 'roid rage attack. There was no need to get into a fight before school had a chance to start.

There was still a good ten minutes before the first hour bell. If I snuck into a seat early there was a good chance I could avoid the whole introduction bullshit. Then again, if I walked in too fucking early the teacher might get the idea that I was one of those 'good kids' and try to rope me into helping with some fucked up pet project. I didn't need that shitty rep either. What I really needed to do was talk to Coach Clapp and see if there was a way for me to try out for the football team. I had missed the summer tryouts, but I knew if I could show Clapp my skills I could easily be in a first string Varsity position. There was no way these podunk 'tards had anything on me.

When I was forced to leave Chicago, I was captain of my team. I had made Varsity my freshman year as a backup quarterback. It was unheard of for a freshman to be placed into varsity in any position. When Peter had been injured in the second game of the season, my Frosh year, I was his replacement. Coach had taken a lot of flak for that decision.

Coach Eleazar was well known around Chicago for spotting the raw talent in a player. He would take that talent and help the player perfect it. Most of his personal choices went on to play pro ball. It was pretty fucking amazing when you thought about it. He should have been coaching college level or been a fucking recruiter. But he said he was the happiest fucker alive "being able to mold young men into excellent players". He must have rehearsed that shit to convince everyone how fucking happy he was.

When he had chosen to promote me as a Varsity first string quarterback my frosh year, you can bet your ass I counted myself fucking lucky. Fuck! Here I was, lost in Forks fucking Washington, with no reputation to precede me. Sure I had a fucking letter from Coach, but Cope said Clapp wouldn't give a shit. That asshole only believed in what he saw from his players. He didn't think anyone else's opinion should matter since it was his damn team. Fuck my life.

I spun around hearing a whistle coming from behind me. "Dude. Are you the new Cullen kid?" Fuck me, it was the giant from the quad. I could tell how huge he really was the closer he got to me. "Yo man, you OK? Ah hell, don't you speak English?" I must have had some dumbass look on my face if this fucker was asking if I was okay. Did he just ask if I speak English? What the fuck kind of question is that? I felt dwarfed by him but I was irritated enough to fucking glare.

"Yeah. I speak English. What kind of fucked up question is that?" All the good the glare did me. I hated to admit it but I was fucking intimidated and I didn't want him to see my uneasiness.

Fucker busted out laughing before shoving his hand toward my chest. I raised my hand to his and grasped it as hard as I could before he could get a strong enough grip to crush mine.

"I'm Emmett. Emmett McCarty. You're Eddie Cullen, right?"

Fuck my life. Aunt Esme must have been talking to everyone in town about her little nephew coming to live here. My earlier exasperation crept back in to my conscience. Not here too. I clenched my jaw in an effort to deter the need to try to rip the fucker's throat out. I really did not want to get my ass beat up my first day of school.

"Just Edward. No Ed. No Eddie. Just. Edward."

"Whoa. OK, 'Just Edward'. Dude, you've got to relax. I come in peace. It's nice to meet you, man." He laughed and clamped his hand on my shoulder causing a dull ache with his grip. "Hey, I hear you have a wicked throwing arm. Have you talked to Coach yet? We could really use a good quarterback." He let go of my shoulder and seemed to grimace as his next words left his mouth. "Our current Q B, Mike Newton, sucks ass, dude. Same retarded fucker we had last year. I get that quarterbacks are automatically team captains, but no one fucking respects him."

This fucker could talk. I didn't think the guy realized he hadn't let me answer yet but when his word vomit ceased, I saw my opportunity.

"Nah, man. I just got in town this weekend. I haven't been able to talk to Coach yet. I figured I'd talk to him after school or during gym. It's Coach Clapp, right?" All weekend long, I had gone over things in my mind about what I would say, but didn't need this fucker questioning me anymore.

"Yeah, Coach is pretty cool. He's a nice guy. I'll be one of your offensive guards. None of those opposing fuckers are going to get past me to get to you. You won't get hit as long as I'm protecting your ass." I think I actually saw the guy puff his chest out. Who does that shit? "No, sir. Hey man, let me introduce you to some people. Oh dude, you got to meet my girl. She's the hottest chick in this place and she has a rockin' body."

I wasn't sure, but I thought I detected a hint of a Southern accent. This was the Pacific Northwest--who the fuck has a Southern accent up here? I came to the realization that as much as the fucker talked, he didn't annoy me. I actually kind of liked the 'roid infested doofus. Who knew a meathead like this could be so fucking friendly?

As I started to excuse myself, Emmett let out a shrill whistle stopping me in my tracks. He was looking off into the distance and waving his arms frantically in the air. I followed his gaze but was unable to determine who he was making a fool of himself for until I heard a bitchy voice.

"Emmett McCarty! If you don't put your fucking arms down, I am going to grab Jasper's baseball bat and whack you over the fucking shoulders with it!"

I looked over at Emmett and noticed a huge grin spreading across his face like he'd just won a fucking prize.

He kept his eyes on the approaching blonde seeming to smile wider the closer she got to us. He turned his head toward me, pointing his thumb in her direction. "That's my girl." He then narrowed his eyes and spoke in a tone deeper than it was only moments ago. "Don't even think about banging my girl, man. I like you, but if you go after my Rose with your dick, the gloves come off." What the fuck?Why he would think I would go after his girl was beyond me_. _

When Rose finally arrived in front of us, I took a really good look at her. He was right about Blondie's rockin' body. She had a body that would rival my Tanya's. But blondes were not my type. Redheads were the fiery ones; what I craved. Tanya always declared herself to be a strawberry blonde. Her hair looked red to me. In the winter, I could fucking swear it got darker.

Behind Rose stood some blond guy with wavy hair who had his arm wrapped around the shoulders of a girl that had to be two feet shorter than he. She had hair kind of like one of them good luck troll dolls, just spikes everywhere. I flippantly wondered if he rubbed her for good luck as a chuckle escaped me.

"Rosalie, you know I don't let anyone near my bat save for Alice." He kissed the top of spiky-haired girl's head. I looked to the ground in an attempt to stifle another chuckle. I could see why Emmett and this dude were friends. Fuckers had some humor.

"That's seriously the grossest thing you have said ever, Jasper! I'm your fucking sister, you moron!" Rosalie may have meant her statement to sound pissy, but you could hear a hint of laughter coming off it.

"Yes, but leave the fucking to me, babe." I couldn't help but bust a gut laughing at Emmett catching his girl's error in her placement of the word fucking. I was beginning to like Emmett's friends and their playful banter. I could probably show them a thing or two.

"What the fuck are you laughing at fresh meat?" Blondie turned her pissy attitude at me. This bitch was going to burn me up and I was going to wind up pounded into the dirt by Meathead. I was able to keep my cool when Emmett started his pleading.

"Come on, babe. Just leave the dude alone. I want to see if he can replace that fucker Newton." He started rubbing her arm. "If you aren't nice to him, he won't want to play ball with me." The dude actually fucking winked at me as he kissed her cheek. If he hadn't threatened me earlier, I'd think the fucker was after my sexy ass.

Rosalie opened her mouth to say something, narrowed her eyes and then shut her mouth and gritted her teeth. Next thing I heard was a whispered "fuck you" just before she stormed off in another direction.

Emmett started walking backwards with his hands in the shape of mock pistols pointed at me. "Dude, we'll talk later. I need to do some damage control." And with that he took off running after Blondie. "Come on, babe! You know Newton is a douchebag…" his voice trailed off as he disappeared into the crowd of students.

His chasing after her reminded me of Tanya's and my relationship. I always ran after her ass to get out of the dog house. I needed our mornings too much to let her deprive me of shit. I always knew exactly what to do to calm Tanya. It involved sex most of the time, but that shit worked like a charm.

My thoughts were yet again interrupted when the little pixie spoke. "Hi, I'm Alice." She waved from where she stood under the blond dude's protective arm. "And this handsome guy is my Jasper."

Jasper pulled his arm from around Alice, put his hand out toward me and I took it shaking it once. I nodded to both of them. "It was nice to meet you both. If you'll excuse me, I want to go ahead and get to my first class."

"Do you need help finding your classes, man?" Damnit! Jasper had asked the one thing that would fucking aggravate me today. I reminded myself this guy was entertaining only moments ago then clenched my fist trying to control my annoyance.

"Nah, man. Thanks. I have my schedule figured out."

Before any other words could be spoken, I turned and walked into Mr. Jefferson's Government class. The dude was old and looked like he was in his hundreds. Undeniably the oldest guy I had ever seen in my life. That was fucking saying something because I knew of one Masen family member that was 108 years old.

The rest of my morning classes went by with no real incidents. I got stares and glares from various classmates, but no one approached me until fourth hour. Fourth hour was gym with Coach Clapp and I just couldn't seem to gather enough nerve to go talk to him about trying out for the football team. I resolved myself to speak to him after school hoping he would give me a tryout. I couldn't prove anything here with fucking tag football.

Towards the end of class, I heard my name called. "Cullen!"

I began a light jog toward Coach to speak with him. As I moved, I quickly scanned through my mind to figure out if I messed up somehow playing ball with these fuckers. I barely touched that Tyler kid when he had tackled me. I wanted to pummel his ass because I knew he fucking knew better. I didn't think Coach would wait until the end of class to berate me. After all, I had only verbally assaulted Tyler telling him to fucking watch what he was doing.

"Yes, Coach?" I kept it short, needing to gain his acceptance without crawling up his ass. What I really needed was to calm the fuck down. I felt my palms go cold in anticipation of the conversation.

"Brandon over there," he stated, pointing toward some dude standing near the girls' track session, "tells me you have a good throwing arm for football. Have you been singing your own praises?"

I was instantly annoyed and confused. Annoyed with Coach for assuming I was talking about my own ass and confused as to how the Brandon guy would know anything about me. "Sir, I am proud to say, 'yes I do' and would be more than happy to demonstrate my skills for you on the field. But no sir, I have not been talking to anyone about my form."

I had tried tossing the ball a few times during gym so that Coach could see, but his head had always been turned. My skill was best at throwing the ball not fucking catching it. But coach had decided on someone else playing the quarterback position. He didn't speak another word. I looked him in the eye, smiled aptly enough and started to turn to go back to my game.

"Cullen." I chastised myself, realizing he hadn't dismissed me. I turned around to face him again. His forehead had a deep crease as he furrowed his brow. "After school … on the field … I want to see those so-called 'skills' of yours." I have to admit Coach could have been menacing if it wasn't for those dumbass coach shorts. I nodded in response as he dismissed me.

I decided to head straight for the kid Coach had pointed at, to ask him how the hell he found out about me.

Alice, the girl from earlier came running up to me just as I was getting to the kid. "Hi, Edward! Remember me? Alice. Alice Brandon."

"Brandon? Are you the one that told Coach Clapp about my arm?" I needed to know how the hell this chick knew anything about me. Maybe my aunt was her mom's best friend or some shit.

"Yes, I am. You're probably wondering why." She had a huge smile that seemed to take up most of her face and was rocking back and forth on her heels.

I nervously ran my hand through my hair half perplexed and half annoyed. "Yeah, a bit. How did you know I played football? Who the fuck have you been talking to?"

"Let's just say I do my homework on people and I have a very reliable source." She winked. What was it with these fuckers and winking? Of all people that want to get to know me as a person it's the busy body of the school. Of course, that fucking meathead, Emmett McCarty! Why had he decided I needed to be in his circle of friends? Being around this nosy chick was going to make me a wound up asshole.

"Uh, thanks, I guess. But if you don't mind, keep your nose out of my fucking business." I glared at the pixie in front of me trying to bully her into compliance. Apparently, it didn't work for shit. She was still fucking smiling big enough to show some teeth.

"Oh, Edward, don't be such a jackass," she said swatting playfully at my arm. That was unexpected. "We are all going to be good friends. If you aren't nice, I'll just have Emmett kick your ass into submission." She winked and I was stunned into silence. That chick had some serious balls to be calling me a jackass only to fucking threaten me with a meathead pounding.

She turned and walked away. When she was halfway to the girls' locker room she turned on her heel. "Oh and Edward, Emmett said you're sitting with us at lunch so don't get any other ideas." And with that she was off again.

I was beginning to wonder what the fuck I had gotten myself into. Some meathead decides I need to be his quarterback without knowing anything about me and now one of his friends practically threatens me with a 'roided meathead pounding. I had to figure out a way to get away from psycho pixie. As Coach dismissed the class, I resigned myself to worrying about that shit later. It was time to shower and lunch.

I walked into the school cafeteria and headed straight for the chow line. I peered down the line to see what kind of food was available. The only things looking remotely edible were a hot dog and maybe the cookies at the end. I grabbed one of each, paid at the register and started scanning the room.

I heard the familiar whistle before I saw him. Emmett. I turned my head toward the shrill sound and saw the meathead grinning and waving his arms in the air, much like he had at Rosalie earlier. I laughed to myself, looking down and shaking my head. I really couldn't help but like that fucker.

I made my way to the table taking note of who was seated there. Rose, Alice and Jasper had all taken spots at the table. Sitting next to Alice was a plain looking brunette. A quick glance around the table showed the only empty chair was next to her. Alice spoke up then.

"Edward, this is Bella. Bella, Edward."

I made my way around to her, set my tray down and took the hand she had extended. When our hands touched, I felt a shock in my palm and my fingertips tingled. We both recoiled from the feeling.

"Sorry about that," I said while taking my seat. "I must have dragged my feet across the floor. Hello, I am Edward. Edward Cullen."

When I sat that close to her, I was able to see how beautiful she really was. She had the most amazing chocolate brown eyes. Her hair was a dark chestnut, but with the sun behind her it looked as though she had red streaks running through.

"It's nice meeting you, E." I could still feel the charge in the air as I looked at her blushing face as she stared down at her pizza slice. _Fuck me! I think I just heard a nickname I actually fucking like._

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**A/N: So there is chapter one. Hope you all are enjoying the fun thus far. Please leave the review! I hate a pissy Edward almost as much as a bitchy Rosalie.**

**I ask for your patience in waiting for the next chapter. With the holidays quickly approaching, time is precious and there is very little of it.**

**Special thank you, to my prereader; you know who the fuck you are. Edward rocked your world. **

**Also, to my one-time-only (grumble grumble) beta, Belle from PTB, for taking on this chapter. Your constructive words were a blessing! I miss you already! Thank you to PTB for giving her to me!**

**Thank you to Carabeth (my full-time beta) for liking Jerkward and having the excitement I need to continue writing this mess! **_**Xo**_

_**Britpcksuccubus, thank you. You know why. **wink****_


	3. Chapter 2: Priority and Pretense

**A/N: Thank you all for your patience over the holidays. I hope each of you had a good time with your family and friends and that your recovery is/was a quick one. Happy New Year! May you enjoy good health, good fortune and some really fantastic dreams!**

**Must, must, must thank my betas Julie and Catherine from PTB and Carabeth with big hugs and smooshy kisses. Without you, this story could have been a complete disaster to read. My underuse of the comma was tragic. **face palm****

**Also, many thanks to some very important people: Mrs_Robward, Demosthenes91, I_luv_spunk, gabbysway2, pkitten21 and Twijonas3 for your support and inspiration. I puffy heart you all!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I claim nothing except for my writing and my Jerkward because he's hot and I love him. Stephenie Meyer owns the character names and the original dynamic known as The Twilight Saga. Isn't she the lucky one?**

**BPOV is here and yes … it has more Jerkward. :)**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 2: Priority and Pretense------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

It was the first day of my junior year of high school, and it already felt as though I was wandering aimlessly in the fires of hell. I was late to my first hour class because I had overslept due to my late night dread regarding the beginning of the school year. I had tossed and turned most of the night, growing increasingly anxious over my first day back. I hadn't bothered to eat this morning because my stomach felt like there were trapeze artists doing flips and using the base of my stomach as a net for their dismounts. It was ridiculous how I would always get so sickeningly nervous every year. It wasn't like I didn't know everyone. My best friend and our intimate group of friends were by my side the entire time.

I had been going to school with the school population for nearly four years now. The town was so small that I knew every single one of the students in every class I would be attending. Most of them didn't bother to acknowledge my presence if they could help it. The snubs I received never bothered me because it allowed me more time to get my shit done without dealing with the latest gossip of who was dating who or who broke up with who.

The life of a twenty-first century teen was about brief relationships, reading gossip rag articles about what stars were rendezvousing in intimate hotel rooms to do God-knows-what, and what dress you would be wearing to the next social event. No dresses for me, thank you! I didn't care what Alice said this year; my ass was not going to be in anything frilly or prissy. There was nothing wrong with being comfortable in my jeans and t-shirts.

If it wasn't for my intimate group of friends, I realized I couldn't survive my 'angst-filled' teenage years. Truthfully, I didn't live in a big city and probably had no real idea what angst I was supposed to be feeling. I lived in Forks, Washington which was a stifling little community where everyone knew everyone else's business. I was salivating at the thought of getting the hell out of podunk. The problems I had with this place weren't necessarily the people here, but stemmed from the lack of activity. My friends were the ones keeping me sane by keeping me busy on the weekends. The place itself was a hole dug out in the deepest pits of purgatory, and it would not let you leave unscathed. My mother had made that fact abundantly clear to me years ago when she explained her quiet young life which had led to her marrying my father. She had eagerly left him, dragging me with her and had never looked back.

*********

Mom and Dad had grown up together in Forks, slowly building their relationship from the time they were in diapers. By the time they entered school, they had become best friends. Grams had discreetly played matchmaker when she felt they were old enough. She had told Charlie to take Mom to the movies a few times; somehow thinking a dark theater was a good mood setter. The Christmas of my parents' senior year in high school, Grams had _gently nudged _them into kissing under the mistletoe. Needless to say, they were married the summer after graduation and I arrived a little over a year later.

When I was six weeks old, much to Charlie's dismay, Mom packed our bags and we left town. We had gone to Arizona to live with a cousin of Renee's, leaving Dad all alone in the home he had bought for our little family. I was only a baby, but from what I was able to drag out of him, it had completely devastated him. He knew where we were, but was so wounded by my mother abandoning the life they had built, that he didn't have enough left in him to pursue her. He let us go and had remained here to wallow in his own pity.

Phoenix had been my home for a majority of my early life. I had spent my summers in Forks with Charlie until the age of nine. Over the next two years, he had met us in California or flew out to Arizona for some camping and fishing. I both loved and dreaded those times. The anticipation before his visit was such a buildup of how I would get to spend time with my daddy. When he arrived, I was so afraid because I didn't know the man with the hairy upper lip.

The summer before I started middle school, Renee married Phil to 'keep her man' and I was sent to live with Charlie. Phil had only tolerated me because I was quiet, but he wasn't big on kids. When my child-like mother had sent me here to a father I barely knew, as soon as she said "I do", I had been devastated. Dad was so happy to have _me_ back that he had taken time off work my first week in Forks. If you knew Charlie Swan, you knew his absence from work was a big deal. He's the Police Chief in Forks and is all about the job. He had never taken a sick day or vacation unless it was to _leave_ town.

I couldn't fathom not having Charlie in my life. He's the best father I could hope for, giving me his love and protection while still allowing me my freedoms. Granted, I didn't have as many freedoms as I had with my lackadaisical mother, but I didn't feel stifled either. Who knew structure and discipline would be enthusiastically welcomed by any teenager? But I did welcome it, even craved it some days, knowing it was a sure fire way to experience the intense love my father actually felt for me. I never knew if Renee really gave a shit about me or my many activities. Here, even in periods of silence with Dad, there was never any question.

When I met Alice Brandon and her exuberant personality my first day at Forks Middle School, Charlie had been happy we got along as well as we did. Her mother, Mary, was a dispatcher at the station and her father, Richard, was a deputy. Richard and Dad were also fishing buddies and entered competitions around the state. Alice took me under her pixie wing as we were constantly thrown together. Mary was my surrogate mother; Richard was like a second father; Alice was the sister I never had and I have never been alone since.

Alice met Jasper Whitlock-Hale in eighth grade and they became fast friends. She made sure I was with them all the time, even after she asked him to go steady. That was just Alice. Balls to the wall, no holds barred, go for the gusto Alice. She was the spark I needed and Jasper quickly became like a big brother, feeling the need to protect me from the likes of Mike Newton. He would do anything for Alice—and had—which made me love him all the more. We were all very much like an extended family and I loved them all.

When we enrolled in high school, Jasper met Emmett in Physics and they had hit it off by joking about the teacher, Mr. Molina. He was a short, meek man that seemed to let his class get away from him at times. The little detail of his lack of control had not escaped Jasper or Emmett and they had become lab partners as well as partners in crime. Those two were sent to the principal's office so much that first year, it was a miracle they weren't expelled.

Mr. Molina had this thing about making a reward of something called a golden onion once a semester. I had received the award for being able to recite the precession of a gyroscope in relation to the Earth's axis. The boys had convinced me to give them my golden onion, and Alice and I got a good laugh when they had cut it open. Actually, chopped was the more appropriate description since they had taken an axe to it. They had fully expected it to be difficult to open, only to be extremely disappointed to find out that it was just an onion dipped in gold paint like it was some sort of candy apple.

Soon after meeting Emmett, he introduced us to Rosalie whom he had known since they were babies. Emmett loved to boast that they had shared a crib at some point and he was so good at cuddling that she'd never want to sleep with anyone else. Much to her dismay, Emmett had been telling people for years that they had been sleeping together, allowing people to think what they may.

Rosalie could be a bit of a bitch until she made the rare decision to get to know you. Even though it could be rough going at times, if she was on your side, you wouldn't have a better advocate. If she didn't like you, you were screwed six ways from Sunday, because you would never see the end of her eternal bitch. Thankfully, I was on her good side; at least I thought I was.

I never felt like a third or fifth wheel with any of them, until recently, because they included me in everything. Well, not everything! Neither couple had openly flaunted their relationship, but I knew when things started to get out of control it was time to disappear.

*********

Like every other year of my high school life, this year was going to be its own form of hell in its monotonous way. My schedule was simply not exigent enough, just as the curriculum of this entire district would never be challenging enough. I didn't know how I was going to get into a good college with no AP classes to speak of. Classes of that level simply didn't exist in Forks High, let alone the Quileute School District.

I desperately needed to find something to do in my spare time, but being in a town of three thousand people, there wasn't much to do, even with all my freedom. I knew if I could engage myself in some sort of volunteer work at the hospital or participate in a school club, I wouldn't be so disheartened with my surroundings. I couldn't get enthusiastic about any of the clubs here because none of them had anything to do with my passions for literature or writing. Something had to gain my interest because even my home life was becoming monotonous. Every day I completed the same routine like I was in a video on constant repeat. I always finished the assigned classwork quickly, leaving me time to complete homework assignments for other classes and giving me too much free time at home.

The only difference in the monotony this year, thus far, was the excited gossip about the fresh meat that was due to arrive on campus. I had heard a few weeks ago about the new Cullen kid making the move into town. He was the son of some big shot cardiologist who just happened to be the brother of our Chief of Staff at Forks General, Doctor Carlisle Cullen.

Doctor Cullen was the eye candy for the women in this town. I remembered at the Cullen 'Welcome to Summer' party, a buzzed Mrs. Cope had said her best friend had snatched him up before she had the chance. Apparently, they had gone to school together along with the Cullen kid's mom. What the doc was for the old biddies in town, the kid would be for all these bitches in school.

The new kid was apparently a real prick from the conversations I had overheard. Phrases like "not at all friendly" and "keeps to himself" weren't boding well for the guy. Even worse for him, I heard Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory were already making every attempt to sink their claws into him. I laughed, thinking how that prick Mike Newton would probably be jockeying for position as his best friend. Hell, he'd probably crawl up the guy's ass just to have him be nice to him.

Over the last couple of years, Mike had become a social outcast, losing the respect of his peers as well as many friendships. He was notably the worst quarterback in the history of Forks High. In the two years he'd been quarterback, we hadn't won a single game. We were officially the worst team on the Olympic Peninsula. Emmett had recently stated his extreme dislike for protecting "an unworthy lame ass that couldn't throw a ball to a player within ten feet of his reach." No one understood why Coach Clapp kept him in a key position, let alone on the team, for the lack of skill he possessed. Emmett and Jasper had an open bet on whether or not Newton Senior was paying Coach a little on the side.

By the time my lunch hour rolled around, I was in desperate need of seeing my friends. I found them, easily spotting Emmett's large form seated at the table we had claimed as ours last year. I quickly chose lemonade and a burnt slice of pizza before I made my way over to Alice, plopping down in the chair beside her. "Oh my God, you guys entertain me, will you? Because I am already so bored with junior year and am contemplating committing a homicidal act on Stanley's hair." Jessica's favorite topic of conversation besides Mike Newton was her hair.

I picked the cheese topping off of my pizza slice, ripping it into small pieces. Not daring to chew it, I dropped it on my tongue and sucked it to the back of my throat to let the slimy goo slide down my esophagus. The flaky crust was completely charred on the bottom and I would not allow it near my mouth, let alone in it.

"Oh I don't think you'll be bored much longer, Bella," Alice sing-songed, not even looking at me as she stroked Jasper's arm. Their PDA had gotten worse over the summer after they had decided to do "the deed." They couldn't keep their hands off each other now and it was getting to be ridiculous. I mean, I understood losing your virginity to someone you love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with was a big deal. We were teenagers for Christ's sake! Could you really know at this age that you wanted to spend your forever with that one person? It hadn't worked for my parents so I couldn't imagine feeling that for anyone.

Completely irritated at now feeling like the fifth wheel, I decided to have a little fun with Alice and Jasper for their public display. I knew it wouldn't take Alice long, so I looked at the clock above the cafeteria doors to time her reaction. I giggled a little at the thought of it taking her anywhere from ten seconds to two minutes before she would turn to glare at me. I was getting giddy with excitement, anxious to have my big fun for the day, when it happened.

You know how in the romance movies, the guy walks into a room and the girl sees him and everyone fades away? Yeah, I always thought that was a bunch of bullshit, Hollywood storytelling. That was until I saw the most gorgeous thing with three legs walk into the Forks High School cafeteria. Yes, I said three legs. If you don't know of what I speak, think **long** and **hard** about it. He walked through those cafeteria doors and it was like watching a movie play out in slow motion. He pushed through the double doors with both hands and I watched as they seemed to glide down to his sides. He had this look on his face like he was constipated or agitated. Trust me, if you had seen the look, you would wonder too. What really stood out was that shock of hair that sat atop the hottest guy to ever grace these halls. It was browns and reds and copper all thrown into this disheveled mass on top of his head.

I watched as he turned and headed straight for the chow line, grimacing as he looked ahead. Jessica Stanley was in line a few feet behind him, talking to Lauren Mallory as they both eyed his ass. Shit, even from the distance between us, _I_ could see how gorgeous he was, but the boy had no ass. I mused at how fun it would be to find out just how tight it was under all that material. He moved forward, grabbing a tray as he ran his hand through his hair and I smiled at how his hair flopped in a haphazard way that made it freaking adorable. I just wanted to reach out and grab it, maybe give it a little tug as I pulled him to me and kissed him. I blushed thinking about him that close to me with our bodies melding together in an embrace. I shook my head to gain some perspective and returned my attention to Mr. Button-fly in line.

_Come on, gorgeous. Please look this way so I can see the pretty_. I wanted to see if his eyes were as pleasing to look at as the rest of him. He was wearing these delicious button-fly jeans—my favorite kind—a navy blue button-down and a black hoodie. I couldn't wait to see him up close and decided to work out a plan to casually bump into him. Maybe if I stood just outside the cafeteria door and dropped my backpack…

Emmett interrupted my scheming, but I kept my eyes on Mr. Button-fly with the crazy sex hair. "Hey, Bells, we were thinking of going to La Push this wee… what the fuck are you staring at?" Emmett turned in his seat and leaned over to see where my eyes had been trained. I realized I was biting down too hard on my lower lip, when I tasted the salt and tang. I switched to sucking on it to stop the bleeding and control my expression.

I heard Emmett burst out laughing, causing my head to jerk and look down at a space on the table in front of him. He cleared his throat, causing me to peer up at him and I didn't think the grin on his face could have gotten any bigger. "Looks like our Bella may have a crush." He teased as he wiggled his brows, nodding his head in the direction of the new kid as I felt the flesh of my neck heat up from embarrassment.

"Shut it, Emmett!" I snarled out, glaring at him. He stood and gave a shrill whistle as he began waving his arms. My eyes widened as I felt the panic building in my chest while the heat of my humiliation began to blend with my face. "Emmett, what the fuck are you doing?" I sternly asked through gritted teeth. I looked to Rose, pleading for help with my eyes but she just sat there and smirked.

He looked down at me with a look of confusion. "Uh, I'm calling Edward Cullen over to the fucking table. What does it look like I'm doing?" Emmett shrugged and then turned his attention back to Mr. Button-fly, now known as "Edward Cullen."

_NO!_ _He wouldn't dare!_ "What? Why the hell would you do that? I'm begging you. Don't do this to me, Emmett." I was alarmed, but speaking in a surprisingly quiet tone. He was going to completely humiliate me and I would have to spend my entire junior year hiding out in the school library. _Could I die from heat exhaustion by excessive blushing? If it's possible, take me now!_

"Come on, Belly! He's cool! I met him this morning and our little pixie says he has a good arm. I want him to quarterback for us so we can actually win some games and get rid of that douche, Newton." He gave another wave to Edward before taking his seat again. I saw Edward chuckle and shake his head, obviously amused with Emmett's antics.

He arrived at the table and Alice spoke up to introduce us. Seeing him up close had my eyes roaming over every inch of him as my body went into a rash of tingles. He came around to the empty chair beside me and took my hand in greeting. I felt a shock when our hands touched and quickly recoiled, flexing my fingers in response. His bright smile was breathtakingly mind-numbing. I think I heard him apologize and blaming something on his feet.

My body felt as though it was pulsing with a new unfamiliar energy. I gathered the courage to speak, but still felt my blush spread as I addressed him. "It's nice meeting you, E." I quickly looked down at my pizza slice feeling the crimson creep over my ears. My mouth was like the dry Arizona desert so I reached for my lemonade bottle, unscrewed the cap and thirstily drank from it as if it were the last liquid on the planet. I had gulped down half the bottle before coming up for air.

Edward was looking at me with a cocked brow and the sexiest smirk I had ever seen. "Thirsty?"

"Parched." I kept it short, fearing my own voice and nodded. I went to grab my bottle cap to cover my lemonade only to find it missing. I glanced around the table to see if it had landed near one of my friends. No luck there. I thought maybe it fell under the table in my haste to get the damn thing off, but didn't see it anywhere.

"Did you lose something?" Edward asked with that already too familiar smirk.

"I ... uh ... no. I don't think I'll need it anyway." I stuttered before bringing the bottle to my lips again to finish it off.

"Hey Eddie, Alice tells me Coach talked to you in gym earlier." Eddie boy scowled, but I wasn't sure why. Emmett was serious about getting Edward on the team and the beaming smile on his face nearly made me laugh out loud. I smirked, furrowing my brow, looked at Rose and nodded in Emmett's direction. She rolled her eyes in response, leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest as she shook her head slightly.

"Yeah he wants to see me after school. When…" Edward was interrupted by Emmett, who was having a problem containing his excitement.

"Sweet! Man! Holy shit, I can't wait to see the look on Newton's face when you take his place. It's going to be fucking priceless." Emmett slapped his palm on the table in enthusiasm. I had to stifle a giggle because it was comical at how he was getting off on this.

"Emmett, what makes you think Coach will actually replace Mike?" I had to ask because Coach seemed adamant about keeping Mike in his position on the team.

Edward's expression quickly shifted into that damn sexy smirk as he cocked his brow and turned to look at Emmett. That smirk had to be the sexiest thing I had seen on any guy… ever! "Dude, if he doesn't replace your quarterback with me, he is one sorry-ass coach." And with that, the guys' topic of conversation at the table shifted to football. Rose, Ali and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes before going back to our individual meals.

I continued picking at my cold pizza slice in silence, stealing glances around the table. _This is going to be a good year_. I internally laughed at myself, remembering how I thought I would never make it to graduation. I had a new something or someone to look forward to at Forks High. School was feeling less like hell and more like heaven with every minute that passed. I felt a panic creep in with the new feelings that were bubbling to the surface.

I abruptly left our lunch table, claiming the need to visit the girls' room before heading to my next class. Truthfully, I needed to get away from Edward and that weird energy I felt when I was around him. It was beginning to unnerve me while making me want to touch him at the same time. He seemed so perfect, I just wanted to be sure he was real. Okay, so maybe I just wanted to feel his muscle and skin under my hand.

I went straight to biology and claimed a table towards the back in the center aisle. I hated science of all kinds and really didn't want to be called on. Don't get me wrong, I knew what I was doing, and I received good grades but I hated being known as a 'know-it-all'. Mr. Banner would definitely call on me if I was sitting in the front or very back of the room. However, the central position could prove to be beneficial by hiding me among the crowd of students. Who was I kidding? Mr. Banner would still call on me because I would know the answer and class could proceed at a quicker pace.

There was ten minutes before class, so I pulled out my Trig book and started looking over my homework. Mr. Varner, always the vindictive asshole, gave us homework on the first day of school. Someone had called him out on a mistake he had made on the board during first period this morning and he'd decided to bestow his malicious demeanor on his students. Not that it was a difficult feat for him in the first place but shit, get the lesson correct before you teach it!

I was on my sixth problem in my Trig book, when I started to hear feet shuffling into the room. Silently, I prayed no one sat next to me. Last year my lab partner, Tyler Crowley, was a waste of space and I ended up doing all the damn work! He had tried to get me to go out with him as an apology, even going so far as to show up one night while I was in Port Angeles with Alice and Jasper. Charlie had called me, wondering why I had a date and didn't bother to tell him.

Once I got home, I spent the better part of an hour trying to get Charlie to understand the screwed up mind of a hormonal teenage boy of the twenty-first century. It wasn't easy to get him to calm down because he had himself been that hormonal teenage boy. My father made a new rule that night; I had to have all gatherings at home with him present! After a few weeks, he let up, allowing me to go to Alice's house.

Charlie, in an overbearing father sort of way, showed up at Forks High in uniform the following Monday asking to speak with Tyler. I guess knowing his father was absent from his life, Dad decided to discuss the birds and the bees with him. It was humiliating having my own father talk to a boy that wanted to date me, about sex. Thankfully that little chit-chat had deterred Tyler from ever approaching me again. Overprotective, overbearing father – one. Studious, virginal daughter – zero.

I was not going to let another bad lab partner happen this year. If I had to, I would play musical stools to be alone. I shivered at the thought of having to deal with another Tyler Crowley incident.

Slowly, I started feeling a slow tingle at the back of my neck causing a slight shiver just as I heard the stool next to me screech as it was dragged across the linoleum floor. I nervously ran my hand to my hair, pretending I needed to tuck it behind my ear and glanced over at the person invading my space. Sure as shit, it was gorgeous Mr. Button-fly. I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth as he started to turn to face me and I quickly looked back to my book, using my hair as a veil to shield my identity. I winced as I felt myself bite down on my already injured lower lip.

"Hi, I'm Ed… Bella?" I stifled a laugh and couldn't stop myself from teasing him for his comical utterance. Hanging around Emmett had definitely taught me a few things about witty repartee and this was just too good to pass up.

I cocked my brow with a smirk on my face, turning on my stool to face him and begin my attack. "Funny. I thought your name was Edward. Now you introduce yourself as Edbella?" I leisurely let my gaze wander down his neck, over his defined chest and torso to his groin, praying I didn't linger there too long. I involuntarily licked my lips before continuing. "Hmm, parents couldn't tell your gender at birth?" I turned my body and looked back to the front of the room to avoid his gaze. I was sure he would be livid, but I had to have my fun in this class. If he was the prey to my predatory need to have fun, then I was going to have a fantastic year.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, fully expecting him to look defeated. He looked a little irritated at first, but I watched as his grimace changed into a smile. He turned his body slightly toward me and poked me in the rib. "You can call me Edbella if I can call you Belly."

_Fucking Emmett! I will have his balls buried so deep in the woods that no dog will ever find them in time to reattach! _"You call me 'Belly' and I will talk to the town gossip and tell her _you_ are completely manscaped which would allow plenty to assume all they want." I did not need another smartass Emmett McCarty on my hands. I would not be able to get past Rosalie Hale, but I could sure get to this fucker; there would be no one protecting his ass.

He leaned into the space between us, his breath hot on my ear as he spoke with his delicious honey tone. "You plan on finding this out for fact, Belly?"

_Sweet heaven above!_ I gulped hard trying to get the sudden lump in my throat down and feeling the familiar rush of blood start from my stomach as it spread quickly over my chest, up my neck and onto my face. At the same time, my semi-cognizant brain registered a tingling in my girly bits below and I instinctively crossed my legs. His breath became a welcomed chill against my heated flesh as he continued his verbal assault on me.

"Besides, I have it on good authority you may actually like me. So… no… I don't think you would do that. But you are welcome to find out what I may or may not have manscaped." _Holy shit! Thank you, sweet baby Jeebus! Please, sir, can I have some more!_

I balled my fists and made every effort to refocus my attention on what I was going to do to punish Emmett for his betrayal. I knew I was going to have to have a long talk with Rosalie. I would tell her she would have to start looking for a new boyfriend because Emmett was going to die _very_ soon. That assmunch was worse than Lauren Mallory when it came to rumors. Telling Button-fly his nickname for me was not cool. If I didn't know better, I would swear Emmett was an old woman gossiping at the local Recreation Center, trying to win the award for the best story of the day.

Luckily, Mr. Banner started class before I had to respond to Edward's teasing. Honestly, I didn't have a response! Edward outmaneuvered me with the assistance of his eager, though absent, accomplice, Emmett. I couldn't believe one of my best friends was a turncoat after only knowing Button-fly for half a freaking day. I knew he wanted to get rid of Newton, but this was so beyond where they should have been on the friendship scale at this stage. Weren't guys like dogs where they needed to smell each other's asses and mark their territory? Shouldn't Emmett have been trying to figure out what Button-fly was all about and telling him to stay away from us girls? Giving him warnings about what he shouldn't do while he was here and generally scaring his ass into submission was supposed to be rule of thumb.

For nearly the entire hour I was seething, thinking of the many ways I could punish Emmett without Rose finding out. She wouldn't necessarily know it was me if I kept it to pranks that weren't too personal. I remembered having watched "Grumpier Old Men" with Charlie—he loved that movie—one old guy threw a dead fish in the back of another old guy's car. If I was remembering right, it took the guy a while to find the damn thing. Then, I thought about telling Mrs. McCarty about Emmett's quest to find a bear to hug when we were to go camping up in Mount Rainier the next spring. I decided against the idea, because the bear was too personal. The only people that knew about Emmett's insane plan were in our little group. I could just stop talking to him all together, but I could never stay mad at him for very long. He was like a big brother that I loved and cherished and sometimes desperately wanted to choke the shit out of.

I started thinking about Meathead's grins, hugs and horseplay and by the time the bell to end class rolled from the speaker, I was no longer angry. There was no antagonism toward Emmett but I had no idea what Mr. Banner had said during class. I stood up and kept my head down while I gathered my things. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward doing the same.

"Well, Belly, I guess you are stuck with me as a lab partner. Huh. Maybe you will be finding out some things about me after all." Again with that damned sexy smirk! Did he do that shit by accident or was it a skill he developed in an extracurricular club called "Panty Droppers of Hotness"?

I couldn't help but groan, causing him to furrow his brow as I realized I was indeed stuck with Button-fly all year. "You just better hold up your end of our assignments, _Eddie_. I don't plan on carrying you through this class on my back." I spun around too fast and had to reach out to keep myself from falling. I felt his hand gripping my upper arm in an attempt to keep me upright. I knew it was him because I felt that same charge from when we touched at lunch.

He growled at me, "The name is Edward. Not Eddie. And as tempting as it is to ride you _from_ the back, I don't think I will be doing that in front of the class. I'm not much of an exhibitionist for voyeurs." He was still holding my arm and his grip seemed to be getting tighter as he drew nearer. I again started to feel the tingling down below at the innuendo.

I recovered my senses and glared at him, speaking through my clenched jaw, trying to hide what I was feeling. "You can let go of me now, _Edward_. I think I can manage to take care of myself. I haven't needed a boy to help me yet and I don't plan on starting now." One corner of my mouth lifted as I realized I had just posed a double entendre and was thrilled with the fact that though it was accidental, it made sense. He let go and immediately ran his hand through his beautiful hair. It made me wonder if I affected him in much the same way he affected me. A few strands of hair were sticking out in an odd direction and I felt a need to reach up and smooth them out.

"Just watch where the hell you're walking so I don't have to catch you again. Who knew a flat surface could be a danger for someone?" He was scowling as he walked away from me and out the rear class door.

_What the fuck was that jerk getting at? Dangerous flat surface! _I was completely and utterly struck dumb at his words. His first day here and already he knew how much of a damn klutz I was. I heard the warning bell for the next class period and stomped my way toward the gym. If I didn't hurry, I would be late and Coach would make me run laps. Running was never good for the uncoordinated. Actually, any physical activity was damn near catastrophic for me.

I got to the locker room, quickly changed into my gym clothes and narrowly missed slamming my hand in the locker door. As I was hurrying through the gym doors, proud of myself for not tripping on my way through the locker room, I ran smack into the hand of Coach Clapp's extended right arm. I felt the sting of it instantly and raised my hand to touch the now sensitive skin on my left cheek.

"Swan! Where's the fire?"

"Sorry, Coach. I got out of Biology a little late and then …"

"Do you need to go to the nurse?" Coach interrupted, apparently not caring about the explanation for my near tardiness.

"No, Coach," I voiced.

"Get in line!" he bellowed.

"Yes, Coach," I grumbled low and made my way over to the line of girls standing near the opposite wall.

The boys were already playing basketball on the court to the left of us when Coach told us to sit. He began to explain the rules of basketball to us girls as if we were children that had never seen a basketball before. He could lecture all day if he wanted; the less time I actually had to spend playing the damn game, the better. I wasn't looking forward to a repeat of last year's basketball to the nose.

After twenty minutes of detail on the finer points of dribbling, Coach split us up into two teams of six and released us to run some drills. Things went pretty well until I made the attempt to take the ball in to go to the side of the basket and leap to dump the ball in; I think Coach called it a "layup". That move was my undoing because I ended up with a shin bruise from that bitch, Jessica Stanley, who apparently thought basketball should be a contact sport.

I was thanking my guardian angel for having me wear jeans to hide the bruise she apparently knew I would get today. The bruise was bound to make an appearance by the end of gym. I was going to have to wear my hood up and pulled forward to hide the mark on my face. My legs would have to run to carry me to my truck before anyone could witness the results of yet another of my mishaps.

In the locker room I could hear girls laughing and whispering at the end of my row. Without looking up I knew it was Jessica Stanley and her group of friends. I changed quickly, not bothering to shower, and darted out of the gym as fast as I could without tripping. With my backpack hanging over my shoulder, my hands clutching a spiral bound notebook for a quick shield if needed and my head down, I made a beeline for my beater of a truck in the parking lot. I knew it was wrong not to watch where I was going, but I really didn't want anyone witnessing the purple of a bruise ink my pale skin.

Feeling that newly familiar charge, I began glancing around me as I walked, knowing _he_ was around somewhere near. I picked up my pace, knowing the quicker I was able to get to my truck the sooner I would be able to drive off toward home. Once there I could get some ice on my bruising injuries so that no one would be the wiser.

"Bella!" I heard him shout from behind me. I chose to ignore him and continued my race to my beastly haven of a truck. "Bella!"

A few more feet and I would be home free in the cover of the cab. I felt the charge grow intense as his hand surrounded my upper arm. Keeping my head down, I turned my body slightly so that my right side was to him. I didn't want him to see the embarrassing mark on my swollen left cheek. "Did you need something, Edward? I really need to get home." I didn't want him to see the swelling of my face. His earlier comments regarding my need to watch where I was going were reverberating through my mind and the little voice in my head was reminding me I had blown that whole thing.

"Look, I know you're probably pissed at me. I don't know you that well and I think I might have fucked things up already. I want to be your friend and … fuck!" I saw his right hand coming toward my left and tried to dodge to keep him from touching me. I gasped, realizing my mistake and tried to turn back the way I was. "Will you at least look at me? I am trying to apolo… what the fuck happened to your cheek? Who the fuck hit you?"

"No one hit me, I'm fine. Look, Edward, I just need to get home." The words came out almost in a whisper as I made an attempt to move around him to get to my truck.

He stepped in front of me. "Bullshit, Bella. Who hit you? I'll fuck them up! If I have to, I'll grab Emmett so he can tell me who the fuck they are. Wait, shit… was it a chick? Does Rosalie fight? I seriously couldn't hit a girl." His voice was calm but his fidgeting contradicted it. As much as I was appalled at the words coming from his mouth, I had to admit I was a little enamored with the tense motions of his muscles as he gestured with his arms.

I knew I had to snap out of the funk Edward put me in. I didn't really know this guy and yet there I was for the second time today, eye-fucking him. My brain was rummaging through thoughts trying to think of a get-away. Defeated, I sat on the tail of my truck and remembered… football. "Edward, aren't you supposed to be with Coach Clapp on the field right now, showing him your skills or something?"

He looked at his watch, looked back to the field and then looked down at me. He repeated his eye movements with his brow furrowed and biting his lower lip, seemingly at war with his thoughts. "Yeah, I should be." He sighed deeply and leaned against my tailgate while grabbing the back of his neck. "Just tell me how the fuck you got that mark on your cheek, because it looks like it fucking hurts."

I didn't need him being a nosy ass right now. I just wanted to get home, ice my leg and my face, make dinner and crash out. "Are you serious? You've known me what… twenty minutes? Twenty whole minutes and you want to kick someone's ass for me. Who the fuck are you to try and fight my battles for me?" I looked up at him, curious as to what possible explanation he could give while thoughts of us making out in the bed of my truck invaded my mind.

He gave that sexy smirk with that cocked brow again as he looked at his watch and then to me. My hormones did a happy dance as he leaned a little closer. "An hour and twenty minutes actually, and I would kick anyone's ass if they messed with my friends."

_Friends? Is that what we were already? Oh damn! He said 'friends'_. "I'm your friend now? You seriously need some work on your people skills, Edward. You must have been a recluse in Chicago because they are sorely lacking. The prick in you seems to rear his head quite a bit and I don't know that I'd like him as my 'friend'."

He gripped the tailgate beside my head and leaned in with his face so very close to mine. I inhaled, smelling woods with hints of vanilla and honey while involuntarily closing my eyes. "If the head of my 'prick' was out with you around, I promise you would be more than a friend, Bella." _Holy shit! _ My eyes popped open and widened as my body stiffened not quite knowing what to say or feel. What I was feeling, was making me ballsy enough to think of pulling him to me and kissing him hard on the mouth before sucking on his tongue.

"You aren't going to tell me, but I will make sure Emmett knows about your swollen cheek. I know how protective he is of you." He stood up and started backing away. I was still silent from the insinuation he had just made and my subsequent reaction. "I _will _talk to you later, Bella."

I found my voice and managed to force some verbal communication rather than a stunned silence. "Not if I don't want to talk to you, Cullen!"

He laughed loudly then bellowed, "Ah, but you have to talk to me, Belly. I'm your lab partner. See you tomorrow!" With a little wave, he turned and ran off toward the field.

I watched him run toward the field, until he was out of sight. I sat for a more few minutes trying to figure out why I couldn't seem to function in front of Edward Cullen. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out. It was Charlie, probably worried that I had not called him since it was already 4:30. "Hi, Dad. I know I haven't called yet, I'm sorry, I am just leaving school now. I needed to talk to my lab partner and figure some things out for an upcoming project." He'd know I was lying from the damn word vomit I had just spewed. I jumped in the truck and started her up so that I could head home after talking to him. He would ground me if he saw me driving my hunk of junk while talking on the phone.

"Bells. We'll talk about it when I get home. And no driving until you get off your cell phone. Do you want me to pick up a pizza or some burgers?" He had started stern but softened by the end of his fatherly words.

"That would be great, Dad. It's been a long day."

He chuckled. "Where is the new injury?"

I groaned, knowing if I didn't answer now, I would only have to answer the questions later when he saw the bruising. "I ran into someone's hand in gym and got kicked in the shin while playing basketball."

"That's my girl." I could hear him beaming. He always smiled about my little injuries like he was the proud father of a kid actually accomplishing something other than amassing a record number of injuries. "Now get home, ice up and relax. I'll pick up a couple burgers from the diner."

"Thanks, Dad." I really was grateful for the break. The day had gone by quickly, but I had been distracted by Mr. Button-fly himself, Edward Cullen. My body's reaction to him was nothing short of hormonal. I needed to figure out how I was going to deal with him and his charged energy.

"Yep." Just like that, he hung up. That clipped response followed by the dial tone was enough to briefly bring me back to earth.

I drove home, thinking again of Edward and the new feelings invading my body. I had never felt anything like this and I should probably talk to Alice, but she'd push me to Edward and I didn't know if that was what I wanted. If this was what Alice and Jasper or Rose and Emmett felt, then it was no wonder they wanted to be around each other. It was invigorating! I had never imagined having that inherent desire to be with someone. I never expected to feel myself pulled down this path at my age.

Just as I pulled up in front of our house, I remembered a line from Jane Austen's book "Pride and Prejudice". Elizabeth eloquently stated, "But, if a woman is partial to a man, and does not endeavor to conceal it, he must find it out." God bless, Elizabeth Bennett!

I now knew I needed to pack up any feelings I had for Edward Cullen in a neat little box and hide them in the far corners of my brain. My thoughts regarding him needed to be hidden away under lock and key behind a thick steel vault door. I could never allow myself to show anyone how he affected my mind and my body. His lips twisting into a smirk had me blushing and grasping for complete sentences while my girly bits went into a tizzy. I would have to conceal everything so that Edward wouldn't find out. I had one mission left in my teenage years and that was to get the hell out of Forks and everything associated with it as soon as I graduated. Edward Cullen would not hold me back.

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	4. Chapter 3: Tawdry Tramps and Jock Itch

***********PLEASE, IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE, READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH***********

**If you hadn't already heard, MsKathyff has issued a challenge to all of us, readers and writers alike. ****Donate at least $5 to a charity of your choice by 11:59PM January 24, 2010, to help Haiti, and you will receive a compilation of varying length pieces (not necessarily lemony, not necessarily TwiFic) from various authors****. For more information you can visit ****.com/ **

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**Thank you to the ladies of PTB—I would hope you know who you are—and my forever beta, the lovely Carabeth. I am getting better with the commas! Yay! Twijonas3 you know I love you and why.**

**Those of you that follow me on Twitter knew that Button-flyward (thank you I_luv_spunk) would not shut his face until he was finished with what he had to say. You will be happy to know, even after this chapter, he still won't STFU! Is there anyone wishing to kidnap him and maybe bind him so he can't get away for a while? **wink** **

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**Disclaimer: As usual, Stephenie Meyers owns the characters in their exquisite form, and their names, in a group of books known as The Twilight Saga Series. No copyright infringement was intended, nor will it ever be. **

**I have Button-flyward hidden in my pocket. Stutterella is in my bag.**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 3: Tawdry Tramps and Jock Itch----------------------------------------------------------------------**

Emmett, Jasper and I had talked more at lunch about the state of the Forks High football team and the fucked up coach. This Newton kid had been the cause of the Spartan losses and Coach had been adamant about keeping him as quarterback. That meant the Spartans had a team captain they didn't respect or have the desire to play for. Good coaches didn't keep a loser like that in a prominent position just because said loser's father owned the only sporting goods store in town. It was just plain stupid, and I couldn't believe the adults around this place hadn't gotten more involved.

"I'm telling you man, Newton Senior's gotta be paying the coach off! Why else would that fucker keep Mike as our quarterback? Shit! I could quarterback better and I can't throw for shit!" Jasper sat there, chuckling while nodding his head in agreement as Emmett gesticulated.

"Dude, if Newton stays on as quarterback, the team wants to forfeit every fucking game. We're all tired of getting hurt for that douche!" Emmett continued, getting more agitated the longer he talked about it. The question was would Coach do anything about it if the team walked? Nobody really knew, but they sure as shit seemed willing to find it out.

Emmett and Jasper continually ranted and moaned well into lunch about this Mike Newton kid. If Coach was willing to remove him or even bump him to second string, they would have fewer injuries and none of the embarrassment. The team knew forfeiting was the only stand they could take. It had to be done together—"all for one and one for all" and all that shit---otherwise Coach would just kick those he viewed as rebels off the team. It was a fucking mess, but the only person to blame was the coach.

After Bella left the lunchroom, Emmett had started his 'Sir Percival' act on me and threatened me with bodily harm if I hurt any of his friends, the girls in particular. He made a singular point to be sure I knew he meant Bella. He and Jasper were volleying back and forth letting me know they were very protective of her and considered her to be a sister. I sat and listened while they both walked me through how important Bella was to _all_ of them. Blondie and the pixie had moved to sit together and were whispering to each other, stealing glances at me every now and then. It was a bit unnerving and took every ounce of effort not to scowl at them.

"All we're sayin' man is that we've known Bella for a long time. She's never been one to get distracted by any of the douches here. But, man, the look on her face, when she saw you…" he was shaking his head as he rubbed at the back of his neck, "just don't fucking hurt her." The look on his face told me just how fucking serious he was. What really struck me was that she had noticed me. I couldn't keep the smile from spreading across my face. I quickly toned that shit down when I looked between Emmett's and Jasper's faces.

"Anyway, man, she has one of those life plan things or some shit. She's had one for as long as I've known her." I knew Emmett was talking about goal setting, because my school counselor in Chicago had pounded that shit into my head repeatedly. "It's cool, you hangin' with us and all, but we wanted you to know how we feel about Belly." I cocked my brow. _Belly, huh?_ I briefly wondered if she hated nicknames as much as I did. "We expect you to be just as protective of our scrawny little sister."

I fucking got it, but there was no way in hell I was thinking of her as a sister. After that brief introduction to Bella, I felt the insane desire to consume her. I couldn't decipher what was happening to me because I hadn't even really _touched _her yet. Shit, the second our hands met it had felt like a slow burn was running through my veins, only to seep out and crawl over my skin. It wasn't fucking painful or anything like that, but it had felt eerily…familiar. I had watched as Bella's face contorted into a look of perplexity and realized she had to have felt the same thing I did.

When she had called me 'E,' I had stalled, waiting to see how my brain would have my body react to the new nickname. I was more relaxed in that moment than I had been since my parents announced the move. It was also the first time I hadn't wanted to rip someone's fucking head from their neck for calling me something other than Edward.

I had taken the seat to her right and my body reacted like she was a flesh and bone magnet, drawing me closer. My left arm kept inching its way toward her of its own volition, and I realized the closer I got, the more it felt like there was electricity radiating from her body.

I needed to know everything about her, but held back the inane urge to interrogate her by talking with Emmett and Jasper. I'd sat there and distractedly talked ball with the guys taking furtive glances in Bella's direction whenever I had looked to Jasper, who had been seated on her left. It had been twenty minutes of observing her little idiosyncrasies when I came to the realization that I could have watched her all day.

While Emmett, Jasper and I spoke of the mess their coach continued to create, I had noticed Bella chewed on her lower lip quite a bit. Her lip must have had a wound because every time she bit down, she'd grimace as her shoulders folded forward. My hands had itched to reach out and keep her from doing that shit because it had to fucking hurt bad for her to react that way.

There were a few times she had slowly lifted her eyes and scanned the table, always starting from her left. Just as her gaze came around to me, I'd turned my head to my right and looked at Emmett. Out of the corner of my eye, I had seen her shift her gaze back to her slice and had begun to observe her again.

Another thing I'd noticed was when she really focused, she would furrow her brow so much that the lines were deep and her lips would press into a hard line. It had taken every ounce of restraint I possessed not to chuckle when she looked under the table and came up with the look of a pissed off little girl that couldn't find her favorite doll. She was so damn cute, and I never found anyone or anything cute! I had asked her if she lost something and she responded with a stutter saying she didn't think she'd need it. My dick had twitched when I saw her lips form into a tight line, making me yearn to trace them with my tongue.

It had been obvious she hadn't seen my hands when I reached out and snatched her bottle lid, after she had tilted it back to drink from it. Before she could realize it was missing, I had palmed it and pretended to straighten the cuff of my hoodie sleeve, stealthily hiding the lid within. The way her lips had puckered around the top of that fucking lemonade bottle made my dick happily salute her while pressing against the denim of my jeans. I discreetly shifted to my right and adjusted myself in my seat because that shit was getting painful.

My mind had wandered to Tanya's lips and what they looked like so that I could better gauge how Bella's might feel. I knew I was fucked when I couldn't recollect the look or the feel and that was just wrong because I had just imagined Tanya's mouth on me that morning. In a bout of frustration, I ran my right hand down the front of my face. _You and your needy ass are so fucked, Cullen._

Bella had made her little face again just before she abruptly stood and announced she was leaving. I had watched as she practically sprinted off and wondered what she had been thinking about before she left that would make her bolt. I could have gone after her, but it wasn't as if I had the right to ask what her innermost thoughts were. I'd just met the girl twenty-five minutes before!

*********

I lost track of time while deep in thought about Bella, which forced me to run to get to Biology before the final bell rang. When I entered the classroom, I scanned the room and cringed, seeing only one empty stool in the middle of the room. The only open seat in a classroom usually meant no one else held any desire to be near the person that would share that table.

I was so focused on the vacant stool, that I dismissed the charged sensation in my body as annoyance. My mind was obviously a jumbled mess from lunch because I didn't even notice that it was Bella sitting in the other stool. I stuttered my way through my introduction to my tablemate like a fucking 'tard, then realizing it was Bella, I felt infinitely more like a moron. When she made fun of me for my mutterings, I admit I got fucking irritated. But it was such a fucking turn-on with her calling me out on that shit.

Jumping at my opportunity to toy with her a little, I decided to see how her mind worked, because if she could play the mindfuck game, she was worth every effort I would expend to get to know her. I used the nickname Emmett had passively spoken earlier in regard to her and she threatened to spread a rumor about me. I then used that against her by offering to let her find out for herself. Truth be told, I wasn't really manscaped anywhere, but fuck if I wasn't going to let her explore. I told her I had it on good authority she liked me. It was only an assumption because the guys had said something about her being distracted by me. I saw her eyes narrow into slits as her fists balled up and she swallowed hard. Before she could make any kind of retort, Mr. Banner called our attention to the front of the classroom.

Mr. Banner had told us our current tablemates would be our lab partners and we weren't allowed to switch. We would have to learn to work with that person, like it or not. I couldn't keep the smile from my face and kept glancing over at Bella, realizing we would be together all year. The possibilities were endless as I began running different scenarios for project planning and study sessions at my house.

Biology ended and I rose to pack up and leave, trying to think of something to say. When I had to keep her from falling flat on her face, I absentmindedly channeled my inner asshole by telling her she was clumsy for tripping over a flat surface. Emmett would have kicked my ass if he found out how I had treated her. I was quick, but I had a feeling that fucker could catch me.

On the way to Spanish class, I internally kicked myself as I tried to process what had just happened between Bella and me. I couldn't get her sensuous lips out of my fucked up head long enough to think anything through. I knew she had to hate me for the way I treated her.

Spanish was a complete drag of repetitiveness because we were learning how to conjugate verbs. I'd done that same shit in Chicago last year. Mrs. Goff held us after the bell because Emmett hadn't completed a sentence using a conjugated version of the verb "tener." On top of that he was mixing his conjunctions. He repeated the same shit over and over again and had the class snickering because we all knew what he was trying to fucking say. Mrs. Goff either wasn't catching on or she was a stubborn bitch. All Emmett kept saying was "No yo tienes remedio para ti." When she finally gave up and dismissed the class, she sat at her desk with her eyes closed and rubbed at her temples like she was willing us all to disappear.

I dashed out of the classroom because I wanted to catch Bella before she left the school grounds and apologize for my asshole behavior. I heard Emmett shouting at me to get my ass to the football field, which I planned to do as soon as I fixed shit with Bella. She was my number one priority at that moment. _Over football? What the fuck, Cullen? Since when do you let a chick determine your actions? _The thought of my man card making a quick exit from my wallet made me laugh manically and I think I scared the shit out of some mousy kid with glasses that were too big for his face.

I reached the top of the steps leading down to the parking lot and shouted after Bella as soon as I saw her. It looked like she started walking faster, so I ran down after her and shouted her name again. I didn't know why she couldn't hear me because it was fucking killing my throat from practically screaming her name.

A few steps from her truck, I grabbed her arm realizing too late that I had again displayed my asshole tendencies. I tried to apologize but she wouldn't fucking look at me, so I reached out to lift her face to me when she turned her head.

She had a fucking handprint on her face! I was pissed and I might have acted like a crazy, overprotective boyfriend. Ok, so I _know_ I acted like one when I threatened to kick the motherfucker's ass. She reminded me about football and I have to admit, I had completely forgotten about that shit when I saw the red mark on her face. When she wouldn't tell me who the fuck had hit her, I started having a hard time keeping my composure. I realized I needed to get away quickly, but didn't want to leave a bad impression, so I played my little mindfuck game again. It fucking worked and I ran off promising myself I would talk to Emmett as soon as I saw him.

Coach had some dude named Tyler wait for me in the locker room to show me the gear I would use during practice. I didn't get the chance to talk to Emmett before things got started because I showed up on the field five minutes late. Coach told me to stand off to the side and toss the skin with the same guy I had met in the locker room. From my stand point, I could see Newton throw a few passes and nearly choked on my own saliva, grasping just how bad he really was. That fucker didn't even know how to hold the ball right and have it sail to the receiver. It was no wonder they lost every game! He probably tossed interceptions more times than he completed a pass. On one scrimmage, I was floored seeing Jasper pull himself to a stop instead of sacking the douche. When he turned and saw my look of confusion, he shrugged before making a knife cutting motion across his throat. He discreetly nodded toward the coach and that's when I knew _exactly _how bad things were.

After I was warmed up, Coach had me hit the field and run a few plays. I had a hard time focusing on throwing the fucking ball to my intended receiver, but I knew I was doing better than Newton had. At least I knew how to throw the damn thing! It was nearing 4:30 when Coach dismissed practice, but he called out for me, asking me to stay behind.

"You did real good out there, kid. I want a couple of days to think about where I'm going to put you, but I want to see you back on this field tomorrow to run a scrimmage game. Are you up for some healthy competition, son? I'm going to put you up against Newton." _Competition my ass!_ Coach Clapp should have just let me captain the damn team. I was certain every last one of the guys on the team would be happy with the thought of winning one fucking game. Even that douche, Newton.

"Yes, Coach!"

I really wanted him to dismiss me so I could talk to Emmett about Bella. I had already made a mistake earlier when I had walked away from him in gym, and I didn't want to do that shit again. I knew Clapp was a dumbass but I still had to treat him with respect. If I behaved otherwise, my dad would kick my ass for disrespecting authority. Truth be told, I was more afraid of my dad telling my mom. My ass would have been set down in public and lectured for an hour on the finer details of good manners. Yeah, my mom was not one for private discipline when you made a public nuisance of yourself.

"Hit the showers, Cullen!" He nodded toward the locker room, finally dismissing me. I took off running with a desperate need to catch Emmett before he left. I could recollect that handprint on Bella's cheek, as though she were right in front of me, with perfect clarity.

Once inside, I scanned every row of lockers for Emmett. Just as I got to the showers at the back of the locker room, I saw Emmett as he walked through the archway with a towel around his waist. That fucker had muscles bulging out everywhere! It probably would have been more intimidating if I hadn't been so focused on my pursuit.

"Hey, Emmett, man, you got a minute?" I asked as I approached him. I followed him to his locker, knowing some of these perverted assholes probably thought I was trying to jump his cock or some shit.

"Yeah, sure, bro. Hey, did Coach say anything to you about where you'd be on the team?" He pulled his towel from his waist and started toweling off. I changed my stance so I didn't look like a gawking motherfucker. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep from staring because I was trying to figure out where this dude had hid all his shit under his clothes. His torso was fucking massive!

"Nah, man he said he needed a few days. Emmett, look I got something I need to talk to you about … and don't jump my shit 'cause it wasn't me, alright?" I had to make that point perfectly clear because now that I had actually seen Emmett's powerhouse of a body, there was no way I wanted a meathead pounding. If Bella said anything to him about my asshole attitude in Biology, my ass was going to be kissing pavement.

"Yeah, man… sure. What the fuck did you do, knock up Jessica Stanley already? Man that chick wants your balls!" He grabbed his jeans then slapped me on the back. I held back a growl as my frustration with his bullshit set in.

"Dude, what the fuck? This is my first day here and you're already accusing my ass of knocking up some bitch! Just fucking listen, alright… it's about Bella." His head snapped up and his eyes narrowed as he glared in my direction. I instinctively took a step back and threw my hands up with my palms out in defense. "Man, I swear I didn't do anything, but I saw her after school… she had a fucking handprint on her face and wouldn't tell me who the fuck hit her. I thought maybe you could find out, we could take care of that shit."

Emmett immediately relaxed and gave me an airy, dismissive, backhanded wave before he began zipping his fly. "Man, I know we gave you shit about not fucking hurting our girl and protecting her, and I know your ass is new at this shit, so let me fill you in," he rambled as he placed his hand on my shoulder. "I heard Stanley talking to Newton in the hall after school. Bella ran right into Coach's hand when she entered the gym today." He shook his head and started chuckling while he patted my shoulder. "Man, give it time, you'll get used to it. Jazz and I learned a long time ago, we can't protect Belly from herself. She's her own worst enemy when it comes to coordination."

My face twisted up in confusion as I asked, "How the fuck do you run into someone's hand?" I had heard of people being clumsy, but to not pay attention enough to see what was right in front of their face was …pathetic. _Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to protect her?_

"Man, trust me, I know! We love Bella, but she is one big, clumsy ass mess. We've seen her in a cast three times in the two years I've known her." He laughed again, pulling his shirt on over his head. "Dude, I'm fucking telling you, just don't talk to her about that shit, because seriously… she gets embarrassed enough as it is. We just have to sit and wait for her to tell us shit." Well, fuck me if I knew what the hell to do then. Earlier, in the parking lot, I had been ready to kick some motherfucker's ass and then it looked like the only person I could blame was Bella herself.

"Yeah, I guess I should have figured that shit out when she tripped in Biology. She can't stay upright on a fucking flat surface." Chuckling nervously, I rubbed at the back of my neck, remembering my asshole behavior and praying Bella didn't say anything to Emmett or Jasper.

"Ha! Yeah, that's Belly for ya. Look, man I got to get out of here. Rosie is expecting my ass at her house for a study session." He wiggled his brows before he pulled his bag from his locker. I knew Emmett knew Bella better than I did so I decided to follow his advice. I made the decision to get to school a little early the next day to catch Bella in the parking lot before first hour. He pulled his bag onto his shoulder, shut his locker door and started to walk out.

"Hey, Emmett?"

He stopped, turned his body and looked back at me. "Yeah, man?"

"Does Bella have a boyfriend to look after her or is it just us guys?" _Let it just be us, or I am going to have to kick a motherfucker's ass._

He grinned as he answered. "Just us, bro." I exhaled a long breath. "Yeah, I know. Poor motherfucker won't know what he's getting himself into. He's going to have deal with the three of us first." He'd been backing away with his last statement. After he finished, he turned and started sprinting as I turned down the row to my locker.

I opted out of a shower and headed home knowing full well my ass was going to get dirty and sweaty moving shit around the new place. I wanted to make sure my room was set before I went to bed that night. I needed to be ready if certain people wanted to come over and hang out. A smile slowly spread across my face as the thought of Bella coming over for our own study session played out in my mind. A scene of her sitting on my bed with an open book in her lap and me sitting beside her with our bodies close together flashed through my mind. My dick shifted a bit as I thought about where it all could lead to. I pushed down hard on the accelerator causing the Escalade to lurch forward. It was an absurd notion that the sooner I got home, the sooner Bella would be in my room.

*********

When I got back to Uncle Carlisle's place I found a note on the refrigerator that the movers had shown up and everyone was down at our new house. Truly realizing how long my night was going to be with all the unpacking, I decided to put my Trig homework off until the morning. I wasn't really worried about getting it done before second hour because doing that shit was as easy as breathing. I hopped back in my Dad's SUV and drove further down the dirt drive that ran along the river to our house, hoping those motherfuckers didn't fuck up my car.

After I had looked over every inch of my car—inside and out—not finding anything wrong, I went inside and started unpacking my room. I found a framed picture of Tanya that I hadn't remembered packing and shoved it into the bottom drawer of my nightstand with my last pack of smokes. Yeah, I knew it was a dick move, but Bella was so much better than Tanya. She was real and she knew how to play the mindfuck games I was so fond of. Tanya was a different kind of mindfuck.

Mom had come and checked on me a few times and even brought me a couple of slices of pizza for dinner. "Edward, you need to eat, honey."

"I will, Mom. Hey, do you know where the box with all my CDs is? I've been all over my room and can't find it." I took a bite of the pizza and wanted to gag. I grimaced as my body convulsed because that shit was _all_ wrong. Someone needed to teach these fuckers how to make a decent pie. "Mom, this shit is awful! It tastes like there's dirt in the fucking crust!" I tossed it back on the plate, walked into my bathroom and spit the shit into the toilet.

"Edward Anthony!" She came to the bathroom door, blocking my exit and placed her hand on her hip, staring at me with indignation.

I stifled a chuckle and kissed her on the cheek. "Sorry, Mom. But seriously, that thing is definitely _not_ a Chicago pie."

"Well, when you grow up you can open your own restaurant, until then you do as I say. Now eat." She turned on her heel and headed out the door.

"Mom!" She poked her head back in the door and raised her brow. "The CDs?"

"Downstairs, in the living room." She left my room and didn't return again until midnight, telling me she wanted me to go to sleep. I asked her to shut the door as I headed to the bed, pretending my ass was going to lie down. I shut off all the lights, except for the one in the bathroom, and continued on with the chore of unpacking.

By the time two o'clock came around I was fucking exhausted, but my room was completely unpacked and ready for visitors. I hopped in the shower, too tired to do anything but wash up. I got out, toweled off, went to my door and locked it. I fell onto my bed, hitting the pillow face first and was fast asleep the minute I wrapped my arms under it.

*********

I woke up late the next morning to my mother banging on my door. I had forgotten to set my alarm and didn't have time to shower again. I knew I would have a mess on my head all day, but couldn't give a shit because I was so fucking tired anyway. I grabbed my smokes and rushed out the door.

When I finally pulled into the lot, I saw Bella climbing out of her truck and I was instantly awake, feeling that magnetic pull to be near her. Problem was, by the time I had parked and got out, she was gone. I decided I needed to find out her schedule so I could walk her to a couple of her classes. Yeah, it might have been a bit stalkerish, but I convinced myself that I was only doing what Emmett and Jasper wanted me to do. Protect Bella.

When the bell rang for lunch, I ran to the cafeteria needing to spend as much time with her as I could. When I got there, I saw her seated between Alice and Rose, leaving me a spot between Jasper and Emmett on the other side of the fucking table. Everyone at our table was coupled up except her and me, which meant we should have been talking or at least sitting together. Bella seemed to have other ideas and wouldn't talk to me unless she had to, which really fucking sucked.

The entire week was spent with her barely uttering one-word answers at me. There were no more mind games or the playful banter and I was beginning to feel stifled by the thickness of the air between us. I wasn't sure what I had fucking done to warrant her aloofness, but it didn't deter my need to get to know her because the sensation to be near her was so prevalent. The asshole in me wanted to grab her and as k her what the fuck was going on. Instead, I kept finding myself trying to sit closer to her in the one class we had together.

The consuming desire to be with her was so intense that I had gone into the administration office to talk to Mrs. Cope about changing some of my classes. I had a tough time trying to convince her that it would be better for me---educationally speaking, of course. Alright, it was bullshit, but it was all I had.

"Edward, that just isn't possible without a very good reason or a recommendation from a teacher. Is there a problem with another student or a teacher? Why do you need to change your classes around?"

"Mrs. Cope… Shelly," I tried using her familiar name to remind her that she and my family were old friends. I plastered a smile on my face and turned the charm on. "Couldn't you just do this for me? It's no big deal really; I just think I could concentrate better if it was arranged this way." I pointed down at the notes I had taken regarding Bella's schedule and pushed them toward her. She looked around the small space before she leaned over the edge of the counter to speak to me softly. I felt bile rise in my throat because she got way too fucking close.

"The thing is, Edward, I could get into a lot of trouble. I would have to move other students to get you into the schedule you want. I'm afraid it just isn't possible."

I dropped the charming kid act. "Fine. I'll just have to deal with the mess of a schedule I already have." I snatched the sheet and stormed off before I realized she would probably be calling my mother regarding my negative attitude and my odd request. I internally groaned thinking of the lecture I was bound to get regarding my manners and headed off to my next class.

By lunchtime on Friday, I was in such a pissy mood that Jasper kept trying to joke with me at our table. I had to give him credit, he was working it hard and it was helping… kind of. Some of the shit he was saying was really pissing Rose off because they were mostly blond jokes. Seeing as how it was him or me, I was glad he was the one making her angry, since it was just the three of us there.

"Come on, Edward, try this one. Why was there lipstick on the steering wheel of the blonde's car?"

"Jazz, seriously, that joke is old as hell, man." I couldn't stop the chuckle that time when Rose glared over at her brother just as she kicked him under the table. I saw him wince as he grabbed his leg and glared back at her as he gnashed his teeth.

"Fine, but drop the fucking brooding attitude, man. It's fucking with my calm." He was rubbing his leg under the table and I shook my head laughing as I saw Emmett and Alice approach. Emmett nodded at me before he turned his attention to Jasper.

"Dude, since when do you fuck, calmly?" He pounded Jasper on the back, before he took his seat between the Hale siblings. I had purposefully positioned myself so that Bella wouldn't have a choice but to sit next to me. I was going to do everything in my power to get her to talk to me today.

"Not everyone has to break something every time they fuck, Emmett." Alice rebuked from behind him.

"Where the hell's the fun in stickin' to straight up missionary? It's like eating nothing but vanilla ice cream your whole life, never tasting the richness other flavors can bring." Emmett asked with the most serious look I had seen on his face yet. Rose smacked him on the back of his head and rolled her eyes.

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett, before I shut your damn mouth for you. Mine better be the only flavor you're tasting, you philosophical asshole." I think I heard her teeth grind.

"Babe, I got a few ideas on how you can shut me up; if you want to hear 'em." He wiggled his brows at her and did something with his hand under the table I really didn't want to fucking know about.

I glanced at my Blackberry and noticed it was already twenty minutes into our lunch. "Hey, Alice, where's Bella? Did she get held up in class or some shit?"

Alice smirked as she laughed. "No, she does this sometimes. She'll go hide off in a corner somewhere and do her homework so that she doesn't have to do it at home." She shrugged. "Less shit to carry home, ya know?"

_Fuck! _ I resigned myself to try to talk with Bella in Biology. We had to work together today, so there was no way she was getting away with not talking to me. I finished off the lunch hour with our group because I didn't need all of them crawling up my ass about why I needed to disappear. I wasn't ready to talk to any of them about what was going on between Bella and me because I hadn't figured that shit out.

When I walked into Biology, I noticed Bella's stool was still empty, and Mr. Banner had already set up our stations for today's blood typing project. I smiled knowing I would sneakily work to hold her hand when we pricked her finger. I impatiently bounced my foot on my stool while my eyes moved between the two doors of the classroom waiting for her to appear. When the bell rang to start class, I was instantly worried. Of all the things I had learned about Bella over the last week, I knew one thing that bothered her was being late to class. Mr. Banner began explaining exactly what it was we would do with our lab partners. At the mention of lab partners, I shot my hand up in the air, stared at him and waited to be acknowledged.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"Mr. Banner, my lab partner isn't here," I stated and nodded my head at the obviously empty seat beside me.

"Yes, I am well aware of this, Mr. Cullen. I will be assisting you today, as Miss Swan has been excused from today's project." _Ah, fucking hell!_

"What? But why?" I almost sounded like a whiny bitch. _Goodbye, man card… where are my lacy panties?_

"Mr. Cullen, I do not believe that is pertinent information, as it will not affect your grade. Now if you would please…" I had no choice but to shut my yap and let him instruct the rest of the class. Since the idea of having to hold hands with Mr. Banner repulsed me, I completed the project myself before he ever made it to the table. I grew increasingly agitated knowing I wouldn't see Bella after school. Coach wanted to see us all in the locker room as soon as class let out for the day alleging he had something for us to think on before our first game of the year.

I left class and headed straight for the team locker room feeling dejected. I had never before felt like this because of a girl and I couldn't put my finger on why Bella was so different. I was addicted to her like she was my own personal drug and I couldn't get enough of her. I craved the sound of her voice and the stupid thing was she hadn't even given me the chance to talk to her that much.

I entered the locker room and plopped my ass down between Emmett and Jasper. "Ah, man! Again, with your brooding ass? You seriously need to spank the monkey or some shit, man. Find yourself a piece of ass and just go for it."

"Shut the fuck up, Jasper!" If only he knew I didn't need to get laid, I just needed to talk to Bella.

"Alright, ladies! Settle down now and I will let you get your asses home to your mommies and daddies for dinner." Coach waited for everyone to quiet down before he continued. "Now I know the last two years have been rough because they were fraught with injuries." An audible groan sounded through the locker room. Coach raised his eyebrows, briefly glancing around at the faces before him. "This year will be different! This year, you ladies are going to turn into fighters! You're going to beat every team in the state of Washington!" The team roared in unison, grunting and banging on the benches and lockers.

"We all know how hard Newton here has been working, and he is going to do a fine job of leading us again this year!"

Emmett leaned over and whispered, "Do you guys hear crickets?"

Coach cleared his throat looking right at Emmett. Emmett smirked and sat up straight, his attention focused back on the coach.

"Okay, ladies! Be back here at five-thirty to suit up and kick some ass! Dismissed!"

I felt a hand come down hard on my back. "Man, he's got to put you in Newton's place tonight." Emmett whispered indignantly.

Jasper came around to my other side. "Man, I fucking hope so or we are so screwed. It would suck having to forfeit next game. It's our big rival game against Quileute."

I sighed heavily. "Man, for all our sakes, he fucking better."

*********

By the end of the first half, we were trailing 0-20. As promised, Coach had kept that douche Newton as starting quarterback. I was his fucking backup. Fucking second string! Me! It was shit and everyone knew it. As distracted as I had been all week, I was throwing a hell of a lot better than that fucktard.

I tried really hard to focus on the game in front of me, but I knew from listening to Jasper and Emmett in the locker room before the game, that Bella was in the bleachers. The entire time I sat on the bench, I felt that charge and resisted the urge to turn around and look for her. I had so much pent up energy, I couldn't stand it anymore. I jumped up, grabbed some second stringer named Lee Stephens and started tossing the ball.

When I got up to head to the locker room at the half, my eyes were drawn right to her. She was fucking beautiful and I fought the urge to run up there and just fucking talk to her. I knew my ass was whipped because she invaded every fucking corner of my mind. I wanted to be with her and didn't give a shit anymore how we were together, just that we were.

When we came back out for the second half, I looked in the stands again and noticed some tan asshole with long black hair leaning forward on the bleachers to talk in Bella's ear. I got pissed and started to walk up to tell that motherfucker to back the fuck off. Coach stopped me when he called out my name. I turned and saw an older looking man walking away from Coach.

"You're up, Cullen. Newton has a… a stomachache. The last half is your chance to prove yourself. Get your ass on that field and let's see if you can put some numbers on that board!" He slammed his hand down on my shoulder pad and shoved me out toward the field. I was briefly distracted as I made my way out to the huddle. My mind drifted back to Bella and that tan fucker sitting behind her. I pounded my right fist into my left palm in an attempt to force my brain to focus on the task of getting a Spartan score on the board.

I placed my helmet over my head and pulled the chinstrap as tight as it would go. I glanced up at the bleachers as I called the play; my eyes narrowed because I could see that fucker had his hand on her shoulder. _Hands off, cocksucker!_

Unable to do shit about it, I threw all my anger and frustration from the last week into the game. If I didn't, I knew my legs would run me into those bleachers and I would beat that kid until I felt better. I decided to talk to Emmett about the tan fucker after the game. I didn't want to piss Bella off any more than she already was by acting like a fucking neanderthal. If Emmett didn't think he was a threat to her, then I could keep my cool and just talk to her. I hoped.

Three minutes into the quarter, we had our first touchdown. Emmett was the best center I had ever played with. Fucker could block like no other guard I had ever seen and had saved my ass numerous times. He was a fucking machine and his skill had allowed me to run the ball in for another touchdown at the end of the third quarter. If it wasn't for him, my ass would have imprinted on the ground at least five times after that.

At the beginning of the fourth quarter, the other team turned a punt return into a touchdown. That was fucking embarrassing and Jasper was so pissed off, he pulled the defensive team together and ripped them all a new asshole. Our next score was the defensive team's redemption for the earlier fuck up.

As a defensive end, it was Jasper's job to get to the quarterback. He whisked himself in there and stripped the ball out of the hands of their quarterback, from behind, running it thirty-five yards into the end zone for a touchdown. Their quarterback was stunned because he never saw Jasper coming. Jasper came to the sideline with this huge fucking grin on his face and I pounded his helmet calling him a "stealthy motherfucker."

Our final score was in the last seconds of the game. We were down 21-26 with less than a minute in the game. After the hike, I looked for an open man, but no one was free. I got behind Emmett and tapped his shoulder letting him know we needed to move. We got a few feet before I saw Tyler make a move into the end zone. I threw a 'Hail Mary' pass and I'll be damned if that motherfucker didn't catch it!

Emmett, Jasper and I celebrated on the field as we crashed into each other realizing we had won the game 27-26. I reveled in the fact that I was upright all night long without a single hit. We were banging our helmets together when the entire team surrounded us, pounding me hard on the back. I was getting the wind knocked out of me by various teammates. Emmett noticed I was getting a little irritated with the shit and yelled at them all.

"Alright, you motherfuckers! Back the fuck off our new quarterback! He needs room to breathe! You'll see him at the party later!"

Once the guys parted, I looked up at the stands and noticed Alice and Rose were standing with Bella at the bottom of the bleachers. As we approached them, I discerned the tall, tanned, lanky kid was nowhere in sight and found myself smiling at the thought that my girl had told him to fuck off.

My steps faltered_. Whoa! Your what?_ My little voice started bitching at me as I looked down and pretended to try to find what had tripped me up. _She isn't your girl. She's blown you off all week, you dumb fuck! Since when do we let chicks dictate our fucking actions? It's time to move the fuck on! Remember when Tanya pulled that shit? _

Tanya had tried to make me jealous one time by flirting with a guy from another school while we played against his team. That shit just rolled off my shoulders because I knew any bitch in school would have been more than happy to take her place. I knew I had that same opportunity here, but it was different. I was different because of this _one_ _girl_ and it wasn't about the sweet, wet prize between her legs, at all. Okay so she'd been in every fantasy I had over the last week, but that wasn't why I wanted her. I couldn't fucking explain it right though. All I did know was with her I would take what I could get.

We walked just out of earshot past the bleachers and I started interrogating Emmett and Jasper. "Hey, who was that tall, doofus-looking kid with Bella earlier?"

Jasper laughed. "Don't let Bella hear you say that. She's known him since they were in diapers. Kind of like Emm and Rosie."

"You mean, like, he's her boyfriend?" I hoped I sounded calm because I was anything but. _Please say no. Fucking say no!_

Emmett laughed boisterously. "Fuck no, man! But it isn't for lack of trying on Jake's part. He's always had a crush on Belly but she keeps him at a safe distance. She's always telling him they're just friends and she doesn't want to destroy their friendship." Emmett rolled his eyes. "I don't know if I buy that shit, but it's her decision." He shrugged.

"Well, that's good." I exhaled a bit too harshly for the tone to escape anyone's attention. Emmett cocked his brow as he turned around in the doorway of the locker room. "I mean…ya know… it's good that she doesn't want to hurt the poor kid or anything."

He fucking smirked at me as if he knew exactly what I had meant. _When did he become the observant fucker?_ "Uh huh… yeah. Anyway, I'm sure Jake tried to get her to go to La Push tonight, but the girls already convinced Bella to come to Newton's for the party." He stopped at the end of his row. "Hey! You're comin' right?"

"Uh, sure. I'll let my folks know I am hanging out with the team to build camaraderie or some shit like that. It'll be cool."

"Sweet!" Jasper and Emmett bellowed in unison as they high-fived each other.

"Newton is going to be so red-faced." Emmett sounded off excitedly. If he'd been a chick, I am sure he would have squealed. "You can ride with us or follow, but hurry your ass up; I want to get there before all the alcohol is gone."

*********

When we arrived at Newton's house, the street was already lined with cars and the place looked packed. I followed Emmett beyond Newton's to a little white house at the end of the street near a tree line. He parked behind a truck that looked similar to Bella's and I followed suit.

Everyone got out of Emmett's Jeep and I exited my car, silently saying a prayer that none of the drunk fuckers went anywhere near it. "Are we going to be okay parking here? The owner won't call to have us towed off will they?" I knew I sounded like a fucking puss, but I didn't want my car in some lot with a bunch of beaters.

"I don't think _I_ will call a tow truck on you or anyone else, so long as _you_ behave." It was the most Bella had spoken to me all week and I was temporarily stunned. Luckily, Jasper tapped me on the back.

"We walk from here to Newton's then come back here after the party. The Chief works Friday nights and we usually sit around and play games to sober up at B's place."

"That's your place?" I questioned her, nodding back at the little white house. _Wait…did he say chief?_

"Yeah, it's my place. Isn't that what Jasper just told you? Did you pass out during blood typing today and hit your head? Will we have to repeat everything for you all night?" _Yes!_ My Bella with the mindfuck game was back with me. It was time to play.

"If you wanted to be with me all night, Belly, all you had to do was ask." I smirked at her. "Should we use Alice's scarf to tie us together so you don't get lost or fall down?"

"You snide mother…" She started yelling at me and I couldn't help but grin. I was bathing in every last word that escaped that beautiful mouth of hers.

"No one is using my scarf for anything to do with tying anyone up!" Alice screeched. I heard Jasper clear his throat and Bella and I turned to look at him. The dim light from the house showed Alice blushing fiercely, just as she smacked Jasper's right arm. "Hush it you!"

All six of us burst out laughing, knowing that Jasper had silently teased her for her admonishment. It felt good to laugh with everyone after the emo week I had. Bella's laugh stood out above everyone else's and I took it in, memorizing the melodic sound.

I turned to Bella, sticking my hand out to her in a friendly handshake. "Friends?" I cocked my brow expectantly.

She nodded as she took my hand and looked up at me through her lashes. I saw the blush start to spread over her cheeks and she turned quickly away from me. "Alright, you lame asses. It's time to get our drunk on!" She moved forward toward Newton's house, looping her arms with Alice and Emmett.

"To the Douche's house!" Emmett bellowed and we all started our walk over. I straggled behind with Alice and Jasper, enjoying the sway of Bella's hips and the curve of her ass. I hummed to myself in blissful contentment.

When we got there, we were greeted by Jessica Stanley and I cringed when she grabbed my arm to pull me into the house. Much to my dismay, I had caught her and Lauren Mallory eye-fucking me all week. I had the unfortunate pleasure of having Lauren in gym class where she could see much more of me than I cared for anyone to see. My legs were so pale they were like a fresh powdery snow in Chicago. No one should have to look at that bullshit.

I didn't want Bella seeing another girl getting so friendly with me, so I tried like hell to peel Jessica's hand off me as we walked further into the house.

"I can't believe you guys took so long to get here!" She walked on her toes, tugging on my arm, forcing me to bend down to her and whispered, "But I am glad _you're_ finally here. It's nice to see you outside of the classroom, Eddie. You did a really good job tonight. At least that is what everyone is telling me. I don't know shit about football!" She sounded off with a high-pitched, nasally laugh that somehow ended in a deep snort.

"Uh thanks. And it's Edward, not Eddie." I finally peeled her hand off me, but it took every ounce of effort I had not to growl at the bitch. I wanted to show Bella I could be a nice guy, so I held my inner asshole back. I saw her roll her eyes at something Alice was whispering to her and I smiled. She gave me a half smile and my first thought was that our playful evening had come to an end.

"Jessica, why don't you be a dear and get _Edward_ here a drink. I am sure he is so thirsty for whatever _you_ are willing to _fetch_ for him." Yep, my Bella was definitely good at the mindfucking, but I doubted this chick, Jessica, had any clue.

"Oh! Okay! I will be right back, Edward. Don't you disappear on me now!" I held back a reflexive gag when Jessica bent forward exposing more of her grossly oversized cleavage and shook her finger at me.

I heard a group of people laughing behind me and spun around to find my new group of friends snickering. "Alright, what's so fucking funny?"

"Oh for the love of Pete! Edward she wants you so bad! _Eddie_, look down my shirt. _Eddie_, touch me here." Bella managed to mockingly squeak out while still laughing.

"Fuck that! You have to get me out of this." I pleaded with all of them but focused my attention on Bella as the others walked off and socialized with other people.

She arranged her face into a playful frown and crossed her arms over her chest, bending her right arm to tap lightly on her chin with her index finger as though she were in deep thought. "I don't know. I mean…you seem to know what to do with girls, E. I'm sure Jessica would be oh so happy to cover you in kisses." She was being fucking playful, which is what I wanted, but the urge to get the fuck out was greater.

"Come on, Bella! I swear I won't call you Belly anymore." I relented. "Unless you want me to." I grinned as wide as I could, sure that I was showing all of my teeth.

"You are _so_ asking for a beating, Cullen."

"Are you offering, Swan?" I teased.

"Only if it's with Emmett's fists." She retorted.

"I don't think he has the right touch. His hands are a little rougher than I'd like." I couldn't help but smile as I appreciated the fact that I could do this with her all night and be perfectly sated with just that.

"Ah, but you aren't opposed to them, just the fact that they're rough." She giggled.

_Round one to the beautiful brunette._

I laughed heartily. "Okay, okay. You win. Just get me the fuck out of here before that chick tries getting her claws into me again."

She sighed dramatically as she grabbed my arm. I felt the electricity take its course through my body and over my skin. I knew she felt it too, when her steps faltered. She continued to pull me forward through the throng of classmates.

"Where are we going?" I asked, turning my hand just enough to grip her forearm.

"My house. It's the only place you'll be safe away from her clutches."

"What about the others?" I asked, but truthfully couldn't give a rat's ass what the fuck they did.

"I'll send Alice a text and let them know where we are. They'll be over later anyhow."

We had just got to the front door, when I heard that tawdry, nasally voice sound from behind me in a singsong tone. "Eddie! Eddie where are you?"

"Fuck, she's fast." I said.

"You have no idea how fast these tramps are." Bella whispered.

I laughed. "Just get me the fuck out of here so I don't have to find that shit out!"

As soon as Bella had the front door open, she started running in the direction of her house. I was following close behind her because the last thing I wanted was to get caught by that Jessica chick and deal with her bullshit.

I tried really fucking hard not to look at Bella's ass as I ran slightly behind her. The way it moved in those jeans as she ran, had my dick knocking on my zipper, begging it to open up so he could get his own glimpse. I saw her glance over her shoulder at me and I couldn't help but give her a guilty shrug. Just as I did that, she started falling forward, tripping on something I couldn't see in the road. I pushed myself forward the few inches to grab her jacket to steady her before she fell. Her body twisted and I quickly laced my right arm around her waist to hold her upright while grabbing her left arm with my left hand.

"Are you okay?" I asked, trying not to be the overprotective motherfucker.

She turned her head and leaned back slightly to look at me. "I think so. Thank you, E. You saved me from yet another fall."

I released her and ran my hand through my hair. "It's not a problem. Falling on gravel always sucks." I saw her grimace as she took a step and instantly ran my hand back around her waist. "What is it? What's wrong?" The overbearing boyfriend act was back in play.

"I think I twisted my ankle when I tripped." I saw her grimace in pain as she tried to take another step.

"Can you make it to the house if I help you?"

"Yeah, can I just…" She paused.

"What?" I asked. My face was only inches from hers; I could have touched her with my tongue. Yeah, I had a long motherfucking tongue. That old dude, Gene Simmons, had nothing on me.

"Can I … I mean… so I can walk…can I put my arm around your neck?" My dick tried to lunge at her, but conceded doing its own little happy dance in my pants.

"Yeah, sure. You rescued me from the clutches of Jessica Stanley and the obvious jock itch she was bound to bring. It's the least I could do." There was a dull ache as my dick stood at attention to present himself to Bella, ready for inspection.

We took another step and I saw her bite down hard on her lower lip as she grimaced in pain. I didn't want a repeat of what she had done to her beautiful mouth on Monday, so I scooped her up in my arms and heard a loud gasp.

"Edward!" She squealed out in surprise. "Put me down! You can't carry me all the way to my house!" She screeched and I couldn't help but grin as I watched her face darken in the dim moonlight. My grin grew wider because I knew I had made that delectable blush appear.

I halted my movement, and my grin slowly fell as I looked at her face, which was now so close I could brush my lips along her jaw. My heart started beating a quickened rhythm and I hoped she couldn't feel it. I snapped out of it to give her a light scolding.

"Stop your moaning. You can't fucking walk on that thing." She looked down at her hands and I softened my voice. "What if you tore something? Do you want to further injure yourself?" She shook her head and I ducked mine to try to get her to look at me. "Look, your house is less than fifty yards away, I think I can carry your skinny ass that far, Bella. I'm not a fucking beanpole." I may have been referring to her friend, Jake, without her knowledge.

"Ugh! Fine." She actually crossed her arms in front of her chest. It was so fucking comical and I stifled a laugh. "Just don't fucking drop me or I'll feed you to Jessica Stanley the first chance I get."

"Yes, ma'am." I said, as my dick saluted her again. I lifted her up a little higher on my chest so that she couldn't feel what she had done to me. I was pretty sure she wouldn't be happy with my dick jumping for joy while she was hurting.

**If you didn't already know, Sir Percival was one of the Knights of the Round Table. When he first joined King Arthur, he tasked himself with pursuing a knight (not of his King) whom had offended Guinevere.**


	5. Chapter 4: Games for the Injured

**Thank you to my betas Carabeth and Tiffanyanne3. I appreciate the hard work you both put in, and I can't believe how far this little story has gone. XO**

**I have to thank pkitten21 for the WC. Bb, if it weren't for the focus you gave me, this chapter would still be sitting at 3k words tucked away in a file.**

**Love and kisses to my pre-reader for pushing and pushing and pushing and… She shall remain nameless to protect her delicate personality. Pfffft!**

**Enough with the kissing ass! Let's get to it!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight: characters, storyline, plots, twists and dialogue. I own my Blackberry and a bottle of Kahlua which is quickly emptying. Send help! Do not copy, distribute or use this story or any part thereof without permission from its author. She isn't above kicking someone's ass. JSYK**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 4: Games for the Injured --------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

After Monday's revelation, I had convinced myself I could avoid the foreign feelings that had thrust themselves upon me. I had spent every day since avoiding him as much as I could. He had quickly become a part of our group, making the evasion more difficult.

Over the next three days at lunch, I'd made sure I sat in the seat between Alice and Rose, leaving him the space between Jasper and Emmett. He wouldn't feel obligated to engage me in conversation and would be able to talk more about the Spartan football team with the guys. It made sense, and to Alice's delight, I had joined in on conversations about fashion and design or who was in desperate need of a makeover. It was all in an effort to avoid dealing with the feelings I couldn't and wouldn't allow to develop. Unfortunately, I still felt drawn to him and couldn't keep from peeking at him; the new position at the table was actually making things more difficult, as I was seated directly across from him. God, he looked good.

Apparently, Edward liked button-fly jeans, because that is all I had seen that boy wear. He'd worn them in black, blue, stressed and acid. Edward had gotten under my skin and into my dreams so quickly I couldn't tell which way was up! All I had been able to think about was how easily buttons could pop or how much fun it would be to bite them off.

Biology had been its own challenge, because it wasn't like I could turn and talk to someone else. He was my tablemate, so ignoring him was out, but I had kept my answers to his questions as short and to the point as possible. Luckily, the class assignments had been light thus far, only requiring minimal interaction with our lab partners. Today was our first lab project, and Edward and I would have to work together and discuss the subject matter at length. Talking to him about anything would mean opening the door to talk about other things, and my mind was still not in its full guard mode.

It wasn't necessarily my mind I was worried about, but if I had that in check it would be easier to get my heart on lockdown. At least that's what I kept telling myself, and whether or not it was true remained to be seen. This was all new to me, and I didn't know how to handle the feelings that were so overwhelming.

I made sure to arrive at school extra early to avoid seeing him in the parking lot. It had not escaped my attention that he was in the hall after every single one of my classes this week, so I had hung out a little longer than usual, taking my time to gather my things.

For lunch, I'd hid out in the library while making every attempt to complete the little bit of homework I had received for the day and ate my apple.

Last night, I'd been so sure I could make it through one more day—just one day of not seeing the one person who had occupied my every thought. I just wanted one lousy day with a clear head and no thought of the person that had flipped my world upside down, causing me to rethink my life plan.

The realization of my first Edwardless day nearing its end drifted through my mind, causing me to think about what I was feeling in the absence of him. It was a new emptiness I hadn't known I could feel. It was all wrong, and it just plain sucked.

After my third try at the same Trig problem, I slammed the book closed in frustration. I looked up when I heard a throat clear and saw the gray-green eyes of Mrs. Norther, our librarian, glaring back at me intensely. I gave her an apologetic grin and looked past her shoulder to the clock. There was still a good thirty minutes before class was due to start. Resolved to the fact that I lacked the focus to get anything done, I decided to go to Biology early and offer my assistance with setting up the lab project.

When I walked into the classroom, Mr. Banner was setting a lance at every station. I glanced at the board and did a double-take, nearly giving myself whiplash when I saw the project scrawled in chalk on the black slate. _Blood-typing: What is your blood-type?_ I felt nauseous as my insides turned in on themselves. I immediately went to work on Mr. Banner, realizing there was no way I was going to be able to complete this assignment.

"M-Mister Banner?"

"Ah, Miss Swan. A bit early for class, don't you think?"

"Uhm, well… yes. What I mean… well… M-Mister Banner, I already know my blood-type!" Coherent thought without the stutter was apparently not exclusively an Edward Cullen issue. My fingers were working the frayed edge of my t-shirt.

"That is all fine and good, Miss Swan, however you must participate in order to obtain a grade for the project." He cocked his head slightly and peered out over the top of his black-rimmed glasses. "How _do_ you know your blood type?"

I couldn't believe he was serious. The possibility that any one person in this town not know of my numerous hospital visits was unfathomable. "I…uh…I have had frequent injuries and have been in the hospital numerous times over the years, sir."

I saw his lips twitch and he seemed to be stifling a laugh as he cleared his throat, bringing his fist to the front of his mouth. "Yes, well I do seem to recall hearing something of that sort. Regardless, I cannot let you out of this assignment without parental consent. I would say it is a bit late for that, wouldn't you agree?"

I convinced Mr. Banner to call Charlie at the station and watched intently as he spoke. I was frustrated, because I could only hear the one side of the conversation. Then, I heard Mr. Banner's acknowledgement, "You are quite right, Chief. We can't have that happen in class." A few moments later, I watched as he placed the receiver gently back into its cradle using both hands. I prayed Dad was with me on this and had gotten me out of something that could potentially be scarring in so many ways.

Question after question bombarded my mind._ What would Edward do if I passed out? Would he attempt mouth to mouth? Would I need mouth to mouth? Would he let me put my arm around him if I needed help to the nurse? _Mr. Banner appeared in front of me, abruptly relieving me of my rumination.

"Miss Swan, you are excused from participation in this project. However, you are required to be in the library, and you must have this pass time-stamped with both an arrival and departure to receive partial credit. Are we understood?" He looked at me in what seemed indignation, holding the paper out in front of him.

"Yes, sir. Thank you, Mister Banner." I took the paper from him and quickly escaped the room before anyone, namely Edward, could arrive.

Mrs. Norther was not pleased to see me enter her library again. "I trust you will be quieter this visit, young lady?" she asked, handing my slip back to me. I really did not like that woman. At all. Her billowy red hair and cloudy eyes annoyed the hell out of me. They weren't beautiful, shiny emeralds like the ones of which I had grown so fond of.

I gave a curt nod while remaining silent, so I wouldn't say anything that could get me into trouble. I made my way back to my table in the corner of the library to once again attempt to complete my homework. My mind was more at ease knowing I would be able to avoid Edward the rest of the day. I briefly wondered if that was what I really wanted. Probably not, but it was what I needed.

I had been so focused on the work in front of me that I had started when I heard the bell ring out over the sound system, completing the hour. I gathered my things in an effort to make my way to Gym class quickly to avoid running into those button-flies.

Gym was interesting to say the least. While _I_ may have come out relatively unscathed, Jessica took a hit to the face… with a basketball. I may or may not have had anything to do with it. Okay, I _threw_ the ball, but everything that transpired before that affected the outcome.

I hadn't done it on purpose; I'm just not that kind of person, even if I had done a little happy dance on the inside. Jessica was moving to guard me, when for some reason Angela, obviously forgetting who I was, decided to pass the ball to _me_. When I went to pass it to another teammate to get rid of the damn thing, I didn't see Jessica's approach and pretty much shoved the ball firmly into her face. HARD. So hard I heard my knuckles crack from the force, but when I saw the blood coming from Jessica's lip, I knew there was going to be trouble.

I hastily pinched my nose and closed my mouth just as the copper smell began to assault my senses. I looked away before the nausea from the sight of the blood could cause me to vomit on her.

"You bitch!" she shrieked as she came after me. I was backing away and quickly put my elbow of the hand holding my nose into the air, when I saw Jessica start after me. It was a completely defensive move, and I needed to keep my nose plugged to avoid the odor. I didn't see as much as I felt her as she collided with the end of my humerus. It ended up that I elbowed her in the eye, which then caused me to forcibly release my nose and poke myself in the eye. If I hadn't been laughing so hard, I would have cried. I couldn't keep myself from laughing, because my clumsiness had finally done me a favor.

"I will have you expelled for this!" Jessica screeched like a banshee with her hand over her eye. That only made me laugh harder, because in my mind, I saw the bitchy "Pirate Princess Jessica" with crazy untamable hair flying in the breeze. _I must have really jammed my eye into my brain. I am certifiable._

After gym let out, I didn't wait around to speak with anyone, knowing I would see them in a few short hours. I drove straight home to prepare myself for tonight's events. Rose had reminded me that tonight was the first football game of the season, and we needed to be there for Emmett and Jasper. Alice had chimed in, reminding me that Edward now had a place on the team and how much the guys were looking forward to having him replace Mike. All I could think about was Edward in a football uniform. The thought of his button-fly-wearing ass in something other than jeans had my mind racing to thoughts of his hands gripping my waist, his lips ghosting across my skin, his tongue...

I shook my head to rid myself of the invading thoughts as I pulled along the curb in front of my house. I thanked all forces around me that Charlie wasn't home and then realized he was on a double.

I made my way upstairs, feeling myself get wrapped in the comfort of solitude. I turned on my iHome and began singing loud and proud---completely and totally off key. I loved this song with its happy-without-a-care-in-the-world murderous undertones. It was just my type of insane asylum, straight jacket-wearing anxiety music, and it made me smile.

"_I will kill you in your sleep, so you'd better try, try and keep awake._

_I will kill you in your sleep, so you'd better try, try and keep awake._

_I will kill you in your sleep, so you'd better try, try and keep your left eye open and your right toe twitchin',_

'_cause I'm in the kitchen with the knife that's itchin' for your red blood …_

_on those white sheets."_

I cranked the stereo as loud as it would go, gathered my hair into a bun, undressed and went to the bathroom to shower. I allowed the heat and steam to relax my tense muscles, and after a few minutes, exited the shower as I wrapped a towel around myself and headed into my room.

I was startled when I found Alice bouncing around in front of my closet. She never believed me capable of finding something suitable to wear to any event. I glanced down at the clothing she had laid out on my bed.

"Jesus, Ali, don't you fucking knock?" I grabbed the remote from my bed and turned the volume down.

Damn evil fairy was giggling. "I did knock, Bellybutton! Four freaking times! And I called your damn cell, so don't you bitch at me, naked one!" Through all her pointed, glaring daggers, I could tell the sprite was trying to hold back a larger laugh.

I reached down, scooping my jeans from the floor, and removed my phone from the back pocket. Three missed calls. "Fine, whatever. Hey! How did you get in anyway?"

"The key over the eaves of the door, how else? Don't you remember? Charlie put it there after you locked yourself out last summer."

"What? No, I didn't know that!" This was news. I mean, I knew I locked myself out, but I didn't know about the damn key! "Wait! How the hell do _you_ know about it, but _I_ don't?"

She laughed harder then. "Charlie told me. He figured his secret was safe with me, and he didn't want you constantly using that key. He thought you might drop it somewhere or lose it. OH! I guess I'll have to change its hiding place!" She giggled as she perused the contents of my overstuffed closet. She furrowed her brow, turning to me, "These won't do at all, Bella. We need a shopping trip in Seattle."

She removed article after article of clothing, grimacing with each piece until she found what she was looking for. "I should talk to Charlie about having Esme Cullen come in and expand your closet. Then we can really do some shopping!" She actually paused long enough to clap and bounce on her heels. It was both cute and annoying at the same time. She narrowed her eyes at the outfit she held up—an indigo blouse and a pair of black skinny jeans—turned them toward me for approval, then laid them on the bed. As if I had a say in whether or not the outfit was agreeable.

"I don't think Charlie would be very happy with the expense of either excursion, Ali."

"He might for me. Why don't you let me worry about that?" She apparently had learned nothing of what a penny pincher my father could be. I didn't think the man had bought a new pair of shoes since I'd moved in.

*********

I ended up riding with Alice over to Rosalie's and was astonished to find Emmett's Jeep parked at her house. Turned out, Emmett had actually decided to let Rose drive his Jeep to the school so that we could all carpool back to my house, and everyone could walk to Newton's from there. We'd always hung out at my house after games, but this year would be slightly different. Thank God, because I so needed to just let loose after my exhaustive day of avoiding Edward.

"How the hell did you get him to agree to that?" I had to ask, because I knew how protective Emmett was over his Jeep. He'd wanted one for as long as I'd known him, and his parents got him one for his birthday over the summer.

I watched a sly smile spread across Rosalie's face and instantly wished I hadn't asked. "Oh, he was willing to give me _anything_ I wanted with the position I had him in."

"Ew! Rose! Gross!" I rolled my eyes at Alice's exclamations because, honestly, I had seen that girl looking up fellatio on the internet just last week. Who was she trying to kid?

"Ugh! Can we not talk about your sexual indiscretions right now please? Don't you two want to get to the field so you can cheer on your boys?"

"Men, Belly… men! And don't be such a prude! We all can see what you want to do to Edward." I obviously had not hidden my hungry eyes from Rose. She smirked.

"Oh, give me a break, Rose. I don't look at him any differently than I look at Emmett or Jasper."

"If you start looking at Emmett like that, I will have to scratch your eyes out. Bella!"

"Hey! No looking at Jasper like that either! I may be small, but I can have Rose kick your ass." I knew Alice was kidding, because her smile was playful and her eyes were sparkling with laughter.

"Gah! I don't look at him that way! I only met the guy on Monday, and it isn't like he is anyone special!" I knew they could tell I was feeding them a line of bullshit—I'd never been a very good liar. Every time I'd lie, I would turn beet red and develop an eye flutter. I could probably grow out of the embarrassing color change, but I doubted the constant blinking would be something I could control. To avoid the knowing smirks on both of their faces, I huffed and marched around to the other side of the Jeep.

We enjoyed Emmett's sound system the entire fifteen minute ride to the school parking lot, which made for an easy trip. I wasn't looking forward to any conversation about Edward, simply because I didn't want to feel anything for him. I needed to get my head on straight before things got out of hand.

This night was to be an interesting one. This last summer break had shown us how different this year would be. There would not only be tons of machinery involved, but the promise of inebriation as well. There needed to be a designated driver or a massive amount of time sobering up at the Swan residence. The last thing anyone needed was Chief Swan showing up to break up a party.

*********

The first half of the game was an absolute mess. Coach Clapp had decided to keep Mike Newton in his position as quarterback, and by the time the boys headed to the locker room for a brief break, the Spartans were down twenty to zero.

Rose, Alice and I were discussing whether or not the team would come back out onto the field and forfeit, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned on my bench to find Jacob had walked into the bleachers behind me and had seated himself without being seen.

"Jake! What are you doing here?" I lightly slapped his knee and he grabbed my hand, holding it tight. I wasn't sure if I should pull it away or let him keep it, but he was my friend, so I chose the latter.

"Hiya, Bells." He gave me a toothy grin. "Wasn't sure if I'd see you here or not, but Seth said he saw ya and I thought I would come and say hi. So… yeah… hi."

It hadn't always been this awkward between us, but when Jake had told me over the summer that he cared about me as more than a friend, things got very weird very fast, and I wasn't sure how to deal with it all. I didn't want a relationship because I had decided I didn't want to get stuck in this town. I knew the plans Jacob had, and none of them included leaving the vicinity of Forks, Washington. He was contented to stay in his house on the Reservation, work on cars in his garage, and go cliff-diving during the warm months. I had bigger plans that included me going to college and moving far away from here.

I gave him a smile, removing my hand from his and patting his knee. "It's good to see you, Jake. How was your first week of school?"

"Oh, just great." Sarcasm seeped out of those three little words. "Turns out Rachel is one of my teachers. Seriously, how the hell does a school let my own damn sister teach me?" I had to laugh, because Quileute High was not a big school by any means. It was smaller than Forks High! Rachel being one of his teachers was bound to happen no matter how you twisted the schedule.

"Oh, Jake, just think of it as an easy 'A'." I knew better. Rachel would ride his ass in class and at home.

"Don't I wish!" he scoffed. "She's riding me harder than my other teachers."

"Ha! That's Rachel." I couldn't keep from laughing. I loved Rachel. Actually, truth be told, I liked watching her torture her little brother and father. Jake's father, Billy Black, was a stern but very loving man. He would do anything for his kids.

The announcer called out for the second half of the game to start as the team ran out onto the field. I saw Edward talking with Coach Clapp, and I tried so hard to avert my gaze. I felt Jacob's knee nudge me lightly and I playfully leaned back a little.

"When are you going to take my side? Aren't you my best friend?" He gave me that kind of pouty face you expect to see on a four-year-old. You know, the one with the bottom lip pushed out and the top lip tucked back toward the teeth. It was pitiful, but it made me laugh. I caught Edward's stare out of the corner of my eye. He turned quickly, pulling his helmet on and running out onto the field.

"Alice! Rose! He's playing!" I couldn't hide the exhilaration I felt for Edward. I scanned the sidelines for Mike and found him lying on a bench holding his stomach. I didn't remember him getting injured.

"Since when do you get so excited about a player, Belly?" Alice questioned, with a smirk on her face.

"Hush it, Alice!" I growled out as she giggled.

"Who's that guy?" Jake asked, suddenly interested in what or whom had caught my attention.

"_He_," Rose started, apparently feeling the need to take over the conversation, "is Edward Cullen. He is Emmett's new bromance."

"Oh yeah, Blondie? You being replaced by a pretty boy?"

"Watch it, dog, or I will rip your tongue out."

"Ooh hoo! I'd like to see you try, Rosie. Although, I guess you have time for me now that Emmett has a new tail to protect." He jumped up just as she reached for him and then sat down on my left.

"I will get you, Jakey. And it won't be a pleasant time, I assure you." Anyone could tell Rose was pissed just by the way her blue eyes darkened and her jaw flexed with every word she spoke.

"Sorry, Blondie. You aren't my type." I heard Rose growl and stifled a laugh. "So, tell me, Bells. Who is this guy?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, "He's new in town. He's Doctor Cullen's nephew, just moved in from Chicago. The guys are hoping Coach Clapp gets smart and replaces Mike with this guy. Alice says he has a good arm." My eyes were now following Edward as he scored a touchdown. I jumped up, enthusiastically pumping my fist in the air while I cheered. Rose and Alice looked up at me from their seats, wide-eyed. I looked over at Jake; he too looked at me in shock. I plopped back down, nervously rubbing my hands on my jean-covered thighs. "The Spartans scored. Aren't you guys happy for Jasper and Emmett?"

Rose and her damn smirk. "Oh yeah, Bells. Jasper and Emmett. Ri-ight!"

I rolled my eyes and started talking to Jake again. "Anyway, what I was saying was Emmett says he's been doing really well in practice, and they're pretty sure they could win a couple of games with Edward as quarterback, since he can throw so well. He has a really good arm."

"Yeah, you… uhm… said that already. Bella? Do you… I mean… well… do you like… have a thing for this guy… or whatever?"

_Oh shit! _ "Psht! No! I just met the guy, Jake! You know me… I've known you how long? And you and I don't date." Okay, that was a low blow, but I wanted him off the subject of Edward. I also needed to remind him that things were definitely not happening between the two of us any time soon, if ever. "I'm not dating you, so I am most certainly not dating him."

"Yeah, okay." I don't think he was convinced. "Well, I better get back to Seth and the guys. You have fun, okay?"

"You too, Jake." I gently squeezed his hand before he walked off, looking a little dejected. I definitely had not been convincing in trying to portray a lack of interest in Edward. I realized then that I was so far beyond fucked it wasn't even funny. How the hell was I supposed to hide my feelings from him when the people around me caught onto me so quickly? I was going to have to just let things play out with Edward. There would be no avoiding him. I would have to learn how to deal with the feelings that were bursting to the surface to make their presence known.

Edward Cullen was going to be my undoing. He already had my mind in shambles. What would he do with my heart? I may have been reluctant to find out, but that little voice told me I had no choice.

*********

Amazingly enough, the Spartans won their first game in three seasons! Edward had brought the team to their first victory, and the crowd was going crazy! The bleachers emptied onto the field, all of Forks encircling the team, pounding on the players' backs. I saw Edward's head bob and jerk nearly every time someone would beat him on the back, and I began to worry that he wouldn't come away from the experience without a few bruises.

I saw him look up at the bleachers before he ran to catch up to Emmett. He seemed to trip over something and immediately looked down to see what the culprit was. I giggled because it was something that I would have done and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rose and Alice give each other one of those looks again. I was so fucked. Whether or not he knew it, he had me. I just hoped he would be gentle with me.

I made sure to ride in the Jeep with the others, not daring to be alone in Edward's car. If they wanted to make sure he went to the party with us, one of them could sit with him—alone—in his shiny silver Volvo. Damn! I should have ridden with Edward.

Emmett pulled past Mike's house and parked behind my truck at the front of mine. We all piled out as Edward walked up to us, looking a little wary. He asked if we were sure it was okay to park there, because he was afraid the owner would have him towed.

"I don't think _I_ will call a tow truck on you or anyone else, so long as _you_ behave." Playful was definitely the way to go. I only hoped it wasn't too flirty. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I'd never done anything like this before, and I suddenly had a craving for a cigarette. I hadn't had one since we were at the beach a few weeks ago, but right then, playing with Edward had my nerves on end. I half heard Jasper explaining our proposed actions for the evening as I watched Edward's eyes dart up and down the street.

It took everything I had not to jump out of my skin when he turned back to talk to me. "That's your place?"

"Yeah, it's my place. Isn't that what Jasper just told you?" I put my hands on my hips and cocked my head to the side. "Did you pass out during blood typing today and hit your head?" I probably shouldn't have brought the project up. Now he would know I avoided him. What was I saying? "Will we have to repeat everything for you all night?" I had to tease a little, right? He gave it right back though, and my mind went straight into the gutter and floated in it lazily enjoying its comforting flow. Being tied to Edward didn't sound so bad, but I couldn't let him know he got to me.

"You snide mother…" I started out a bit harshly and possibly a bit too loud. Then, I watched as a huge grin spread across his face as if he knew he had me. _Fuck! _Thank God for Alice! She gave him a tongue lashing before she turned her attention to Jasper, admonishing him for pretty much letting people know that one of them had been tied up by one of her scarves. That broke the bit of tension that had been building, and we were all laughing.

Edward offered up his hand in an attempt at a truce, and I felt the heat in my cheeks as I nodded in agreement. I quickly turned away, deciding to get our little group to the party to put some space between Edward and me. I looped my arms with Alice and Emmett and started dragging the group toward the awaiting alcohol, which I now felt I desperately needed. We made our way over, and I was happy for the coming distraction. We would soon be lost in a sea of drunken teenage rebellion, and I was going to welcome it with open arms.

My glee was brought down to a meager amount of happiness when Jessica Stanley answered the door wearing way too much eye shadow. I bit back my grin that was bursting to jump out and say 'hello' to the bruise I knew was hiding beneath the garish makeup. She grabbed a hold of Edward's arm and dragged him into the house with her. She was loud and had no shame as she let _Eddie_ know how happy she was to see him, what a great job he did and blah, blah, blah. Insert eye roll here.

I heard Jessica's overly exuberant laugh and leaned over to Alice. "Is she serious with her fuckery? Do you think he's buying into her brand of bullshit?"

"I don't think he likes it at all, Bella. Look at the poor guy."

I looked back to him just in time to see him look at me with… was that pleading eyes? I gave him a small smile, deciding to save him. I needed to distract Jessica and get him the hell out of her clutches. I knew it could be easy, because she obviously wanted to please him. The thoughts of what she really wanted to do to please him made my stomach roll. Her eagerness to please, her panting, her hair—she instantly reminded me of a golden retriever, only there was nothing cute about her.

"Jessica, why don't you be a dear and get _Edward_ here a drink. I am sure he is so thirsty for whatever _you_ are willing to _fetch_ for him." How that skank didn't hear the sarcasm in my voice, I will never know. It wasn't as if I was really trying to hide it. Maybe she just didn't care, being so focused on pleasing Edward. I wanted to gag.

She jumped at the chance to please him and shook her finger at him, telling him not to disappear on her. After she'd run off, I heard our friends behind me choking on their laughs as Jessica went off in search of a beverage for Edward, and I couldn't help but join in. Edward was a little pissed.

"Alright, what's so fucking funny?"

I calmed myself down and decided to explain the wiles of Jessica Stanley and all the other hoochies that were bound to go after him. My competition. I don't know who I thought I was kidding. Edward Cullen most certainly would not want a girl as plain as me. I digressed and couldn't keep from laughing, because I couldn't stop picturing Jessica as a retriever. _I really am certifiable!_

"Oh for the love of Pete! Edward she wants you so bad! _Eddie_, look down my shirt. _Eddie_, touch me here."

"Fuck that! You have to get me out of this." Oh yes, he was most definitely pleading, and I was all too happy to drag this out a bit longer. I had him by the sac, and he was putty in my hands.

I crossed my arms and tapped at my chin with my finger while frowning playfully, pretending to be in deep thought while I looked to the ceiling. I clicked my tongue just before speaking, "I don't know. I mean…you seem to know what to do with girls, E. I'm sure Jessica would be oh so happy to cover you in kisses." I kept the playful smirk on my face though, honestly, the thought of her lips anywhere on him made me vomit a little in my mouth. I only prayed his dislike for her continued for the rest of our lives.

He decided to bargain with me, saying he wouldn't use that awful nickname my friends had decided to use on me years ago. "Unless you want me to." He gave me a huge grin, but his eyes still held that pleading gaze.

For a guy that said he wanted my help, he sure wasn't trying to help himself any. "You are _so_ asking for a beating, Cullen."

"Are you offering, Swan?" He was teasing me. _Oh, two can play at that game, Cullen. Game on!_

"Only if it's with Emmett's fists." I hoped Emmett's loyalties were still to me. I knew he had a thing for Edward with the whole quarterback fuckery. He had been so desperate to have Edward on the team, I was pretty sure he would do just about anything for him.

"I don't think he has the right touch. His hands are a little rougher than I'd like." He gave this huge, cocky grin, obviously not realizing what he said. _You are so going down, Cullen! You are losing this battle, now!_

"Ah, but you aren't opposed to them, just the fact that they're rough." I admit, I giggled… loud. I couldn't help it! It was too perfect. He walked right into that one and deserved the shit I was giving him. He let out a laugh before telling me again to get him out of the situation he was in before Jessica returned.

I grabbed his arm and, with much exaggeration, sighed for effect. I tripped slightly over my own foot when I felt a shock from our skin coming in contact. I tried to ignore the charge that pulsed through me like blood through my veins and dragged him through the crowd of teenage townies. I felt him grip my arm as he asked where I was taking him. I told him I was taking him to the safety of my house, where Jessica wouldn't dare go. I would just have to text Alice and let her know where we were, and I told him as much.

I had just got my hand on the door when I heard her. "Eddie! Eddie where are you?" I heard Edward curse behind me and let him know he really had no idea how these skanks operated. He laughed and demanded I get him out of this predicament before he had to find out firsthand.

I threw open the front door, let go of Edward's hand and began running toward my house. I don't know exactly what made me think I could run, but when I looked over my shoulder to check on Edward, I tripped, trying to figure out what he was shrugging over. I prayed the ground would just open up and swallow me whole so that I didn't have to deal with the embarrassment that was sure to follow. I don't know how he did it, but Edward caught me by my jacket—I assumed to keep me from face planting so he didn't have to trip over me. I felt my body twist as I tried to right myself, and I felt a sharp pain radiate as my ankle twisted in the too soft ground. I felt Edward's hand grip my waist as he grabbed my left arm and asked if I was alright. I told him I was and thanked him for saving me from falling yet again.

He let go of me then and I took a step, quickly realizing I indeed twisted the hell out of my ankle. I didn't think I had broken it, but damn it hurt like a mother! I wanted to chuckle when I heard Edward almost panic over my reaction to pain. I let him know of my injury and stuttered like an airhead, trying to ask if I could put my arm around him for support.

He agreed to help me get to my house since I had rescued him. I wrapped my arm behind his neck and put some weight on my foot, gasping as the searing pain ran through my ankle and seemed to radiate out of my toes. Then I was squealing as Edward scooped me up into his arms.

"Edward! Put me down! You can't carry me all the way to my house!" I felt my face heat up and prayed he couldn't see my embarrassing blush. It had to be a deep maroon color for the humiliation I was feeling. My embarrassment was only circumvented by his light scolding for the damage I could have and would continue to have done if I tried to walk with the injury as it was. He leaned toward my face a little, and I stopped shaking my head to be sure I didn't bang his with mine. Accident prone, remember? He insisted; I relented, threatening that if he dropped me I would be sure Jessica Stanley was hot after his ass by Monday morning.

I relaxed a little, realizing there was nothing I could do. He groaned as I felt something pressing on my ass, just before he adjusted me in his arms. He started the walk to my house, and I felt his pectoral muscles tighten after he had lifted me. I relished in the feel of his muscular arms wrapped under my legs and behind my back. He wasn't overly muscular like Emmett, but had just enough muscle to make him physically fit and attractive. I wondered what it would feel like to have those arms wrapped around me while he was kissing me.

It was an easy enough walk, and I thanked God that he didn't seem to have strained himself. When we got to my house, I opened the door from my perch and Edward set me on my couch, asking where the kitchen was. I pointed in the direction of the kitchen, just beyond the stairwell. He went back in the direction from which we had come, closing the door as he passed.

"E, can you grab the red pack with the hearts on it?" I was only slightly embarrassed for wanting my favorite icepack. It was my favorite because it easily molded around any small injury. Honestly, I had a total of five icepacks tucked away in the freezer, ready to use. Turned out, there would be times I actually needed all five at once.

Edward returned to the living room with two icepacks and two sodas. He sat on the coffee table in front of me, handing me one of the sodas and placing the other beside him on the table. I watched as he reached down, grabbed my calf and placed my leg over his knee. I stiffened, unsure of what was going to happen. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"I'm going to see how bad you hurt yourself." He started removing my shoes and I stopped him.

"Really, E, I can do this. I'm used to dealing with my injuries. I've learned a lot with all the trips I've had to take to the hospital. I'm sure it's just a sprain." He cocked his brow, and I felt a need to kiss it. I shook my head to rid myself of the yearning. "I'll deal, why don't you relax?"

"Bella, just let me fucking do this. I've seen plenty of sports injuries to know what to do, too. You don't have to do everything yourself. Let me fucking help." I was a little taken aback by his attitude and wondered what had crawled up his ass. Then I thought he might be annoyed with having to leave the party to take care of poor, pitiful, clumsy me. "I should call my Uncle Carlisle and have him take a look." He reached for his phone and I put my hand out to stop him.

"I don't think you want to do that, E."

"Why the fuck not? Why wouldn't I want to get help for you? Seriously, Bella, you need medical attention." The irritation he exuded only added to my own.

"Look, it's a bad idea. Do you really want your uncle driving out here past a party you may want to attend in the future? He _will_ know about the party, find out about the alcohol and you'd never be allowed out of your parents' sight."

He rolled his eyes at me, and I exhaled, knowing I had won another battle. "Fine, but I am going to have him come over in the morning. No argument."

"Yeah, okay, fine, whatever." I'd have to work on making him forget about that before he left. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Give me that pillow behind your back." I handed it to him and watched as he stood, placed the pillow on the coffee table and then gently placed my foot down on top of it. "We can watch one. What do you have?"

I bit my lower lip again as I saw him shift uncomfortably. _Is that what I had felt on my ass?_ I knew my face had to have turned beet red. I wondered how guys dealt with that issue and felt lucky that the only thing I had to deal with was a little heat. "Do you mind watching _The Messengers_ with me? I haven't been able to get through that movie yet."

"Uh, sure." He stood up and walked toward the flat screen where the DVD towers hung on either side. "What's it about anyway?" He reached out and grabbed the case and put the disc in the player, bringing the case back to the couch with him while reading over it.

"This family moves to this haunted farmland and this girl feels or …sees some shit. I'm not really sure, but I always get creeped out before I can get very far." I nervously began playing with the hem of my shirt. "I'm usually alone, when I am able to watch it, so …" I trailed off.

He shrugged. "No big deal. I've never heard of it, but since it's a horror flick, I won't look like a pussy when Emmett and Jasper show their faces." I truly was creeped out over this movie. With my new resolve, I let my mind wander into thoughts of him holding my hand if it got too scary. Then I thought maybe he'd grab onto me, needing to hold me for an hour or so. _Thank you, you marvelous tramp, Jessica Stanley! If I was into girls, I would kiss you. Maybe. Okay, probably not._

We were watching the movie, and I got the chills when I saw this old guy just appear out of nowhere, informing the dad that he had an offer on the place. I nervously glanced over at Edward and found that his brow was furrowed, as if he were trying to figure things out. I went back to watching the movie, but screeched when the crows started attacking the farmer. I heard Edward laugh from his corner of the couch and tossed a pillow at him in a playful gesture.

"Fuck, Bella! You scream like a girl." He tucked the pillow under his arm.

"Well, no shit, E! I am a girl, you idget!" I reached behind me to grab another pillow to toss.

"What the fuck is an idget? Did you make that shit up?" God, his smile was beautiful!

I rolled my eyes. "Just watch the movie, Cullen."

Just as he started to get into the movie again, I tossed the pillow I was holding at his head. He looked at me, a bit in shock, and then I saw the biggest grin spread across his face.

"You really shouldn't have done that." My eyes went wide when I saw him sidle up, one knee on the couch, his other leg extended to the floor, arms bent at the elbows and his hands in the shape of claws.

"You wouldn't dare!" I screeched.

"Wouldn't I?" If I moved, I was sure to hurt myself. I could try to run, but how far could I have gotten on my ankle?

He was inching his way closer; my only way out was to threaten him. "Cullen, you better sit your ass back on your side of the couch or I'll…"

"You'll what, Swan?" He interrupted with that damn sexy smirk, and his eyebrow cocked playfully as he moved in closer.

Just then, the door burst open and Edward was instantly back in his corner of the couch, leaning into the arm as far away from me as he could get.

"Ugh! Why did you two have to leave so early? _And_, why didn't I know it?" Alice! Shit, I had forgotten to text her. She looked at me, then at Edward, and got this gleam in her eye that could only be described as devious. Her voice sweetened, "Edward, can you scoot closer to Belly so that Jasper can have the corner? I like to lean into him." I narrowed my eyes at Alice and shot invisible daggers at the devious, little sprite. Edward scooted into the spot next to me as Jasper and Alice took their new spot. Why he didn't take one of the chairs, I couldn't have guessed.

"I couldn't wait to get out of there. There is not enough alcohol anywhere on this planet to avoid Jessica Stanley." Emmett's voice boomed through the silence.

"Yeah, first party of the year, and it was lame because that chick couldn't find _Eddie_." I saw Edward's eyes go wide just before his head snapped to Jasper's direction.

"You've got to fucking be kidding me! What the hell did I do to have her all up in my jock?" I heard the sexiest growl I had ever heard in my life. I don't know what made it sexy, really, except that it did weird things to my belly.

Rose spoke up then. "Oh, _Eddie_, you don't have to do anything to grab that skank's attention. You're fresh meat, Cullen. She wants your disco stick."

Alice giggled. "Yeah, you're all shiny and new. You're like Christmas morning for her."

Jasper tapped Edward's shoulder with the hand he had behind Alice. "Man, you are so screwed. Once that chick latches on, she doesn't let go until she gets her some of that."

Edward groaned and pushed his head into the back of the couch. "You all have to help me out. How the fuck do I get this girl off me? I have plans that don't include Jessica Stanley or her skank friend, Lauren. That bitch has been eyeing me in gym, and it's pissing me off."

I felt the swell of my heart deflate slightly. He had plans. Did that mean he'd found someone he wanted to be with? I would need to pay better attention. Maybe it hadn't been me he had waited for in the halls this week. It could have been another girl in another room. I was such an idiot! Of course it wasn't me! I was just plain and klutzy Bella. I closed my eyes briefly, sighing as I imagined Edward holding hands with a girl while walking her to her class. I felt a tap on my arm and opened my eyes to see Edward's emerald green ones staring back at me.

"Bella, you'll help me, right?" He glanced around at the others. "I mean, all of you will, won't you?" He sounded so desperate. I patted his arm before giving it a little squeeze.

"Sure we will, E. What are friends for?"

I didn't know if my heart would make it through this friendship unscathed. I had to decide if I could handle being just a friend to Edward. It was only two years, and then we'd all be off to college. I'd been friends with Jacob longer than that, so I could certainly handle one Edward Cullen.

I knew it could potentially be a huge mess of a mistake. My head knew it; now I just had to keep my heart from opening too far, allowing him space.

* * *

_**If you haven't seen 100 Monkeys live, do it! The guys are super nice, very sweet and a crack up! – In regards to the song mentioned near the beginning of this chapter, "Keep Awake" -- I saw the guys perform this live with smiles plastered on their faces. So now you can understand Bella's description.**_

_**"Disco Stick" --- if you don't know what that is in reference to, we need to talk! LOL Thank Lady Gaga and her song "Love Game"**_

**Edward may pop his buttons for you if you leave a review. That's it… just push that little green review button…**


	6. Chapter 5: Musings and Mediation

**Thank you to all of you here, still reading about my boy **_**Button-flyward**_** (affectionately named by I_luv_Spunk). I know some of you ask questions in your reviews, and I know you want answers. However, if I had answered them, what would be the point in you returning?**

**Thank you to my wonderful betas, Tiffanyanne3 and Carabeth, who make my mess beautiful so that you all may read with ease!**

**To my Twitter pimps: I love you. That is all.**

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated. Don't forget one of my favorite songs is in the last chapter. **evil laugh****

**On with Button-flyward!**

**__________________________________________________________________________{(O)}__________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 5: Musings and Mediation**

After the previous night's debacle of a party at Mike Newton's place, Bella and I had some alone time, and _fuck_ did I want her! I could still remember the feel of her body in my arms as I'd carried her home. My hands had lingered on her calf and then gently prodded her ankle, checking her injury. _She's physically wounded; you failed to protect her. _ The thought had been haunting me all night, dancing in and out of my conscience. I really needed to get my uncle over there to see her today. He needed to assess exactly how bad the sprain was and what she should do over the weekend to recover. I would have to be sure to help her, wouldn't I? It had been my fault she had been running in the first place.

I continued to lie in bed with my eyes closed, willing myself to return to slumber. The events from last night continued to play over and over in my mind. The gentle touches of reassurance she had given me when she had agreed to keep those bitches off of me were burning in memory on my arm. I didn't know how she planned on doing it, but I couldn't wait to find out if more of her touch would be involved. I desperately craved the contact, and I'd only left her place hours ago.

My mind drifted again to our moment on the couch. I had taken it upon myself to act on an opportunity she had unknowingly presented. _Was it an innocent act?_ I wondered. She had to have known she was being flirty when she'd tossed that second pillow at me. I had knelt beside her on the couch in a playful threat to tickle her, guessing it would be my best shot at feeling her skin against me. The charge in the air was already heady; I just wanted to _feel_ the intensity of it in our touch.

Unable to shut my mind off, I finally gave up trying to sleep. It wasn't that I didn't want to think of Bella, at all; I just would rather have been _with_ her. I groaned, running my hands over my face and got up out of bed, making my way into my bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, taking in my haggard appearance. I was one very fucked up mess. What was this girl doing to me? I'd known the girl less than a week, and it was as if I had been waiting for her my entire life.

I glared at my image in the mirror. "Pull it together, Cullen. You own your mind. You run who, what, when and why. Own it!" Yeah, who the fuck was I trying to convince?

I took a quick shower, and decided to call Uncle Carlisle to see what his policy was on making house calls. I would offer to go with him, of course. I mean, she was my friend—we'd agreed on at least that much last night. Making sure Bella was alright was my first priority. Everything else today was of no consequence.

I picked up my phone and called his house. By all rights, I probably could have just driven up there and asked him, but I didn't want to intrude. You know, because a phone call is just…okay it was an invasion on their time no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise. Bella needed me, and I wanted to be there for her, so I would do what was necessary.

"Oh, hush and drink your coffee. Hello?" Yep, I was definitely interrupting what seemed like a playful morning for my aunt and uncle.

"Uh, hi, Aunt Es." I didn't know why I was so nervous. _They're family, Cullen. Get a grip._

"Eddie-y… I mean Edward! How are you, my love?"

I chuckled, a bit on edge. How the hell could she be this cheerful at eight on a Saturday morning? "I'm good. Hey, is Uncle Carlisle around? I kind of have a favor to ask." I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. Of course he was there. Who else would she have been talking to?

"My handsome husband… Edward wishes to speak with you." There was a brief pause as I heard a chair scrape across the floor. Then I heard… was that kissing? _Ugh! They're adults for shit's sake!_ Couldn't they have saved that for when I wasn't sitting on the phone being forced to listen because of a desperate need to be with a girl of my own? An injured girl, sitting at her house, probably wishing she'd never met me.

"Good morning, Nephew!" Not him too! How was I related to such fucking cheerful people?

"Hello, Uncle Carlisle. I know it's early, but I…"

"Not at all, Edward! What can I do for you, son?"

"Do you know Chief Swan? What am I saying? Of course you know Chief Swan! What I mean is, I was at a party last night after the game, just hanging out with some friends, and his daughter Bella is one of my friends, and well, she kind of hurt her ankle, and she wouldn't let me call you last night because she thinks she'll be okay without medical attention, but when I was looking at it last night, it looked like a really bad sprain. I don't think she broke it or anything, but I would really appreciate it if you looked at it because it's kind of my fault she tripped anyway, so could you go over to her house with me and maybe take a look?" _Real smooth with the word vomit, Cullen. Why don't you try taking a breath and slowing the fuck down? What are you, a thirteen-year-old chick?_

I heard a muffled laugh as I took a deep breath to fill my lungs with some much needed air. "Edward, I will certainly take a look at Bella's ankle. Do we have permission to intrude on the Swan's weekend peace? She may have already gone into the hospital to have it X-rayed."

I doubted she had, but felt like an ass for not thinking of calling Bella to be sure our visit was a welcomed one. "Um, right. Can I call you right back, Uncle C? I'll check with Bella then give you a ring back."

"Certainly, Edward. I will be waiting for your call." I hung up, feeling like a dick for not ending the call appropriately. Mom would certainly give me a good talking to if she ever heard about that rudeness.

I called Bella's cell number, since she had given it to me last night, er… this morning before I'd left. It rang four times, and I was about to hang up—thinking it would go to voicemail—when I heard a tiny, gravelly voice. "Hello?"

"Bella? Shit! Did I wake you?" _Asshole! _My hand moved to the back of my neck, rubbing at it harshly as I felt my muscles tense.

"Who is this?" Her grogginess showed in her whispered question. I could hear the rustling of sheets as her small squeak came through the phone. The fly of my jeans suddenly felt tight as I imagined her stretching, exposing the delicate skin of her abdomen as she did so. It was then that I felt the need to get over there sooner, rather than later.

"Bella, it's Edward. Wake up, sleepyhead." _Sleepyhead? You are a thirteen-year-old chick! Where the fuck did your balls go?_

"E?" I heard her let out a little high-pitched noise and more rustling bedcovers. Then she moaned out, "What time is it?" The sounds she was making sent me over the edge of patience, and I plummeted into a pool of need. I was now running down my stairs in a hurry to get to my uncle's place. I ran through the foyer, toward the living room, seeing no one, and continued on into the kitchen. I noticed my mother had not come down yet. I scrawled a note on the dry erase board next to the phone.

"Uh, it's like eight-thirty." I went out the door which led to the garage, got in my car and sped up the long drive in record time.

She groaned, loudly. "What the fuck, E? It's Saturday. Ya know, it's a day most people choose to sleep in. Ow! F-F-Fuck!" I heard her hiss.

"What happened? Are you okay? Bella?" I knew she'd obviously hurt herself by moving her ankle somehow.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Shit, that hurt like a mother! My foot was just reminding me it was hurt by tangling itself in my sheets and making me tug at it extra hard."

_Don't do the mindfuck this early in the morning, Cullen. Be penitent._ "Fuck. I'm sorry. It's entirely my fault, Bella. If you hadn't been trying to help me…"

"Oh, E, give it a rest! You apologized enough last night. Just tell me what in the hell you're calling about?" She was awake now; her voice was much stronger and getting that annoyed tone.

"Right! Hey, my uncle and I are coming over so he can take a look at your ankle. I mean, if that's okay with you… and your dad… I… guess." She groaned, the noise really not helping to calm the need my dick was achingly reminding me of. I made a quick mental note to figure out a new morning ritual—fast. I had been without my old one for three weeks now, and it affected me more than I cared for.

"E, I told you that it wasn't necessary. I can take some Tylenol and be just fine in a couple of hours." I heard her gasp as her ankle had no doubt betrayed her by, again, reminding her of the pain she was causing by stressing it in the slightest.

"It sure doesn't sound like it, Bell. Just let me do this, alright? I'm picking up my uncle right now, and we can be there within half an hour." I parked in front of the small deck of the house and jumped out to go inside.

"You aren't letting this go, are you?"

I shook my head as though she were in front of me. "Not in this lifetime."

"Gah! Fine! I'll be downstairs." Another sharp intake of breath. "Or maybe I'll stay up here. Dad should be home by the time you get here. I'll let him know you're coming." My mind must have connected with my cock. _Oh, I'd like to be, but your father and my uncle wouldn't be there. Repentant, Cullen!_

I was going to meet her father. The Chief of Police of the town of Forks. The thought of meeting her father instantly calmed the beast. I looked down to survey what I had put on in my haste to get out the door. I assumed I was presentable enough since the Chief had no idea of my intentions with his daughter. I would be with my uncle, so he couldn't think too badly of me, since we would have adult supervision. "We'll be there soon, so just relax and put your foot up on a pillow."

"I still say you're overreacting, E. I've had sprains before."

"I am not overreacting!"

She actually growled at me. "You are too! Do you know how many injuries I have sustained over the years? No, you don't!" Finally, someone who wasn't so damned chipper in the morning!

"It doesn't matter. Look, I am the cause, and I have a solution. There's nothing wrong with me fixing this."

"I am not something to be fixed, Edward."

"Bella, be serious. I'm just trying to help."

"What if I don't want your help?"

"You know, you are one absurdly stubborn chick! What the fuck is wrong with a guy trying to help a girl that is saving him from the claws of a 'jock itch bitch'?"

"Ooh, that's original. Can I give you an award for largest case of jock itch in Forks?"

Apparently, she had woken up to start the mindfuck herself. I was having way too much fun with this girl, and she was my very own beautiful mindfuck opponent. A smile spread across my face as I thought of how much fun we were sure to have at each other's expense, if not someone else's. "I didn't know you had stared at my groin long enough to compare it to everyone else in town."

"Ugh! Enough! Get your ass here, so you can leave sooner."

"I knew you wanted to see my ass!" I laughed boisterously as I heard her groan in exasperation. "We'll be there soon." I ended the call before I could get her more riled up. I was so deep into this girl, I didn't know that I'd ever be able to claw my way out of the depths of the addiction I felt for her. She was quickly becoming someone I could depend on as a sort of lifeline for my everyday life. I would need to take my time with her to be sure she was as enthralled with me as I was with her.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Uncle Carlisle and I arrived within the half hour I had promised Bella. We'd just gotten to the door when it swung open, and a man with a thick moustache and an obvious love of guns—based on the gun case just beyond the doorway—stood wide-eyed like he had just been hit with a revelation.

"Chief," my uncle stated simply, acknowledging him with a nod, and stepped through the doorway as the chief motioned us into his home.

"Doctor Cullen." He gave a short nod to Uncle Carlisle before turning his attention to me. I watched as the man sized me up before greeting me. "You must be Edward. Bella told me you were the one that took care of her last night and that your uncle here was coming over to have a look at her latest injury."

He extended his hand, and my hands suddenly felt very clammy. Hesitating, I sneakily tried to wipe my palms on my jeans. His eyebrows rose in question, and I knew he hadn't missed that move. I mentally pictured a referee throwing a flag on the floor, calling out a personal foul. There was no playbook to get me through dealing with Bella's father.

"Yes, sir. Nice to finally meet you."

He was eyeing me warily, and I panicked, wondering how much he knew. He seemed to be unsure of the reasons for my presence. I was following behind him when he stepped up onto the staircase, stopped, and then turned back to face me.

"Edward, I think it's better if you stay down here. You can wait in the living room." He pointed in its general direction and waited for me to move.

Yep, Bella's father was pegging me as a deviant. I looked at my uncle, who narrowed his eyes at me as if to say, 'Don't you dare challenge his decision.'

"Yes, sir. Thank you." I grudgingly went into the living room and plopped my ass down on the couch. The previous night's events immediately started replaying in my mind, causing me to smile. It really was a good time whenever I was with Bella. Damn Alice and everyone else for showing up when they had! I had been so close to touching her.

I started when I heard Chief Swan's voice come from right behind me. "So, Edward, how is Forks treating you?" I watched as he walked around and sat in the chair opposite the couch, rubbing at his chin.

"Very well, sir, thank you. Coach Clapp put me on the football team, and we won last night." I felt the need to let him know of my accomplishment. I wanted his approval so that Bella and I could continue to do whatever it was we were doing.

"I heard about your gameplay at the station last night." He stopped right fucking there. There were no congratulations, 'good job' or 'well done'. He just sat in his chair and continued to stare at me. The man was intimidating, but I couldn't understand my reaction to him. I had never been ill at ease with any male adult, because I could always talk plays or some shit. Sitting there with Bella's father had my mind scrambling for a topic of conversation. He had me squirming in place, nervously bouncing my leg, trying not to look away from him. His intense look freaked me out so much that I couldn't continue to lock gazes with the man, so I just stared at his chin. I listened intently for movement upstairs, questioning where the hell my uncle was.

As if on cue, I caught the sound of steady steps descending the stairs and stood to greet whoever it was. I watched as my uncle stepped to the floor and addressed the Chief, who had risen and walked toward him.

"She'll be fine, Charlie. She's got a bad sprain this time and should probably stay off her feet as much as possible. Do you still have those crutches from her spill last year?" She'd stated she had sprains before, so it shouldn't have surprised me to hear of the injury. It did, however, raise my level of concern for her safety.

Chief Swan chuckled lightly. "Oh, yes. I have the crutches, the cane and the wheelchair all in the closet here."

Uncle Carlisle let out a hearty laugh. "It's probably best, given the thickness of her file." He frowned slightly and looked between the chief and me. "She isn't very pleased with me at the moment. I told her she wouldn't be able to drive for at least a week." He cocked his brow at me and tilted his head toward Chief Swan.

I furrowed my brow, wondering what the fuck. He, in turn, widened his eyes at me, causing me to shrug. I couldn't believe it when I saw him roll his eyes at me.

"Charlie, I am sure that Edward here would be more than happy to pick Bella up for school every morning."

Fuck me! That's what he was trying to get me to do.

"Uh, yeah. I mean… absolutely. I'm willing to help out in any way I can." I may have been a bit too enthusiastic, because the chief bristled at my exuberance.

"I don't know…" the chief began, but my uncle quickly interrupted him.

"They go to the same school, Charlie. It's not as though it would be out of his way to take her," my uncle reassured him.

"You're right. You're absolutely right. Thank you, Edward." He clapped his hand on my back—hard. "I would appreciate that, since I can't be here every morning to take her myself." A chill ran up my spine, wondering if he was trying to assert his authority as he forcefully squeezed my shoulder.

"Certainly, sir." I knew I was more intimidated in that moment than I had been earlier, when I heard my voice come out in a squeak like I was just starting puberty.

**----{(QQ)}----**

For the next two weeks, I walked Bella to each one of her classes so that her books didn't put any unnecessary strain on her. Okay, so I was milking the chance to be with her for all it was worth. I even had Mrs. Cope issue a pass to me, which then allowed me to be late to my classes, just so I could help Bella get around.

The only teacher that really gave a shit about my tardiness was Mr. Varner. I swear that guy was a total douche. He hated any student having any kind of popularity, prompting the entire football team to have a massive study session every Thursday after practice. Any make-up work from the week would be taken care of, and anyone needing tutoring got it. Thursday study sessions sucked, because that was one less afternoon a week to get closer to Bella.

In those two weeks taking care of Bella, I learned so much about her. I shared just as much about my life in Chicago. She was different, and my need to be with her grew stronger every day.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Lauren approached me one day in gym and asked me how Bella was doing. I was instantly on guard, knowing that bitch didn't give a shit about Bella's health.

"She's great." I turned to walk away from her as fast as I could, but halted when I felt her hand on my arm. Where the fuck did that bitch get the nerve to touch me?

"I am so glad. You know, Jessica and I were _so_ worried about her." She started moving her hand up my bicep, which only irritated the fuck out of me, so I wrenched my arm from her reach.

"Fuck off! You don't give a shit about Bella. What the fuck do you want?" I went to slam my hands into my jean pockets, only to be reminded that I was in gym clothes, which only caused my agitation with the superfluous chat to soar.

"Are you two, like, dating? I mean, you're together all the time…"

"So what if we are?" I interrupted. "What's it to you?" I hoped Bella wouldn't mind me leaving out the fact that we were not dating, even as much as I wished we were.

"Geez, you're an asshole!" She had her hands on her hips and was glaring at me. It was fucking comical.

"Only to nosy-ass bitches who don't know how to keep their hands to themselves."

She huffed and stormed off to the girls' locker room. I smiled at myself, completely satisfied with having thwarted yet another unwanted crush. Between her and Jessica, I could swear I had been gawked at more here than I ever was back in Chicago.

I had just stepped out of Spanish class with Emmett when I heard Bella yell.

"Edward Cullen!" She came marching up to me and quickly shoved me against the wall. "Who the hell do you think you are, telling people I'm your girlfriend? Where do you get off making a decision about us, when we've barely known each other a few weeks?"

It was only then that I realized I hadn't told Bella about my earlier encounter with Lauren. I should have told her at lunch or in Biology, but I was such a fucktard when it came to Bella, I was surprised I could talk! I dragged her backwards into Mrs. Goff's classroom to get away from the very curious eyes and ears paying attention.

"I didn't say anything about you being my girlfriend, Bella. Lauren cornered me in gym, asking me about you and if we were dating. I didn't confirm it, but I didn't try to deny it either. I'm sorry." I set my books down on the desk behind me.

"Ugh! Edward, do you realize what you've done? I've been telling all these idiots that I don't go out with anyone. Now, I have Mike Newton coming up to me asking me to go to a movie with him! Tyler Crowley assumes I am going to the game tonight to see _him_ and hang out with _him_ at _his_ party. That guy doesn't take no for an answer! This is all your fault and you _are_ going to fix it, Eddie!" She was clearly angry, gesturing wildly with her arms before repeatedly poking hard at my chest with every word she sneered.

I grabbed her hand and held it against my heart, partly in an effort to stop her incessant poking, and partly because I wanted to feel her skin under my palms. "Bella, look, I'm sorry. Okay?" I bent my knees slightly and lifted her chin with my free hand so that I could look into her doe-brown eyes. "I should have told you at lunch or in Biology, but honestly I wanted to forget the whole thing. Hey, don't you see? This could be a good thing. None of those bitches will be bothering me, and you can tell those assholes I said 'fuck off'. Or shit, _I_ could tell them to fuck off."

She started shaking her head, and I felt a twinge in my chest as she pulled her hand away. "No, E. You need to fix this. I can't have these guys thinking I'm available to date _anyone_. What if you and I are fighting? What then? I won't be able to get them off my back."

I ran my hand through my hair as I retrieved my books, then turned to walk out the door. "I don't see why we would fight, but you're right; I was in the wrong. I won't make that mistake again." I walked out the door, heading straight for my car to go home and sulk before the game tonight.

When I got in the car, I sat there for a minute, taking in the feel of a new ache. She didn't know it, but she had given me my first experience with rejection. I reached into my glove box and pulled my pack of stale smokes out. As I pulled a cigarette from it, I contemplated whether or not to beat the shit out of Newton and Crowley for their part in this mess. I lit my smoke and took a deep drag. I never smoked when I played, because I needed the clean air to be in top form. I had always let my smokes go stale during the season so that I wouldn't be tempted to light up. But right in that moment, I didn't give a shit.

I turned the key in the ignition and immediately slammed it into reverse, narrowly missing Tyler's midnight-blue minivan. It would have served the fucker right if he had wrecked it.

I raced through town, then down the long Cullen drive through the trees. By the time I reached the house, I wasn't any better. I wanted to hurt something so badly that my fists ached to do it, which caused me to flex my fingers. I ran into the house, vaguely hearing the sound of my mother's voice as I bolted past her to hide in my room. I threw my bag across the floor and watched as it hit my desk, making a loud thud. Apparently I had thrown it with such force, that it caused the picture frames there to rock and fall forward. One fell to the floor, shattering glass all over. "Fuck!"

A soft knock and the sound of my mother's voice were the only things causing me to pause. "Yeah, mom?" I didn't bother to turn and look as I heard the door open.

"I know you have better manners than to curse in my house."

"Mom, I really don't need this right now."

"Sweetie, is everything okay? You seem really upset, and based on your outburst, I believe my assumption to be correct?"

"Nothing to worry about, Mom, I'll be fine."

"Yes, I can hear that in the tone of your voice." She was spewing sarcasm with her hands on her hips. Not what I needed from my own damn mother.

"It's not really something I want to talk to my mother about."

"Who better to talk about girl problems with than a girl?"

"Come on, mom! You aren't a girl! You're my mother!" I realized how stupid that sounded a little too late and waited for the screeching to begin. To my surprise, there was no screeching.

She took a deep breath, causing me to look up at her, and then expelled the air from her lungs. "You most definitely take after your father. Edward…" Just as she paused, sighing heavily, I felt goosebumps rise on my flesh. "Is this about that girl, Bella, that you took your uncle to see?" _Fuck me!_ He hadn't spoken to me, but it was apparent he had spoken to my parents.

"Uncle C told you?" She nodded, and I groaned out loud. I didn't want to talk to her about it, but I had no one else to confide in about my feelings for Bella. He had caught on a couple of weeks ago, but up until now I didn't think he'd spoken a word to anyone. He and I hadn't spoken about it, so I'd assumed he had kept it quiet. Defeated, I decided to let it all out. "Alright, yes. I just can't get this girl off my mind." I plopped down on the edge of my bed, bent over and placed my face in my palms. "I don't know what to do, Mom."

"Sweetheart, have you spoken with Tanya since you've been here?"

"What? No! Why the…why would I want to talk to her?"

"Edward. She was your girlfriend." Little did she know, Tanya wasn't a girlfriend, she was just a steady fuck.

"Mom, it's not like that. This girl is…well she's just different. It's got nothing to do with whatever Tanya and I had."

"Different how, Edward?" She was now seated beside me, running her hands soothingly through my hair.

"She just is. I want to be her friend, but…I don't know. I don't want her to be with anyone else. I don't like it when guys talk to her. And Mom, she is so fu-freaking clumsy! She trips so much that I want to hold her hand to keep her upright, but I can't because we're _friends_. But it's not _just_ to keep her standing; I _want_ to be the one to hold her." She tugged my hand from my face and took it in hers.

"Have you told her how you feel, sweetheart?"

I jumped up and away from my mother. "Mom! Come on! Guys don't do that kind of stuff. I've never done that."

"Maybe if you…"

"No! Not after what happened today. I can't tell her anything."

She furrowed her brow and turned her head, looking at me sideways. That shit had always creeped me out. It was something my grandmother had done. "What happened today?"

"Mom, I really can't talk about this right now. I need to eat and then get to the school for the game tonight."

"Edward Anthony, you are a stubborn child!" She stood then and walked toward the door. "I've made you a sandwich and cut some fruit. It will be waiting for you on the counter."

"Thanks, Mom." I was a rotten kid.

**----{(QQ)}----**

The game that night was a rough one. I couldn't get my head in the playbook. I would glance up to the bleachers when the defensive line took the field and when we got into a huddle. She sat in her usual spot, and at one point, I thought I saw one of the band geeks talking to her. I ground my teeth together and ended up running right into a defensive lineman from the opposing team, basically getting sacked. Emmett was pissed because I hadn't stuck behind him.

In the locker room, during half-time, Emmett grabbed me by the pads, bitching at me to focus on the damn game and stop looking at the cheerleaders. That was exactly why I couldn't tell that fucker I wanted Bella. He would kick my ass and pound me into the ground with his bare hands. If I didn't let him and Jasper believe it was the cheerleaders, I would have been a dead man.

We ended up losing by one fucking point, and I walked away with a sore shoulder from the hit I took. I knew the game was a loss because of my lack of focus, but I had already won three games for those fuckers. They could give me this one.

We went to the party after that, only this time I rode with the others. I was going to have to get completely obliterated or stay stone cold sober to keep my shit together. I chose the latter and smoked like a chimney. Bella, however, got wasted. Well before the party was over, she was passing out on the couch. I grabbed Emmett and told him we needed to take her home. He grabbed the others, who were all feeling pretty damn good—_fuckers—_andI drove us all over to Bella's.

I went to grab Bella and let a growl slip when I saw Emmett pick her up. Alice grabbed the spare key to open the door. We all knew where that thing was now, but we were sworn to secrecy. She let us in, and Emmett carried Bella upstairs. Rose and Alice followed behind to get her situated in bed.

We decided I would drop the girls off at Rose's since Alice was supposed to be staying the night there. Waiting on Emmett and Jasper to say goodbye to their girls increased my ire at my own situation with Bella, and I honked the horn. I got a dirty look and the one finger salute from all.

"E, man, you really need to get laid. Your shit tonight cost us the fucking game." Emmett chastised, crawling into the passenger seat while Jasper took position in the center of the backseat.

"I fucking know I cost us the game, Emmett. Just leave this shit alone."

"Edward, dude, Emm's right. You need to straighten your shit out. Whoever this chick is that has your dick in a twist, you need to do her or get rid of her."

"It's not that fucking easy, Jazz. Look, both of you stop your bitching, and I will deal with my shit. Okay?"

"Dude, just straighten the fuck out before Homecoming. Who are you taking, anyway?" One of many questions I did not want to answer.

"I don't know, man. I figured since Bella doesn't have any…" Both Emmett and Jasper busted out laughing at the same time. "What the fuck?"

"Sorry, man. Bella doesn't go to dances. She's not the… dancing kind. Ali and Rosalie have been trying since frosh year just to get her to hang out with us, but she won't do it." I pulled in front of Emmett's house, shut the Jeep down and turned in my seat so I could see the both of them easier.

"You don't think she'd go with me to keep Lauren and Jessica off me?"

Emmett spoke up almost instantly. "Man, maybe you should take one of them. They're an easy lay."

"Fuck, Emmett! If I wanted an easy fucking lay, don't you think I would have done that already?"

"Then what do you want?" Jasper asked. _Oh fuck no!_

"What is this '_the let's get Eddie boy laid' _movement? Why are you two so damn interested in my sex life?"

"Just looking out for our QB like always, man." Emmett smiled his widest grin.

I jumped out of the Jeep and tossed the keys to him. "I'll see you fuckers on Monday." I got in my car and drove home, smoking yet another stale cigarette in my car.

When I got home, I dragged myself up the stairs, pulled my clothes off and crashed onto my bed with nothing but my boxer briefs on.

I woke up the next morning, determined to spend time with Bella—as much time as I could pull from her—starting today. I grabbed my phone and dialed her number. It ended up going to voicemail, so I left a quick message telling her to call me. I jumped in the shower, taking what possibly could have been the quickest shower ever.

I went back to my bed, looked at my phone and found no missed calls. Wanting to give her a few more minutes, I ran downstairs to grab something to drink. I was greeted by my mother with a glass of orange juice. I thanked her, kissed her on the cheek, downed the entire thing—much to my mother's chagrin—and then ran back upstairs.

Bella still hadn't called, so I dialed her number again. It rang twice before I heard her pick up. Her voice was muffled and she sounded grumpy.

"This better be important, Edward. My head is pounding, which is making me _really_ hate you right now." I heard her shift her position in bed and wished I had been able to wake her in person.

"Hey, Bella, I was just calling to check on you."

"E, I said important. Checking on me is hardly important. Now, what do you want?" How could she think she wasn't important enough to check on?

"I had to go into Port Angeles for a few things and thought maybe you could show me around. Emmett and Jasper are busy with Rose and Alice, so I thought maybe…"

"Bring a triple shot latte from the diner. I'll get in the shower. And, E?"

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know. If you ever wake my hungover ass again…I will kick you in the jewels." She hung up

If I had been a girl, I'd imagine I would have been jumping up and down, squealing. As it was, I ran into my closet and started worrying about what I was going to wear. _Fuck, Cullen! Now you're thinking like a chick! _

I threw on my favorite black button-fly jeans, grey Stoli t-shirt, and black Nikes. I grabbed my hoodie and ran downstairs. I said a quick goodbye to my parents, telling them I was heading to Port Angeles to look at some new shoes and that I would be back later that night.

The day went pretty well. Bella was a little better after she had her Latte and a small nap in the car. She had to be back in time to cook dinner for Chief Swan, or I would have asked her to see a movie and eat with me. I begrudgingly went home, but was happy she invited me over the next day. She told me to wear comfortable shoes or hiking boots and to dress comfortably but warmly.

**----{(QQ)}----**

I showed up at her door just after lunch, grinning like a fucking idiot. She insisted we take her truck, but after a little bit of arguing she agreed to let me drive. We drove up the 101 and pulled off onto a little clearing where there was a sign pointing in the direction of a hiking trail. I cut the engine, got out and went to Bella's side. She looked a little nervous.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Look, this place I am taking you to is very special to me. I don't talk about it with anyone, and I would appreciate you keeping it quiet."

At this point, I was so happy I would have agreed to carry her up the damn trail. "Okay, Bella, whatever you say. Not a soul will hear it from me."

She looked at me warily before starting up the trail. After a few minutes, we veered off the path and started walking through the dimly lit woods. After a while, I began to worry about where the hell we were going.

"How much farther, Bella?" My eyes darted around at our surroundings. We were so deep in the woods that I had no idea how she knew exactly where we were. It felt like we had been hiking for days, not hours. Every time she stumbled, I held my breath, hoping she didn't injure herself again.

"Take a chill pill, Cullen. You seriously have control issues."

"Well, it's not like I could have told my parents where we were going. I told them I would be with you, but I had no idea we would be venturing somewhere we could get lost. I mean, look around us. There are trees everywhere!" I raised my arms and did a three-hundred sixty degree turn to emphasize my concerns. "Do you even know where we are?"

I halted my turn to look at her just as she turned back to face me. "It's a _for-rest_, E; of course there are trees everywhere! What's the matter? Are you turning into a scared little bitch now? Should we go back and find you a blankie to cuddle with so you feel safe?"

I would have been irritated if it weren't for the impending round of mindfuck. I could do this, because it had quickly become my favorite part of what we were. Whatever we were, we were at least friends. "I can be a scared little bitch if you could be my cuddle blanket."

She fucking giggled and I smiled in response, because it was the best fucking sound in my world. I walked forward and took her hand.

"Alright, let's soldier forward. I'm sure you told Charlie where we were headed, right?"

I hadn't realized she'd stopped until my arm was almost fully extended behind me. I saw her biting her lip, and the hairs on my neck stood up. "Bella? You _did_ tell your dad where you were taking me, right?" She couldn't have been so irresponsible as not to have told at least one person where she was taking me.

"Well, not exactly." I saw the usually distracting blush creep over her face, and I knew I was going to have a hard time controlling my temper.

I gritted my teeth together in an attempt to control my voice. "What do you mean? Did you tell anyone where we were going?" It sounded harsher than I wanted it to, but her utter lack of self preservation was absurd!

"Well…no…not really." She looked up at me through her lashes, which, if my temper hadn't been building, would have had me pulling her tight against me. "No one really knows about this place, except me."

My brain reacted too slowly to shut my mouth down long enough to calm the inner asshole. I dropped her hand and started pacing between two trees like an animal trapped in a cage. "What the fuck, Bella? We are out in the middle of the woods where we could get attacked by a bear or a pack of wolves! I'm sure the smell of our blood will attract hungry mountain lions, looking for their next meal! Our bodies will be scattered all over, and our families won't have any peace! Fuck! What the fuck were you thinking?" I ran my hand over my face, completely infuriated at how careless she had been with both our lives.

I turned to face her and instantly felt like an ass when I saw the look on her face. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she was angrily wiping them away with the backs of her hands. All she had wanted to do was share this secret part of her that no one else knew about, and I had fucked it all up.

"Aw, Bella, look…"

"No!" She put her hands up in front of her. "I'm fine. You're absolutely right, let's just go." She started walking back down the hill, and I grasped her elbow to stop her. She spun around to face me with her hands clenched, causing the skin of her knuckles to whiten.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Look, we aren't far from this place now, right? So let's just keep going." I was trying to bring us back to where we were before _Asshole Eddie_ showed up. I grasped both sides of her face and slowly stroked the fresh tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. She jerked her face from my hands and backed away from me.

"No, I think you're right. We should head back. It was a stupid idea."

I knew she was fucking pissed, but she was fighting to keep that shit in so that I wouldn't see it. I knew her all too well; I had memorized the way she smiled when she was truly happy. I could recall, with perfect clarity, the way her mouth curved when she was being a little mischievous. When something truly saddened her, the space between her eyes would crinkle, and her lips would go into a tight pucker.

"Yeah, okay. We'll try again next weekend, yeah?" I bent down slightly as I lifted her chin. I gave the best smile I could muster under the circumstances. I knew how pissed she truly was with me, and the last thing I expected her to do was agree to anything I offered. All she did was nod before continuing the trek back down the hill.

I internally berated myself, not knowing how long it was going to take to fix the mess I had just made. Bella had committed to opening herself up to me, and I'd literally spat in her face. It was not going to be an easy fix.

We continued down the hill in silence, and although we were out in the open air with the sun filtering through the trees, it felt muggy, like the day after a heavy rain. She tripped once during our descent, but I caught her before she faceplanted. When I offered to hold her hand so that she didn't have to worry about it again, she fucking glared at me like I was the devil incarnate or some shit. I tucked my hands into my jeans pockets and continued beside her.

When we got back to the truck, I went to open the passenger door for her, but she walked over to the driver's side silently, holding her hand out for her keys. I held back my groan and went to her door. I opened it for her and handed her the keys before walking back to the other side to get in.

The silence on the drive back to Bella's was stifling. By the time we pulled onto her lawn, I was feeling as though I could choke on the oppressive air. We climbed out of the truck, and I moved to meet her to walk into her house. She stopped at the front of her truck, looking down at her feet as she chewed on the inside of her cheeks and fidgeted with her keys.

"Bella, look I know I was an asshole back there. I can't …."

She interrupted me before I could continue on with my apology. "Goodnight." She walked hastily up to her house, and I didn't try to stop her. I dropped my shoulders in defeat, turned and walked toward my car. I had _really_ fucked up, and I needed time to figure out how to fix things. I heard the door close behind me just as I arrived at my car door. I got in, turned the key and looked up at her bedroom window, half hoping she would be there. No lights came on in the house; it was silent as if nothing and no one was inside.

I drove home, more slowly than I ever had, praying she would call and tell me to come back. My phone didn't ring at all that night.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Another week passed with a heavy silence between us. Bella spent her lunches in her hiding place and barely uttered a word to me in Biology. She didn't come to the game Friday, nor did she attend the party later that night.

I tried calling her Saturday, leaving her three messages, practically begging her to call me back. I kept the phone near me so that I would hear it no matter what time Bella called. She never did.

When it vibrated Sunday morning, I leapt out of my chair, digging in my pocket to pull the damn thing out. I again felt rejected when I saw it was Emmett calling me, no doubt to brag about his night with Rosalie. He'd told me the week before that he once had to have the rear seat of the Jeep repaired, because he had literally torn it from its hinge to get it to recline. From then on, I decided I would either ride shotgun or drive my own ass around.

"Emmett, don't you have plans with Rose today?"

"What? No fucking hello?"

"Hello. Now answer the damn question."

"You aren't a morning person are you?"

"Emmett…"

"Alright, alright. She got enough of me last night, _if_ you know what I mean!" He clicked his tongue and I groaned in response.

"Dude, I really don't need to hear this shit. Can't you talk to Jasper?"

"Man, E, you need to get laid, and are you fucking nuts? Jasper would kick my ass if he knew what I do to his sister! If you know what I mean."

"Aw, Emmett! Come on! How can I not know when you told me about the time you broke the coffee table? Or the time you broke the arms off of your dad's office chair before you defiled the leather?"

"Dude! He was happy he got a new one. He just thought I dropped my yogurt on it." He laughed so loud I had to pull the phone from my ear.

"What do you want, Emmett?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a run and then grab some lunch. I need to get out of the house. Mom and Dad want some _alone_ time."

"Ugh! Enough! Alright, alright! Just stop with the fucking sex talk!" I was nearing the edge of the hold I had on my last nerve.

"E, man, you really gots to get laid! You know how many of those bitches want you?"

"Yes, fucker, I am well aware of it. Can we just drop this shit? Do you want a running partner or not?"

"Yeah, alright, I'm on my way. We can run along the river at your place." And then he hung up. The fucker didn't even wait for a response!

When Emmett arrived, we went straight out for our run. It was nice to have someone to run with, even though we didn't talk. We both had our iPods tucked into our armbands, each listening to our own music as our legs pounded out a steady rhythm. It was an easy atmosphere; so comfortable, I briefly wondered if I should just talk to him about my feelings for Bella. I glanced over at his chest and quickly decided that was the most insane idea I had had since moving here.

We continued our trek over the land, sticking to the river. Emmett's legs were definitely more powerful, and I needed to take longer strides to keep pace, but the camaraderie I felt for my teammate helped me to keep my focus. My mind should have been on the run or running through the many plays in the playbook that I still needed to commit to memory. Instead, my thoughts kept drifting to Bella and how I was going to switch our friendship into _more than_.

**----{(QQ)}----**

The next few weeks moved along at much the same pace, and before we knew it, Homecoming was upon us. Jessica and Lauren had tried to rope my ass into helping with the preparations, spouting some bullshit about my being the new team captain meant I should be dealing with all the school spirit crap. No. Fucking. Way. Taking Mike Newton's position on the team didn't mean I was willing to take his place as the school's biggest pussy.

I tried talking to Bella a few times about the incident in the forest, but she wasn't having it. Every single time, she gave me the same pat answer.

"Edward, really, you were right. It was irresponsible, and I won't make that mistake again." Those words may have been what she said aloud, but I knew she was saying _'Edward, you're a complete ass. I never want to reveal anything about myself to you ever again, and I will be damned if I ever take you near my secret hiding space.'_ The tone was definitely there.

Emmett and Jasper kept riding my ass, asking me who I was fucking taking to Homecoming. I knew who I wanted to take, but I didn't know if I should ask since the guys had stated her aversion to the idea. Edward Cullen was afraid to ask a chick out for the first time in his miserably privileged life. How had I gotten here?

The week before Homecoming, we had a big game against Port Angeles High School. Coach was going nuts, because everyone thought their quarterback was good enough to go to the pros. We'd lost just the one game this year, and I didn't plan on losing another.

Emmett, Jasper and I were so caught up in the playbook on Friday at lunch that we hadn't noticed the girls come and sit at the table. All three of us went rigid when we heard two throats clear. We looked up to see two very pissed off girlfriends glaring at their respective others and one very beautiful, blushing girl poking at her salad with her fork.

Jasper was the first to act. "Alice, darlin', scoot your chair on over here. You know I don't like it when you sit so far away." Alice immediately dropped her pissed off girlfriend act, just like I knew she would.

I'd learned a lot about my new friends in the last month. Alice and Jasper never stayed mad at each other too long, and they always had this way of communicating without actually speaking. If one felt thirsty, the other just fucking knew and got them what they wanted without asking. I'd only seen that with my parents. Then I started watching my aunt and uncle and quickly realized they had it too. Whatever it was, it was real and loving and I wanted it. I just wondered if Bella would be the one willing to be that with me.

Rose and Emmett were another story. She definitely had him whipped, but he didn't seem to give a shit. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought those two really hated each other. Rose came across as a real bitch, but the rare moments I was able to see how she really felt about him, she was like any other girl that was in love with her man. The minute she saw me watching her, she'd shift, and Emmett would play his little _mushy love stuff_ card. It was like watching a tennis match, especially with the grunting, which was getting really fucking old, by the way. Emmett was nuzzling Rose's ear to get her to loosen up. I smiled, removing my eyes from them when I saw her lip start to curl up in the corner and her nose flare a little. It was her sign that she was giving in.

I looked at Bella, still poking at her salad, not really eating anything. She was making a hole in the center of the bowl, obviously thinking intently about something.

I got up, picking up my chair and moved in behind her. I flipped it so the back was nearly touching hers and I sat in it backwards. She hadn't moved; it was like she hadn't heard me or noticed me get up from the table. I poked her gently in the rib, and she yelped, causing everyone around us, including our friends, to turn and look at her. The attention immediately made her blush flare across her pallid skin. I started looking around at the other tables, glaring at them until they looked away. Nobody needed to be looking at Bella.

"Sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to scare you." I gave her an apologetic grin and instinctively moved her hair off her shoulder. I froze, still holding the strands, wondering what in the hell made me do that. She seemed to blush more, and the charged air seemed to get stronger. I dropped the silky, soft tendrils and cleared my throat of the lump that had formed. "What are you thinking about over here that is making you kill your salad?"

She let out an exasperated sigh, glancing over her shoulder at me. "It's nothing. The whole thing is just stupid, and I am trying to figure out what to do."

Another opportunity for me to show her how sensitive and helpful I could be. I laid my head on my forearms and peered at the side of her face. "Well, why don't you tell me about it, and let's see if I can help?" I watched as her ears went red, and her eyes seemed to widen.

"No, I don't think this is something you can help me with, E." She took the first bite of her salad and then another and another. It was almost as if she was now eating to keep from talking to me.

"All right, now I know something is up. You know you can talk to me." I placed my hand on her shoulder and was happy to find that she relaxed under my touch.

"Oh, she could tell all of us, but she's being stubborn and close-mouthed!" Alice huffed. "I saw Mike Newton approach her just before we came in the cafeteria, but Bella wouldn't tell Rose and me what he said."

"Ali, you are such a pain in the ass! Gah! Why do I have to tell you all everything? What makes you think I can't handle my own shit in my own life?" She was more than aggravated.

I rubbed my hand from her right shoulder to her left and then back again as she exhaled. I doubted they had ever seen Bella like this, because four sets of eyes were suddenly taking interest in what was on their plates.

I lightly gripped Bella's arm, grabbed her apple from the table and pulled her up with me. "Come on, Bella. Let's go for a walk." I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to get her out of there. She and I had been on numerous walks together over the last few weeks, so this one shouldn't be any different.

We had just gotten out to the quad when she turned around and stared down at our feet. "Look, E, I'm fine, okay? I really am."

"No you aren't, Bella. Now, what did that douche do to you? I will kick his ass if he hurt you." An announcer's voice sprang into my head, '_Overprotective asshole takes the field! What play will he run to get himself out of the hole?'_

"He didn't do anything. Not really anyway. He…he just…" She seemed so upset. I just wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. My body apparently had the same idea because my arms were reaching out for her. My hands rubbed over her arms and up to her shoulders in a calming gesture. I was able to keep from pulling her to me, knowing if I held her now, I probably wouldn't want to let her go.

"He asked me to homecoming, and I couldn't say no."

_What?! _It had all come out in a rush, and I wasn't sure if I had heard her right. I really hoped I hadn't fucking heard her right.

"Bella, I'm not sure I understood what you just said. Can you talk a little slower maybe?"

She exhaled roughly, then took another deep breath and expelled the air. "He asked me to Homecoming, and I couldn't say no." _Oh fuck, no!_

"You said yes? Bella, why would you go anywhere with that douche?" I was quickly losing my shit, so I buried my hands in my pockets and dug my fingers into my hip through the denim.

"No! I didn't say yes! I just said that I didn't know." That was a relief, because I did not want to have to beat Newton in practice next week. Although, if I had the guys tackle him enough in practice next week, he wouldn't be able to take her to Homecoming. I grinned uncontrollably at that thought.

"What are you smiling about? Do you think this is funny?" Her voice was raised a few octaves, and I noticed her brow had furrowed into an angry line.

"Fuck no, I don't think this is funny. Why couldn't you just say no?"

"I don't fucking know, alright? I have this thing…I don't like hurting people's feelings."

"And you think douchebag's feelings would be hurt if you said no? I mean…"

"What are you saying, E? Are you saying I am not worthy of someone being disappointed that I won't go on a date with them?"

"What? No! That's not what I meant!" I ran my hand through my hair, completely agitated. I had fucked up again, and I needed to fix this shit quick. "I just meant that Newton is a player. He doesn't give a shit about anyone. Besides, you don't need to go with him."

"I wasn't planning on going anyway, you idget! I was just trying to think of an excuse to get out of it. Like a trip to Port Angeles or something."

I relaxed a little. I had been called idget so many times now that I had begun to count it as a term of endearment. "_Are_ you going to Port Angeles?"

She threw her hands in the air and growled. She fucking growled, and my dick was aching to say hello. "I don't fucking know, E! If it gets me out of having to deal with Mike, then hell yes I will!"

I didn't even have to think about it. "Then we'll go to Port Angeles next Saturday." It's not like I needed to go to the Homecoming dance. If Bella wasn't going to be there, I didn't want to be either.

**__________________________________________________________________________{(O)}__________________________________________________________________________**

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	7. Chapter 6: Pain and Preference

**First and foremost: **

**THANK YOU to all of my readers. I am grateful to have each and every one of you reading SITBR. Those of you taking the extra time to review, I am especially grateful to because you keep me going.**

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******Thank you is absolutely necessary for Tiffanyanne3FF and Carabeth13. Ladies, I cannot express my thanks and adoration enough to the both of you. Mrs_Robward, JessicaLG717 and Mpg huge hugs for pimping my little story in your updates and to pkitten21 for the pimp in your profile. I love all you ladies! **kisses** Finally, to one of my Twitter gal pals (sakixry I am talking to you!) I love you. I am so glad I could make you laugh so much, that you had to tweet from my chapters! You make me squee with joy. **squishy boob hugs****

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated. **

**Edward finally let her talk, so on with Bella!**

**_________________________________________________________________________{(0)}_________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 6: Pain and Preference**

I woke to a ringing phone, deciding that whoever was on the other end of that call was going to feel my wrath. _Everyone_knew not to wake me on a Saturday unless it was _really_ important. I was slapping at my nightstand to stop the incessant sound of the _Ring Attack_ ringtone. I was going to have to kill Alice for putting the damn thing on my cell. The relentless use of that voice, growing ever louder with each ring, was grating my nerves. _Someone better be hanging from a cliff!_

"Hello?" My voice sounded about as dry as my mouth felt.

"Bella? Shit! Did I wake you?" I had to have been dreaming, because there was no way I was hearing _his_ voice. I questioned whether I would be able to consider myself sane if I was hearing _his_ voice while listening to another. Softly, I asked who was on the line, while folding the covers back from my body. The voice said something, but I was too busy stretching and squeaking while my ears popped. My mind was hazy, but I thought I'd heard him say, "Bella, it's Edward. Wake up, sleepyhead." I had to be dreaming. Edward had no reason to say something so sweet. I looked to my clock only to realize I had knocked it to the floor.

"What time is it?" I yawned. I heard a quickened thudding as Edward told me the time. I scolded him for waking me on a Saturday, half thankful because I suddenly felt the need to pee. I had barely shifted my leg when a searing pain shot through it. I screamed out an oath and hissed, thanking God that Charlie wasn't home to hear his _little girl_ curse. Edward sounded panicked, and I realized I needed to calm him so he didn't continue with his promise from last night.

Dr. Cullen had been my attending physician numerous times when I had been to the emergency room for various injuries over the years. He would always give me that gorgeous, reassuring grin, and I was sure he would get a kick out of yet another sprained ankle from little Bella Swan. I rolled my eyes, remembering how he'd always pat my head.

Edward apologized for about the hundredth time, blaming himself for my injury. Truth was, if I hadn't been so focused on him, I probably wouldn't have injured myself. I considered letting him believe it was his fault, and it probably would have been amusing if I wasn't so annoyed with him waking me at such an early hour. I demanded he stop apologizing and just tell me what the hell he was calling about.

Of course, he wanted to bring his uncle by to look at my ankle. I tried telling him it wasn't necessary-after all, I had been through many a sprained ankle-but as soon as I put the slightest bit of pressure on the ball of my foot, it felt as though a thousand knives were stabbing me from calf to toe. Okay, so I didn't really know how that felt, but I can certainly imagine!

After a bit more resistance, I relented, telling him I would let my dad know that they were coming. I did a little more protesting for good measure, because I really didn't need Edward's help on this. At least, I didn't want him to know how much I appreciated what he was doing for me. Honestly, if I had to go into that hospital with one more injury, I was going to scream.

The banter between us was waking my mind, and I started to feel my chest flutter. I liked playing these mind games with Edward. It always made me feel as though we connected on a level that none of my other friends and I had been able to. A kind of kinship, I guessed. Our banter continued for a few more minutes until I was nearly struck dumb.

"I knew you wanted to see my ass! We'll be there soon." He was laughing as he disconnected the call. I hadn't been able to retort. That ass hadn't even given me the chance!

I heard what I assumed was the cruiser as it pulled up to the house. Still seated on my bed, I waited for my father to enter the house. I knew he would think I was still asleep, so it didn't surprise me that he didn't call out for me when he came through the door.

"Dad is that you?" I called out.

"Yeah, Bells!" he yelled back. I heard him as he started up the stairs, his boots clomping heavily with each step. He knocked lightly on my door, announcing himself. "You're up early."

"Yeah, I have company coming. Can you help me get to the bathroom?"

"What happened and who's coming over?" He was moving to my side looking over me from head to toe, stopping at my heavily bandaged foot. "What did you do this time, Bells?"

I chuckled. "Oh, you know me, Dad. Any little thing can trip me up." I looked at him and smiled, grabbing onto his arm for support. I hissed as I stood, not relishing the pain I was going to feel with every attempted step.

"You wouldn't be your mother's daughter without that little trait, pumpkin. Lean on me more. Now who's coming over?" We started moving toward my door heading for the lone bathroom we shared.

"Doctor Cullen and his nephew, Edward. Edward helped me get home last night and made sure I had iced my ankle." I quickly realized how bad that sounded, deciding to add, "He made sure Alice and Rose helped me out up here. He told me he would have his uncle come by this morning." I prayed he didn't question anything I was telling him. I would have to remember to text or call Alice and Rose, because honestly they had all left me alone with Edward, forcing him to help me upstairs. He had stayed with me to be sure I was situated before he finally agreed to leave with the promise to return today.

"Well then, I guess you better hurry it up in here." He left me at the sink, shutting the door quietly behind him. I heard him as he clomped his way into his bedroom, shutting his door, I assumed to change out of his uniform.

I finished quickly and hopped my way back to the bathroom door just as I heard Dad's bedroom door open. "Ready to go back to bed?"

"Can't I go downstairs?" He looked to the stairs, looked at me and looked back to the stairs.

"Bells, I really think you should stay up here. You would have a comfortable place to relax, the bathroom would be near and _you_ wouldn't have to worry about stairs." By "you," I was certain he meant himself. There was no way I would be able to traverse those steps alone, and he would have to cart me up and down all day long. I sighed deeply, taking his arm again. Just then, we heard a car pull onto the pebbled drive.

"Saved by your visitors." He said it with a smile, but it didn't keep me from pinching his arm playfully. "Don't bruise your old man, young lady. I don't want Doctor Cullen to have to report you for parental abuse." He winked at me, his eyes dancing in the morning light.

"Then I would be locked in one of your cells with all those degenerates." I sat on the edge of my bed and started to scoot back in preparation for Dr. Cullen's assessment of my ankle.

"That will never happen to my baby girl." He lovingly kissed my forehead. "I'll be back with the doc." He moved quickly out the door and down the stairs. I thought I'd heard him slip a little and was sure of it when I heard a soft curse escape his lips. Clearly my clumsiness did not _only_ stem from my mother.

I heard the greetings and some light chatter. Edward's voice floated up the stairs, and I instantly was unnerved. I prayed my father wouldn't allow him up to my room. The last thing I wanted was for _him_ to see me in my ratty sweats and t-shirt.

Then, I heard two very distinct sets of footsteps coming up the stairs. I knew one was my father's just by the slow, sloppy way he'd usually pound his feet into each stair. There was a light knock on my door. "Bells? Doctor Cullen is here."

"Come on in, Dad. I'm as decent as I can be, under the circumstances." I laughed nervously, immediately recognizing the handsome blonde man with him. "Hello, Doctor Cullen."

"Hello, Bella. I hear you have an injury that needs tending to." I nodded, smiling and feeling my ears grow warm.

"I'll just be downstairs, Bells." My dad made sure the door was left open as he exited my room. I was worried he may interrogate Edward and felt sorry for what he was about to go through.

"Okay, Dad." Dr. Cullen had removed his coat, laying it across my desk chair and opened his bag. I didn't know doctors still carried those archaic leather bags. "You know, Doctor Cullen, if you believe what your nephew says, I may as well be an invalid." He laughed lightly, his eyes sparkling.

"I don't believe he thinks such a thing, but he does feel responsible. May I?" He gestured towards my ankle, and I nodded in agreement. Edward felt responsible? Of course he did. Self-deprecating pain in the...

"Ow!" Pain shot through my ankle, radiating over my leg and out my toes as he slowly rotated my foot. He had halted the movement at my outburst, but began pressing on it checking it for a break. I knew the routine well, but it didn't keep it from hurting like hell! I clenched my jaw, silencing any further screams.

"My apologies, Bella. I believe it is just a sprain, however, I would like to have your father take you into the hospital for X-rays." He held his hands up in defense when he saw me grimace, and added, "Just as a precaution."

I listened to the usual rhetoric as he continued on. Stay off my foot as much as possible for the remainder of the weekend. No putting undue stress on the sprain for at least two weeks, which meant no driving, no carrying a bag full of books around campus, no extended walks, no this, no that, blah, blah, blah, etcetera, etcetera. I was starting to not like Dr. Cullen.

----{(QQ)}----

Monday morning came all too fast, and I found myself on crutches being escorted around campus by Edward. Somehow between Dr. Cullen, Edward and my dad, they figured that Edward should be helping me get around school. They went so far as to ask Mrs. Cope to get him a pass so that he could be tardy to his classes. It was utterly ridiculous. _I_ should have gotten the pass and been able to take my time to move between classes! Now all I could think about was Edward seeing how weak I was, instead of how independent I could be!

For two weeks straight, he would carry my books and walk me to my classes. I caught sight of Jessica's and Lauren's heated glares in the hallway as we passed. As much as it pleased me that they hadn't bothered Edward, I didn't need to be on either of their shit lists. Who was I kidding? I had been on the shit list since I had accidentally elbowed Jessica in the eye in gym. She had worn so much eye makeup for days after, that she'd looked like a clown. Alice and Rose had placed bets nearly every day on what color palette Jessica would use to disguise the bruise. Emmett and Jasper would get in on the action, siding with their own girl.

Jessica was leaning against the wall near the door to the locker room that Friday after gym. "You lucky bitch." There was no mistaking who she was talking to, because she looked right at me as I started to pass her.

"Excuse me?" My tone wasn't friendly, but it wasn't like she and I had ever had anything resembling a friendship.

"I said you're a lucky bitch."

"Jessica, I don't have time for your bullshit, so why don't you save us some time and spit it the fuck out?"

She rolled her eyes. "You and Eddie. He told Lauren you two were together."

"Ugh! Shut up, Jessica! I know you like rumors, but seriously... shut the fuck up."

"He told Lauren in their gym class that you two are dating. I don't know what he sees in you, though." She looked me up and down. "So don't see it." I hurried past her, shoving the gym door so hard, the sound of it hitting the wall behind it echoed in the gym.

How could he? Where the hell did he get off telling people we were dating? Had I missed something? It'd been what, a few weeks that we had known each other? Of all people to hear this crap from, it had to be fucking Jessica Stanley! I didn't bother to shower, deciding instead to head straight for building three in search of Edward. I was a good twenty-five feet away and beyond livid, when I saw him exiting Mrs. Goff's room with Emmett. "Edward Cullen!" I couldn't help but clench my fists at my sides, and before I knew it, I was swinging my arms like an angry two-year-old, but I couldn't care less about how it looked. I was inches away from him, demanding to know where the hell he got off.

He pulled me into the classroom, set his books down, then told me how Lauren had cornered him in gym and how he hadn't denied anything. I didn't know if I should be happy or pissed off. Was that what he wanted? A relationship with me? The thought was absolutely absurd on so many levels and the differences between he and me were so vast. Him, with his gorgeous, sculpted, well-defined, fuckhottedness. Then there was simple, little, insignificant me. Plain face, flat body-which displayed the antithesis of athleticism---plain brown hair with plain brown eyes. He and I were undoubtedly unmatched as a couple. _Friends_ was all we could ever be, and I just needed to accept that. Hadn't I made a promise to myself not to get involved with guys in high school anyway?

I refocused my anger with myself on Edward. It really wasn't fair of me, but I couldn't have all these guys thinking that I was on the open market for them to feast on. The thought of Edward nibbling on my neck flashed in my mind, making me blush, and I forced my voice to get louder. I berated him for allowing this to happen to me and only realized how crazy I had gotten when he grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart. Dear God, I could feel his heartbeat, which seemed to match the fevered pace of my own! I yearned to feel his heart beating against my chest in an embrace. He tried to tell me this could be a good thing for both of us, because neither of us would have to worry about the opposite sex until we were ready. I knew that wasn't going to be possible. What if he found someone he wanted to date? Then we would have to play out a whole break up scene, and I would have to pretend to hate him. I couldn't see myself doing that.

I shook my head in protest and pulled my hand away. The need to have him pressed against me was getting to be too much. I told him he needed to fix it, because if we did get into a fight, we'd both be screwed anyway. Then he said something that made my heart pound harder in my chest. If my sternum had been a bass drum, it could have been heard through the walls of the school and would've reverberated across the parking lot for all to hear.

"I won't make that mistake again." He immediately left the room and I was left there, tears streaming down my face as a burning feeling ran deep into my chest. I knew I had just blown any chance I ever had with Edward Cullen. The hurt look on his face when he'd left told me I had just wounded a friend. I would have to earn back the bit I had destroyed.

That night, I went to the game and watched as the Spartans lost for the first time that season. Edward had seemed off his game, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of our conversation after school.

Ben Cheney had come over to give me a message from Angela about getting together next week to study for an English test. He was adorable in his little band outfit. I tried to stifle a mischievous grin, wondering if he'd ever worn it when he and Angela were alone. He'd shifted nervously, giving me Angela's number and then left quickly, stumbling over a few feet on his way back to the band. That's when I had noticed Edward on the ground, buried under a linebacker. When he'd gotten up, I saw Emmett pound him on the back and yell something I couldn't make out.

I had gotten so antsy at halftime that both Rose and Alice had told me to go walk off some of my nervous energy. They chalked it up to me being excited about the game, seeing as how I had really been into football this year. Little did they know, that was all because of one Edward Cullen.

When the guys came back to the field, Edward seemed a little more focused, but the team still lost by one point. The guys sulked the entire ride to the party. I felt the guilt settle itself in a comfortable home on one of the lanes in my brain. I decided to try and drown it out with as much alcohol as I could get my hands on. I saw Edward smoking a cigarette every time I saw him-which made the guilt get so comfortable, it decided to put curtains in the windows. That was when I found myself with a Solo cup of warm beer in one hand and a cup of some other concoction in the other. I got wasted.

I heard that loud annoying voice early the next morning. _"Ring. Ring, ring. Ring? Ring, ring!"_ I had forgotten I needed to kill Alice for that damned ringtone. I threw my pillow over my head and willed myself to go back to sleep. I don't know how long it was before I heard the fucked up noise again, but I knew it was way too damn soon. I picked it up on the fourth or fifth ring, my head still buried under my pillow.

It was Edward. I knew I had told him already not to call me so damn early on a Saturday. He said he was checking on my drunk ass and wondered if I wanted to go to Port Angeles with him since everyone else would be busy today. I was going to tell him to go to hell, but _Guilt_ opened its door and reminded me that I had a little atonement project I needed to work on. I gave in, but not without giving him a reminder of how silent Saturdays were supposed to be.

He showed up a half hour later, triple shot latte in hand, grinning like a freaking idiot.

"Idget."

"You ready to go, Swan, or do you need to down the entire cup of mud before we leave?"

"I'll have you know, this is the finest mud in all of Forks."

"I'll grab some real coffee in the local Port Angeles Starbucks. I already Googled it, so I know there's one on Third Street and another on the 101."

"Whatever, Edward. Let's just go. My head is still pounding, and I will need more caffeine. Wait, why aren't you hung over?"

"I didn't drink last night. I was the designated driver."

"So are you the one who got me home?" I was nervous, because I didn't remember anything from last night, and I had just realized I woke up in my pajamas.

"We all took you home. Emmett carried you upstairs and Rose and Alice got you changed."

I let out a relieved breath and closed my eyes. "Thank you for getting me home." That was the last thing I remembered before being shaken by Edward.

"We're here. Let's get you some more caffeine before you give me a tour of this place."

After getting another triple shot latte, we began our tour through Port Angeles. Edward said he needed to get some new shoes but was pretty open to looking around a little to get familiar with the town.

The day in Port Angeles with Edward was one of the best days of my life since moving back to Forks. Shopping with him was easy and so unlike my times browsing through racks and windows with Alice. He knew what he wanted when he saw it. I hated to end the day so quickly, but I knew Dad would be waiting for me to have dinner ready for him tonight. It was our thing, every Saturday.

When Edward dropped me off, I invited him back the next day, telling him to wear comfortable shoes or some hiking boots and to dress warm. I knew exactly what I needed to do. No, it was what I wanted. I wanted to show Edward how special he was to me without admitting anything. I decided I would show him my safe haven. I was going to show Edward my beautiful meadow.

He showed up at my door just after lunch, and I nearly giggled seeing his big grin. It made me warm and I wondered if I would really need my sweater with the glow of his smile around. I insisted we take my truck, because I didn't want anything to happen to Edward's car when we pulled into the clearing. He was maniacal about the polish on his car. He'd bust a nut if a scratch ever appeared on his baby. Even though I knew where we were going and hadn't given him any indication of where it was, he insisted on driving. _Guilt_ tapped on its front window and I again relented.

I was nervously biting my nails the entire way there. When we pulled off, I jumped out of the truck and stood by my door. He noticed my nervousness and I had to explain to him how important this really was. I made him swear he wouldn't tell a soul, because honestly, he and I would be the only ones to know about this place. I had never told my dad or any of my friends. No one knew anything about where this place was. I had found it completely by accident when I had gotten lost last year. Dad had already assembled a team to look for me by the time I'd arrived at the house. He'd bought my cell phone the next day.

----{(QQ)}----

We were moving along at a pretty good pace, and my excitement grew the closer we got. We were only about 200 yards out when Edward started asking questions. I teased him about being a scared little bitch and needing a blankie. I had to giggle when he said I could be his blankie. Then, he shocked me by grabbing my hand and we started walking forward. I was so happy, until he insinuated that I had let my dad at least know where we were going.

He was freaked out because we weren't on a trail. Then when I told him that no one really knew where we were, he flipped his shit. He yelled at me, gesturing wildly to the air around him. Spouting off nonsense about bears, wolves and mountain lions. The way he was yelling at me was so degrading that I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I was so angry at myself for allowing myself to hope that I could share this with someone. No, not just someone. With Edward.

When he faced me again, I saw the regret in his features and I watched as he moved to apologize. I stopped him and started back down the hill, deciding there was no way I could share this with him now. My perfect moment with Edward was ruined and there was no fixing it. I just wanted to get back home, crawl under the covers and sleep the rest of the day away.

He tried to stop me, to convince me to keep going, guessing we weren't far from the place I had so eagerly wanted to take him before. He took my face between his hands, wiping my still flowing tears from my cheeks. As good as it felt to have him touch me, I needed to get away from him so I stepped back.

I put my guard back up, instantly halting any remaining tears. I told him he was right and that I should never have brought him there. He tried to get me to agree to next weekend, forcing me to look at him. I felt a heavy desire to get away from him, so I nodded as a means of escape. I honestly didn't know if I ever wanted to bring him back here. My meadow was too perfect to be tainted by bad memories. I was grateful that he had told me how I made him feel before we got there.

We were silent the entire way back to the truck. I tripped once, and Edward offered to hold my hand to keep me steady, but I just couldn't let him touch me. I would break, and my guard would be down again. I couldn't allow the hurt to get to me. I needed to steel myself against any further pain. My life plan had been going so well before Edward Cullen. I just needed to get back to my old way of thinking. I pictured _Guilt_ drawing the curtains over the windows and hiding out while my guard was building a reinforced wall around my heart.

We arrived back at the truck, and Edward was under the delusion that I would actually let his ass drive my monster after everything that had happened. _No fucking way, buddy boy. My truck; I drive. You are never touching my monster again._

I stayed quiet all the way back to my house. I pulled up on the lawn, got out of the truck and took a deep breath. I walked to the front of the truck and stared down at my feet, afraid that if I looked at him, I would break down and cry. My keys were suddenly the most interesting things I had ever set eyes on.

"Bella, look I know I was an asshole back there. I can't ...." I couldn't listen to anymore. I had to stop him or I would be a complete mess in front of him.

"Goodnight." I walked as fast as I could so I could get inside the door all the more quickly. I didn't look back when I stepped through the door. I shut the door as quietly as I could manage-which admittedly wasn't very-and started crying the instant it clicked into place. I slid down the door in a heap and bawled for some time. I knew Dad would be home from fishing with Billy and Jake soon, so I really needed to get my shit together. I sat there for a few minutes longer before dragging myself up the stairs.

I didn't bother to turn on any lights while I kicked off my shoes. I crawled onto my bed-still clothed-laid on the left side of my bed, pulling my grandmother's comforting quilt over me. I remember Dad shaking me when he got home, but I didn't move. Tomorrow was Monday, and I would have to face Edward at school.

Alice and Rose asked me all week long if I was alright. I told them I felt I was coming down with something, which helped with my story of not wanting them to get sick so I was hiding out in the library. Biology would have been challenging, but luckily Mr. Banner had individual assignments scheduled for the entire week. I really didn't need to communicate with Edward at all.

Alice and Rose tried to get me to go to the game and subsequent party Friday night. I declined, telling them that the illness had finally taken hold of my body and I was just going to go home so I wasn't a sickly lame ass in front of my friends.

Saturday I received three calls, all of which were after noon. When I saw his name on the caller id the first time, I put my phone on silent. I heard the house phone ring a few times and ignored it as well. Alice showed up later wanting to know what was really going on, and I just couldn't tell her. I wasn't ready to tell anyone. I promised her when and if there was something to tell, she would be the first to know.

The next few weeks got a little easier. I was starting to relax again. I had returned to the lunchroom, figuring one week away from my friends was long enough. I couldn't play sick for very long without everyone getting overly curious.

I sat back and watched painstakingly as Lauren and Jessica fawned over Edward, trying to rope him into doing some things for the upcoming Homecoming activities. I knew the distance between Edward and me hadn't gone unnoticed by either of them and wondered if they would fight for his attention. They didn't disappoint. Their outfits got sluttier and sluttier. One day the principal sent them both home to change. If either girl had bent over, there was no way those buoy tits were staying holstered in their brassiere.

Edward had made multiple attempts to talk to me about that day, but I didn't want to revisit it. I was in "protect Bella" mode and wasn't so willing to let my guard down just yet. I placated him by telling him he was right and that I had been irresponsible. I couldn't help but use his words from that day after gym, "I won't make that mistake again."

The closer Homecoming got, the more Emmett and Jasper asked Edward who he was taking to the dance. It made me grimace every single time, because for the first time ever, I had wanted to go. I had wanted to be Edward's date. Of course, that was before everything that had happened just outside my meadow. A small part of me feared he would take Jessica or Lauren, but then I reminded myself that this was the way things had to be. I had chosen to shut myself off, and I needed to deal with the consequences of my actions. _Why was I doing this again?_

Monday, the week of Homecoming, I exited Spanish, anxious to get to the lunchroom to see if Edward had actually decided on a date yet. I silently wished he was the type to forego all the hype and nonsense and just stay at home. When I was only four steps out of the door, I heard Mike Newton call out for me. I watched him as he approached and cocked my eyebrow in question.

"Hey, Bella. How are you?"

"Mike, don't start with the bull. I'm hungry and so not in the mood."

He looked down at his feet, then up over my right shoulder. "I... uh... well..." I wished he would just hurry. He was wasting precious time.

"Look, when you figure out what the hell it is you want to say, why don't you come find me in the cafeteria? Okay?" I brushed past him and headed for the safety of my friends. I felt an unfamiliar hand on my arm and gritted my teeth in exasperation. It didn't have the comforting current or the gentle long fingers that would normally wrap around my arm softly.

"Bella, I don't want to wait until later. Will you um... will you..." Was he serious with this? I was getting more and more irritated with him the longer we stood in the hall. "Will you..."

"Mike! Seriously, just spit it the fuck out so I can go eat!"

"Will you go to Homecoming... with... with me?" The heat I suddenly felt on my body felt as though I was standing in an open pit of flame. Or at least what I imagined it to be. I was instantly sorry I had made him tell me. I felt sick and wanted to vomit.

"I uh..." It was my turn to be nervous as hell. "I don't know, Mike. Don't you want to take Jessica? I bet she would really love that."

"Well, I wanted to ask you first. " He picked then to look me in the eye, and I couldn't tell the poor sap no. I didn't really want to say yes either.

"I don't know. I think I have something going on this weekend."

"Well check your calendar and get back to me." He ran off then, leaving me standing there. I fell back against the wall, stunned and not knowing what the hell I was going to do. I took a deep breath, willing my legs to move, yet dreading going into the lunchroom to face my friends and tell them that Mike "pansy-ass" Newton asked me to go to the Homecoming dance. Not only had he asked me, but I hadn't had the heart to say no.

I must have been on autopilot, because I don't remember grabbing lunch or moving to sit at our table. I didn't even realize it when Edward sat behind me. I yelped when I felt a jab in my ribs and instantly felt the familiar heat of a blush spread across my chest and over my neck. He grabbed a lock of hair, and I knew the blush I had just started must have grown in intensity.

Edward accused me of mutilating my meal while in deep thought and asked to know what I was thinking about. It was so sweet the way he placed his arms over the back of the chair, laying his head down to rest on his forearms as he peered over at me. I felt an urge to kiss his temple and knew the wall I'd been building wasn't so strong after all. The ice was quickly melting the more time I spent around Edward.

He offered his assistance, and I blushed at the embarrassment of having to tell him that someone had asked me on a date. Honestly, I wished it was Edward. I may not dance, but I could always make an exception for him. I stuffed my mouth with as much food as I could so I didn't have to tell him and so that I didn't reveal my true feelings for him. Alice had to throw her two cents in while mentioning Mike Newton. I glared at her, blurting out some bull about Alice being a complete pain in the ass, and it all came out so much harsher than it should have. Next thing I knew, I was being pulled up and out of my chair by Edward.

He pulled me out to the quad and set me down on one of the benches. He had me explain to him what happened with Mike. Twice. Then he grinned and I had to ask why, because nothing I was telling him should have been funny. I was a little taken aback when Edward demanded to know why I hadn't said no to Mike.

I felt completely unworthy when I thought Edward had insinuated that no one should want to take me. Okay, so he didn't really, but that was how it felt at first. He explained what he meant and I felt a little relief, but I was still aggravated.

"I wasn't planning on going anyway, you idget! I was just trying to think of an excuse to get out of it. Like a trip to Port Angeles or something."

"_Are_ you going to Port Angeles?" What was it to him? If I didn't go to Port Angeles, I could still hide out somewhere, I was sure.

"I don't fucking know, E! If it gets me out of having to deal with Mike, then hell yes I will!"

"Then we'll go to Port Angeles on Saturday." Oh hell! Had he...did he just...?

"What do you mean, 'we'll go?'"

"Just what I said, Bella. We'll go to Port Angeles next Saturday."

"Don't you have a date to Homecoming? You're the quarterback for the Spartans. Isn't it like some kind of obligation for you to go or something?"

"Bella, the Homecoming crowning happens at the game. I don't need to be there for the dance. It's all a bullshit popularity contest anyway."

During halftime at Friday's game, Edward, of course, was crowned Homecoming prince and Jessica, of all people, was crowned his princess. I wanted to scratch her eyes out when she latched onto his arm. I watched as he tried to discreetly pry her hands from his body. Jessica's smile only grew when Ashley Dowling from the Yearbook Staff walked up to them, camera in hand, and asked if they could pose for a few pictures. Jessica had her hand on his chest, her arms wrapped around his waist, and then she moved in for the kill. She hiked her leg up in front, making a move to wrap her ankle behind his knee for another pose, and that's when Edward said he'd had enough. Jessica made a pouty face at Edward, rubbed her hand over his back and patted his ass. I'd had enough, and my ass came up off the bench.

Alice reached up and grabbed my arm. "Where are you going?"

I plopped back down, gripping the bench with both hands, and glared out at Jessica, willing her to disappear. "Nowhere."

"Okay, where were you going?" Alice continued. I honestly could not take it anymore and felt the need to just spill my guts.

"Not now, Ali, okay? I promise, I will tell you later. Just, _please_, not now," I pleaded.

"You promise? Pinky promise?" She held out her pinky.

"What are we twelve?"

"Bella!"

"Alright, alright! Pinky promise." I hooked pinkies with her and we shook. Unbelievable how such an elementary thing as a pinky promise was going to hold me in a binding contract with my adolescent best friend.

The Spartans wiped the floor with Quileute High in a 42-24 slaughter. I didn't even realize Jake had played until he was chest to chest in a shouting match with Emmett at the end of the game. The entire Spartan team ran in from the sideline congratulations to try to separate the guys. I saw Edward jump between them, facing Emmett and telling him to back down. I knew he was taking responsibility for his team, but the thought of him being hurt by those two meatheads had me worried.

I was up off the bench and heading into the fray myself. I heard Alice shouting behind me, yelling at me for being a crazy bitch, knowing how accidents tended to find me no matter where I was. I wormed my way through the crowd of testosterone-fueled ire until I reached Edward, Jake, and Emmett. Jasper was standing on the other side trying to defuse the situation so that no one would throw a punch. He kept telling the guys this wasn't worth getting thrown off the team for.

I stepped in, facing Jake and grabbed his face. "Jacob Black! You look down here at me! Jake!" I had to shout above all the booming voices and decided to pound on Jake's chest with one of my fists. It hurt like hell pounding on the hard plastic, but I needed him to focus on me. Jake was such a hothead, and I knew this wouldn't end well for anyone. "Jacob Wolf Black! If you don't look at me this instant, I will tell your father about what you did last summer!" That got his attention.

"What the fuck, Bella? You swore you wouldn't say a fucking word!"

"Gotcha!" I felt a shift in the air as hands went to my hips, and I was being tugged backward.

"Don't you fucking talk to her that way!"

I groaned, hearing Edward's overprotective ass trying to defend me. He had stepped slightly in front of me, to the point where I had to peer around his shoulder pads to see Jake.

"Edward, really, it's okay. Jake and I are old friends, and I needed to get his attention off of you guys. Let me handle this." I gripped his elbow and felt him relax slightly. He turned to me and grabbed my hand.

"I'm not leaving you alone with this hothead right now, Bella. He's too... dangerous." He turned to face Jake, but didn't let go of the grip he had on my hand. I looked up at Jake, who was glaring down at our joined hands and blushed. I really did like the feel of his hand in mine. I cleared my throat in an attempt to get Jake's attention focused back on just me.

"Jake. I _was_ just kidding. Are you going to behave like a good boy now, or should I make a call?"

He closed his eyes, clenched his jaw, spun around and sprinted off toward the awaiting buses without a word.

"Well, that was easy," I said, letting go of Edward's hand. I didn't really want to, but I knew he had done it to show Jacob he wasn't leaving my side. That he was there to protect me if nothing else.

"Yeah." He ran his now freed hand through his hair. "I'm going to go change. I'll meet you at the car, and then we'll head to Emmett's." He ran off, and I was left there wondering how the hell I was going to deal with everything that was happening. Where the hell had my guard gone?

----{(QQ)}----

After last night's celebration after the game, I needed to recover. I had drunk way too much and woke up with a hell of a hangover. I wondered how Edward was doing, because I couldn't even remember how I got home from Emmett's.

I lay there with my eyes closed, trying to will the pounding in my head to go away or for my mind to quit long enough so that I could sleep again. My phone began vibrating on my nightstand, before _Brownchickenbrowncow_ started playing. Fucking Alice must have messed with my phone! I rolled over to look to see who it was. I groaned loudly, essentially clearing my throat, rolled my eyes and pressed the call button.

"Were your ears fucking burning or can you just read minds? How are you feeling this morning, E?" My voice was raspy, and my tongue felt way too thick and very fucking fuzzy. I started to scrape my teeth along the top of it to gain some feeling.

"Hey, Belly!" He couldn't be this fucking cheery after being drunk last night.

I groaned. "Must you yell? Seriously, E, what's with the cheery pixie impersonation?"

"Belly, don't call me a fucking pixie. Dudes are not pixies, so fuck off."

"First off, Eddie, call me Belly one more time and I tell your mother you have the hots for Mrs. Cope. Second, you called me, so fuck off you asstard! How are you so fucking cheery?" I was trying to be irritated, but our bantering always put me in a good mood. As much as my head hurt, I wanted to get up and start my day. I threw my covers back and headed for my bathroom to brush the hair off my tongue.

"Shit, Bells, fucking lighten up. You're a real bitch in the morning."

I spread the minty toothpaste on my toothbrush and scraped it along the front of my teeth. Pausing briefly, I demanded, "Cullen, just get to the point already. I got shit to do today."

"Oh, well ... I was kind of hoping we could hang out all day. Everyone is busy getting ready for Homecoming tonight and since you and I have a date tonight anyway, I thought..." He actually sounded sad. "Well, fuck!"

I stifled a laugh. Maybe he wasn't as okay as I thought he was. _Wait! Did he say date?_

----{(QQ)}----

"Where do you want to go while we are here, Bella?" I tried unsuccessfully to stifle the huge grin that was pulling the muscles of my face taut. He got an amused look on his face and laughed. "What has you so excited?"

I grabbed his hand and speedily walked toward Port Book and News on First. It was my favorite place to duck away to when Rose and Alice went a little crazy with the shopping. "Bella, slow down! We have all day."

"I can't help it, E! I love this place!" I dropped his hand, quickly pulling open the door and took a deep breath. Even with the smell of the salt water permeating the small town, I could smell new. New books, new magazines and freshly printed newspapers.

I'd learned last summer that the store was independently owned by a guy named Laurent and his wife Irina. I'd gotten up enough nerve to approach him one day, and we got to talking about the classics. He showed me some of the old books they consigned to sell for some of the locals, and I could feel the history that was in the pages of some of those books. I heard a chuckle behind, breaking me from my blissful stance in the doorway.

"Are we going to actually go inside, or do you want to just stand here blocking the entrance so no one else can get in?"

I couldn't stop the girly giggle from leaving my mouth. "I'm sorry, E. I just... I love being here. I love the smell of print, the sound of pages turning, the tears being shed and the laughter emanating from the pages being read. I could live in this place and never want for a thing." I looked back at his smirking face with the cocked brow.

"Nothing at all?"

I blushed because I knew where Edward's mind had taken him. I had listened to too many of his conversations with Emmett to not know what this boy was thinking. Didn't boys think of anything else? Ever?

"Do you always have to be so vulgar?"

"I wouldn't call me vulgar. A horny teenage boy, but never vulgar." I couldn't believe he'd said that out loud, in public no less!

"Will you quiet down?"

That familiar sexy smirk was playing on his beautiful lips again. "What's wrong, Bella? Do horny teenage boys scare you?"

"Only the ones being chased by STD-riddled hoochies." Before he could say anything else, I ran off to find Laurent in the hopes of him having some new consignment pieces for me to ogle. I saw Irina behind the counter and asked about any new pieces they may have taken in. She said Laurent was out for the day, but she would be happy to have him call. I settled for that bit of news and wandered off looking for Edward.

I found him lounging in one of the U-shaped chairs. His eyes were closed, head back and his arm moving in soft waves. He was beautiful sitting there with his hair falling in haphazard directions. I realized his hand was moving as if he were directing an orchestra. I listened to the tune playing and gasped when I recognized it as Debussy. Edward's eyes flew open and he gave a sheepish grin.

"Sorry, Bella. Whenever I hear Debussy, I have to stop whatever I am doing and relax to the music." I understood what he meant. I had learned to like Debussy at a young age. I had taken classical dance lessons for all of three weeks when I was ten years old. Every time Debussy came on, I couldn't move. I just wanted to listen to his soothing composition as it drifted lightly through the air. I had closed my eyes and settled into a spot in the middle of the floor. I couldn't be bothered with what had been going on around me.

I nodded without orally recognizing our mutual adoration for the compositions of one man. "Are you ready to move on?"

He nodded and looked at his watch. "Do you want to grab some dinner? I saw a little Italian place about a half mile east of here." I cursed myself internally for not thinking about having to buy a meal. I honestly didn't think we would still be here this late in the day. This was a pity run for Edward. I knew he could have gotten a date for Homecoming, yet here he was spending time with his pitiful pal, Bella. I groaned out loud. _Oops!_ "We don't have to have Italian. We can go somewhere else."

"No! Sorry... Italian is great! I love Italian." _I am an idiot!_

"Are you sure? We can drive around and find something else."

I shook my head vehemently. "I promise you, I am fine with that. The food there is always so good. Just..." I pursed my lips and looked down at my shoes. "Don't make fun of me when we get there okay?"

"Why the fuck would I make fun of you?"

I huffed out a heavy breath. "Because the name of the place is Bella Italia." I stood there, staring at my shoes as I waited for the laughter and joking to start. After a few seconds, I looked up to find Edward looking at me, his brow furrowed.

"Why would that be funny?"

"Uh... never mind. Let's just go." I turned toward the door and walked swiftly in its direction. Within seconds I felt a hand at the small of my back and electricity shooting up my spine, causing my head to tingle. I continued my gait, not wanting Edward to see how he affected me. When we reached the door, Edward reached out with his right hand, pushing the door open and guiding me through with his left. I felt drunk. I was drunk on Edward's touch.

We walked in silence, his hand still on my back, guiding me to the car. When we arrived at the car, he again reached out as he had at the bookstore and opened my car door. I silently slid in and after he shut the door, I placed my hand on my chest to check that my heart hadn't beat its way out of my chest. Edward was going to be the end of me. One day this man was going to break my heart, because I couldn't see a way around me giving it to him willingly. I wanted him to have it. I needed for him to know that no matter what he felt for me, I would always feel this deep need for him.

Edward took me home, walking me to the doorstep. "I had a good time."

I looked down at my shoes. "Me too." He gave me an awkward pat on my arms and turned to leave. "Thanks, E."

"Anytime, Bella. I'll talk to you later." He winked. If I had dropped dead on that spot, I would have been more than happy to accept my fate.

----{(QQ)}----

When I heard his ringtone begin the next morning, my cheeks instantly ached at the strain.

"E, how many times do I have to tell you to not call me before noon on the weekends?" I couldn't keep the playful tone out of my voice, because I honestly could not stop smiling. I felt like such a girl. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I let it escape me, slow and low. I only hoped he wanted to see me again today.

"Fuck!" My smile instantly dropped, trying to figure out what I had said to cause him to curse at me. I came up empty.

"What the hell, Eddie?" I rolled my eyes at myself in the mirror. _Bella, you know he hates that name! Don't blow this!_

His tone became gravelly, the irritation in it evident. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Eddie?"

I knew I was messing up and figured it would be better to just end the call. I just didn't go about it in the way I hoped I would. "I don't have to deal with your shit, Edward! I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Bella! Wait! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." He sounded remorseful enough, even though I was the one who should have been.

"You've got ten seconds to get your shit together and talk, Cullen."

He groaned and my body reacted to the delicious sound. "Can I ask a favor?"

_Oh yes, you can! Anything? You want to make mad passionate love to me? You want to father my children?_

"E, you've got some nerve, cursing at me and then asking me for a favor." I was on such a roller coaster of emotion after yesterday, I couldn't connect my mouth with my brain anymore. That could not have been what I wanted to say.

"I know, Bella. I just... Look I hurt myself, and I need some help. Mom and Dad are in Seattle, and Carlisle and Esme are at some church thing. You're my only hope."

Star Wars instantly popped into my head, and I giggled like I did when I saw the Ewoks for the first time with my dad. "You sounded like Princess Leia there for a minute. 'Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope.'" I couldn't stop giggling and felt instant relief when I heard him chuckle. Then I heard his gasps of pain mixed in with his laughter and everything stopped. I should have recognized his current behavior as pain, shouldn't I? I'd gotten to know him so well already, hadn't I?

"Sorry, E. I couldn't help it. Where did you hurt yourself?" I grabbed my favorite green jacket from my chair and started putting it on. I needed to get to him so I could help him. Edward needed me, and I was going to help him no matter what.

"Can you just come over? I can explain everything when you get here." I briefly bit down on my lower lip in an attempt to contain my smile. Inside, I was jumping up and down like a cheerleader on a trampoline. I calmed myself down by rolling my shoulders to lose some of my energy.

"Yeah, okay. I was up anyway. I'm on my way." _I'll hold you through the pain, E._

"Thanks, Bella. I appreciate this." _Ungh! Not as much as I do!_

"Yeah, yeah okay. I'll see ya soon." I ended the call because I was quickly losing what little composure I had. I double checked to make sure I had indeed ended the call before squealing and jumping up and down. I wanted to call Alice and share my happy experience. The only thing stopping me was my friends' possible reactions to me having feelings for Edward. When I told Alice-like I pinky swore I would-the information would definitely make its way around to the others.

When I got to Edward's house, it took everything I had not to jump free from my truck and run up the stairs. I made painstakingly slow movements in shutting down the truck and undoing my seatbelt. I opened the door slowly, checking that I had my keys, and slid off the bench with a light thud as my feet hit the dirt. I sauntered up to the door and hesitated, taking a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

"Come in!" I heard him yell from inside. I slowly opened the door, peeking around the door as I opened it.

"E?" I called out. I'd only been here a couple of times in the last few weeks and wasn't quite sure where I was going.

"Bella! Thank God you're here! I'm in the kitchen." He sounded desperate, and it sent me into a panic. I didn't bother to take my jacket off as I ran toward the back of the house where I knew the kitchen to be. He was leaning on the island, gripping the edges so hard his knuckles were white. I moved quickly to stand beside him and without thinking reached my hand out and placed it on the middle of his back. I started rubbing small circles lightly on his back.

"What can I do, E? What's wrong? Where are you hurt?" I knew I shouldn't be asking all the questions, but I desperately needed him to tell me what was wrong before my anxiety level reached a high it needn't be at.

"Fuck, this is embarrassing." He groaned, causing me to feel a delicious heat take over my body. "God, your hands feel good." Those words had me wanting to drop my clothes and expose my naked flesh to him. _Whoa, Bella. Rein it in!_

"I'm glad I can make you feel good." _Way to rein it in!_ _That was bold! _I felt his back go rigid under my hand.

"Ow! Fuck!" I quickly removed my hand, instantly apologizing for hurting him. "You didn't hurt me. I'm sorry, I ... Fuck this is really embarrassing, Bella. I need you to swear you won't laugh."

"E, why would I laugh at your pain? What did you do-pull a muscle?" _Please, oh please, don't let it be his groin muscle._

"Yeah. Emmett kind of shoved me during our run, and I pulled an ass muscle." His words came out so fast, but I had heard every single one. I sucked my cheeks in to try to stifle the smile that wanted to display itself while I laughed at the hysterical situation we now found ourselves in. I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Okay, E." I coughed to keep the giggle fit at bay. "Do you want to go to the hospital? Do you need me to call someone? What do you want me to do?"

"You've had a lot of injuries, have you ever pulled a butt muscle?"

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing as the tears that had pooled in my eyes from the restraint ran down my face.

"Laugh it up, Swan. See if I help you the next time you're hurt."

"Oh, God, Edward!" I was gasping for air, trying to calm down. "Okay, okay. I am so sorry, but that's just..." a small giggle escaped, "hysterical!"

"Bella..."

"Sorry, E. Uhm... I've never pulled my Gluteus Maximus. I'm sure it's like any other muscle. Ice it for twenty, heat it for twenty and massage it."

His head whipped around and our eyes met. I saw him quirk his brow, and his damn sexy smirk showed instantly on his face. "You want to massage my ass, Bella?"

I swatted his arm, smiling. "Don't get your hopes up, Cullen."

"Aw, come on, Bella. I'm sure those fingers of yours could work some good magic."

"You'll never find it out."

"You know you wanna." God, he could get to me.

Eventually, Dr. Cullen returned Edward's call and came over with his wife Esme. Shortly after, his parents came home and I watched as they had a good laugh at his expense. Before too long, I was invited to stay for dinner. I called my dad, confirming he wouldn't be home until late in the evening, and agreed to stay.

While the men were in the living room watching television, I was in the kitchen helping the Cullen wives prepare dinner.

"Are boys seriously that much like babies when they are injured?" It was just a strain, and he acted like he was dying! Carlisle-as I was instructed to call him from now on-said it wasn't bad at all and he should be fine in a couple of days.

"Oh, sweetheart. I wish I could tell you that it was just my baby, but I am afraid when they get older, it gets infinitely worse." Lizzie gently patted my hand, smiling affectionately. "When Ed stubs his toe, you'd think the world ended, " she whispered and laughed, shaking her head.

"Bella, men can't handle pain, sweetie. That is why we have the responsibility of carrying our offspring. Everything literally gets put on hold if they are in pain or ill. Carlisle is a doctor, but you'd never know it when he's sick. That man lies on the couch for days if he has a simple cold." Esme rolled her eyes and looked to Lizzie. "Do you remember when I called you last February? Oh my goodness, Bella! You'd think the man needed to update his will right then and there!"

"Oh my God! If we acted like that every month when our cramps cut into our abs, they'd have a conniption," I spat out without thinking.

Esme and Lizzie both giggled that time. I didn't even care anymore that they were older than me. I loved them both, and the fact that they were teaching me to cook, something Renee never could do, made me love them more. My makeshift family was growing, and I couldn't complain one bit.

* * *

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	8. Chapter 7: Gluteus what?

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 7: Gluteus what?**

I wasn't going to Homecoming, but I _was_ going to have an entire day and evening spent with Bella. Just the two of us. Alone. My hands dampened with sweat as thoughts of how we would spend our day together ran through my mind like a silent movie. Chivalrous shit always worked on girls, so I would open doors for her. If she bought anything, I could carry her bags; I'd been raised to do at least that much for a woman. I could try holding her hand. Maybe take her to dinner.

Thoughts of dinner made me wonder if she had a favorite place to eat. I decided I didn't want to know that information, because we could find a place together and make it _our_ favorite. I was too afraid of finding out that the place she'd pick might make her think of someone else. _Someone_ she thought about, but never really expressed an interest in. _Someone_ she may have been longing for. Jealousy raged inside of me like a bonfire ripping through wood as the rain tried futilely to douse it.

I knew from our small circle of friends that she hadn't dated anyone, but that didn't mean she hadn't wanted to be with someone. The thought of this unknown person made me worried that I could actually lose her. If she yearned for a particular guy, it could have been the reason she hadn't said anything to anyone. She'd told everyone she had a life plan, but did her plan include this other person? Some guy that she actually _had_ discovered favorites with could be on her mind, and I would never know. I needed to convince her that I could be the one guy in her life to make her feel special. If we could create favorite memories of places we'd been, things we'd done and seen together, then I wouldn't need to worry about some jerk-off stealing her away from me.

The burning timber of jealousy for a guy I wasn't even sure existed would continue until Bella was mine. No girl had ever affected me this way. I had never worried about Tanya being taken from me, but Bella…she had become everything to me. I didn't know what to do with the feeling. I knew what Mom said I should do, but I wanted to be sure she wanted me. I didn't want anyone near her, let alone dating her, but I couldn't find the balls enough to claim her.

My mind brought forth the image of that kid I saw at our first game, reminding me of how he had positioned his body so close to Bella in a very familiar way. I didn't want anyone being that affectionate with her. She was mine, and I was not going to give her up willingly. Yeah, I know, the possessive motherfucker was back in play, but I couldn't stop that shit. I wanted her with me all the fucking time.

It was Friday—the big Homecoming game against Quileute High School—and I was sitting in the locker room, my mind involuntarily focused only on Bella. My head should have been on the game and in the playbook, but I just couldn't stop thinking about the next day. I knew her rule of waiting until after noon on the weekends, but I honestly didn't think I could wait that long to be with her.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mike Newton walk by my bench as he made his way out toward the field. My teeth ground together and my fists balled up at the memory of what Bella had told me. Four short days ago, he had tried to get her to go with him to the Homecoming dance. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to go after that fucker and tell him to leave my girl alone. The problem with my thinking was that no one knew she was _my_ girl. Hell, Bella didn't even know! What was I supposed to do?

How do you tell a girl you've only known a couple of months that you want her to be yours and no one else's? How does a guy _my_ age tell a girl—who seemingly has her life planned out—that he wants her and only her for the rest of his existence? If she didn't laugh in my face, I was certain her father would chase me off with one of his shotguns. One of…as in the man had an assload of guns. Chief Swan could be one scary-ass motherfucker. I really shouldn't have thought of him that way considering I needed to kiss his ass to be with his daughter, but shit!

The guns I had seen in the gun case the day I met him weren't the only ones he owned. Over the last month, I had learned the man had an entire collection of the damn things. In his spare time he was fucking one with nature and shit—having hunted, hiked, fished and camped all over the Olympic Peninsula. Those four activities, mixed with the fact that he was the police chief, made me nervous. The man could take me out, leave me in the middle of nowhere, and I would have been one very lost fucked up individual wandering around Olympic National Park. I'd be obscured by a mass of dense wood and fallen leaves with ravenous, wild animals for company. Out there, I'd have been the one on the low end of the food chain.

I knew I needed to build a good base relationship with Bella by gaining her trust and friendship. If I could do that, it might smooth things over with Chief Swan later on. I needed to do the honorable thing and ask to take his daughter out on a date—an actual date and not this group-outing bullshit that we'd been dancing around in the past couple of months. Don't get me wrong. I was happy to have this great group of friends, but when it came to attempting to make Bella mine, it sucked having them around all the damn time! I couldn't put the moves on Bella with Jasper and Emmett watching my every move. I'd said it before and I'd say it again and again until the day I died. They…would kick my ass.

----{(QQ)}----

When Bella told me a couple of months ago that she was tired of studying with our friends—because of all the making out they were doing—I suggested we study at my place. It wasn't like I could say, _"You know what they say, Bella, if you can't beat 'em join 'em."_ I didn't think that would have gone over very well with anyone in our group.

We'd studied at my house Mondays through Wednesdays after football practice. Thursdays were my study sessions with the team, which Emmett absolutely hated because he had no chance of getting at Rose those days. Fridays were game days so there was no studying to be done and no free time with Bella. That left the toughest days of my week, Saturdays and Sundays.

Bella didn't like doing anything before noon on the weekends, claiming she needed the extra sleep. Running with Emmett on Sunday afternoons had become a ritual that gave me the focus I needed to keep in shape, and I couldn't give those up. That left Saturday night which, to my detriment, had become our group night—as if Friday nights after the game weren't enough friendly bonding time. To keep our parents sane, we had started a rotation cycle for the use of our houses. Once Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle heard about our Saturday gatherings, they offered their home as a hang out in the rotation. I was surprised by the offer, but Mom said they had always wanted a big family and probably thought of it as practice.

Their careers had taken priority in their lives, but they still had not settled enough—in their minds—to take the time to raise a family. Mom confided in me that she thought they would eventually adopt "a herd of kids." Aunt Esme had always wanted at least five, and she didn't think Uncle Carlisle would fight her on it. I couldn't fathom having five instant cousins, let alone one. Then again, it wasn't like they were getting any younger. I mean, Uncle C could pass for thirty but the man was approaching his upper forties.

Bella, Mom, and Aunt Esme had gotten friendlier with every visit as the weeks wore on, and I couldn't have been happier. She was slowly becoming a part of my family, making the eventual transition of our relationship that much easier. Everything was clicking into place. I knew Aunt Es and Mom would be okay with us dating, and I knew Uncle Carlisle liked her because he had helped me out when Bella sprained her ankle that first week. I still hadn't thanked him for that, but I didn't want him to have affirmation of my weakness for Bella. Dad hadn't been around much when Bella was over, but I just knew he would love her as much as everyone else did. The girl just had that effect on everyone.

Mom would get a gleam in her eye whenever she would catch Bella and me playing around when we should have been tending to our homework. I couldn't stop myself. The benefit of having her near me was having this feeling of absolute contentment. She had managed to make me think of Forks as home, and as long as she was here I didn't want to leave. I hadn't been able to stop smiling around the girl, and Mom had noticed every little thing. She continually teased me from the time Bella left until I would isolate myself in my room. Some nights, she would knock on my door to tell me something she forgot to tell me earlier, and the relentless teasing would start again. It's a good thing I loved my mother.

Mom told me one night that the laughter she heard resonating through her house whenever Bella was around was something to be cherished. It wasn't like we played around all the time. Bella and I were totally studying…most of the time. The silences between us when we were together never bothered me, but sometimes I just needed to hear her giggle.

I had a stash of those folded up paper triangles to use as footballs and pretended that Bella's forearm was the expanse of the base of a goal post. I would flick them in Bella's direction, sometimes hitting her pencil while she was working out a problem. I'd duck my head, focusing on a spot on my paper, pretending the triangle hadn't come from my direction—tried and failed at not grinning like a fucking idiot—while peering up at her, head down. We both knew it had come from me, but I loved playing this little game of _innocent Edward_. The first time I did it, I was afraid I had really pissed her off.

{(Q)}

"E? Seriously? What are you ten years old?" She tossed my paper football triangle back at me.

I'd looked up at her with as incredulous a look as possible. I knew my appearance betrayed me because I could feel myself sucking in my cheeks to keep from laughing or smiling. The pressure to keep a straight face tickled my nose and caused my nostrils to flare in response.

"What is it, Bella? Do you need help with something? You didn't have to throw something at me; you could have just asked for my help." Yeah, I was that lame.

She sighed heavily. "Just study and stop playin'."

"_I_ am studying! _You're_ the one that tossed this…thing at _me_." I tossed the offending triangle back at her, hitting her square on her left tit. I saw her eyes widen as mine did the same. I hadn't meant to hit her there, and I was sure in that moment she thought I was a total pervert. I probably would have too, if I hadn't been thinking with my dick. I felt it jump to life when I saw the triangle bounce right off of her. I was able to stifle the groan, but I couldn't avert my eyes. If it were possible, my pupils would have burst through the cornea to get to her. Unfortunately—or fortunately—they were glued to the spot where I had inadvertently struck her.

I heard her clear her throat, but it didn't deter my gaze from its fixation. It was only when she ducked her chest below the table and her face appeared in my line of sight that I snapped out of it.

"My eyes are up here." She pointed to her mesmerizing brown depths as the quiver of her voice mixed with the pink of her skin gave her unease away.

"Sorry. I…um…must have spaced out for a minute. What were," cough, "you saying?" I coughed again, this time bringing my fist to my mouth trying to hide the fact that I was grinning. It was unavoidable. Knowing that something I had made with my own hands had been graced with the feel of Bella's breast was too much excitement to contain. My legs were bouncing uncontrollably on my stool. It was like my hands had touched her. Kind of. Alright, not at all, but I was enough of a sick fucker that I could pretend it had been my hand. I would parlay that into my fantasies of Bella later that night for sure.

The purse of her lips told me she didn't believe a word I uttered, and she emphasized it with the quirk of her brow. "Mmhmm. Just do your damn homework, perv."

I chuckled nervously, running a hand through my hair. We went back to our individual assignments and never spoke another word about it. However, it hadn't stopped me from playing the game repeatedly, nearly every session since.

{(Q)}

I pulled myself up from the bench and started out toward the field. I put my helmet on and pulled the chin strap as tight as I could while leaving just enough room for my jaw to call out plays. It was a good game at first. Quileute seemed to have a decent defensive strategy. There was one kid I had started to worry about breaking through the line and I told Emmett as much. I was frequently reminded of how good of a guard he was as he kept my assailant from busting through. He'd knocked the guy on his ass quite a few times and at one point stood toe to toe until the ref busted them up.

When the horn blared for our halftime break, we went into the locker room, and Emmett and I talked offensive strategy with our line while Jasper talked a good strategy with his defensive line. We had noticed some cracks in both their teams and wanted to take advantage of every one of them. Unfortunately, it was a quick strategic discussion because we all had to be on the field for the Homecoming crowning bullshit.

Emmett, Jasper, and I had all been nominated as Princes, while Rosalie, Alice, Jessica, and Lauren had been nominated for Princess. Why I won the title, I honestly didn't know. None of these fuckers in Forks knew me, and Emmett and Jasper had gone to school with everyone for years. What irritated me even more was the fact that Jessica was voted Princess. How the fuck her skanky cheerleading ass got to be princess…nevermind. The night got worse when I was told we had to pose for pictures out on the fifty-yard line. I was more than a little annoyed when that bitch tried to wrap her damn leg around me. I put an end to all the photograph bullshit and called out for everyone to get back to the game.

Our halftime strategies worked in our favor. Just as we had predicted, their game plan didn't change much in the second half. We pulled ahead in the third quarter and from then on it was clear sailing. We ended up winning 42-24. As soon as the game ended we were celebrating on the field, hammering each other on our backs for a job well done. Emmett had saved my ass in so many rushes during the game; I felt like I owed the guy numerous favors by the end of it all.

Jasper and I were pounding each other's pads when I saw his eyes go wide. "Oh fuck!" He skirted his way around me and took off toward our goal post.

I spun around to see Emmett and the Quileute kid that had been trying to level me, yelling at each other at the top of their lungs. Jasper had each of his hands placed on the shoulder of either guy, trying to get them to calm down as people started gathering around to watch. I made my way through the circle and stepped between the two. I turned to face Emmett and demanded that he back off. If I didn't know him and hadn't called him my friend these past couple of months, I probably wouldn't be staring him down. When he didn't immediately back down, I tried to order his ass back by using my so called title of 'team captain'. That didn't do me any good at all, because those two just kept going at it.

The all-too-familiar charge started to tingle over my skin, and I glanced to my right, seeing Bella approaching us. I was instantly worried about her safety, because I didn't know if these two were going to come to blows. She too stepped in between Emmett and the kid, right by my side. My girl had courage, and I couldn't help but smile at her bravery. What alarmed me was that she was facing the other guy.

"Jacob Black! You look down here at me! Jake!" she shouted.

_What the fuck? _I had just seen that kid a couple of months ago. He had been a skinny ass, lanky shit then. I felt the jealousy rise in me and anxiously wondered if he was the one no one knew she wanted. They had all told me that Jake and Bella were just friends, but if she had kept her truer feelings for him hidden, I was fucked. They had a history I wouldn't be able to compete with—not that I wouldn't try.

"Jacob Wolf Black! If you don't look at me this instant, I will tell your father about what you did last summer!"

Emmett's words from a couple of months ago repeated in my mind. Their fathers were best friends. Bella and this Jacob asshole had literally grown up together. They'd spent summers together. Gone on trips together. _I_ needed to punch the fucker.

My anger boiled through my blood when the asshole started yelling at Bella. No one, and I fucking mean no one, yells at my Bella. I turned around, grabbed her hips and pulled her back.

"Don't you fucking talk to her that way!" I grunted through gritted teeth.

I stepped in front of her, holding my hand out to protect her while my other balled up into a tight fist, ready to throw a punch when needed. There was no way in hell I was going to let him get near her again. His rage was obviously out of control, and I didn't want her getting hurt.

I felt a prickling on my shoulder and knew she had placed her hand there over my shoulder pad.

"Edward, really, it's okay. Jake and I are old friends, and I needed to get his attention off of you guys. Let me handle this."

She grabbed a hold of my elbow, and my body relaxed a little in response to her touch. I hadn't figured out how to keep that from happening. I could have the most stressful day ever, and something as simple as her finger accidentally grazing my skin would instantly calm me.

I looked over my shoulder at her just enough so I could keep an eye on Jacob. The anger began to simmer as I saw the worry etched on her face, and I turned my back to him to show her where my focus was. It was a dumbass move and something I would never do in my right mind, but she needed to know I wanted to protect her. I grabbed her hand and told her how I felt in that moment.

"I'm not leaving you alone with this hothead right now, Bella. He's too… dangerous."

I turned back fully to face him, but did not release the hold I had on her hand. I didn't care if she knew how I felt about her at this point. I needed to keep her safe, and the only way to feel that she was would be to touch her. What I really wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder, run off to my car, and haul her away to some place much more intimate. Somewhere I could tell her she was mine and that no one else could have her. _Neanderthal_.

I saw his nostrils flare with anger as his eyes glared down at our joined hands so I adjusted my stance so that she was a bit more behind me. Even if Bella didn't feel anything for this kid, I knew in that moment that he did. He wanted her for himself and didn't like that it appeared as if she were mine. _Take a good long look, asshole. She'll never be yours._ I heard Bella clear her throat, but his transfixed gaze didn't leave our hands. I watched as his jaw flexed and his nostrils flared again as he ground his teeth together. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but promptly snapped it shut.

"Jake. Look, I was just kidding. Are you going to behave like a good boy now, or should I make that call?"

I tightened every muscle in my throat to keep from bursting into laughter. I didn't know if Bella knew that she'd just mindfucked the kid by asking if he was going to be a good boy. I wanted to grab her up in a hug and swing her around for being lightly condescending. I stifled all my happy shit to be sure she would be okay. _Take that pup!_

I knew by the look on his face that he hadn't missed the unintentional jab. I watched his every move and analyzed it as only a competitor could. His eyes got glassy just before he closed them tight, and I wondered if it was to keep from letting us see him cry. I'd imagined the boy had long held back his feelings for her, and I hoped that Bella really didn't feel anything for him except friendship. The muscles of his jaw pulsed as if his heart was in his mouth, beating away a forceful rhythm. I could feel the tension taking over his body and watched as he almost imperceptibly adjusted his stance before he spun around and sprinted off toward the parking lot. I almost felt sorry for the kid for the emotions that had to be running rampant through him. Seeing her with me—hands clasped together—protecting her from him; he probably wanted to kick my ass. _Well, get in line buddy. _

With Jacob's exit, the crowd dissipated and the team headed off toward the locker room. I remained where I was, not yet ready to let go of Bella. The feel of her hand in mine made me feel whole. I knew I could never want for a thing as long as she was a part of me.

"Well, that was easy," she said through a long exhale.

All too quickly, she released my hand and a feeling of emptiness took over. I reluctantly let her remove herself from me only because the supposed danger was gone. That absurd desire to take her to my car, drive to my house and lock us away in my room was consuming me. The onslaught of an urgency to tell her everything I was feeling for her, and that I would always protect her, flooded my mind. If I didn't get away from her soon, I was going to claim her as mine and very probably scare her off.

"Yeah." I paused. My hand felt prickly from the vacancy she had left, so I did the only thing I could to busy it by running it through my hair. "I'm going to go change. I'll meet you at the car and then we'll head to Emmett's."

Before she could reject my demanding, overprotective ass, I sprinted off toward the locker room for a quick shower. I wanted to get back to her as soon as I could—the need to feel her close to me again was eating away at me. I would stay by her side all night if that's what it took to feel complete again.

The party was at Lee Stephens' place, which was just around the corner from Emmett's. Lee's dad had a huge game room in the basement where the party was being held. The kid was a quiet sort of dude, but his dad seemed pretty cool. He was a single father, and he probably let Lee have the party so he could be one of the cool kids. It was very likely that was why there was so much alcohol.

The little I knew of Lee was that he had an aversion to blood—as evidenced by his reaction to our blood-typing project in Biology. Mike Newton had to take the poor kid to the nurse's office, stumbling all the way because Lee was twice his size. Lee was a bit of a pussy when it came to blood, was quiet in class, but boy, you get him on that football field, and he's a killer! That dude would charge after the other team's quarterback with a vengeance. Best guy I had ever seen to break through an offensive line. Between him, Emmett and Jasper, I had no fear over how our season would progress.

I tried in vain to stay by Bella all night. I kept getting pulled into a pool game, finish that off, go to find Bella and get yanked into a darts game. At one point, I caught Lauren and Jessica getting beers from the fridge, talking quietly to each other and glaring over at Bella. It made me a little uneasy, but I knew she could handle herself when it came to those two.

After that, I finished the game I was playing as fast as I could and went in search of Bella. I relaxed when I found her sitting with June Richardson. She was a nice enough girl. I knew Bella would be okay with her, but the urge to touch Bella again was drawing me to her. Just as I was going to sit down with the girls, Austin Marks grabbed me for another game of pool. I needed to keep up appearances, but my entire being ached to be next to her. I went away, fearing I would end up trying to give Bella's mouth a massage with my tongue, essentially frightening her off and ruining any chance I had at a relationship with her. A fleeting thought of her father chasing me down with his rifle passed through my mind. I was definitely safer if I played pool.

By the time I made my way back to Bella, there was a noticeable change in her demeanor. Her head was lolled back against the leather of the couch she was sitting on—her smile rivaled the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. June winced as Bella yelled out her portion of the conversation. When June saw my approach she looked relieved, and I gave her a knowing smile, chuckling and shaking my head.

"Bella, I'm going to go get a drink. I'll talk to you later, okay?" June said before she dashed off toward the other end of the game room.

"Okay, June!" Bella bellowed, not realizing June had already gone. Her eyes caught mine and she screamed out my name. She dragged out my name making it sound like that old director's name. "Ehdwoood! Comen thit here wiff meee!" Her speech was slurred as she patted the space June had all too willingly vacated.

"Bells, are you alright?" I reached out and took her hand in mine, stroking the delicate skin of her knuckles with my thumb.

"Mmm. That feelsth nithe. Didjoo know you feelth nithe? I like the way you fee-ull."

I had to admit, I was a little taken aback by her admission. She leaned into me, laying her head on my chest, and my body went rigid with shock. A drunken Bella was a frisky little minx. I thought I heard her sniff me as she ran her hand over my abs which reflexively contracted.

"You shmell good, too!"

"Bella?" I lifted her chin so I could see into her eyes. Her lids were heavy, and she seemed to have trouble keeping them open. "Bella, how much have you had to drink, sweetheart?"

"Are yooooou gonna kith me, E? 'Cuth I thick I my like that vewwy mush."

_Fuck! Me! _Wasted Bella wanted me to kiss her! She actually said that she thought she would like me to kiss her! I silently warred with myself, wondering if she were sober, if she would have wanted me to kiss her. Could I be _that_ guy with Bella? A guy that would take advantage of a situation she had no business being in? A situation I had let her get into by not being by her side tonight.

I heard laughter coming from behind us and turned my head to see Jessica and Lauren quickly duck their heads and turn to walk toward the door. Panic hit me when I remembered the glares they had given Bella while standing at the fridge. The quiet conversations they had all night as they huddled together in corners. I anxiously scanned the room looking for Emmett and Jasper. I couldn't see either one from the position I was in, and I wasn't so willing to leave Bella like this. Just because I had scruples enough not to be that guy didn't mean one of these other fuckers wouldn't. I grabbed my Blackberry from my pocket and texted Emmett and Jasper.

**_Guys, need help. Bella drunk, maybe worse. Leather couch near door ~E_**

"Bella, sweetheart, I need you to open your eyes and look at me, okay?"

I ran my hand over her forehead and down her cheek, cupping her chin. I was in a perfect position to just lean in and kiss her lips. It would have been so easy, but I didn't want her like this. I wanted her sober when she asked me to kiss her. I would willingly throw myself at her if she asked—sober.

"Bella. Sweetheart, please." I begged.

I ran the pad of my thumb over her pointed little chin. The almost irresistible craving to taste her mouth caused my own to water with anticipation. I started to lean in, but jerked my head back instantly.

"What the fuck happened to her?" Emmett bellowed, as Jasper came around and knelt in front of Bella.

I let go of her chin just before Jasper grasped her face between his gentle hands. "Bella, darlin'? What happened to you?"

She looked at him and smiled. "Jathper! I'm so vewwy glad to thee you." She sloppily patted his face. "Didjoo know your penith mightathwell be the emmfire sate billing? So big!" She opened her arms wide and giggled.

I coughed to stop the chuckle trying to make its way through my throat only to hear Emmett roar in boisterous laughter.

I heard a harsh intake of breath behind me and looked over my shoulder to see Alice, wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

"Isabella Marie Swan! What the hell?" Alice demanded, hands on hips as rage seething from every pore. Apparently, that bit of information was to be kept confidential.

Unaffected by Alice's scolding, Bella continued on with her drunken display. "Metmet! You meatheadth!" She giggled again, before continuing, "You giff sush good huggles! Who'd know you're a bear inna sack?" She laughed then, harder than I had ever heard her.

Emmett joined her in her fit while trying to hold a growling Rose back from her.

I looked between our four friends. "Has she ever been drunk like this before?"

Bella grabbed my thigh then, and I nearly choked on my own tongue. My dick was happy enough and started to make his move. I started running through memories of Jessica trying to wrap herself around me earlier in the evening. My cock tried to protest, but the thoughts of that girl anywhere near my penis had it surrendering into a calm flaccid state.

"She's been drunk before but never like this." Rose spoke through gritted teeth. "What was she drinking?"

"I don't know. I kept getting pulled into a game. She was here with June Richardson most of the time, but I did see Lauren and Jessica eyeing her."

"Come on, Alice. Let's go find June and see if she knows what happened to Bella before I kill her." Rose grabbed Alice's hand and yanked her reluctant body away.

"I'm going to go grab some water for her." Jasper patted Bella's knee, stood up, and made his way up to the wet bar.

"Emmett, help me get her on her feet. She needs to walk this off. Whatever this is can't be good." I stroked Bella's cheek. "Bella, sweetheart? Can you stand for me? We want you to go for a walk with us, okay?"

"When did you start calling her sweetheart?" Emmett questioned.

_Shit! _"Emmett, can we not fucking talk about this right now? How about we concentrate on taking care of Bella? Help me get her up." I pulled her arm around my neck, preparing to stand us up.

"Dude, you and I are so talking about this on Sunday."

He hadn't yet made a move to help me with Bella. I was really worried about what those bitches had done to her. I had again failed at keeping my Bella safe. _ When would I get this right?_

"Emmett, man, seriously just fucking help me with her. I'll tell you whatever you want to fucking know, just help me get her up and walking." I couldn't keep the agitation out of my voice. I just wanted the fucker's help and he wasn't moving! She was his friend too!

"Alright, dude. Pull your tighty-whitey wedgy out of your ass. Let her go, and I'll pick her up."

"Fuck off, Emmett. I don't want you to carry her. She needs to walk."

"E, man. Fucker, you need to relax. Let me pick her up, we'll take her outside in the cool air to help wake her up a little, and then I'll set her on her own damn feet."

I started to protest but shut my mouth, realizing his plan was much better than my original. There were way too many people and obstacles in Bella's way down here. With her being prone to accidents, there was no way she could maneuver this room and come out of it without an injury.

The next morning I called a very hungover Bella. I already knew, the only thing Rose and Alice had been able to find out from June last night, was that Jessica and Lauren had brought Bella a Coke. Bella never thought anything of it; she just drank it, so who knew what was in it.

I ended up showing up at Bella's door with coffee in hand, and we went to Port Angeles for the day. It was the best day of my life. The ease I felt, being completely alone with her, was amazing. Seeing the absolute joy on her face when we had walked into that bookstore brought a new joy to my life. When she and I realized our similar love for music, I was ready to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her everything. Instead I opted for taking her to dinner.

We went to a little Italian restaurant called Bella Italia. I was never able to drag out of her why the name of the Italian place would make me want to make fun of her. Maybe because her name was in it? That didn't bother me. I knew what Bella in Italian meant, and the name was perfect for her.

----{(QQ)}----

If I was big enough I would have kicked Emmett's fucking ass. That fucker tried to trip me on our run, and I pulled my fucking ass muscle! How the fuck does someone pull their ass muscle? Fuck if I knew! My uncle told me any number of things could happen to cause the muscle to constrict. The big problem was trying to get it to relax. Did you know your ass muscle is one of the muscles in your body that gets used the most? Neither did I! You use it in nearly every movement of your body! Who the fuck knew?

That shit fucking hurt. I would step and pain would shoot through my ass. I'd stretch, bend, sit, piss, shit, fart, hell even talk and the fucking thing would feel like I was being stabbed right through flesh piercing the muscle and feeling like my asshole was going to catch fire. Fucking Emmett!

"Damn, Edward! Man, you fucking walk funny." The guy was fucking laughing at my pain. He hadn't stopped since it had happened.

I was just trying to get up the porch steps to go into my fucking house and put a heating pad on it.

"You fucker! This is your entire fucking fault! Why the fuck did you have to play like that? We're supposed to focus on the run!"

"E, man, you weren't focused. Your breathing was off, and it was starting to show in your stride. You were causing me to fuck up. I nudged you to get you to snap out of whatever funk you were falling into."

"Nudged? You call that a fucking nudge? Emmett, you don't know how to nudge! Dude, you fucking pushed!" I grimaced, feeling a deep twinge from the rear. Did you know you use your ass muscle to yell? Yeah, I didn't until then. "Fuck. I need to call my uncle." I grumbled, grabbing my phone from my track pants pocket.

"Well, as much as I would love to stick around and watch your uncle poke your ass, I'm going to go meet Rose for lunch." He nodded toward his Jeep from the doorway.

"You do that, fucker, before I reach the kitchen counter and wave a knife at your smiling ass!"

"Dude! How did you know my ass smiles? I knew you were an ass lover, but this ass is for Rose and only Rose."

He ran off over the railing of the porch before I could punch his arm. Which, by the way, hurt like fucking hell to swing, because it pulled my ass muscle again! I yelled out in pain, and Emmett boomed his familiar laugh as he jumped into his vehicle to take off.

I dialed my uncle's number, praying he would just pick up the damn phone on the first ring.

_"Hello, you've reached Doctor Carlisle Cullen, Chief of Staff for Forks General Hospital in Forks…" _

I hung up, hating to leave a message for a fucking machine. I knew calling my parents was useless, because Dad had taken Mom into Seattle for the weekend, and they wouldn't be back until later that evening. I decided to try my aunt's number, thinking she might be with my uncle.

_"You've reached Esme Cullen. You have taken precious time to call…"_

I hung up knowing her outgoing message was probably a long ass explanation of why she wasn't answering her phone. I looked at the time and realized I would have to wait another couple of hours for my aunt and uncle because they were most likely at the church picnic.

"Fuck!" I yelled out in frustration to an empty house. I had no one around to help me. No one I could talk to. The one person that probably could have helped me fucking abandoned me to go have lunch with his girlfriend. Lunch my ass! He was probably getting his nut off like he did every Sunday while his parents were out at the same church functions my family attended. I never felt the need to attend; I already knew I was going to hell and really didn't give a shit.

I called the only other person I could think of, because she had already experienced just about every injury known to the medical community. I pressed the 'B' on my Blackberry to speed dial Bella. She was not going to be happy with me. It wasn't even noon yet.

"E, how many times do I have to tell you to not call me before noon on the weekends?" Her tone sounded more playful than irritated and I was instantly smiling in reaction to her. She took a deep breath and then sighed it out.

Blood started to rush to my groin, my muscles tightening in reflex…"Fuck!" This shit was getting more and more irritating by the fucking second. The pain brought me back to reality, and my dick let go of the choke hold it had on my blood, releasing the flow so that it could make the return trip back to my brain.

"What the hell, Eddie?"

I hadn't meant to yell at her, so I probably deserved her use of the hated nickname, but it only added to my incensed state.

I gritted my teeth in agony, realizing again exactly how your body reacts to every move you make. I growled out my own question to her, "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Eddie?"

"I don't have to deal with your shit, Edward! I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Bella! Wait! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm fucking sorry." Probably shouldn't have used _fucking_, but my ass was killing me.

"You've got ten seconds to get your shit together and talk, Cullen."

I immediately groaned, not wanting to explain this shit over the phone, thinking some asshole like Jasper was out there in the woods around the property listening in on some kind of scanner to laugh at me for my pain. I went to raise my arm above my head and halted my movement the instant I felt a tug in my rear.

"Can I ask a favor?" I asked quietly.

"E, you've got some nerve, cursing at me and then asking me for a favor."

"I know, Bella. I just… Look I hurt myself, and I need some help. Mom and Dad are in Seattle, and Carlisle and Esme are at some church thing. You're my only hope."

She giggled. I didn't know whether to be irritated or happy as hell that I had been able to get her to giggle.

"You sounded like Princess Leia there for a minute. Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope."

She giggled again and I couldn't stop myself from chuckling. I chuckled and grimaced at the same time calling out little ows here and there.

"Sorry, E. I couldn't help it. Where did you hurt yourself?"

"Can you just come over? I can explain everything when you get here."

If she had been in front of me, I imagined she would have rolled her eyes at me. This injury was embarrassing enough without having to explain shit over the phone.

"Yeah, okay. I was up anyway. I'm on my way." She sounded only mildly irritated.

"Thanks, Bella. I appreciate this."

"Yeah, yeah okay. I will see ya soon." She disconnected the call, and I felt some relief. I didn't know if she had ever experienced an injury like this before but prayed she knew something about it.

When she got to the house, I was afraid to move from my position in the kitchen because of the pain it would inevitably bring. I shouted for her to come in the door and even that shit hurt. I was so happy to hear her voice that I called out for her in desperation. Yeah, I know…I'm a fucking pussy. She came running in and in true Bella form came up beside me and started comforting me. Her touch relaxed me just enough, and I could swear the pain was subsiding just by having her there.

Somehow my mouth let it slip how good her hands felt on me, and my body went painfully rigid. I really needed to rein that shit in before I got my ass kicked—or worse, lost Bella. My muscles tightened causing the tenderness to return with a fierce intensity.

I ended up explaining the injury to Bella and as much as she tried not to, she fucking laughed. She didn't just laugh though; she was in fucking hysterics. She was gasping for air and shit! If I didn't like her so much, I would have told her to get the fuck out, but I held all that in. I was in too much pain to be that much of an ass. Ass. Muscle. PAIN!

Bella had never had this kind of an injury and suggested the ice and heat rotation therapy with a massage. I couldn't help it. She fucking said it so why wouldn't I ask? Her hands had already been rubbing circles on my back; why not let them drift down a little lower? I wondered if the current I always felt from her touch would be enough to serve as electroshock therapy.

We continued our little mindfuck session a little longer until she accidentally smacked my ass, which both thrilled the hell out of me and sent me screaming from a lightning zing of pain running from my ass down the back of my leg. Yeah, that shit hurt like a mother…

Bella offered to stick around and help me out until someone in my family could get there to help me out. In that moment, I was never so conflicted in whether to be pissed off or want to hug the hell out of Emmett—in a friendly bromance-hug kind of way. You know…the back tap, fist pounding shit.

Uncle Carlisle finally called me back while I was on my second round of heat therapy, and he and Aunt Es showed up a short time later. Bella and my aunt went off into the kitchen to talk or whatever, and I found myself trying to listen in on their conversation. It was pointless. I had the television on, they were whispering and my uncle was trying to engage me in conversation. I think he got pissed at me after the fourth passive hum.

"Edward, that isn't an answer," he said in his most fatherly tone.

"Sorry, Uncle C what?" I decided I had better give him my full attention.

"You really like her, don't you?" He handed me a couple of Tylenol and the glass of water my aunt had brought out a few moments before.

I let out a heavy sigh before I answered him. "Yeah, I do. But don't say shit! I don't want her to know. Not yet." I harshly whispered.

He leaned closer to me. "Why haven't you told her? Wouldn't things move along much more quickly if you just simply asked the girl out?"

"Gah! Uncle C I get this shit from Mom, I don't need it from you too."

"Well, I hate to tell you, son, but we all know. You should just ask her out."

"It's not that easy."

"When is it ever?" he grumbled out just as my parents walked through the door.

Dad walked their luggage upstairs while Mom came in to check on me. My uncle informed her of what I had done and said if things weren't better by tomorrow morning to let him know, and he would write a prescription for a muscle relaxer. I begged for that shit tonight because there was no way my muscle was going to be able to relax with all this talk about Bella and me. Just the thought of her could make even the least used muscles in my body tighten with anticipation. Mom heard Bella and Aunt Esme laughing in the kitchen, gave me a peck on the forehead, and went to join them. Dad came down shortly after and the three of us fell into easy conversation.

Mom insisted Bella stay for dinner, even going so far as to call the station to ask Chief Swan herself. He agreed to it, and Bella was roped into helping Mom and my aunt with yet another meal preparation.

----{(QQ)}----

Before we knew it, Halloween was around the corner. A couple of weeks back, Alice had somehow managed to convince my aunt and uncle to have a party at their house. Alice liked the amount of space they had downstairs and was convinced she could make it look like a posh club. This weekend we were due to rearrange furniture in a practice run for setup. Let me rephrase: the guys would be rearranging furniture while the girls sat on their asses and supervised.

Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme didn't like the idea of there being an unsupervised party in their house and had arranged one of their own. There would be a party upstairs in the third floor loft for the adults, and we teenagers would be dancing downstairs in Alice's faux club.

Alice had decided we all needed to have matching costumes. Couple costumes. Which you would think would leave Bella and me on the outs. No, Alice had something in mind for us as well. What worried me was that we weren't allowed to see our costumes until the night of the party when we went to put them on.

----{(QQ)}----

Friday morning, Jessica met me in the parking lot, thanking me for the invitation. Only her idea of a thank you was to give me a hug and slide her hand down my back in what I figured was an attempt to grab my ass, and I convulsed my way out of that shit as fast as I could. That girl had to have some mental condition. I hadn't given her any indication that I held any interest in her whatsoever and yet at every perceived opportunity, she was all over me. I had no idea how to get through to her.

The day didn't get any easier. By the time lunch came around, I felt like fucking leaving. She'd been everywhere I was. I saw her after every single class. After English, I saw her talking to Lauren, who had been one of the first to exit the room. As soon as she saw me, she came over and tried to grab my fucking hand! I was pissed and told the bitch to back the fuck off. She smirked and said she would see how I felt after tomorrow night. Whatever the fuck that meant.

By the time gym was over, I needed a fucking cigarette, because Lauren had tried to talk to me as well. I didn't get what was going on with chicks all of a sudden, but I wanted it to fucking stop. Now! I wanted to get away from the gym as soon as possible to avoid both Lauren and Jessica, so I didn't bother showering. I threw my shit on, ran out of the gym and headed straight for Bella's Spanish class in building three.

When she came out, I practically begged her to go with me for a smoke. She quickly agreed, confirming for me that her day hadn't been much better. She sent a text to Alice, letting her know where we were so she didn't freak the fuck out. Alice tended to do that where Bella was concerned.

We started heading for the bleachers at the ball field. I had learned a few weeks back that the bathrooms there were never locked. They weren't really used with the exception of the ball games but were always unlocked. I offered her a cigarette once we were in the boys' room.

"I'm a fucking bad influence."

She giggled. "E, I smoked a little now and then before you came along. If anything, my dad's a bad influence. Or, he was anyway. He quit two years ago."

"That's good. He's probably too old to be smoking this shit. He can't burn it off like we can."

She laughed loudly. "Yeah, as if that's actually possible. Where did you hear that shit?"

I held out the flame to her and watched, mesmerized by the way her lips wrapped around the cigarette. She was going to fucking kill me with those things. I wanted them wrapped around my finger, my tongue, my…

"E? You can take the flame back now, freak." The heavenly sound of her giggle echoed through the empty room.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about shit."

I lit my own stick, taking an extra long drag to find the calm I desperately needed.

She smirked. "Well, you're in the right room to think about it."

God, I could really love this girl. She was so good at mindfucking me without really trying. She picked up on my shit all the time, and I never yearned for it. She always got me. She knew me. She knew me, and she still liked my ass. I was definitely one very lucky son-of-a-bitch.

"Funny, Swan. You should take your act on the road."

"I'd have to take you with me. You supply so much material."

"Are you saying I'm full of shit?"

"Well if the shoe fits…"

"Don't fucking say it."

"Aw come on, E. You know you'd go with me."

"I'd follow you anywhere, Swan." I whispered under my breath. I looked up to see her face burn an apple red. _Shit! Did she hear that? Fucking tiled floors!_

She cleared her throat as she walked to one of the mirrors. "So anyway, what has you so upset today?"

I groaned loud, running my free hand through my hair. "Fucking Jessica and Lauren have been all over me today. It's like all of a sudden they both have to have me."

She spun around to look at me and chuckled. "E, seriously, are you that blind? They've been after you since you got here. Have you already forgotten about Jessica at that first party? She would have dropped to her knees then if you'd asked her to."

"Why? It's not like I've asked either one of them out."

"E, you're hot. At least, th-that's what they ke-keep saying," she stuttered. "Anyway, girls like Jess and Lauren don't exactly wait for invitations. They know what they want and go after it. They'll use anything and anyone to get at what they crave. And right now, you are that coveted item. Yay you," she cheered sarcastically.

I fell back against the wall. "Fuck me."

"Oh they have every intention of doing that!"

I groaned. It was time for a change of subject. The longer I talked about those bitches, the more frustrated I was going to get. I had already smoked through my first cigarette and was pulling out another.

"So what is Alice putting us in? Any ideas?" I lit my fresh cigarette, peering at Bella through the light flow of smoke.

"All I know is she went to Port Angeles for them, and Jasper knows what they are. Alice has threatened his manhood to keep the secrecy. I have to admit, I am a little worried."

"How did we get roped into letting Alice pick our costumes?" I wondered.

"How easily men forget the wrath of a woman. Especially a little fiery pixie wielding an axe of antagonism."

I had to laugh at that. I had heard about Alice's supposed vindictive acts against her friends when they had angered her in some way. I definitely did not want to be on the receiving end of her fury.

----{(QQ)}----

Saturday morning seemed to drag on forever. As much as I was dreading an afternoon of labor, the need to see Bella was greater. We had all agreed to meet at my aunt and uncle's place at one. I thought about calling Bella to see if she wanted to come over for lunch but quickly surmised that I wanted to stay on her good side today.

At a quarter to one, I decided to walk up the extended drive to Uncle C's and Aunt Es' house, needing to burn off some of my pent up energy. I had a dream last night of Bella being surrounded by a bunch of guys, and I had awoken sweaty with a burning desire to punch something. As I approached the house I heard Bella's monster of a truck coming in from the road, and I felt my pace increase. My body had developed a mind of its own when it came to Bella. I never had to tell it what to do, except when I needed it to settle down. This had been happening much more frequently than I cared to admit.

I got to Bella's truck just in time for her to shut the engine off and turn to grab her overnight bag. I pulled her door open, and she immediately yelped in surprise. She was clutching her chest, gasping for air.

"E! You scared the shit out of me! Don't ever do that again!"

"If you had paid attention to your surroundings, I wouldn't have scared you." I grinned, backing away from the door.

"If you had knocked on the door, you might not have scared me in the first place." Snarky Bella had come out to play. I loved it when she showed up, because I had a lot of fun with her.

I raised my brow, challenging her. "Your ass still would have been scared, and you know it. Hell, you probably would have screamed louder and jumped out of your own skin."

"You are the most…biggest…gah! You're a pain in the ass!"

"Didn't you sleep in this morning? You aren't supposed to be a crabass. We _did_ let you sleep until noon."

I turned and walked toward the front steps before I made her even angrier. _Stay on her good side, man._

Setting up for the party went by pretty smoothly. Aunt Esme, Mom, and Bella had made all the food for both parties, while we guys were arranging the furniture to Alice's specifications. Alice had worked out a very well laid out floorplan for the club theme she was going for. There was a lot of dance space, leaving room for people to mingle in corners on floor pillows or padded stools. Rose had supervised both groups' activities in typical Rose behavior. She couldn't get her precious princess hands dirty.

When the entire downstairs had been transformed, Alice called everyone together to witness _her_ hard work. She had found these crazy multicolored tap-lights that would rotate their color every few minutes. She turned them on at different intervals so that we had different colors going at the same time. I had to admit it looked really cool when we dimmed the overhead lights. Aunt Esme was really impressed with Alice's choices and told her if she ever decided to go into interior design, she'd help her out. Alice had beamed with pride and told my aunt she would be more than happy to bring her on as a partner. Aunt Esme gushed and told her she had spunk.

The party wasn't due to start until eight o'clock, so we had about three hours to kill. The women told us the party food was off limits so Bella called her dad, asking him to pick up some burgers from the diner on his way over. Alice decided since we had to wait for the chief that we could dress for the evening, but had to swear to wear towels to keep from staining our costumes. I instantly became apprehensive wondering what Alice had decided to put Bella and me in.

The guys and I went to the guest room on the north end of the second floor to change, while Bella and the girls went into the guest room down the hall from us. There were three garment bags draped across the bed; each had a clear plastic sleeve with a name scrawled in Alice's hand.

We all looked at each other and then ran for the bags. I stared at mine, completely disappointed. Alice may have been original in her thinking for design, but she sucked at costume choices. There was a Dallas Cowboys uniform, complete with helmet—according to the note—socks, and rubber-soled cleats, so as not to damage the floor.

I looked over at Emmett who was grinning like mad at what looked like a pile of fur. "Dude! I'm a fucking bear! This is awesome!" Only Emmett would be stoked about being completely covered. I watched as he pulled the bottom of the suit out. "Jas, man, where the fuck's my head?"

Jasper chuckled. "Ali figured you'd want to be kissing your girl so she is going to paint your face."

"Man, your woman fucking rocks!"

Jasper chuckled again. "I know. She made me a fucking gangster, dude." _Well, what the fuck?_

"Why'd she make me a football player?" I asked, sounding like a whiny bitch.

Jasper walked over, placed his hand on my shoulder and shook me a little. "Remember what Alice said, man. She dressed each of us as couples. Even though you and Bella aren't dating, she still thought you two should match so you weren't alone. Emmett and I match our girls…in some way."

"So, what the fuck is Bella?" I needed to know how the fuck she was going to match me.

"Oh, hell no! You mean we'll be on protective duty all night?" Emmett whined incredulously, distracting me from my thoughts, because that fucker had figured it out before I did.

Jasper laughed exuberantly. "Well, we are kind of dressed for it. You the bear, me the gangster and Edward the…well, he'll see."

"Me, the what?"

"Dude, seriously? I know you are a smart guy. I've seen your fucking grades. Figure this shit out. Put the two and two together." Emmett teased.

I just couldn't wrap my head around what Bella would be dressed as. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Oh, fuck no!" I was definitely fucked, and we were ALL on protective duty. Fucking Alice.

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**_Next chapter is the party! So click on the button and leave the review so that things can move on faster!_**


	9. Chapter 8: Playbook for Parties

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected.**

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**Chapter 8: Playbook for Parties**

A motherfucking Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader! If I was in a Cowboys uniform Alice must have planned for Bella to be one of those... Fuck me! She was going to be in one. It's not that I didn't want to see her in it, but I didn't want anyone else looking at her the way I would be looking at her. I had little hope that Alice would have picked one of the more modest looks—maybe the throwback—where the skirt was down to the knees and the top covered nearly every inch of skin.

Who the fuck was I kidding? Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders had _the_ hottest uniforms in the League. Bella wearing one of those little outfits—consisting of white boy shorts with Dallas blue stars, that Dallas blue tied-off top with the white vest with the fringe and the white fuck me boots—was going to kill me. Fuck! I didn't know if I would be able to keep other guys off of her, let alone myself!

Knowing I could place my hand at the small of her back and actually fucking touch her caused a grin to spread across my face. I would be able to feel her warm skin heating the palms of my hand, while my fingers splayed out across her…

I shook my head to bring myself back to the reality of the situation. If Alice hadn't been female, I would have kicked her ass. _What the fuck?_ Why would she put her friend in a proverbial lion's den, wearing something that showed off every delicate curve of her frame?

"You've got to fucking be kidding me! Is Alice trying to make us Bella's personal bodyguard bitches for the night?" I asked exasperatedly. It wasn't that I minded, but I wanted them to see how rough our night was going to be, keeping all these Forks fuckers off of her tonight. I could see them all lining up to get a piece of her.

I indiscriminately scanned the room for any kind of cover. I needed a blanket. Without looking like a total schmuck, I could easily throw it over Bella when she got cold after I turned the air conditioning down really low.

Jasper laughed his damn head off. He obviously didn't get it. "E, man, don't you think it's about time our Bella live a little? I wouldn't mind seeing her with someone that could make her smile. Right, Em?" He was smirking. Why the fuck was he smirking?

"So long as it isn't that pussy Newton, I am down with her getting a life. She can't stay single forever." _Traitors! What the fuck had happened to protecting Bella?_

"What the fuck happened to protecting our little sister and all that other bullshit you fuckers spouted off on day one?" _This can't be happening_. _It's got to be some kind of fucking joke._

Jasper shrugged. "Alice says that just 'cause Bella's like a sister doesn't mean she can't date. We can still protect her from assholes. No one will hurt her if they know we're around. It's not like we can protect her forever. She's going to need some kind of man in her life."

These fuckers were giving in, which meant I would have to work that much harder to make Bella want to spend time with only me. The more she and I hung out, the less apt she would be to date some other guy. I needed to develop a plan for sticking by her side as much as possible from here on out. First, I needed to keep her away from every guy at this damn party tonight, and it didn't look like I was going to have much help.

The costumes Alice had picked out for us guys really weren't that bad. It was the girls' clothing I was worried about. Okay, more specifically Bella's.

I envied Jasper's 1920s-style gangster look; Alice had gone as far as finding a plastic Tommy gun for him to carry around. He had a cream pin-striped black suit, a cream tie, and a cream fedora with a black band. Jasper's look just kicked ass.

"Jas, man, why do you get the good costume? You're all suited up gangster style, Emmett's in a sweltering furry cockblocker of a costume and I'll be showing my junk all night because there is no cup with this costume. Dude! I'm wearing fucking lycra!"

"Fuck off! I had to do the shopping. You want a different costume? Next time your ass can run all over Hell looking for them. And E, man, you live like a hundred yards away; go and get your damn strap."

"Nah, I'll figure something out. I don't want to leave you fuckers alone in my aunt and uncle's place. I don't trust you pervs to stay out of my aunt's drawers." I could have left them there, but I really didn't want to leave. I mean, people could show up at any time right? I couldn't leave Bella to fend for herself. Who was going to protect her? Emmett and Jasper had turned on me. Okay, so they didn't know how I felt, but come on! Let Bella get a life? More than happy to, but…with me.

"You might want to get your jock man. What if someone decides to kick your low hangin' shit?"

"Emmett, fuck off! My balls do not hang low. I don't wear tighty-whities like you. I like my boxer briefs."

"Fucker! These aren't tighty-whities! I can't help it that my junk makes my boxer briefs look like that." He grabbed himself just to emphasize his point. "Just ask my Rosie. She'll fucking tell you."

Jasper spoke up then. "Can you not discuss my sister's sex life in front of me? It's disturbing!"

Emmett's costume really was perfect for him—big, burly and furry—he could give his crushing hugs to whomever he wanted to, claiming to do his bear hug diligence. That meathead loved giving out the big hugs. We'd been unfortunate enough to receive those very hugs in the locker room—with only a towel as cover. I still shiver anytime that memory flashes through my mind.

"Man! This shit sucks! You can't see my body through this thing! How the fuck am I supposed to show off the guns and pecs?"

Alice, wrapped up in a robe, came in just then. "You're not. That was the point. Rose is tired of you displaying what belongs to her," she chided.

"No knocking? What the hell, pixie girl?"

"Oh shut it, Emmett! I knew you three had to be dressed by now. Now get your bum seated so I can get your face on you." He obeyed, sitting on the leather chaise at the end of the bed. She stood in front of him and set about painting Emmett's face so that he could still get into a lip lock with Rose. It was fucking comical. She was making him look like a teddy bear.

"Em, you know if you'd stop going through puberty and grow some hair, you wouldn't need the costume." I teased, trying to avoid letting the laughter loose. That fucker had been calling me an old man for my facial hair every Sunday. I didn't want to shave on Sundays, so I always told him to fuck off.

"Nah, then he'd have to be King Kong to Rose's blond bombshell act." Jasper chuckled, having my back for once.

"Both you fuckers need to shut the hell up. I can start talking about mine and Rosie's sex life again if it will help."

"Yes, please shut the hell up so I can get his face done. Besides, I hear enough about their sex life from Rose!" She gripped his chin and painted on his black nose. Jasper and I just stood back, watching and jabbing each other in the ribs while silently laughing at Emmett. Whenever Alice would move out of view, Emmett would glare at us, which just made us laugh out loud. Those times we would do an about face and pretend to be looking at the picture hanging on the wall so that Alice didn't get offended thinking it was at Emmett. It was just funny seeing him painted like some five-year-old kid dressed as a teddy bear.

The picture on the wall only made me think of Bella; she had commented on it last month when I had given her a tour of the house. Thinking of her was causing me some anxiety and soon I was chomping at the bit to see her while at the same time worried about it. I was almost desperate to find her—jonesing like a drug addict for his next fix—but I knew how my body would react. I got a hard-on seeing her in regular jeans, so seeing her in short shorts was going to be the death of me. The only way I was going to be able to conceal an erection was to wear a towel in front of my groin. Hey, if Romo and Hasselbeck could do it, so could I. I excused myself and went in search of my aunt to see if she had one I could borrow for the night.

By the time I got back to the room—towel tucked in place—Alice had just finished attaching Emmett's ears and I busted out laughing. "Are you going to be alright there, Princess Emmie?" I bowed from my position at the door, ready to dart off if he came after me.

"Fuck off, Eddie! Ali says my ears won't pass for bear ears 'cause they aren't high enough on my head." He was fucking pouting, which just made the entire situation all the funnier. I heard a snort and looked to my right to see Jasper having a fit, hand clamped tightly over his mouth, body convulsing as he snorted with laughter.

"Edward, you better behave yourself or I will make sure Jessica and Lauren think that you want to dance with them all night," Alice threatened. That was enough to shut me up. "You too, Jasper Hale!"

Jasper's eyes went wide as he straightened up. We looked at each other then looked to Alice. "You wouldn't!" We screeched in unison.

"Oh? Try me." She turned to us, hands on her hips, and cocked her brow.

Jasper cleared his throat, stepped in beside her, kissed her cheek and chuckled. "If I were you, Edward, I wouldn't test Alice's resolve. She will do whatever it takes to make her point."

"Fuck, whatever." I growled, because the last fucking thing I needed was more of those bitches. I was going to need a long, scalding, sudsy shower to get the filth of those two off of me if they touched me once tonight.

"Anyway, you have to be on your best behavior. You'll need to be watching over Bella tonight. Rose and I are pretty sure we know what happened to Bella the last time. I don't want those two getting anywhere near her."

"And you aren't telling us because…?" Emmett asked, letting the question linger.

"Because it isn't necessary. Edward, if you need to leave our Belly's side at all tonight, you make sure one of us can be with her. The whole reason I have you two matched up is so that you stick together all night. No one will question it."

I watched as Jasper cocked his brow and gently nudged her just before whispering something into her ear. She smiled in response and giggled, shoving him away playfully. I suddenly felt uncomfortable and cleared my throat—whether it was to distract them or myself, I wasn't sure.

"Now, we girls still have a lot to do to finish getting all prettied up for you boys. Why don't you go and put the sodas on ice, set up the music and start setting out the food. We put sticky notes on the table where everything should go; so even you boys can't screw things up."

We groaned our agreement as she turned and left the room.

Jasper clapped his hands together. "Well, gents! Shall we go and handle things for our ladies while they make themselves up?"

Emmett and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. Jasper was one very whipped pussy. Emmett and I had talked about that shit during our runs. It was hilarious to watch Jasper just fold at Alice's every whim. Yet, for all of Emmett's griping about Jas being on a leash, he wasn't much better when Rose was around. Funnier still was the fact that—although I was the only truly single one among the three of us—I knew Bella would own my ass. I'd be just as far gone as those two if she'd give me half the chance. I needed to bide my time and hope that she'd realize how good we were together, sooner rather than later. I achingly hoped for what I had wanted since the day I met her. Tonight, I wanted her to notice me as more than what we had been_. _Tonight, I needed her to realize we could be more than friends.

We were downstairs pelting each other with ice cubes after having set up for the party, when the girls came down the stairs. I was the first to see them because I was facing the stairs, and I swear I almost swallowed my tongue. I started walking forward and met up with Jasper. I felt a light grip on my shoulder and knew it was his hand.

"Fuck me." He spoke in a whisper.

I thought Emmett was going to fall to his knees, because I could swear that fucker stopped breathing when he saw Rose. She was in a Goldilocks getup that was way too short for her statuesque body. Wasn't Goldilocks a little girl? And weren't little girls' dresses supposed to be down to their knees? Rose's yellow checkered dress barely covered her ass. When she bent over, you could see the ruffles of her panties. She was wearing thigh high white stockings and these black Mary Jane heels. Emmett was practically drooling; he hadn't shut his gaping mouth since Rose's feet hit the floor.

Jasper had a huge grin on his face. He'd already known that Alice was going to be a flapper, but he hadn't seen the finer details of the dress on her. She was dressed to the nines in a glittery black number with fringe from crack to knee, complete with those stockings that had the seam going up the back. Her hair was styled into a short hairdo that was flat against her head, complete with one of those bands that ran around it with a feather that stood tall. She was even holding one of those long cigarette holders.

Then there was my Bella. I could at least claim her as mine tonight, seeing as how we were in matching costumes and all. It was like watching her walk in slow motion. My gaze started at her feet, where the white fuck-me boots were. I instantly noticed the heels and hoped she wouldn't twist her ankle tonight. Then again, it would give me an excuse to hold her in my arms. Then I saw creamy thighs that I just wanted to lick until I reached the hem. The little shorts—and I fucking mean _little_—displayed more of her legs than I had yet to see. I fucking saw them now though! She looked fucking hot, showing off the lean curves of her torso just above the low-rise of the belt. The knot in the long sleeve shirt she wore was tied just below her tits and…_holy fuck!_ _Where did that cleavage come from? _

I knew my eyes were trying to make their way out of my head so they could rest on the suppleness of Bella's breasts. I felt my dick pressing against the lycra of my uniform and was thankful for the towel Aunt Esme had found for me earlier. Bella's hair and pallid skin were fucking beautiful against the blue of the costume. Her curled brown tresses bounced as she walked down the steps.

"Oh my goodness! You all look so darling!" I couldn't drag my eyes away from Bella long enough to acknowledge my own mother. "Everyone get together so I can get a picture of you all!"

I felt a heavy pat on my other shoulder as Emmett's voice spoke low close to my ear. "You better pull your tongue up off the floor and get yourself together before she realizes your dick is ready to be played like a flute."

That forced me to snap to attention as I stared in shock at the grinning meathead_. Whoa! What the fuck? How does he know?_

I didn't want to acknowledge anything to him. It just wasn't time yet. I clamped my eyes shut, took a deep breath, refocusing my mind and walked over to Bella, offering my hand to her. I raised a brow in a playful approach, trying to keep things 'business as usual' between us. "Shall we, my cheerleader?"

"Absolutely, _my_ quarterback." Had she put the emphasis on the word 'my' or was it my imagination? I wasn't sure, but I knew I liked it. Very much. Being Bella's anything was enough to sate me for the night. Being hers and hers alone would complete my existence.

We stood with the view of the woods from the living room window as our backdrop. I wrapped my arm behind Bella, letting my fingers grip low on her hip. The feel of her skin beneath my fingers had me wanting to let the caveman in me take over. I could easily grab her up, run the hundred or so yards to my house and lock us away in my room for the night. I would drop down in front of her and lick the skin above the waistband or below the hem of those sexy little shorts.

My breath caught as the thought of my tongue being that close to Bella's promised land began to roll through my mind. I saw myself untying the knot currently holding Bella's perfect breasts in the confines of the small amount of cloth there was. The top sliding off her arms and onto the floor beside us. Her hair would cascade down her back as she bared her neck to me.

A flash broke me from the visions just in time to hear my mother tell Bella and me to stay in place so she could get a picture of just the two of us.

"Come on you two! Bella, these pictures will be great for the scrapbook we were going to work on." I hadn't seen my mother this excited with any of my friends before. It was kind of funny to watch her bounce around us the way she was. "Now, face each other. Edward, why don't you wrap your arms around Bella's waist, yes just like that! Bella why don't you turn just a little toward me and lean into Edward with your hip?"

"Mom." I groaned through clenched teeth, giving her a wide-eyed glare. I was sporting a bit of a semi and needed to start thinking of anything that could make it go away fast. If Bella leaned her hip into me, she was sure to get a big surprise. _That's right, fuckers! Nothing little about this package. Why do you think I needed a hand towel instead of one of those tea towels? Fuck off!_

I began by thinking of Grandma Masen in her swimsuit at the pool in Chicago last summer. Then, the perfect solution: I thought of Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory. Those two were enough to make anyone go soft.

"It's okay, E. The longer you argue with her, the more pictures she'll take, so let's just get this over with." Bella knew my mother so well. It touched me that she knew as well as I did my mother's need to take part in our lives.

"Yeah, okay. I just don't want her bothering you," I whispered as low as I could into her hair, my lips tingling at the feeling of the soft waves. I sniffed her curls and relished in the strawberry scent before pulling away.

I don't know how many pictures my mother took, but even Alice tired of it, eventually begging my mother to give it a rest. Mom retreated to the upstairs party leaving us to greet our guests arriving at the back door.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Every straight guy at the party had their eyes on Bella as soon as they walked through the fucking door. I was just glad that I had an excuse to stick by her since we were the matching couple for our group. It was going to be a long night, keeping all of them away from her.

Bella and I were standing by the sound system talking about music—my favorite thing to do with her as of late—when I felt an extreme desire to turn and look toward the door. Mike, Tyler and Lee all showed up at the party together. Newton's eyes were staring at Bella's very fine, pert ass. I wanted to punch that fucker in his damn face. I saw Tyler lick his lips and mouth 'who's that?' to Mike and Lee, causing Lee to look in our direction as well. If Lee's jaw had not been connected, his mandible would have been on the floor. I shot all those fuckers a look, trying to tell them not to even fucking go there, but they didn't seem to fucking notice! _Oh hell no! _

Being the overprotective ass I was, I stepped behind Bella, placing my left hand on her hip and pretended to be reaching around her. She stiffened but didn't say a word. I had just wanted to block their view so they stopped staring at my girl's ass, but I was relishing in the feel of my body pressed to hers. The feel of her warm skin beneath my fingertips was electrifying. I didn't want anyone else to feel like this with her.

I again toyed with the idea of turning the air conditioning all the way down so I could hide her body. Admittedly, shielding her with my own body wasn't such a bad thing. Not bad at all.

The night progressed at a good pace, and by ten o'clock we had a packed house. Alice was happy that the entire junior class and some seniors showed up. I however…I was a fucked up mess. It seemed like every fucker from Forks High was at the party, and every last one of them couldn't stop gawking at Bella. It was pissing me the fuck off. Guys I'd never seen approach her before had suddenly grown some balls and began making their way to her and picking any subject they could think of just to be near her. No one seemed to understand that she was with me. We fucking matched for Christ's sake!

I knew how it would look and I knew Bella didn't want people to think we were dating, but I couldn't help but wrap my arm around her every chance I got. At one point Angela Weber and Ben Cheney came over, and I felt myself relax a little as we all chatted about our biology projects. I know…a fucking party and we're talking about school.

It took me a while to recognize that I hadn't removed my hand from Bella's waist. I only figured it out when Ben gave me a goofy grin and his eyes darted down to where my thumb was rubbing a line along Bella's hipbone. I felt my chest beat a heavier rhythm as the realization that she hadn't pushed me away set in. This was it. I knew she was more and the hope that she felt the same way ignited, setting fire to my entire being. I couldn't stop myself from grinning like the cat that ate the canary. If she wasn't pushing me away or pulling away from me, she must feel something.

Ben and Angela excused themselves to go talk to June and her new boyfriend. Bella and I decided to head to the kitchen to start refilling the food.

I had such a strong urge to piss so badly that my teeth started to grind with need, but there was no fucking way I was leaving her alone with all these guys trying to put their hands and whatever the fuck else on her. If anyone's dick came anywhere near Bella, I was going to rip someone's throat out. If they tried to paw her, I would have to punch their face in.

I scanned the room and saw Emmett and Rose grinding on each other as "Take Me On The Floor" played through the speakers. I didn't know if Emmett had his phone on him, but I shot him a quick text. I watched as he ran his hands over Rose's abs on his way down before I quickly looked away. I really needed some kind of cleanser to run through the soft tissue of my brain to rid myself of the details that ran rampant through my mind. To hear him talk, you'd think they never came up for air or food. Well, maybe food. Emmett couldn't go more than a few hours without eating.

Emmett wasn't responding so I tried Jasper. Jasper and Alice showed up by our side pretty quickly.

"Thank fuck! Man, I gotta piss like a fucking racehorse!"

"And you know how they need to piss 'cause you can speak horse or just read their minds?"

"Fuck off, Jasper. Bells, I'll be right back okay?" I squeezed her hand before bounding up the steps to the second floor restroom. I was on edge and after seeing Bella in her revealing costume, I needed more than piss relief. I had gone without sex for damn near three months now, but seeing her dressed this way tonight, I would be beating off for months to these images. _I wonder if I could get her in a Leia costume next time._

I stared into the mirror, telling myself to get my shit together before I ruined my chances with Bella. This place was too busy for me to be whacking off and honestly, I didn't want to be away from her. The feel of her skin beneath my fingers was too good to be absent from for too long. The electricity and heat that Bella's body emitted was addictive.

When I exited into the hall, I heard Nickelback's "Next Contestant" blasting from the speakers and had to laugh. It was exactly how I was feeling about all these assholes approaching Bella. She wasn't even mine to claim, but no one needed to be touching her except me.

I stood at the railing at the top of the stairs, looking for Jasper and Bella. What I found was Jacob Black holding Bella's hand in his left and stroking her cheek with his right. A jealousy-filled rage began coursing through my veins and I was down the stairs in an instant. I shoved my way through the sea of bodies to get to Bella and the kid. Without so much as a word, I stepped beside Bella and wrapped my arm protectively around her waist. His hand fell from her cheek to his side and I felt her go rigid. He was still holding onto her hand, and I ground my teeth together not wanting to make a scene. I knew she had no idea what it was I was doing, but I didn't care. All I cared about was getting that pup's paws off my girl…right the fuck now.

I listened as the music shifted to a song I had heard Jasper and Alice sing to each other in the car last week. Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat began singing "Lucky", and I took the opportunity to ask Bella to dance with me.

"Bella, dance with me." It was more of a demand than a request. I gave her hip a light squeeze and she nodded her acceptance, biting down on her lower lip. She was going to kill me with that innocent move of hers. I gently tugged at her arm—the one attached to the hand pup-boy was holding—to pull her with me to the floor. Jacob had no choice but to release her and I was glad.

We approached Jasper and Alice, who seemed to be in their own private world. Alice was holding his face. His arms were wrapped around her waist and their foreheads were touching, eyes closed and swaying to the music. I wanted that with Bella. To be wrapped up in our own little bubble. In this moment, I wasn't sure what she was to me. We were friends…but she was more. How much more would be unknown by both of us until I was able to figure my shit out.

I turned to Bella and pulled her close to me, wrapping my arm around her lower back. I grabbed her hand and brought it to my chest as I began to move us to the rhythm. For now, I would hold this beautiful girl in my arms, pulled tight against my body as we swayed to the tune of the music. Our first dance together would forever be burned in my brain no matter what path we took. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling—what she meant to me and what I wanted to mean to her.

"You look beautiful, Bella." It was all I could manage.

Her blush flourished in the dim lighting and my chest filled with an indescribable pleasure. "Thank you, E. That's nice of you to say."

I cocked my brow as I lifted her chin to look at me. "I mean it. I'm not just saying that. You're fucking beautiful."

I felt it and knew it right then; we were always meant to be in each other's lives. I didn't know exactly in what capacity we were supposed to exist together, but I knew we were. I needed her in my life and for now, I would be what she needed me to be. Tonight, I would be her champion—her protector. Hopefully in the end I would be her best friend, her lover, her life and I would never let her go. She would be everything to me. My life. She had my heart; she just didn't know it yet.

We were bumped by Jessica and Mike's sloppy moves, neither one steady on their feet. I saw Jessica move to elbow Bella in the ribs and turned us just in time to take it in the back myself.

"Oops! Sorry about that Eddie." Jessica feigned innocence. Innocence my fucking ass! I had seen what she was trying to do; if she had been a guy, I would have punched her in the ribs so hard she wouldn't forget how it felt.

I turned on her, keeping hold of Bella's arm behind me. "Fuck off! Why don't you two go sit down before you hurt yourselves or someone hurts you?" I glared purposefully at Mike and he seemed to get the hint, dragging a pouting Jessica to another corner of the room.

I turned back to Bella just in time to see Lauren's approach. I gave her a look, trying to convey what I was thinking. _"Don't you fucking dare." _ I watched as she made an immediate left bumping into one very happy Tyler. She started pawing him and telling him she had been looking for him all night. Scheming bitches.

"What is with you tonight, E?" Her hand was on my cheek, calming me and making me focus on her. I closed my eyes briefly to sear the memory of it in my mind. "I've never seen you like this. What has got you so worked up?"

I wanted to tell her, it was her. I wanted to tell her I hadn't ever felt like this until her. I wanted to look into her eyes and bare my soul to her.

"Just trying to be the best bodyguard I can be. Have you seen yourself? Your body definitely needs to be guarded tonight." _Oh look, a chickenshit with pea-sized balls._

"Shut up, E. You'll ruin the nice feeling I was having for you."

I felt my nostrils flare as I smirked. "Nice feeling, eh? Where does this nice feeling come from?" I rocked us a little so her hips moved against me.

"Oh! Damn! There it went. All gone now. It said to say goodbye to you for being so cocky." I knew she was teasing me by the turn of her perfect lips.

I leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Do you know how sexy you sounded just now when you said cock?"

"Wha…I didn't say… I said 'cocky', you ass!" She had that familiar sparkle in her eye. She wasn't angry—I could tell by the blush on her cheeks—she was more embarrassed than anything.

"You are so easy to tease, you know that?" I reached up and placed my hand at the base of her neck on her left shoulder. I let my middle finger gently stroke the line of her nape and saw her eyes flutter. I heard her breath hitch slightly and leaned in to whisper to her again, "And when that delicate pink stains your cheeks, you're even more beautiful."

I decided to take yet another risk. If she slapped me, I would know. If she didn't, I would know something infinitely more important. When I pulled back I let my lips graze her cheek. As I did that I felt a current sting my tongue. I wanted to kiss her, to feel our tongues fight for power the way our words did nearly every day. I wanted to hold her tight against my body and feel her tremble at my touch.

I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder. "Hey, bro! Nice party!" Fucking Austin Marks and his damn timing. This kid was always kissing my ass and tonight was not the night—not with Bella and I so close.

"Thanks, man. Hey, why don't you go grab a Coke or some food?" _Just get the fuck away from us! _

He glanced at Bella, then looked back at me and fucking winked. "Ri-ight. Catch up later, man. I got it." He did one of those stupid gunshot finger moves, and it would have pissed me off if I hadn't felt Bella's hand grip tightly onto my forearm. I felt her start to sway and held her closer to me.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I was immediately concerned that I had missed something. Bella's skin had a lighter pallor to it and I thought she was going to pass out. I wrapped both her arms around my neck, causing the entire length of her body to press against mine.

"Sorry, E. Just got a little dizzy."

I ran a hand over her forehead, checking for a fever. "You don't feel warm. Do you feel nauseous?" I started searching the room to see where Jessica and Lauren were because of Alice's earlier warning. Neither one of them was anywhere near us though. "What happened? Did someone hurt you?"

"No, no, no. I think…well, I didn't exactly eat a whole lot today and what I did eat, didn't really…um…sit well. I lost my lunch earlier when I saw the costume."

The need to kiss her made a dash for the door. _No lip action tonight Cullen. _I couldn't believe she got that nervous over her outfit. Or was it over being with me?

After we spent a good half hour at the food tables, I made sure she stayed hydrated and ate something here and there the rest of the night. I may have fed her a chip or two. Maybe even brushed my fingers across her lips. _Cheesy fucker._

I would occasionally pull Bella out to dance or we would walk the room greeting people. We interacted with everyone as if we were a couple. It would be so easy to fall into a routine like this. I could picture it clearly. Hosting our own parties in our own home. Little rugrats underfoot before carrying them upstairs at bedtime. Perfection.

**----{(QQ)}----**

"It's about time, fucker! You're late. We were supposed to start our run an hour ago." He'd finally returned my call two hours later. That was twenty minutes ago.

"Yeah, I know, but man! Rose had me tied up…"

"STOP! Just fucking stop right there! I don't need to know anymore. Let's just go." I wasn't getting any and really did not need to hear another word about his and Rose's sexcapades.

We started our run normally, running west along the river. We were ten minutes into our run when I felt a nudge and looked over at Emmett. I pulled out my earpiece, expecting that he wanted to talk some plays while we ran.

"I need to ask you somethin'." He had his big brother look on his face. I hadn't seen it since he was lecturing me on Bella. I slowed to match his pace until we came to a stop. He leaned against the nearest tree and I watched as his face twisted. His words from last night replayed in my memory and I knew I was fucked. He knew. How could he not with the way I was gawking at Bella last night?

"Look, Em, I know what you're gonna say. Let me just explain…"

"E, man, shut the fuck up and just let me speak my piece."

I clamped my mouth shut and let him talk. If I could avoid getting my ass pounded into the ground at all, I was willing to do whatever it took.

"We've known for a while. Jas and me. It's not like you hide how you feel about her. We haven't said anything to the girls and I really don't want to. I'm going to repeat to you what I said before. She is like a little sister to us. Don't. Fuck. With. Her. If you're going to try to get with her, you better be fucking sure you don't hurt her. You hearing me?"

I nodded in recognition.

"Good. I love you like a brother, man, but I've known Bella longer and I will fuck you up if you hurt her in any way."

"I hear you, Em. Look. I'm taking it slow. I'm just working on being her friend right now. I don't know how she feels about me so I am just taking shit really fucking slowly."

He laughed a little. "Man, I don't know what your idea of slow is, but last night was not slow. Your hands were all over her. Rose even noticed. I covered for you though, telling her it was something we worked out to keep all those slimy fuckers off our Belly." He pushed off the tree and boxed the air in front of him a few times before he continued. "Jasper and I have talked it over and we can't think of anyone here that would be better for Bella, but she has to want to be with you, man. We aren't going to help you. She has to want it on her own, but I can promise you, if you hurt her, we will end you."

I gulped down the thick saliva that had built up during the last few tense moments. "I don't plan on hurting her, Em. I don't have any plans except to be her friend for now." Not anymore anyway. His words were settling in. I needed to do some serious thinking on my actions toward Bella. I knew what I wanted, but if things went wrong, would I be able to deal with the consequences? I didn't give a shit about Emmett and Jasper giving me an ass kicking for hurting Bella because if I did, I knew I would deserve that shit. What I did worry about was losing her because of hurting her. I couldn't handle that. I would rather lose her to another guy.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Monday, at school, everyone was talking about the party. It was being heralded as the best party anyone had ever been to, and Alice was beaming with pride at lunch.

After practice, I drove home, breaking the speed limit and anxious to get back into mine and Bella's study routine. When I drove up, Bella's monster was already in the drive. It felt good to know that she was comfortable enough with my family to come over when I wasn't home. She, Mom and Aunt Esme had gotten so close so quickly in the last couple of months. Bella told me how much she adored them and I assured her the feeling was mutual.

I walked in and found Mom and Bella sitting at the island, pouring over pictures from the party. I watched for a couple of minutes as they discussed costumes and funny faces. Bella's laughter reverberated off the kitchen walls, and it was like listening to the wind section of an orchestra play.

"Oh, Lizzy! I love this one! Does he know you took it?"

"Oh sweetie. I will never tell my secrets. Well…one day I may tell you." My mother teased playfully poking Bella's nose. I always smiled at their repartee. "Edward Cullen, I heard you come in, and I know you are standing behind us."

I chuckled and walked up to my mother planting a kiss on her cheek. "And how did you know that?"

"My dear, sweet baby boy. Have you not learned as yet? Mothers have supersensitive hearing and eyes in the backs of our heads." They giggled together as my mom wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders, giving her a squeeze.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hi, E. How was practice?"

"Eh. Newton was his usual self and Coach had a stick up his…"

Mom cleared her throat, I would imagine to stop my curse. "I will leave you two to study. Edward, watch your mouth in front of this beautiful young lady or you and I will have some words, young man." She stared at me pointedly, before turning to Bella. "And you, young lady… let me know which pictures you want sweetheart and I will print them for you. Okay?"

"Thank you, Lizzy. You're the best." They hugged as I started pulling my books out of my bag. I knew I had a huge grin on my face, but how do you try and hide something like that when you are so fucking happy?

We easily settled into our normal study session—sans the paper football game. I didn't want to risk it with my hands shaking the way they were. I was still pissed off about practice, but Bella's mood and presence were soothing me.

I heard Bella sigh heavily and looked up to find her staring at me. "What?"

"Are you going to tell me what happened at practice that has you so riled up, or are you going to make me sit here and stew?" She was tapping her pen against the granite countertop.

"Why would you want to hear about my fucked up day? I don't want to ruin your good mood. I like seeing you happy." I winked. _Easy Cullen._

"If you keep giving the vibe you're giving off, I won't be in a good mood much longer."

"Did you just say vibe with a straight face and no blush?" Her blush settled quickly into her cheeks as my words undoubtedly hit home.

"Anything to avoid serious conversation," she admonished and shook her head from side to side, going back to her homework.

"I just don't want to dump this shit on you. It's not your responsibility to make me feel better because Newton and Coach are tighter than…" I groaned my frustration, running my hand through my hair then grasping the back and tugging at it.

"You really shouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"Tug at your hair like that. You do that too much. You're going to go bald." I knew I did that shit a lot; I just didn't know she'd noticed. The knowledge that she knew me that well gave me more hope. It was more fuel to develop the friendship we had so that I could declare my need for her one day.

"Heh, yeah I guess I do."

She sighed again. "E, are we friends?"

"What?"

"Are. We. Friends?" I knew she hated repeating herself and I had just made her do it. I wondered why the hell she was asking if we were friends? We were at the very least friends. Weren't we?

"Yeah, we're friends. At least I think we are. Don't you?"

"Yes. I'm making a point; try to keep up." She pursed her lips into a mischievous pucker.

_Mindfuck_ _me, Bella. I really need it right now. _

I waved a hand in front of me, allowing her to continue.

"We're friends, and as friends we tell each other stuff. We share things with each other. Right?"

"Yeah, so what's your point?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Really? I really have to spell this out for you? E…" She stood up and walked to my side, placing her hand on my forearm. "You can tell me about your good days and your bad days. It won't make me think any less of you. As your friend, I am here for you. _Whatever_ you need."

I felt my mouth water as the charge buzzed between us. She had put an emphasis on 'whatever' and I didn't know if it was intentional. "Thanks, Bella. I appreciate that."

She nodded and patted my arm before moving back to her stool. "So, are you going to tell me what happened today or will you continue to be a quiet, pouty ass marinating in your own loathsome thoughts?" She licked her lips and smiled at me with a quirked brow.

Yep. Bella Swan owned my ass.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Before we knew it, it was the week of Thanksgiving. Mom and Aunt Esme had invited Bella and her father over for Thanksgiving dinner, which they had declined. They had gone over to the Brandons' home for years, and Bella assured my mother that it was just a tradition with their families. I set to work on my mom to invite them as well, and she promised she would speak to Alice's mom. Turns out the Brandons and the Swans weren't so willing to break from tradition.

Truth be told, I didn't think they liked the idea of going to one of the most pretentious homes in town—let alone the Olympic Peninsula—for an intimate yet formal meal. Parties were one thing, but holiday dinners were something else. Just because Bella and I had connected as fast friends didn't mean our families would be quite so willing to delve in quite as quickly.

One thing that my mother had been able to do was to convince Bella to come over after school on Wednesday to help her and Aunt Esme do prep work for our Thanksgiving dinner. Chief Swan was working through the night so Bella would have been alone because the Brandons were at the Hales' for dinner. Bella was all too happy to help and asked that they help her make her first pumpkin and apple pies. Mom was excited to have someone to teach all her cooking secrets to.

Mom and Aunt Esme had a list of recipes they wanted to share with Bella. It took everything I had to convince Mom to tone it down so she didn't overwhelm her. She lowered the list to five items from fifteen. If I hadn't wanted Bella to be with us so badly, I would have told my mother to forget it. These last few months had been the best in my life and it was all due to Bella. I wasn't willing to risk anything as far as Bella was concerned. If I was being honest, our small group of friends had become very important to me, but Bella was the key to it all.

I watched as the three most important women in my life went through their steps to prepare dinner. It was a glimpse into a future far off and for the first time in my life, the thought of marrying someone didn't scare me. The thought had flitted through my mind at Halloween, but it settled into a foreseeable reality only today. I knew I was only seventeen and marriage was years off, but this hint of what could be with not only me, but my entire family, solidified everything for me.

For the last three and a half weeks, I had been working through my plan of how to keep Bella in my life. I definitely needed to go the friendship route, and watching these women together, only made my point that much stronger. Bella and I were building a good foundation and things could only get better.

In the weeks since the party, there had been a lot of speculation about whether or not Bella and I were a couple. The good of that was Jessica's and Lauren's antics had eased up quite a bit and Mike wasn't around as much. The bad side of it…well I couldn't really find one. The only times I was unhappy were the times I didn't get to see Bella.

If she wasn't so unsteady on her feet, I would have her run with me on Sundays. As it was, I had a hard time walking the halls with her. Last week she had somehow dislocated her damn pinky and I was still baffled by that one. Uncle Carlisle kept asking me to relay the events leading up to it. I didn't fucking know how she did it and Bella couldn't even figure that shit out. We were walking along the hall on our way to Biology when she screamed out in pain. Neither of us could remember if she had done anything.

**----{(QQ)}----**

I didn't get to see Bella on Thanksgiving Day and then, because of Bella's rule, I couldn't talk to her until later in the afternoon the next day. By the time noon rolled around, I was bouncing off the walls.

She was livid when I called her at a quarter after twelve. I had called her hoping she would be willing to hang out and play a few games or watch a movie. Apparently, Alice and Rose broke the rule and got her out and shopping at four in the morning.

"Hello, Edward." I knew she was pissed as soon as she said my name. She only called me Edward when she was angry or completely frustrated.

"Hello to you too, sweetheart. Didn't get enough _Happy Bella_ sleep I take it?" I tried to keep it light. Last thing I needed was for her to be pissed at me.

"No. I am in Hell! Rescue me? Rose and Alice showed up at my house this morning just as Dad was leaving for the station. The traitor let them in the house and they dragged me off to go shopping. Shopping, E! You know how much I hate shopping. Rescue me!"she pleaded.

"Is Bella Swan asking for a knight to actually ride up on his pretty white horse and save her from the evil clutches of her stepsisters?" Shut up. My mom read me stories when I was little.

She growled and my dick stirred at the sound. It was guttural and fucking sexy as hell. "No. I am asking my friend, who just happens to be a guy, to get into his stupid shiny Volvo, drive to Port Angeles, pick me up and take me home."

"You know, it isn't nice to call the getaway car a stupid shiny car. You might want to be a little nicer to _The Silver._ If you're nice to The Silver, he'll be nice to you."

"How did I not know your car was a he? Don't most guys think of their cars as girls?"

"It's a stick shift, Bella."

"So?"

Oh this was going to be fun. "I'll explain it to you when I get there. Where do you want me to pick you up?"

"Since you're so willing to pick me up, I will treat you to lunch. Meet me at Bella Italia." Our first "unofficial" date and my current favorite restaurant.

"Will do. You going there now?"

"Yeah I am going to walk there and get us a table. And, E?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"No trouble, Bells. If you ever need rescuing, I am your man." _I'll be your man for whatever other need you want fulfilled._

She ended the call with a lighthearted giggle. I snatched my coat and keys and ran out the door. Everyone was out of the house anyway so I might as well have been out with Bella. It was turning out to be a good day after all.

During my drive, I got a text from Bella and started laughing the instant I read it.

_**Don't need to explain why your car is a guy. I get it. Stick shift. Har har. Don't ever mention it again. ~B**_

Yep, a very good day indeed. I cranked up the stereo in the car and let Kings of Leon play a concert in my car. It reminded me of the feel of Bella's body as we danced at the Halloween party. So many things happened that night and were forever etched into the gray matter that was my brain.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Our last game was the first week of December. We would be on winter break in two weeks. I couldn't fucking wait. I was one selfish motherfucker and I knew it. The Brandons were flying out to Maryland to spend Christmas with Mrs. Brandon's family. With both Mr. and Mrs. Brandon gone, Chief Swan was staffed lighter at the station. Bella said he would have to be on duty for most of our Christmas break. He was always willing to sacrifice himself for others, sometimes forgetting that he was sacrificing Bella as well.

That first Monday, Mom found out about the Brandons' plans through Bella and set her own scheme in motion. She called up Chief Swan and asked about his plans for Christmas. When he explained how he needed to be sure he was at the ready for any activity needing his attention, Mom knew that meant that he and Bella were alone. She promptly invited him over and insisted that Bella stay with us so she wasn't on her own all the time. He told her he'd discuss it with Bella and get back to her the following week.

The possibility of Bella staying at my house had me cleaning my room, and I was considering a new arrangement for my bedroom furniture. If there was any way to make it look more inviting—as if she would be sleeping in my bed—then I was willing to do whatever it took. I only wished she'd be spending time in my room.

When I got home on Tuesday, Mom, Aunt Esme and Bella were going through the Cullen family recipe book, picking out dishes to prepare for Christmas dinner. It was three weeks away and they were planning the entire meal already. I was content, because Bella was now a part of my family. I had known this girl for nearly four months and she had bewitched everyone in my family. Every last one of them adored her and loved her as if she had always been with us.

Wednesday when I got home, Mom and Bella were talking about gift-giving traditions between our two families. I stood behind the wall and listened as Mom asked Bella what she wanted for Christmas. Bella kept insisting that she needed nothing, that the invitation to Christmas was more of a gift than she could ever have hoped for. I already knew what I was going to give her. I just needed to keep working on it every free moment I had.

Thursday, Emmett, Jasper and I drove to Port Angeles to do a little Christmas shopping. We couldn't do it on the weekends because we were being dragged around by the girls and our mothers. I thought it was ridiculous that we were doing this so early, but they reminded me that winter break was just another week away and Alice and her family would be leaving. We had already decided to exchange gifts that Friday before Alice left.

Next week, our schedules were packed full of activity. None of us were going to the Winter Formal because Alice was going to be out of town and Jasper would be moping. If Jasper was moping, then Rose would be in a bad mood. If Rose was in a bad mood, Emmett wasn't getting jack and that made him a bear to be around. That left Bella and me. We could hide in our own contented little corner and ignore the rest of the world for all I cared.

Friday's game was another easy one. We ended up playing Quileute High, and their strategies hadn't changed since our last match up. Jacob was as predictable as ever. Fucker kept trying to get at me, but Emmett was all too happy to knock the kid on his ass. The pup really had it in for me and I almost wanted him to break through so we could have it out once and for all. I knew his biggest problem with me was Bella. Or more the fact that Bella and I had gotten so close.

Emmett and Jasper had told me that Bella and Jacob used to hang out every weekend. Bella had been hanging out with him less and less and it was grating on his nerves. I knew how the guy felt because it killed me every time Bella told me she wasn't going to make it over to my place for one reason or another. I couldn't find it in myself to feel sorry for the kid, because I was reaping the reward of Bella's attention.

We ended up beating Quileute 36-18. Jacob was the first of his team to leave the field, not bothering with the congratulatory lineup. Poor kid just couldn't handle an ass-kicking. It was a good ending to the best season Forks High had experienced in years.

Later that night, we were at Bella's house, helping her decorate for Christmas. Chief Swan wasn't much into celebrating holidays, but had given Bella the go-ahead to decorate the house how she saw fit. It was the most fun I had ever had decorating for anything. I was even happy climbing ladders to hang shit.

Bella and I were standing under the stairs talking about our next decorating project, when we heard a gasp. We both looked up into Alice's smiling face. She pointed to a spot above our heads, causing both Bella and I to follow the invisible line of her finger.

"Well, look at that! You two are standing under mistletoe!"

_Who the fuck hung that up?_

* * *

**HA! You were expecting BPOV weren't you? I hope that you were pleasantly surprised. I know how much you all love BFW.**

**I don't know if you all saw, but the beautiful Miss Zesty_T made SITBR a couple of banners. If you haven't checked them out, they are on my profile and posted on LJ. Show her some appreciation when you get a second. Thank you Jewels64 (aka RKatJules) for the request and pimpage. You continually rock my world and I love it!**

**Also, for those of you that absolutely hate reading on FFnet I have posted SITBR over on The Writer's Coffee Shop (TWCS) as well. I will be sure to link both locations in the future.**

**Thank you to my amazing girls Carabeth and Tiffanyanne3FF. Without you girls I may very well go mad.**

**If you want to see the costumes, go to my livejournal. Link is on my profile page.**

**A portion of the playlist for the Halloween Party:**

"_**Take It Off" – Kesha **_

_**"Next Contestant" – Nickelback**_

"_**Sex On Fire" – Kings Of Leon **_

_**"Good Girl Gone Bad" – Rihanna**_

"_**Take Me On The Floor" – The Veronicas **_

_**"Lucky" – Jason Mraz/Colbie Caillat**_


	10. Chapter 9: Bodyguards Suck

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**A/N: Many, many things have happened since the last update so please take the time to read the long ass A/N at the end of the chapter. Thank you! On with the show!**

**{(QQ)}**

**Chapter 9: Bodyguards Suck**

"Well, look at that! You two are standing under mistletoe!" Alice and her damn trickery again. She knew I had a thing for Edward after my confession days before Halloween, and she'd been riding my ass on the subject ever since. I didn't want anyone's so-called help. I wanted Edward to be mine when and if he decided. Until then, I wanted things to remain as comfortable as possible between us.

"Alice!" I hissed. I glanced at Edward, who had a petrified look on his face. I stepped forward to get out from underneath the offending sprig and pulled him with me. "There. We're out of the danger zone." I was going to have to kill Alice later. That look, mixed with his bodyguarding said it all. He was not interested.

His face produced that all too familiar smirk with the signature raised brow. "Is that what you think when you think about kissing me? Danger? What am I going to do, light your clothes on fire?"

What was I going to say? _"Now that you mention it, Edward… Yes, my panties often combust from the heat you seem to cause my vajayjay to erupt into whenever you're near me. Now kindly shut it and fucking kiss me already!" _No, that wouldn't go over well at all. He'd probably laugh at me, and then tell Emmett and Jasper where they could all have a good laugh at my expense.

I knew what I needed to do. I learned one very important thing by hanging around Edward Cullen: Two could play at that game.

"Do you _want_ me to think about kissing you, Eddie?" I had learned a few weeks back that using that nickname would get him to back down a little. Gathering my nerve, I grabbed a hold of his t-shirt and leaned in a little, lowering my voice. "Or would you rather I stop thinking and start doing?" I saw his eyes go wide as I slowly licked my lips and dropped my hand. "No? I didn't think so."

I gave him a little smirk as my heart pounded frantically in my chest, and walked over to help Rose with the stockings. I was nervous as hell but so proud of myself for beating him at his own mind game. It was getting to be absurdly fun playing with his beliefs about who I was. Hell, I didn't even know who I was anymore. He, however, was definitely the reigning king of the mindfuck, but I'd be damned if I was going to let him be alone with all that power.

No. Leaving him alone was no longer a possibility for me. That was my key problem. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get the feel of Edward's hands off my skin. Like right now, I could feel his hands as they were that night at the party; his fingers searing their presence into my hip, committing the feel of them into memory. When we had danced, our bodies were pressed to each other and moving in harmony as he held my hand against his chest. I had felt his heartbeat and delighted in its rapid rhythm; the staccato thumping had matched my own.

I pulled my hand to my cheek at the memory of his lips, burning a path across it when he'd whispered to me. Edward was sex on legs and my sex was on fire; his peen would be the only thing to smolder the flame. The thing of it was I didn't know if it would cool me or ignite the gentle heat into a roaring blaze. How else would I have described how he made me feel? _"I have the hots for Edward Cullen"_ didn't quite cover it.

All the wondering and daydreaming in the world didn't matter one iota. Every touch he had graced my body with that night hadn't been real. It had nearly broken me when Rose told us what Emmett had said to her only minutes before her arrival. The guys had planned it all from the get-go. Edward was to pretend to be all over me that night to keep all the Forks High boys off of me. The entire act was all because Alice had put me in that tiny Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders costume.

**{(QQ)}**

"Mary Alice Brandon! How could you?" I knew I'd paled as soon as I opened the garment bag, by the nausea that immediately started building in the pit of my stomach.

"Isabella Marie Swan! Don't you scold me like you're my mother! I told you I was going to make sure you and Edward matched."

Rose was smirking into the vanity mirror as she fixed her blond locks into pigtail curls. "She's got you there, Bella. It isn't her fault you didn't bother to follow it up with a question on what he would be wearing." Of course she'd take Alice's side. When it came to me and clothing, they always stuck together. This was completely different though. I didn't consider this clothing.

"Shut it, Rose! Even _you_ are wearing more than _I_ am. How the hell did I end up with the skimpiest costume anyway?" I never dressed even remotely sexy and yet there I was about to put on this tiny bit of material that was barely more than a bikini. I had never worn anything less than a tankini—even in the summer!

"I think, I'm gonna be sick." I clasped my hand over my mouth and ran for the en suite. I dropped to my knees and proceeded to empty the contents of my stomach into the pristine white bowl. I was going to have to apologize profusely to Esme later. I could offer to clean up after the party was over. She wouldn't need to bring the cleaning crew in after all. It would be my penance for the foul stench that now permeated the restroom. I was certain the smell of bile and this morning's eggs would seep into the pores of the walls and take up residence.

"Jeez, Bella! Drama much? It's not that big of a deal," Rose called out from her perch. Of course it wasn't a burden to Rose. She had the beautiful knockout body that everyone dreamed of having. She had the perfect boyfriend—a boyfriend whose sexual prowess she constantly relayed to us—that worshiped her daily. Rose and Emmett wholly believed in sharing the wealth of information of their indecent activities whether you wanted to be partial to it or not.

I rinsed my mouth and began rummaging through the medicine cabinet for mouthwash. Fortunately, Esme had kept even her guest rooms well stocked with toiletries and other various necessities. I smiled, daydreaming about how between her and Lizzy I could learn how to be a good wife to Edward. My line of thinking had me race to the toilet and heave what was left of my morning meal. I really needed to stop contemplating a life with him or I was not going to get through the night. I ran my finger over my gums then rinsed my foul-tasting mouth out with the minty mouthwash.

"Rose, you know I don't wear things like that. To make things worse, you all invited the one guy who has followed me around campus from day one. Mike will be here, and you know he's been trying really hard to get me to go out with him the last couple of weeks. He's been ridiculously persistent this year and these…scraps of cloth are not going to help my cause," I stated sternly, walking back into the bedroom and motioning toward the garment bag. It was funny how such a tiny bit of clothing needed such a large garment bag.

I heard Alice groan, and I glowered in her direction as I began trading out my everyday clothing for the cheerleader _lingerie_.

"Honestly, Bella! Were you not listening when I told you what would happen? I gave you fair warning that you would match with Edward. Besides…I thought you liked his _outrageously_ fine ass." She winked at me after using my own words against me.

"What was that?" Rose positioned herself so that she could better see me in the mirror.

I grimaced as Rose's tempered tone was indicative of the lashing I was about to receive. Damn Alice and her infuriatingly big mouth. I hadn't said anything to Rose because I honestly feared her opinion of my feelings for Edward. Based on her tone, my trepidation was obviously warranted.

"What's this about liking the little man? What happened to little Miss '_I can't get involved with any guy, because they're nothing but a distraction, and I can't afford any distractions'_?" She snapped her head in my direction, dramatically clutched at her chest and gasped. "Is our Belly finally going to melt in the presence of peen?" Her performance would have been irritating if I hadn't been used to her theatrics.

"Oops!" Alice feigned her best shocked face. "I forgot Rose didn't know."

Who needed a movie when I had those two queens? Alice pranced over to her garment bag and began pulling out her outfit. She was going to be more clothed than Rose or I.

"Alice! Don't you play games with me, you rotten little pixie! I swear you meddle with my life way too much! How does all that annoyance fit in your tiny little frame? Do you store some in suitcases in your bedroom like some secretive little hoarder?" I felt I'd earned the right to be a bit manic.

"Honestly, Belly. She was going to find out anyway. It's not like you can hide your feelings about him anymore." She turned to Rose then and started relaying the intimate details of our conversation only days before. I had told Alice about Edward's and my study sessions and how they had turned playful, almost flirtatious. I didn't know if I could classify them as flirty, so I'd sought an outside opinion. Alice had been the obvious choice since she'd been my friend the longest. She'd insisted that Edward's little paper football game and his constant verbal games were clear signs of his feelings for me.

"So you and Edward have been doing this stupid little dance around each other for all these weeks and you're just now telling us you have the hots for his shlong?" Rose was now standing, hand on her hip and harshly tapping her foot to the floor. I was very glad I wasn't beneath the aggressive beat of her feet, but cautiously groaned at the use of her new favorite word.

"I never said I wanted to jump him! You two just need to stop with the dramatics and drop the questioning. Okay? Can we just skip all the bullshit and get ready for the party? That is what we're here for." I turned back to the task of changing in an attempt to avoid any further conversation.

"Whatever you say, Belly. You two finish getting yourselves together while I go check on the boys." Alice wrapped a robe around herself and was gone faster than I had time to turn around.

I'd taken call after call from Alice all week and knew she'd been anxious about the party. She wanted to make sure the preparations as well as our costumes were all in order. She'd done such a good job that she'd impressed Esme with her talents. Esme had told me how much she enjoyed having her around to help with both parties. Truthfully, I think Esme was just happy having kids in the house. Lizzy had told me of her and Carlisle's plans for a family.

It suddenly felt as though the room was empty of some much needed air. I went over to the window, opening it to the coolness of the fall afternoon.

"She got out of here pretty fast," I squeaked, changing the direction of the preceding conversation. I wanted Rose to focus on something other than my feelings for one Edward Cullen. If I could get her to focus on Alice or Emmett, it would suffice for awhile.

Rose actually giggled. "She wants to see Jasper dressed to the nines. Those two have been going at it like rabbits lately."

"Ew! Okay enough! I really don't want to hear about her sex life through you! Actually, I don't want to hear about either of your sex lives. So just shut it."

"Oh, don't be such a prude!" She tossed an eyeliner pencil at me which glanced off my boob. It instantly reminded me of Edward's paper football game with my body as his target. I groaned at the memory, ignoring Rose and going about getting ready for the party.

After fighting with the costume—struggling to get it to cover more than it was capable of—I decided to keep the makeup light and plainly curl my hair. I was happy with my look…from the neck up. Everything else made me queasy. I was in the en suite putting the final touches on my appearance—visibly there was way more cleavage than even I was used to and way too much skin everywhere else—when Alice reentered the room.

"Well, the boys are set and looking tasty. They're going to finish setting up so that we can finish getting ready." She slid her robe off and pulled her dress from the hanger. "How are you girls coming along?"

I heard Rose snort and I couldn't help but do the same.

Alice giggled her way through her scolding. "You whores and your dirty minds!"

I gave myself a brief once-over in the mirror, took a deep breath, and eyeing the toes of my boots, walked out into the open room, hearing a gasp as I entered. I looked up into two very stunned faces.

"Oh, God, what? What's wrong?" In full panic mode, I turned to make my way back into the bathroom.

Rose was the first to speak. "Wow. Who knew all that was hiding in there? Look out boys, here comes '_my girls are out to play Swan',_ cheerleader at large."

I turned back to see Alice's hands palming her puffy cheeks as she grinned. "Belly Bell." She sighed, slightly shaking her head. "I knew it! He's gonna lose his damn mind." Then came the squeal mixed with exuberant applause. "I can't wait to see his face!"

This was going to be a long night. _I think I'll ask Esme where she keeps her blankets._

**{(QQ)}**

As we were walking up to the landing, I ducked my head, hearing the guys playing around downstairs. I saw them pelting ice at each other's heads and quietly giggled when I saw one strike Edward in the neck. I watched as the ice lodged itself into the collar of his jersey and slid forward melting in a path toward the front of his costume. I grew thirsty as my body suddenly ached to run up and lick the glistening liquid off of him. Damn the consequences.

Rose sexily sauntered down first to a stunned yet wildly grinning bear. Alice went behind her and I watched as Jasper's lips curved up on one corner of his mouth. I took my time getting down the steps and held tight to the banister, feeling unsteady in the heeled boots. I kept my eyes down, staring at a spot on the floor so that I didn't have to see the guys' reactions. It didn't matter that I knew them all. I didn't like being the center of attention, and I was too embarrassed by my lack of attire to feel any amount of comfort among friends. When I got to the base of the staircase I chanced a glance in Edward's direction. He was standing there, sexy as hell in his Cowboys' uniform, mouth wide open, and eyes bulging.

I stifled a giggle, quickly diverting my eyes from his attention. Alice had been right and I was sure she was doing a little happy dance in her mind.

Evil pixie: one. Forks' forever klutz: zero. One sexy-ass Edward Cullen: to be determined.

Lizzy entered in time to rescue me from the attentive stares I was sure were aimed in my direction. "Oh my goodness! You all look so darling! Everyone get together so I can get a picture of you all!" I hiccoughed my way through another giggle as Lizzy started positioning us in various poses.

Earlier in the week, she had told me she was going to be snapping pictures throughout the evening. She'd promised me she would snap one of my father while at the party upstairs. I had laughed at her and wished her all the luck, because Charlie's cop sense always seemed to give him a fair amount of warning.

When Alice had her fill of Lizzy's flashing camera, she'd shooed her off, telling her we needed to finish setting up and that she had her own party to ready in the third floor loft. I had to give the evil pixie credit; it took a lot of moxie to shoo the homeowner out of one of her own rooms.

The night moved along at a steady pace with everyone mingling in the plush corners Alice had created. I was a nervous wreck, but as Alice had promised, Edward was by my side nearly the entire night. The one element I hadn't counted on was the actual skin-to-skin contact that was slowly driving me out of my mind. At first I was unsettled by it, but the more he touched me, the more I relaxed and just enjoyed the feel of his hands on my body. I was dancing inside, excitedly fist-pumping the air around me.

Every layer of skin was branded with Edward's fiery touch. If I had been made of wood, the embers would have burned a gentle orange for most of the night. Instead, my pallid skin blushed with its own warmth. When Edward and I danced the embers ignited into flames and my skin became crimson. The fierce coloring only faltered when a wave of interruption would transfer us back to the reality around us. When we were wrapped in each other, it felt as though we were in a bubble—his body pressed to mine—and I never wanted that feeling to end. It was perfection personified.

At one point, Edward had reluctantly left me under Jasper's watchful eye, promising to return quickly.

"Jasper, don't you think all this bodyguarding is a bit much? I mean really, who are you guys protecting me from?"

"Bella, have you not seen yourself or the line of assholes waiting to talk to you?"

I bit my lip as I felt the blush creep over my face. That was all the recognition he needed. I had noticed more guys coming up to Edward and me, but I had thought they were there for him and were just being polite since I was standing right there.

"That's why it's necessary, Bells. Unless you want us to back off. I mean, you can handle keeping their hands off of you right?" His brow rose as he displayed that cocky all-knowing smirk on his face. I wished there were cloths that could wipe all cockiness away.

I shoved at his shoulder. "You're such a dick, Jasper."

"Does Alice know you like talking to Jasper about his dick?" a voice questioned from behind me.

"Jacob!" I spun around and wrapped my arms around him in what was supposed to be a brief hug. I hadn't seen or heard from him since the Homecoming game which had ended in a bit of fuckery between him and Edward.

He laughed heartily, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me off the ground slightly. It felt awkward and all wrong being held so tightly against him. "How's my Bells?"

I slapped at his shoulders so that he'd put me down. "I'm good! I'm good. I haven't heard from you in weeks! I tried calling, but Billy always tells me you're out."

"Hey, Bella? Are you okay here? Alice is getting that pouty face so I think I better go take care of her."

I didn't bother to look back at Jasper as I waved him off. "Yeah, sure, fine. I'll talk to you both later. Wow! Jake! You're a wall! What have you been eating?" I squeezed his forearms as best I could and realized they were bigger than the expanse of my hands. There was no way I would be able to get a decent enough grip on them.

The corner of his mouth turned up as he reached out to stroke my cheek then spoke in a low tone. "Many, many things, Bells." He grasped my hand with his other hand as he continued his ministration. _Awkward_!

"Where have you been hiding all of this?" He leaned back slightly as his gaze left my eyes and wandered down my body, taking their sweet precious time in his perusal. "You look delicious. Good enough to eat." He winked at me and things got extremely uncomfortable. Jake and I had always been friends, yet now I felt like prey… Maybe I needed the bodyguards after all.

Someone was suddenly beside me, their arm wrapped around my waist, and my body tensed in surprise. When I felt the familiar charge I got in Edward's presence, I relaxed into him a little. He'd always felt so good to be around.

"Bella, dance with me," he softly commanded and every part of me obeyed.

I nodded my head so that he knew I had heard him. He tugged at my arm, causing Jacob to release me. I gave Jacob a little wave as Edward led us out to the sea of couples already dancing in the center of the room. I was squealing like a fangirl on the inside knowing that he would be holding me in his arms for the length of a song. He pulled me to him and rested our entwined hands on his chest while wrapping the other behind me. I felt his fingers splayed across my lower back and felt a simmering heat spread through me. The burn wasn't only from my blush, but from low in my belly. Our bodies were pressed tightly together and it felt so right. For as long as I lived, I would never forget the feel of him as we danced our first dance. The things this boy could do to me far outnumbered what I probably knew how to do to him.

Edward leaned down toward me and I felt the flames flicker again. _God, please let him kiss me!_

"You look beautiful, Bella."

Would I ever stop the incessant blushing? I mean really, was there a cure for that shit? I stared at our hands, focusing on his beating heart to calm my nerves and steady my breathing. "Thank you, E. That's nice of you to say."

He used our joined hands to lift my chin, so that he could see my eyes. "I mean it. I'm not just saying that. You're fucking beautiful."

I started to say something to him when we were crashed into by Jessica and Mike. She apologized, calling him Eddie and I just about lost it. She was always calling him Eddie, and I knew how much he hated it. If anyone was calling him Eddie, it was me because he knew I was being playful. Jessica was just being a whore that thought she had the right to say whatever the hell she wanted to say, however she wanted to say it. Edward beat me to it by telling them both where to go, and I thought Mike was going to piss his pants. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. It took everything I had not to laugh at the poor guy. I couldn't take pity on him simply because his actions of the last few weeks had annoyed me so much.

When Edward turned back to me and returned us to the slow rhythmic sway, I'd felt how tense he was. I tried to get him to talk to me about what was bothering him. He just wasn't giving me anything except some line about protecting me. We soon settled back into our playful banter, and I let the tension of the moment fade away. We were in our own little world with our minds and mouths working together in a comical scene to see who could outwit the other. It felt good. It felt normal. I was having the time of my life, dancing with him and playing our little mindfuck game.

Needless to say, he won pretty quickly. "Do you know how sexy you sounded just now when you said cock?"

I hadn't said cock, I'd said cocky, but that witty bastard had twisted my words yet again. He was always so good at it and although I was getting better, I felt horribly outmatched. All night I had matched him strike for strike, until just then. I tried to be angry, but when I felt his finger run the nape of my neck, I melted. My breath caught in my throat as I felt my eyes start to roll back, but I did my best to straighten up. It was a short-lived recovery seeing as how I felt his lips burn a trail across my cheek. Adrenaline started pumping through my body in anticipation of what I had been dreaming about for weeks. _This is it! He's going to kiss me! Thank you God!_

"Hey, bro! Nice party!"

_For the love of everything holy and precious! _It was the second time that night we had been interrupted. _Can't a girl get one damn kiss?_

Edward played the gracious host and told Austin to help himself to food and drink. As the adrenaline receded I felt myself sway and grabbed onto Edward's forearm for support. I told him about my getting sick earlier and he immediately marched us over to the food tables, demanding that I eat something. I had to admit, his domineering attitude didn't scare me; it had somehow made him even sexier.

The rest of the night was spent with me playing host with Edward as we wandered around, mingling with the many guests. He kept pushing me to eat and drink, not wanting me to get sick again. Every once in a while we would dance and I would breathe him in, feeling his arms wrapped around me as our bodies pressed tightly together. We fastened to each other like Lego blocks. If you could see light between us, I would have been shocked. We were perfect together.

All the while a small part of me was warring with the rest of my being. We would all be going off to college in a year and a half. It wasn't smart to get into a relationship that was doomed to separation was it? The bigger part of me didn't care, but that nagging little bit wasn't so willing to let up. I provisionally shoved it into one of the steel doors of my brain, enjoying the night and Edward. What he and I had right then was good. If something else happened, so be it.

**{(QQ)}**

"So tell me again why Rose isn't here yet, because you two making me get my ass out of bed _before_ noon is wrong on so many levels. You are so lucky I don't kick your asses." We were supposed to meet at my house at twelve then go to the diner for a late lunch. It was one o'clock and Rose was nowhere to be found. We had sent multiple texts and left numerous voicemail messages. We hadn't heard from her at all.

Alice gave me her best bitch face and glared at me. "As if you could kick her ass or mine. I already told you. Rose is trying to get information about Edward out of Emmett. She said she'd meet us at your house then we'd talk it over at the diner."

"Can't we just go to the diner? Alice, I'm starving!" I whined. I didn't know why I was so hungry. Edward had stuffed my face with food all night. Literally. He'd hand-fed me chips a few times, and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to lick his fingers clean. I shivered as the memory replayed in my mind and I felt a ghosting on my lips. Alice cleared her throat, bringing me back to the present.

"You know, I really hate spending time with you some weekends. You're such a flippin' grouch when you don't sleep." She had pulled out her phone, and her fingers were flying across her little keyboard.

"Why do you think I tell you two to leave me alone until _after_ noon? I am much better when I get the amount of sleep _I_ want."

She looked up from her phone and shoved it into my face. "There. Are you happy now, grump? I sent her a text to meet us at the diner."

"Finally!" If it hadn't been my house, I would have been out the door and in the car before she could have said the word '_go'_.

**{(Q)}**

We were at the diner and had been staring at our menus for twenty minutes before hearing back from Rose.

"She's just finished with Emmett and said she'll be here in a half an hour."

"What? It doesn't take that long to drive here. Emmett lives like ten minutes away."

She laid her menu down in front of her, crossed her arms over it on the table, and stared at me as if expecting me to say something else.

"What?" I asked, frankly perplexed at what I could have said or done.

"Honestly, Bella? Sometimes I wonder about you." She clapped her hands together as if to pray and pressed her fingers to her mouth. "Do you really want me to explain what I meant and why it is going to take her so long to get here? Really? Can you not figure this out on your own?"

_Oh hell!_ "Just stop right there!" I put my hands up in front of me and bowed my head as if not looking at her was going to keep her from giving me the intimate details of yet another Rose and Emmett encounter. "I don't need to hear about Rose and Emmett's sex games from you. As a matter of fact, I think you _both_ need to stop sharing information with me. It's disgusting!"

"It's only disgusting because you aren't getting any, Bella. You know you could just jump Edward, have your way with him, and then run like a scared little bitch." She pursed her lips and quirked her brow. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to get me to take action, but no amount of prodding was going to force me to take charge like that. I could have admitted to being a chickenshit about the whole thing, but it wouldn't have gotten me anywhere better than where I was. In my eyes, there was nothing wrong with being careful. Being careful meant no rejection. No rejection meant no wounded Bella. I had racked up enough physical injuries, and I definitely did not want to add to the emotional ones.

"Yes, Alice. I am a proud prude for the moment. We don't even know how E feels anyway. I don't want to take that risk. He's too good of a friend, and I like what we have." _Okay maybe a bit more, but he doesn't know that. And they certainly don't need to know everything._

She pulled her menu up in front of her in dismissal. "Vella, Vella, Vella. All is not lost for you, my little Vella." Her menu started shaking in front of her.

"Vella?"

She kept the list in front of her as she choked out her words. "My new name for you."

"I don't get it."

"I swear!" She slammed her menu down in aggravation. "How are you so good at these games with Edward, but completely suck at them with Rose and me?"

"Maybe because he isn't so mean to me?" It was lame and I knew it, but how did I tell my best friend from junior high that a new guy suddenly owned my mind.

She groaned. "Whatever! Gah! Anyway…virgin plus Bella equals Vella. Voila!"

"Oh, yeah. You're hilarious. Why couldn't I figure out your clever amalgamation?" My tone was dripping with sarcasm as I rolled my eyes, emphasizing my displeasure. Neither one of them understood why I was still a virgin. Hell, sometimes I didn't understand it myself, but the constant reminder was starting to get to me. Could it just be a question of whom do I lose it to? Was it really that easy? I guess it could have been, seeing as how my body had been screaming for Edward since the day he walked into the cafeteria a couple of months ago? But should it be him or someone I've known longer?

By the time Rose arrived I was so hungry I probably could have eaten an entire herd of deer. She'd brought the waitress with her and ordered her meal as she plopped down beside Alice. We placed our orders as well, then after the waitress left, we settled back in our seats.

Rose was silently staring at her hands folded neatly in front of her on our table. I watched as Alice nudged her, and Rose shook her head ever so slightly. Alice's face fell, but she quickly masked her expression with a forced smile.

"So, ladies how are we going to finish off this weekend?" Alice's avoidance of the reason for our gathering was telltale and my curiosity was piqued.

"Oh no you don't! You two dragged me out here, now I want to know what's going on. What information were you trying to wrangle out of Emmett?"

"Oh, it wasn't information…but I did get what I went after." She was smiling, but silent, and I knew she was lying. If she had been telling the truth she would have continued to tell me about what she had done to keep his interest in the first place. She would have given details of the position she had put him in, how it felt, what he said and on and on and on, until I was completely and utterly revolted.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale. If you don't spill it right now, I will tell Jasper that it was you that killed his hamster when you were five." That's what she got for sharing information. I had so much blackmail material to use. If this didn't work, I would have to resort to telling her parents about Emmett's and her Sunday ritual.

"When did you turn into such a grumpy bitch, Bella?"

"When you two decided to get me out of my nice, warm and dreamy bed before noon. Now, get back to the subject, Rose. You are _not_ distracting me this time." I was determined to find out what they were so anxious about to get me here, only to attempt dropping the subject matter completely. It couldn't have been the news they expected which really worried me and was setting off alarms in my brain.

The waitress arrived with our food and the table fell silent again. I watched Rose and Alice as they exchanged a few furrowed brows and twisted mouths along with a couple of nose scrunches while the waitress set our meals in front of us. The hair on the back of my neck stood and the curiosity over the news was eating away at me. After making sure we were okay with our drinks and plates, our waitress left to tend to the other patrons.

"Out with it, Rose. You two thought it was _so_ very important that we get together today to discuss whatever the hell it was you were trying to find out from Emmett. So…what were you fishing for and what did you catch? And don't you dare start with the VD jokes to distract me." I was determined not to be deterred this time.

Rose briefly closed her eyes and let out a long breath. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." She looked at Alice pleadingly, and Alice frowned back at her before turning to me.

"Bella, we saw the way Edward was with you last night and we'd hoped he was just as into you as you are with him." She looked at her hands, suddenly interested in how her cuticles looked.

"And?" I felt my chest get heavy as the weight of what I knew was coming crashed down around my heart.

Rose took a deep breath. "And apparently the guys had worked it out that way."

"What do you mean the guys worked it out that way?" I didn't fully comprehend her meaning, but held tightly to my napkin on my lap. I was twisting it, manipulating it into a ball then unfolding it only to repeat the cycle. "Worked what out?"

"Ugh! Okay, fine!" She was clearly frustrated with her findings, but I was just as aggravated with her avoidance. The entire situation was grating on my nerves. "Look. They made it so that Edward was all handsy and all that bullshit last night so that no one would bother you, touch you, attack you or whatever the fuck it was they would have tried to do if he wasn't with you." Her hands were gesturing wildly as she spoke, and I knew.

My heart sank so low I thought it was in my feet. My chest kept to a twinge as it was held back by the heaviness of her words. I felt empty as my feet throbbed with the beat of my heart. If I had been standing, my knees would have buckled beneath me and I would have been in a heap on the floor. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to give myself an internal pep talk. Not so much a pep talk as a good scolding. _You're small town and plain, Bella. You knew he couldn't feel anything more than friendship for you._

**{(Q)}**

After my revelation that day, I resolved myself to having nothing more than a friendship with Edward. It wasn't like I could expect someone with money and really good looks to have any interest in me. He would probably be off to some Ivy League University after graduation, and I would be working my way through college—most likely in the state of Washington. He'd marry a perfectly proportioned bombshell of a wife with an equally wealthy family and have his two-point-five kids while living in a high-rise condo somewhere in a city that would recognize his talents. Not that I'd thought about it much.

I knew we had to settle back into our normal routine. It was the only way to get through the next year and a half with him. I would have to keep reminding myself that Edward was my friend and only a friend. I just hoped it was alright to be friends with his mother. Alice's mom and I were friends, weren't we? So hanging out with Lizzy would still make sense, right? And if I hung out with Lizzy, Esme was sure to be around some days. It's not like I would ask them to. It would just happen. So when I got a text from Lizzy after school on Monday, I had to admit I was a bit excited. I knew her feelings for me were never false.

**_Bella, honey, come over early. I have a surprise for you. ~Mom_**

I felt myself smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. Lizzy had tried for weeks to convince me to just call her Mom. I couldn't do it. Not that I thought it would be disrespectful to my own mother—let's face it, Renee hadn't been a mother to me in so long I'd nearly forgotten what one was—but she was Edward's mother. It just felt weird. It wasn't like she was my mother-in-law or anything. _Yet_. Absurd errant thoughts ran amuck again.

**{(Q)}**

As if she had been waiting for me, Lizzy opened the door immediately after I rang the bell. "Bella! Honey, come in, come in!" As soon as I stepped over the threshold, she pulled me into a hug. "I'm so glad you came over! How was your day?"

I giggled at how enthusiastic she was. "It was a good day, Lizzy, thank you. How was yours, and what has you so excited?"

"Oh, you!" The grin on her face was priceless. It was like looking at a little girl who was dying to spill a secret. "Do you remember what I told you I would do?"

"You didn't!" She nodded her head with such fervor I was afraid it would pop right off her neck.

"I most certainly did!" She looped her arm through mine and began pulling me toward the kitchen. There were pictures spread out over the granite top of the island Edward and I always studied on. Lizzy had been very sneaky with her camera the other night. She not only had photos from our voguing but from the activity of both parties as well. I'd never seen a flash that night. Truthfully I had been so wrapped up in Edward, I hadn't noticed much else.

"My gosh, Lizzy! These are great!" We poured over the pictures for the next hour, laughing at some of the faces the six of us had made while Lizzy had tried to get us to pose. I gasped when I saw the picture of Edward and me together. It was a good picture, but the difference between us was striking. He was so handsome with his gorgeous coppery hair, pale complexion and stubbly square jawline. I was still me. Even with the additional cleavage—which I hadn't seen since—I was still plain ol' Bella Swan.

"You two look good together." She squeezed my shoulders in a sweet hug, almost making me cry.

"He's a great guy and a really good friend. You're raising a good man, Lizzy." I started scanning the other pictures, hoping to find something to distract her attention from Edward and me. I wasn't ready to talk about feelings. I hadn't recovered from Saturday's revelation just yet.

"He's been better since we've moved here." She put her hand over mine. "You're a good influence on him, Bella."

I grabbed a picture from the countertop. "Oh, Lizzy! I love this one! Does he know you took it?" It was a perfect picture of my dad. He obviously hadn't seen her taking it, or he would have had a blurry scowl on his face from turning away. The corners of his eyes were crinkled, his dimples were deep, and his smile was broad as he laughed at something Carlisle was telling him. I didn't have a single picture of my father smiling. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I held them back. Lizzy didn't know she had given me a gift by allowing me a glimpse into a rare moment for my father.

"Oh sweetie. I will never tell my secrets from behind the camera. Well…one day I may tell you." She leaned in, and in a very motherly gesture, used her index finger to poke my nose. It was so endearing and I wanted to hug her, but stiffened at her next words. "Edward Cullen, I heard you come in, and I know you are standing behind us."

I heard him laugh and immediately began gathering the photos together so that Edward and I could use the space for our study session. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as he kissed her cheek and they went about teasing each other. I giggled with Lizzy when she squeezed my shoulders.

Edward and I said our hellos, and just as he was about to curse, Lizzy swiftly cut him off. She grabbed up the pictures, telling me to inform her of pictures I wanted and excused herself, but not before scolding Edward one last time. I swallowed my giggle, knowing there was no way Edward couldn't curse. It was in his makeup. If he didn't curse, he wouldn't be my Edward. _Damnit, Bella! Cut that out!_

The silence between us grew and I worried that it was because of what he had done to help protect me at the party. I didn't want him feeling like he had to do that all the time, but I didn't want to tell him not to. I liked the idea of him protecting me. It made me feel safe. Not in the fatherly, _no-one-comes-near-my-daughter_ way, but in the _no-one-fucks-with-my-friends_ way.

Apparently he could read my discomfort, because he questioned me. I told him I wanted to know what had him so upset, praying it wasn't me. When he said he liked seeing me happy, I wanted to be happy about it. _He_ wanted _me_ to be happy. I had to remind myself that it was just in a friendly way. _Friends always wanted their friends to be happy, right? _

Then the mindfuck began again.

"If you keep giving the vibe you're giving off, I won't be in a good mood much longer." It was such a simple statement, and yet again, he twisted my words the way he always had and used them against me.

"Did you just say vibe with a straight face and no blush?" Cue blush, because my mind was so not there.

I knew I needed to distract him and the only way to do that would be to berate him for his avoidance. So I did just that. I watched as he ran his hand through his hair and did that aggravating tug. I hated it when he did that. His hair was much too pretty to be pulled out at the root. So I scolded him for tugging at his hair. Who was I? His mother? Then, me being Bella with a need to be acknowledged, I made him tell me we were friends and did the most embarrassingly ridiculous thing I could ever do. I practically threw myself at him.

I walked over to him, put my hand on his forearm—because I desperately wanted the skin contact one more time—and let him know, "You can tell me about your good days and your bad days. It won't make me think any less of you. As your friend, I am here for you. _Whatever_ you need." _That's it Bella, you hussy! Let him know you are available. You might as well throw yourself on the counter and lay spread eagle in front of him._

He kindly thanked me, and I returned to my stool somewhat downtrodden and feeling a bit rejected. There was no reason for the feeling. It wasn't like I had asked him if he wanted me and he'd said no. It was just me hoping he'd understand my mixed signal, which was stupid because it was just that. Vella was trying to get a stud to acknowledge her existence and change her. _Stupid inexperienced little girl._ I licked my lips in a last ditch effort and asked him to tell me about his day. I was lost to him.

**{(QQ)}**

Much like every other year, Dad and I spent Thanksgiving with the Brandons. This year was slightly different since I'd brought an edible dessert. After school the day before, I had gone to Edward's house at Lizzy's request. She, Esme, and I had spent the entire afternoon and evening chatting and cooking as if we'd known each other all our lives. It felt like home standing in her kitchen, slicing and dicing right along with them. I'd had fun. Don't misunderstand me. I loved Alice's mom, Mary, but she wasn't a very good teacher, which is why I had jumped at the chance when Lizzy offered to show me a few things. That and the fact that I would be seeing Edward the entire time I was there was too compelling.

Four in the morning, the day after Thanksgiving, Rose and Alice had shown up at my door just as Dad was leaving for the station. Traitor that he was, he let them in. They literally pulled me out of bed and dressed me.

"Come on, Bella! We have to beat the old biddies to the sales. Must Christmas shop."

"Fuck off, Alice. You know my rule." I peered out through my crust laden eyes. "What the fuck time is it? It's still dark! Mary Alice Brandon, put me back in bed!"

"No can do, Belly." Rose. Another traitor.

"Rose, you are so going to pay for this." I knew it was an empty threat, but I was desperate. Honestly, Rose's strength scared the hell out of me.

"Consider this payback. It's a bitch and so am I."

"Payback? For what?" The words came out muffled as Alice pulled a t-shirt over my head. I was so out of it, I hadn't even realized the evil little sprite had removed my tank, leaving me naked, only to dress me in a bra and t-shirt just then.

"Letting the boys know what we think of their peens and the acts they use them for." I had all but forgotten about that night. Rose and Alice had told me about it the next day. I couldn't remember much of anything, but I had apparently compared Jasper's peen to the Empire State Building and told Emmett he was a bear in the sack. Not that I'd known first hand, but it was out there. Hell, it was their fault I knew the information in the first damn place.

"You know if you two just kept your damn mouths shut I wouldn't know that shit." _I'm right, you're wrong; now give me my damn certificate of accomplishment._

"Bella, we only share information like that because you need to know what you're missing out on. Like Emmett being able to …"

I quickly clapped my hands over my ears so that I didn't have to hear more and glared at her. "Don't you dare! I do _not_ need to know, because I will never get my hands on Emmett. And before you even go there Blondie-" she hated it when people called her that- "I don't want him. As far as Jasper goes… Do you like it when Alice talks about how your brother likes to tongue her…?"

"Alright! Stop! I get your point. Damn, you're a bitch when you don't sleep." In true Rosalie fashion, she scowled at me. How that bitch could scowl and not look marred by the twist of her face was beyond believable.

I had to smile at my accomplishment. I had actually beaten Rose at her own game after all these years and I instantly knew the reason for it. Edward Cullen.

"You bitches better be getting me coffee," I relented.

**{(Q)}**

By eight I was ready to kill someone. It felt like we had been to every store in the Port Angeles area, but according to Alice we'd barely covered twenty-five percent of the area. I couldn't fathom shopping for another nine hours. I briefly thought about calling Jacob to come rescue me, but decided to talk the girls into going for breakfast. Alice tossed me a Power Bar and told me to move my ass. I immediately began plotting vengeance.

By ten, I was desperate and, without much thought, called Jacob. I couldn't take any more of Alice's and Rosalie's shopping abuse. I had only slept three hours the night before, and I hadn't had enough coffee to keep me awake. Not to mention I was starving. I thought about the last time I had been so hungry and chuckled. _If Edward knew I was being starved to death, he would kick Alice's ass for me._

"Hello? Is anyone there? I can hear you breathing! If you don't answer me I will call my friend the police chief."

"Billy? Sorry. It's Bella." _Damn that Edward was always a distraction._ "Is Jake up?"

"Oh. Hi, Bella. Yeah, but he's out with Sam and the boys." I knew I hadn't talked to him in a while, but a little enthusiasm would have been nice.

"Oh, okay. Well can you tell him I called?"

"Sure, sure. Are you coming to the bonfire next weekend?" I had forgotten about it. The Council held one every first weekend of the month, and this month's was a story night for the Quileute legends.

"Uhm… I'm not sure, Billy. Have Jake give me a call later and I will let him know."

"Sure thing." I hung up before he tried to rope me into going over for Christmas this year. I already knew the Brandons were leaving town, and I was hoping Lizzy would invite me. It was wrong of me to hope to invade on their family's Christmas, but the truth of it was, I felt more comfortable with the Cullens than I had ever felt with the Blacks and Clearwaters.

By noon, I was ready to kill someone. I couldn't believe I had let myself be dragged out of bed in the first damn place. When Edward called shortly after, I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind to talk to him. When he'd called me sweetheart, I'd nearly melted. It soothed my mood just enough to be civil, but I was sure he could hear the irritation in my voice. He teased me about my sleep pattern, and I begged him to rescue me, explaining the situation I had somehow gotten myself into.

He started teasing me again and I nearly lost my cool. I actually called his car a stupid, shiny Volvo. I knew better. Attacking Edward Cullen's car would be like attacking his love muscle. You just don't do that. Unless you meant to use it. _Did I actually just think that? Stop it!_

"You know, it isn't nice to call the getaway car a stupid shiny car. You might want to be a little nicer to _The Silver._ If you're nice to The Silver, he'll be nice to you." The Silver? All those wonderful mind games and the best he could come up with for his car was "The Silver".

"How did I not know your car was a he? Don't most guys think of their cars as girls?"

"It's a stick shift, Bella."

"So?" What the hell did having a manual transmission have to do with anything? _Thank you, Jacob, for teaching me about cars last summer._

He told me he'd explain everything to me when he saw me. I bounced on my heels, excited that I was going to be near him today. I hadn't seen him at all yesterday, and it had made me feel off somehow. It wasn't normal to not see him on a Thursday. Holy crap! How was I going to handle the summer months? Would the Cullens vacation? Later. I would figure all that out later. Summer was six months away. There was plenty of time to separate myself from him a little. Or get closer…

I was starving, so I told him to meet me at Bella Italia. It was where we had gone on our first _non-date_. I sighed, thinking about how the restaurant was now my favorite place to eat. The memory of the two of us eating there would be sealed in my memory bank for eternity.

I nearly died when he told me that if I ever needed rescuing he was my man. I couldn't stop giggling. Even after we had hung up, I was giggling. It was ridiculous really. I could blame it on the lack of sleep for sure.

After a little arguing with the girls over my decision to head home, I was walking along the streets on my way to Bella Italia—happily bouncing in my gait—when it hit me. He was playing mind games with the sleep deprived; it was hardly a fair fight. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.

**_Don't need to explain why your car is a guy. I get it. Stick shift. Har har. Don't ever mention it again. ~B_**

**{(Q)}**

I sat on the steps of the restaurant and waited for Edward. I had three bags in my possession, having done very little shopping, because I had known exactly what I wanted to get everyone. I pulled out the pocket knife I had found for Jacob. The blade was personalized with Jacob's initials and had a wolf carved into its wood case. Even though Jake and I hadn't spoken much since the summer, I knew he wanted this, and I doubted that Billy knew about it.

Jake, like me, had never been keen on telling anyone what he wanted. We both had families of little means. I had seen Jacob eyeing this blade over the summer in a catalog and when Alice, Rose and I had walked by the knife shop, I saw it in the window. I excused myself from the dress shop they went into and went back to purchase it. It was more than I really wanted to spend, but the look on Jacob's face would be worth every penny.

"What's with the goofy grin? I thought we were in a pissy mood," Edward teased.

"I was getting better, but there you go spoiling it again." I was feeling better, probably getting my second or twentieth wind.

"Well, maybe I should just turn right around and go then. I wouldn't want to be around when you came undone." He was being playful. I could tell by the twist of his mouth, the hollowing of his cheeks, and the sparkle in his eyes. I had learned so many of his little intricacies.

"My _coming_ undone could be a good thing. Don't guys like to watch when girls _come_ undone?" I was going to beat him at our little game today if it killed me. Today was my day to wear the crown.

I watched as his mouth dropped open in shock. I allowed him to stare at me for a few moments before I stood and snapped my fingers in front of his face. "E, if you aren't careful someone is going to come by and pop something in that mouth of yours. And it might not be something you want."

_Hand me the crown, and show me to my tuffet._

**_ {(QQ)}_**

_**Don't worry! I know there is still more to cover to catch up to Eddie boy! You will get more in the next chapter. Bella wanted you all to see her side of things. She thinks you should know what happened from her point and why she feels the way she does. She had so much to say, I had to break it up into two parts. I know, bummer! LOL Please trust, don't flame! XO ~Corrina**_

**A/N:**** To my betas, Tiffanyanne3FF and Carabeth, I love you both; you know why.**

**Our new**** Twilighted thread—begun by**** I_luv_Spunk and her wild love for Button-flyward—has a little bit of crazy talk about button-flies, ass muscles, and the general hilarity of banter in friendships. Link is in my profile.**

**We hit 200 reviews after only eight chapters. Okay technically with the prologue, it's nine, but it is a milestone nonetheless. Thank you to all of you talking about SITBR and pimping the everloving hell out of it. *squishybewbiehugs* to all of you!**

**Finally, SITBR was featured on two blogs. Please take a moment to check them out leave a comment letting them know what you think.**

**-The first was run by****RahelMFZ****at http:/seriousfictionaddiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

**-The second was run by kellyprovence at ****http:/twi-ficpromotions(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/04/smoking-in-boys-room(dot)html**

**Please don't forget to review after you read, it pleases us (just had a Gollum moment!) and makes for easier writing. *wink***


	11. Chapter 10: Holiday Ho, Ho, Hos

**Disclaimer: ****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**A/N: … Are you still trusting me? We're still BPOV, so don't worry, you haven't missed a thing! And I know what you are all chomping at the bit to read about so here ya go.**

******________________________________________________________________{(0)}****_________________________________________________________________**

**************Chapter 10: Holiday Ho, Ho, Hos**

Lunch with Edward started out funnily enough. Edward was still in a state of shock after my little twist in our mind game. He hadn't expected it, which thrilled me to no end. A slight smirk played on his lips when we walked through the restaurant doors. His brow would furrow as he glanced sideways at me, and his upturned mouth formed into a bit of a pout. It was adorable to watch.

We arrived at the front of the hostess' podium and stood there a bit too long for my taste, so I cleared my throat, trying to get her attention.

Without halting whatever it was she was concentrating on, she raised a finger at me and annoyingly stated, "I'll be right with you."

I tiptoed and peered over the podium to see what she was so enthralled with. I was livid when I saw she was coloring tables on the damn laminated restaurant map. I rested back on my feet, took a deep breath and asked the first thing that came to my mind. "Is it really more important to color like a kindergartener rather than help a customer that could potentially bring your workplace money and you some sort of tip?" It came across nice enough considering she was making us wait so that she could color a map that, judging from the emptiness of the house, didn't really need color-coding right that very minute.

I watched as her jaw flexed and her forehead tightened just before she looked up and gave me an icy glare. I retaliated with my own narrowing eyes and contemptuous, close-mouthed smile. You know the smile where it's a bit of a pucker, your eyes are kind of squinty, and your nose scrunches up—that'd be the one. _Bitch, you do not know who you are messing with!_

"How many in your party?" she asked through gritted teeth, glowering maliciously.

I started to answer her question with an equally menacing glare when Edward intervened.

"Hi." He waved his hand between our dagger-throwing glares to avert her attention. "Hi…Colleen is it? I'm Edward."

She looked at him then, and I swear to you on all that is green in Forks in the middle of spring, the icy stare melted and she became putty in his hands—figuratively speaking of course. Her perfectly glossed lips turned up into a smile. She spoke her words with such an exaggerated sighing that I thought she might very well drop to her knees and offer to perform a different kind of service on Edward.

"Well, hello there, Gorgeous. Do _you_ need a seat?" She was either completely ignoring me or had forgotten I was standing there.

Suddenly, Edward's arm was around my shoulders, pulling me tightly to his side and I stiffened. _Here we go again with the bodyguard bullshit! _

"_We_ will be in need of a table for two, please." Then I understood why he'd done it. It was nothing more than a friendly gesture to get her to acknowledge me. She was being a bitch, and he was playing his part as my bodyguard. An overprotective one at that.

She raised her brow, rollng her eyes in my direction to glance at me before returning her gaze to Edward. She plastered a smile on her face, grabbed two menus, then turned to Edward. "Of course. Follow me, please." She swayed her hips exaggeratedly in front of us, and I could have sworn she flexed her ass a few times. She guided us toward the back of the restaurant, stopping at a table set for four in the center of the room. I started to pull out a chair to sit, but Edward pushed down on the back just hard enough to force it from my hands. I looked at him, perplexed as he gave me a wink.

"You wouldn't mind if we took that booth right against the wall there, would you, Colleen?" He was believably polite in feature, but his tone was more combative than quizzical. I knew he wasn't going to take _no_ for an answer. She seemed to understand that as well.

"Certainly not…" She leaned in toward him as if expecting something. If she leaned much further, she was going to pop a fake boob out of her completely pointless push-up bra.

"Thank you." He nodded in her direction politely and then looked to me, motioning for me to slide into the booth. I did so only to have him follow me in rather than go to the opposite side.

"Can I get you…_anything at all_?" She was looking pointedly at Edward, and I hadn't missed the stressing of her words. _Slut. If Alice and Rose were here, we'd have a field day making you run your ass off._

Edward turned his head to me and gave me a wink in such a way that she couldn't have seen. "Bella, _sweetheart_, is there anything you want from our server? I'm sure she's anxious to make us happy."

I almost burst out laughing but instead cleared my throat and grasped onto Edward's arm with both hands. "Oh, sweetie, you're always so good to me. I _am_ feeling a bit parched. Some lemon water would be very nice."

Edward sucked in his cheeks, and his nose flared slightly; I would imagine it was his attempt at keeping a straight face. He composed himself and turned back to her. "My Bella would like a lemon water, and I will have a Diet Coke, please." He turned back to me, grinning, and his eyes went wide.

So that I didn't blow our little game, I leaned my face into his shoulder, hiding the huge grin on my face and praying I didn't choke in my effort to keep from laughing. The look on Colleen's face was priceless. I watched as she huffed, spun on her heels and stomped off toward the kitchen.

Once she was out of earshot, I made an awful attempt at scolding Edward. "That wasn't very nice. Does your mother know you play games with women like that?"

"Don't even pretend you didn't enjoy that on some level, Bella. She was fucking rude to you and someone had to put her in her place." There was that annoyed tone again. The bodyguard was back and in full protective mode.

"She was, and I won't deny it was funny as hell, but E, you don't have to protect me from everything and everyone. I _can_ take care of myself, you know."

"Oh, I know. I've seen you trip over your own two feet and sprain your ankle so bad that I had to carry your books around campus. I was there when you dislocated your pinky; only God knows how you managed that one. There was one other… Oh! When we danced at the Halloween party—you stumbled over your boots then too."

_Oh Edward, if you weren't such a damn good bodyguard, I would kick your ass to the curb. _"First of all…"

"Here are your drinks. Our hostess said you asked for a lemon water and a Diet Coke." She placed the Diet Coke down in front of me, and Edward immediately corrected the placement, swapping our glasses right in front of the girl.

"I am your server, Siobhan. Have you decided on what you'd like to eat?" Yet another female to ogle Edward. This was going to be the longest lunch I'd ever had.

I took a deep breath and began looking over the menu as Siobhan ran through the specials, speaking only to Edward. I took my time reading over the menu, readying myself for the flirtations to continue for a while. It was ridiculous enough to hear the constant breathy tone girls took with Edward, and I most definitely did not want to watch as he dazzled the ladies in the restaurant. I knew he could very well be dating one in the not so distant future.

Even though I knew his touches had only been to protect me, I couldn't help but feel something in them. The heat of them still burned in memory on my skin as the new touches imprinted themselves with a scorching blaze.

Edward surprised me yet again. "Bella, honey? What do you want to eat?" he asked as he wrapped his arm around the back of the booth, scooting closer and leaning in to look at my menu with me. I was beginning to like the new game, but trying very hard not to get used to the attention.

I peered around Edward to look at the waitress and addressed her wide eyes directly. "How is the Mushroom Ravioli?"

She gave me a curt smile and responded in the simplest way she could. "Good."

"Edward, sweetie, she says it's good. I think I'll try that." It may have been a mistake ,and I would have to deal with the consequences later, but I leaned in and kissed Edward's cheek. As I did that, my body zinged with that all too familiar energy—my heart rate increased and my palms became sweaty. _What did you just do, Isabella Marie?_ I swallowed hard, straightening up and pretended to look over the menu once again. I could feel my pulse pounding harshly in my neck as my heart rapidly pumped blood through my body. I felt like it was going to pump itself right out of my chest.

Without missing a beat, Edward looked over his shoulder and told her we'd take two. Siobhan swiftly dismissed herself to place our order with the kitchen but not before giving me one last glare. If I was going to be Edward's friend, I was going to have to get used to them.

Edward and I were alone, and I feared what he may say or do for my earlier actions. "Well, that was a pretty smooth move, Swan. You deserve a fist bump for that bit of retribution." He held out his fist to me, and I bumped him with mine. "What made you decide to do that?"

_Oh hell in a beaded handbasket!_ I shrugged, taking my time to straighten the menus and place them on the other side of the table. "Instinct." It was the most I could say without cracking under pressure. What was I going to do, tell him I had wanted to kiss him for so long now that I figured that on the cheek was a good start? Hell no! I may have been naïve, but I wasn't stupid!

We continued our gameplay throughout lunch, because honestly, those chicks were not letting up. Edward didn't seem at all interested, so really I was helping him out. Right? I was doing my duty as a good friend. That's what Edward was doing when he was protecting me. It was only fair that I do the same for him. Yep, that's what I kept telling myself.

**----{(QQ)}----**

When we'd finished our meal—with numerous interruptions from both Siobhan and Colleen making sure everything was alright at our table—much to my chagrin, Edward paid for the meal without my knowing.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah sure, just want to pay the bill so we don't get arrested for eating and leaving."

"I don't think you have to worry about that." He actually reached under the table and patted my thigh before sliding out of the booth. "Grab your coat; let's go."

"E, where's the bill? I invited you to lunch and fully intend to pay since you drove out here to rescue me." I was trying my damnedest to stay calm. I knew he had money—it was one of many things that illuminated the differences between us—but that wasn't the damn point. It was the least I could do for interrupting his plans for the day.

"Bella, if my mother knew that I let you buy me lunch, she'd have my ass and you know it." He had to go and pull Lizzy into this.

"E, I don't care. You drove an hour to come out here and take me back home, which by the way is another hour back…"

"Thirty-five minutes."

"What?"

"Thirty-five minutes. It took me thirty-five minutes to get out here, and it will probably take me the same amount of time to get back. No big deal." There was no way he had made it here that fast. He wasn't there at the restaurant when I'd arrived. I tried picturing the cars on the street as I had walked up to the restaurant.

"How fast were you driving?"

He shrugged. "Wasn't really paying attention."

"Edward. My father is the Chief of Police. You _will_ drive the speed limit on the way home," I chided.

"Yes, Miss Swan." He bowed and presented his hand palm up. I grinned evilly to myself, pressed forty dollars into his palm and ran out of Bella Italia. Incidentally, running through a restaurant can be hazardous to your health. I must have bumped into a table and two chairs on my way out. My hips would definitely bear some very attractive purple bruising.

Edward caught up to me outside just before I tumbled down the steps. He grabbed the back of my jacket, holding me in place so that I didn't do a faceplant or somersault. "Aren't you forgetting something?" I turned around and saw that he was holding my bags out to me.

"Thank you for grabbing these. I can't believe I forgot the reason I was here in the first place."

"So, you're saying you're overwhelmed by my rugged good looks and charisma?"

"Well aren't we high on ourselves? How do you fit that big head in your little car?" He stared at me with a cocked brow and I immediately started running through the words I had just spoken.

**----{(QQ)}----**

It was decided that the entire week after Thanksgiving I would go to Edward's house right after school. On Monday, when I told Lizzy about our usual Swan/Brandon Christmas plans being cancelled due to Alice's family's absence, she'd insisted on calling my dad immediately.

Dad, as usual, had volunteered himself to cover their duties at the station. He wasn't willing to ask anyone else to forego spending time with their families. He said he could handle the guilt of seeing his daughter for only moments, but he wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of knowing he kept two other people from spending time with their entire family. It was a sacrifice I was all too familiar with during the holidays, but Alice's family had always been around. Not this year. The sad part about it all was that I wasn't as upset as I should have been. Once Lizzy divulged her plan, I was actually a little giddy with the thought of spending time with Edward's family.

After everything that had happened over the last few months, Dad had begun to warm up to Edward and his family. So much so, that after his talk with Lizzy, he was actually considering allowing me to stay with the Cullens while he was at work over Christmas break.

The next three days were spent with Lizzy and Esme while I waited for Edward to get out of practice. We went through recipe books, planned Christmas dinner, place settings, decorations, learned each other's family traditions, and talked about what everyone wanted for Christmas. I told Lizzy and Esme that having me over was more than enough of a present for me. I was so grateful to be a part of a family holiday. It was something I had always longed for. I loved my dad, but I had always envied everyone else for their families.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was overly excited about everything that would happen over the next few weeks. Friday night was the last game of the season, and it was against Quileute High. Jacob's team. Forks finished the season with only one loss—a huge difference from the last few years.

I didn't get the chance to talk to Jake because he'd left the field in such a rush. He still hadn't called me back after my numerous phone calls after Halloween. I was getting really pissed because he had ignored all my other calls this week; I knew from Dad that he had been home sick. I figured that meant he didn't want me at the upcoming bonfire.

I was a bit sad about that fact. Jacob and I had always been so close. We'd hung out every weekend before this year had started, but now we barely spoke to each other. I hadn't even known he joined the football team until I'd seen him on the field, fighting with Emmett a couple of months ago. When I'd seen him at the Halloween party, I was shocked at how muscular he had gotten. He now had a solid build that would probably rival Emmett's in a few short weeks at the rate he was going.

After the game, everyone agreed to go to my house and help me decorate for Christmas. Dad was never interested in it and I had always done it myself. This year was different. This year there was Edward. The only way I was going to be able to get him to spend time with me away from school and study sessions, was with our friends so it was under that pretense that I decided everyone should come over. I know. Rotten and underhanded, but I liked the guy so what was I going to do? I didn't have the looks or body that everyone else seemed to have.

We were all having a really good time. Edward and I were standing just under the staircase talking about our next project, when I heard Alice gasp. I looked at her and saw her wide smile. This was going to be trouble.

**----{(QQ)}---- ****----{(QQ)}----**

Dad basically had to drag me to the Quileute bonfire. I wanted to bring Edward with me, but Dad insisted it was impolite to bring an uninvited guest.

I had a decent enough time. Jacob kept his distance, which I admit was a bit unnerving, but Quil was sure to keep me company. Jake had told me over the summer that Quil had a thing for me. I'd told him it was just Quil being Quil. He was a big flirt and everyone knew it. He wasn't pushy with the girls, but he certainly thought he was a gift. It was endearing. He was the cute little brother I could tease or give a swift kick in the ass, depending on his attitude.

At the end of the night, Dad and I left both a little disheartened with Jacob's inactions.

"What is with you two? What happened between you two that you ignore each other now?"

"I don't know, Dad. He isn't returning my calls. I've been trying to talk to him since Halloween. He's mad about something, but I don't know what."

"Do you want me to talk to Billy?"

Did I? I missed Jacob, but honestly, with the way he had been treating me lately did I really want to deal with his pissy attitude toward me? "I don't think so, Dad. You and Billy gossip more than any women I know. Besides, what am I, twelve? If he wants to talk to me, he knows how to get ahold of me."

"I suppose so. You know, your old man wouldn't mind you being twelve again." He ruffled my hair.

I ducked out from under his reach. "Seriously? I don't want to go back to that age. I was more awkward and unbalanced then than I am now."

"Yeah, but your old man didn't have to worry about boys then."

"Like you have to worry about them now." I rolled my eyes and looked at my father just in time to see him grimace. "What makes you think there are boys to worry about?"

"You spend a lot of time with Edward Cullen, Jake is mad at you but stares at you all night long at the bonfire, and I hear word that the Newton boy wants to ask you out."

"Dad? Seriously? I mean, look at me. Edward and I are just friends, and Jake is like a brother to me; I think you misread his intentions. Mike Newton can fish in another pond because this girl is definitely not wanting to be hooked."

"Bella, honey, your Dad may be old, but he isn't blind to what other men see in women. You are a pretty girl."

"You have to say that, you're my father."

"I say that because it's true. I'm a cop, young lady. I don't lie."

The rest of the trip home from La Push was spent in silence. I knew Jake had feelings for me, but I didn't share those same feelings for him. I also knew about Mike Newton, but there was no way in any kind of hell I was going to go out with that ass. As far as Edward Cullen went, I already knew he didn't want me. I knew Dad had completely misread whatever he saw in Edward's eyes. We were friends. Plain and simple.

**----{(QQ)}----**

The following Friday Alice and her family left for Maryland, and we had a mopey Jasper on our hands.

Thankfully everyone had agreed not to go to the Winter Formal on Saturday. Jasper didn't want to go without Alice, even though she had insisted he take me. Frankly, I didn't want to have to worry about who Edward might have taken. The fact that he stuck to the group's decision made me happier than I could even express in words. Alice's absence caused another hole we hadn't anticipated. What were we going to do with our normal Saturday night gathering?

Lizzy invited everyone, including Dad and me, over for a decorating party on Saturday. The Hale and McCarty families had a similar plan to the Cullens. Dad had to work, leaving me alone, so he agreed to my attending the Cullens'. That was when the nights of my sleepover with Edward Cullen began.

**----{(QQ)}----**

"Well, come on you two! Pucker up!" Esme had managed to somehow get Edward and me under the mistletoe hanging in the archway to the kitchen. Alice's trickery from the previous week played in my mind.

Edward and I looked at each other, each giving a meek smile. He gave me a slight shrug before closing his eyes and puckering his lips. I closed one eye, peeking at him with the other, and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I heard him groan and felt bad that I had let Esme trick us like that. I had pulled him out from under the mistletoe when Alice had attempted it, and I should have thought to do it this time as well instead of subjecting him to this torture.

When I looked up, Esme had gone and Edward and I were still standing under the mistletoe. "Sorry about that. If we didn't…well you know how your aunt is." I waved my hand dismissively and walked toward the kitchen, leaving him standing there. I honestly didn't know what else to do. If I stayed there it would have felt awkward…well, more awkward than it already had. I was sure he would rather be with the guys anyway.

I entered the kitchen and saw Lizzy and Esme leaning into each other, whispering like the meddling little matchmakers they were.

"Anything I can help with, Lizzy?" They both spun around like they had just been caught doing something they shouldn't have, which only confirmed my suspicions.

"Bella! Uh…no sweetie, I think all the food is set out. We should start decorating. Don't you think we should start decorating, Esme?"

"Yes, yes I think we should."

"Alright. I don't know what you two think you're up to, but Edward and I are just friends." It hurt me to say it, but it had to be said aloud. Not only for their benefit, but for mine as well. I had been reminding myself of that very fact for months now, but it was getting harder and harder to stick to that belief. I wanted more, but Edward obviously did not feel the same.

"Yes, of course sweetheart. We know that. Don't we, Lizzy?" Esme elbowed her ever so slightly as she smiled up at me.

I immediately thought of my missing pixie's evil little spirit existing in these two meddling mother hens.

After dinner, we all set about decorating Lizzy's and Ed Senior's home. We'd even set the formal dining room. Lizzy and Esme had such exquisite tastes. The dining room table was made of a beautiful cherry wood, thus sealing their decision against any sort of cloth to cover its natural richness. Each place setting was perfectly fixed with a red herringbone placemat and napkin, a simple white bone china plate and shallow bowl, a red, green, or gold wine goblet (alternating in color around the table), a crystal wine glass and the Cullen family silver. Esme had found these little golden acorn ornaments in a little antique shop in Port Angeles and had fastened them together in pairs. At Christmas dinner those acorn sets were to have a tag tied to them with the name of the person to occupy that seat. Fresh holly and berries adorned the center of the dining table with gold and silver tinsel balls.

I was in awe of the intricate detailing that went into decorating their entire home. Fresh pine garland hung over the mantle, making the entire house smell woodsy. Rich maroon velvet ribbons were tied along every rail of the banister leading to the second floor.

Carlisle and Edward Senior boasted about cutting the fourteen-foot tree down themselves from the very woods outside the house. The tale seemed to be just that, and out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Lizzy and Esme looked at each other and rolled their eyes. It was the funniest thing to see all of them acting so young and carefree. I glanced over at Edward, who was perched on the ottoman with his hand firmly planted on his forehead, shaking his head disbelievingly. It was like a scene from National Lampoon. The comedy I saw in its entirety caused me to burst out laughing. The hilarity of the situation was just too much, and soon everyone joined me.

When the boisterous laughter finally died down, there were tears in everyone's eyes. I looked at Edward, who winked and smiled, causing me to want to turn to see who was behind me. I knew no one would be there; I'd spent the entire day with his family. This was, by far, the best day I'd had in my short life thus far.

Lizzy suggested we all get some rest. Everyone seemed completely exhausted from the night's activities. I only then realized it was to be the first of many nights I'd be spending at Edward's.

Lizzy led me to the room she had set for me. I gasped at its luxuriously plush yet tastefully simple decor. There was a beautiful wrought iron bed set in the middle of the room. Iron roses were woven into the railing of the headboard as if it were a trellis. The bed was adorned with various shapes and sizes of accent pillows in golds and creams, an ivory-colored down comforter and an elegant chenille throw at the foot.

There was a beautiful golden upholstered chaise with claw feet done in a cherry wood near the window that overlooked the lake. A beautiful cherry hope chest rested on the floor at the base of the bed. I knelt in front of it, my fingers tracing the skillfully carved roses. I had never known such things really existed.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Christmas Eve arrived all too quickly. Dad managed to take a little time to steal me away from the Cullens for a couple of hours so we could exchange gifts. We drove back to the station so he could be there if a call came in.

"Remember your dad isn't good at this gift stuff. Wrapping paper is not my friend."

"They do make gift bags, you know."

"What kind of Dad would I be if I didn't attempt to wrap your gift?"

I laughed. "A lazy but smart one."

"Open it before I take it back." He tugged at his moustache in an attempt to hide the grin playfully displayed on his face.

I tore the wrapping open bit by bit. It seemed he had used an entire roll of tape on the six-inch by eight-inch package. Once I got through the mass of paper and tape, I found a beautiful journal covered in purple velvet. I flipped open the front cover to find an iTunes gift card taped there. I didn't even know how he knew I'd wanted those things.

I pulled up my own gift bag, which held the tackle box from Newton's he'd been talking about since last Christmas, and placed it in front of him. Thank goodness I wouldn't have to listen to him talk about all the different bait boxes and spinnerbait and yada, yada, yada… All these years and I still didn't have a clue what any of that meant. I just knew it made him happy.

"Is…Bells…thank you." He was blushing and I couldn't figure out why. He cleared his throat, and I peered at him more closely. It looked like my father was trying to keep from crying. My manly-man of a father was having an emotional moment. Not wanting to embarrass him, I feigned an interest in every page of my journal. It soon turned to real interest as I realized there were quotes faintly printed in the background of each page.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the page I had happened upon. It was right for an explanation of what I felt for Edward.

"_I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.  
__I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me._  
_I love you for the part of me that you bring out."_

I was a different person when I was with Edward, and I liked that person. She was smart, witty, pretty, and fun. I liked the person Edward was, and I liked the games we played. It felt like he had intensified my ability to think on my feet, making me more able to give back what I was being given without much hesitation. That was evidenced nearly every day we spent together. I was getting better at the quick comebacks and loved what he was able to make bloom from me. Love may have been a strong word…wasn't it?

_**----{(QQ)}----**  
_

When Dad dropped me back at the Cullens', I heard piano music faintly lilting through the cold winter air. Ed Senior greeted me warmly as Silent Night drifted toward the doorway. I walked into the parlor to find Edward seated at the piano. Esme and Lizzy had both told me he was a gifted pianist, but I had never heard or seen him play. His fingers floated gracefully over the keys, making the heavenly sounds dance among the strings of the beautiful antique piano. Esme had told me just last week that it was a Masen family piece from Lizzy's side.

The gentle melody shifted easily to Away in a Manger. Edward's fingers were definitely gifted. Who knew a football jock could have such elegance and grace hidden away in his hands? I should have known simply from the way he moved his body when we had danced. Edward could do anything. This was yet another item to add to the list of things that attracted me to him. I was so far gone and still had to erect that damn wall around my heart. I feared I would never be able to build it tall enough. It would wait for another day.

Christmas was a time for giving and sharing. I was going to share every part of me with Edward and his family. I could keep my truer feelings for him a secret from him. After Esme and Lizzy's antics a few weeks ago, I knew they had an inkling of how I felt.

**----{(QQ)}----**

When I awoke Christmas morning, I felt like a little girl again. I was instantly awake, gleefully anticipating the morning's coming events. A huge smile played on my face as I crushed the down pillow to it and squealed like I was that carefree little girl. I hopped out of bed and pulled my dad's robe tight around me, tying it off by wrapping the belt around myself twice. I threw on the slippers Alice had given me last Christmas and quickly walked to the bedroom door. Placing my ear against the mahogany, I listened for muffled stirrings from the hallway and adjoining rooms.

Just as I settled my cheek to the wood, there was a gentle knock on the door. It caused me to jump, but in all my excitement I quickly pulled the door open and found Edward standing there. A broad smile quickly spread across his face.

"Well aren't we a happy one this morning. It's only," he glanced down at his empty wrist, "eight in the morning."

"It's a special morning!" I answered excitedly.

"Who are you and what have you done with Bella Swan?" Edward asked playfully.

I placed my hands on my hips and gave him the best scowl I could manage, while the smile remained. "Be nice or you won't be getting your gift from me."

He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, peering into mine. "There's a little of the Bella I know and lo-ike. Now come on! We have some major gifts to open." He held out his hand to me and I gladly grabbed it, following him out the bedroom door and allowed my mind to drop what it thought it had heard. There was no way Edward Cullen had started to say the L-word.

As we came down the stairs, bulbs flashed and morning greetings were shouted. At least I knew where Edward got his cheerful morning attitude from. If I was going to continue to be around the Cullens, I would have to work on my morning disposition. Esme pulled me from Edward and squeezed me so tightly I thought I might lose an eye. Flash. Carlisle was next with his signature shoulder squeeze from the side. Flash. Ed Senior stood in front of me, seemingly a little unsure of what to do. I wasn't even sure what to do, but since he was Edward's father, I did what felt right. I hugged the man tight around his waist just as I would my own father. He returned the hug and I glanced up to see a smile on his face. Flash.

"Alright, you old codger, out of my way." I saw Lizzy playfully swat at his arm as she made her way around him to me. She pulled me in for a tight hug and whispered into my ear. "I am so glad you are here. You will always be a part of our family." Flash. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I had grown so close to her, and I couldn't help hoping that what she was saying would be true. I knew Edward and I were friends now, but I didn't know if my heart could take it if he started to date someone. I didn't think the thin wall around my heart was strong enough yet.

Thankfully the Cullens hadn't gone overboard. Lizzy knew how I felt about them giving me gifts, and I was glad she had reined it in for me. I got an iTunes gift card from Lizzy and Ed. I got a new backpack from Esme and Carlisle, which I was ecstatic about simply because my poor tattered bag couldn't possibly hold out another month, let alone another year and a half.

I had found a beautiful hatbox in Port Angeles and thought it would make a wonderful photobox for Lizzy and Ed. Alice had helped me decoupage it and I had stenciled the Cullen name onto the lid. When Lizzy had expressed how beautiful it was and asked where I had gotten it so she could get a few more, I had to explain to her how unique it was. She and Ed were more touched that I had taken the time to put such effort into their gift.

Esme and Carlisle had been tough for me. I had known them the longest, but what do you get the couple that seemed to have everything—except what they wanted most? It wasn't like I could adopt a bunch of kids for them. What I had been able to do was get a book of letters together from the kids whom both Carlisle and Esme had helped through the years—myself included. I had gone to Pastor Weber first, hoping he would know how I could get to the kids without the Cullens finding out. That was where my search ended. He pretty much took care of the whole thing, even making sure the kids knew to keep it a secret. I got a three-inch thick binder, covered it in fabric and in a small frame, carefully glued to the front, were the words "Cullens' Kids". Even though they weren't parents, they had cared for the children of Forks for years in their own loving way.

Edward's gift had been much harder, and I was worried about what he would think of it. I knew he played the guitar and the piano. Lizzy had told me over and over how good he was, and I truly had not known until just yesterday. Lizzy said when Edward was younger he'd sit at the piano for hours working on his own melodies. I had a hell of a time trying to find what I was looking for, but begged Laurent's assistance. He had a friend in town make what I wanted and give me one hell of a deal. I felt bad, but Laurent made me promise to continue to visit and recommend his 'fine establishment'.

Edward and I exchanged gifts, and I waited for him to open his before I dared rip a corner on the package in my hands. I watched as he carefully removed the paper and folded it neatly in front of him. I began gnawing on my nails as he went around the base of the box, making sure to part the tape carefully so he didn't rip the edges of the box. I felt like I was sitting on a bed of needles as he slowly took the lid off and began unfolding the tissue I had wrapped his gift in. He had a perplexed look on his face as he pulled the leather portfolio out.

I had seen one just like it in some photos of Mozart and Bach. A leather portfolio with leather ties to hold their compositions in. I had gone to a Kinko's in Port Angeles and printed some blank sheet music on some paper that looked like old parchment. It was a big risk considering I didn't even know if he had been composing anymore.

Edward untied the leather string, opened the cover, and I held my breath. His confusion quickly turned into shock. I saw his face shift into a look of awe. I couldn't get a read on whether or not he liked it. When I saw him start to look up at me, I panicked and looked down at the gift nestled in my lap. I started to play with the corners just to busy my shaking hands, when he enveloped me in a hug.

"Thank you, Bella. You have no idea how much I needed this."

"Yo-You're welcome, E. It's okay if you don't like it, I'm sure I could…" He pulled back without releasing me and cut me off.

"No! I love it. I've had something stuck in my head and with this…I think I'll finally get it down." I looked over his shoulder and sought out Lizzy's approval. Apparently I had both her and Ed Senior's approval. They were both beaming glassy-eyed at me.

"It's your turn. Open up." He gave a nod to the still unwrapped gift in my lap.

I briefly thought of giving him the same torturous time he had just given me, but I was suddenly anxious to see what he had found for me. I tore through the wrapping and found what looked like a photo box. I lifted the lid and found a note lying atop the already full box.

_Bella,  
I know your dream is to be listed amongst your favorite authors one day.  
I hope this box brings you all the encouragement you need to get you through the rough days and remind you of the good.  
Your devoted friend,  
E_

There were tabbed cards that read of some of my favorite authors. Dickenson, Tennyson, Bronte… between the tabs were notecards. I pulled one from Bronte to read from it.

"_Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad!  
only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!  
Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life!  
I cannot live without my soul!"_

Truer words were never spoken. How was I going to get through this life I never knew I wanted but now craved? I needed Edward Cullen. He was my life and my soul may very well perish without him.

**----{(QQ)}----**

Esme and Carlisle were throwing a New Year's Eve party and it was crazy. It seemed like everyone in town was there. Mike Newton had done his usual, following me around like a freaking lost puppy. It was so annoying. I didn't get why he and that popinjay Jessica didn't hook up. They were perfect for each other.

The closer midnight got, the more anxious I grew. I'd been to these sorts of parties before, but had never been bothered by the fact that there was no one to kiss. That was until then. Now, no matter how hard I tried not to, I wanted to kiss Edward. More importantly, I wanted him to want to kiss me. Jacob's words from the other night kept ringing in my ears.

**----{(QQ)}---- ****----{(QQ)}----**

Jacob had called me the day after Christmas after being silent for nearly eight weeks. He apologized for not returning my calls, saying he was just so upset that they had lost to Forks and didn't want to ruin my mood. What the hell that had to do with me, I didn't know. He asked me to drive out to La Push, because his Rabbit wasn't doing so well in the cold weather.

I agreed, gathering up his and Billy's gifts and made my way out to his house. When I'd arrived Jacob pulled me into a crushing hug and apologized over and over again, swearing he'd never do anything like that again.

"I have missed you so much, Bella. It feels like forever since we've just hung out."

I nodded, not really knowing what to say. I didn't want to admit to Jacob that I had finally found someone that I wanted to be around more. Someone that was making me realize some very personal things about myself. No matter how much I had thought I didn't want to change, Edward had a positive impact on my actions. I wasn't necessarily sure of my direction now, but I knew I liked wherever it was I was headed.

"So… I got you something." I bristled as he placed an unwrapped rectangular jewel box in my hands. Jewelry was too personal. I wasn't ready for this and definitely didn't want it from Jacob. He was always ready to commit to me, but I just didn't feel that way toward him. I wasn't sure what I would say this time. "Are you gonna stare at it all day or are you gonna open it, Bells?"

I gulped down the lump in my throat and slowly creaked the lid open. Inside was a beautiful silver chain-link bracelet with a little wolf charm on it. "Jacob. It's beautiful." I smiled in spite of myself. It really was beautiful. The little wolf charm was formed from driftwood, and the detailing on it was absolutely astounding.

"I wanted you to have a piece of me with you, always. I whittled that charm myself, Bella." The detailing of it was so fine. I could see the mouth, the eyes and even the little nostrils on the wolf's snout.

"It's beautiful, Jacob." I wrapped one arm around his neck and gave him a quick hug. Before I could pull back completely, Jake had my face between his hands.

"You're beautiful, Bella."

"Jake, don't do this." I didn't want to have to break his heart again. I knew what it did to him every time I said no. I had always been honest with him, but he just wasn't getting it.

"Bella, just listen to me, alright?" I nodded my head and he dropped his hands, only to grasp mine. "We've known each other since we were little. I've listened to your dreams and your fears. I know you better than you know yourself." He took a deep breath, and I thought I saw him grimace for a split second. "I know you have feelings for this Cullen guy."

"No, Jake." I started shaking my head in denial. I wasn't ready to admit it to anyone else. It was bad enough that Rose and Ali knew. I had already felt the rejection when we had found out about the bodyguard duty, and I didn't want to relive it again.

"Don't deny it. I saw you two at the Homecoming game, then at the Halloween party. I wasn't even sure until the party, Bella. His hands were on you the entire time, and you didn't even try to move out from under them."

"Jake, he was protecting me. That's it. The guys arranged it so that I would be protected." Why was I even explaining this to him? Was it really his business, or was I just trying to remind myself of why I couldn't explore my feelings for Edward?

"Bella, I don't care what they told you. I saw you. Look, I want you to remember something. I love you. I know you hate hearing that from me, but it's the truth. I love you. I have loved you for a very long time, Isabella Marie, and I always will. This Cullen guy just got here. He doesn't know you like I do."

Oh, if only he knew how well Edward actually did. Edward knew the updated version of me. Jake was holding onto his dream Bella. The quiet, sedate Bella who listened and stood by while everyone else was living. I stared back at Jake and raised my brow silently questioning whether or not he really believed that.

"Don't give me that look. I love you. Bella, you will be a plaything for him. Don't you see? He's going to make sure that you see him as a friend—a really good friend—before he makes his move. Then he's going to have you give yourself over to him. Bells, once you do that, he is going to toss you aside. Then what will you do?"

Tears were welling up in my eyes and I tried to turn away. Jacob had just spoken my fears aloud. They were out in the open now, and I couldn't deny them. He'd just seen the pain show on my face. It was evident in the tears falling down my cheeks, which he was studiously wiping away with the pads of his thumbs.

"I'm not saying these things to hurt you, Bells. I just want you to see him for who he is. I mean how much do you really know about this guy? Did he have a girlfriend wherever the hell it was he came from? What are his plans after high school? I know what your plans are, and I know what I want mine to be. Mine include having you in my life. Always." His hand had somehow reached the back of my neck without me realizing it. He pulled me to his mouth and began kissing me. I felt his tongue trace my lips and try to force me to open to him. But it wasn't him I wanted. I couldn't let him have me, and I couldn't have what I wanted.

I pulled back and pushed on Jacob's chest. "Jake, don't. I've told you before; I like our friendship the way it is. I don't want anything more than that."

"Bells..."

"I need to go. I'll call you later." I left his and Billy's gifts sitting on the couch beside him and ran out the door. I jumped in my truck and ground the ignition until the engine roared to life. I saw Jake standing in the doorway as I pulled away. Damn him for forcing me to hear my fears spoken out loud. I didn't want to think about it at all.

Unfortunately for me, it kept playing in my mind the rest of the week. I started having nightmares of Edward and me kissing before he would turn to a crowd of people and laugh at me. Jessica and Lauren were there with smirks plastered on their faces. Mike and Jake were there holding signs. Mike's read "Will you go out with me now?" and Jake's reading, "I told you so. I love you. Come back to me." I always woke up with a tear-soaked pillow and a pain deep in my chest.

**----{(QQ)}---- ****----{(QQ)}----**

So there I was at Carlisle's and Esme's party, midnight only minutes away, looking for a good escape. I could go to Edward's house and hide out in the room I had been sleeping in periodically over the last couple of weeks. I could drive home and take comfort in my own very familiar room—alone and without the comfort of knowing Lizzy was in the house ready to give me a comforting motherly hug.

I was standing by the kitchen door, staring out the beveled glass into the dense wood. I knew I could get lost in the darkness of it and possibly never be found, but I was actually toying with the idea of hiding out there. It could be weeks before anyone would find me, but I didn't know the woods well enough, and I was too chickenshit to venture that far out in the cold and dark of a winter night.

I felt a tingling creep up the back of my neck just before I felt his hand grip my bicep, spinning me around to face him. "Hi." Such a simple little word and yet the weight of it bore down on my heart. I whispered back the same and waited for him to continue.

He shocked me with his next words. "Listen, I'm going to kiss you. Neither of us has anyone to kiss and it's the New Year, so just go with it alright? No arguments." I knew I was blushing. I was shocked, but somewhat excited at the prospect of kissing Edward.

"3… 2… 1! Happy New Year!" Everyone was shouting, but all I could focus on was Edward's lips lightly touch mine with a little spark. He wrapped his arms tightly around me, pulling me closer to him. I let my body melt against his and every one of my senses heightened. I felt his mouth open, then his smooth tongue traced my lips, and I knew I wanted more. I opened my mouth to him, clutching at his back as he deepened the kiss. I whimpered into his mouth as the sweet taste of punch swept through my mouth as our tongues learned each other. I felt one of his hands make its way up my back and cup the back of my head, pulling me closer.

Jacob's impressions about Edward started playing in my mind, and I suddenly needed to disappear. Everything he had said was happening. I was freely giving myself to Edward. My nightmare was unfolding in front of me, and I needed to get away before he had the chance to toss me aside. I felt the tears prick at my eyes, and I pushed hard against his chest, causing him to stumble backward. I clasped my hand over my mouth and ran as fast as I could out the back door. I heard my name shouted, but I kept running, willing my shaking legs to carry me as far away as I could get.

Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't see where I was going. Worse still I had left the warmth of the house and entered the cold near the river.

I knew I had travelled far from the house, because I couldn't hear the music or the party-goers' cheers anymore. My lips were still electrified from the feel of Edward's mouth over them, and my chest still felt as though it were tightly pressed to his. My hands cramped at the thought of grasping at Edward's clothing and emptiness of them became overwhelming.

My foot caught on a root and I tumbled, spreading my arms out in front of me to stop my fall. I felt a pain radiate up over my elbow and into my shoulder as cried out. The taste of punch became sickeningly sweet and I vomited violently. I turned away from it. If I could just shut my eyes tight enough, I could sleep and this would all be a bad dream. I was internally pleading for it all to be a complete fallacy.

I wasn't sure how long I had lain there already, but I knew I was getting very tired very quickly. I laid my head on my arms and closed my eyes just so I could get a little rest before I headed back.

**----{(QQ)}----**

I was floating through the air and hearing hushed sentimental words coming from a distance. I heard Emmett, Lizzy and Esme. Then I heard Rose, Carlisle and Ed. Finally, I heard his voice. But it didn't have its usual soothing or jovial tone. It was anxious and…frightened? This was all wrong. He wasn't supposed to be upset. Edward was, for the most part, a happy guy. A bit of a jackass at times but never worried or scared.

"She may have broken it. I'll have to take her into the hospital and have it x-rayed. What's worrying me more is that she's been unconscious since Emmett found her, and we don't know how long she was out before that." As Carlisle spoke, I wondered who Emmett had found that was hurt.

"I could still smell her vomit, Doc, and it was all slushy. I almost stepped in it, trying to get her up off the ground." I realized Emmett and Carlisle were talking about me. I was the one that had been unconscious when he found me. I was the one that was hurt and needed to get x-rays. It was my vomit that a usually very squeamish Emmett had nearly tramped into.

I tried to move my arms to sit up but cried out in excruciating pain. My eyes flew open as an agonizing stream of pain ran from my bicep to my wrist and up to my shoulder.

"Bella, try not to move that arm. I know it hurts, but I need you to keep it immobile as much as possible." Carlisle was lightly touching my shoulder with one hand as the fingers from his other hand encircled my wrist. "Esme, love, go and grab the sling out of the guest bath. It will have to do until we get Bella checked out." Esme gave me a quick little frown before she ran upstairs.

"Lizzy, call Chief Swan and let him know we are taking Bella to the hospital to be x-rayed." I looked to my left and saw her eyes brimming with tears as she stroked my hair. I felt a light pinch on my arm but ignored it and smiled at Lizzy. She gave a brief nod and walked into the other room.

"What can I do?" Edward's low tone made me wonder if he was hurt himself.

"Dude! Don't you think you've done enough? You're the reason she ran off!" The only other person I had ever seen Emmett go off on like that was Mike Newton. I watched as Edward grimaced and bowed his head as if he was ashamed of what he'd done. Truth was, I'd wanted him to do it. For so long I had waited for the feelings that would happen, and they were so much more than I had thought they could be. I had literally wanted to crawl into his body or have him crawl into mine. I hadn't wanted to be separated from him, but Jacob's words replayed in my mind even now and I couldn't deny them.

"Emmett, man, I mean no disrespect, but we don't have the faintest idea what happened so why don't we take a step back and figure all this out later?" Jasper: the ever so cool voice of reason.

"Why don't we let Bella decide what she wants later, and in the mean time we all go home?" I looked to Rosalie who crossed to me. "You," she pointed her long elegantly painted fingernail at me—or was it two?--"listen to what these fine doctors say. Text me when you get up tomorrow and I will come and see you. No arguing, Bella Swan! I see that look on your face, so don't you dare deny me." _We have entered bitch mode—commence eyeroll. _My eyeballs felt so heavy, and everything went dark.

I fought to open my eyes and gave a little nod. "Yes, mommie dearest. I will be on my bestest behavior, and I promise, promise, promise to text you as soon as I wake up." My lids felt heavy, but I stared into Rose's eyes as best I could. All four of them.

Rose looked up at Carlisle. "Did you already give her something?"

"I gave her a shot of morphine so I could keep her immobile without hurting her too much."

"Are you certain that is wise, Carl? What will her father say?"

"I've been treating Bella for her injuries for nearly six years, Ed. I know what Charlie approves of. Bella and I have a long history of medical visits. Don't we, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes sir we do, do, do." I nodded as best I could, but my head felt so heavy I couldn't tell if I had or not. My eyes had closed of their own volition, so I couldn't see the movement of the room to know either. So much for staying up to party past midnight.

* * *

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	12. Chapter 11: Melodies and Musings

**First a note:**** I do apologize for the tardiness of this update, and I thank each and every one of you for your patience.**

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**Did you miss him? He's back! On with it!**

**________________________________________________________________{(O)} ________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 11: Melodies and Musings**

It was the perfect opportunity to finally kiss Bella, and I knew it. Aunt Esme had managed to get us together under the mistletoe. I could have kissed the woman for her meddling this time, because it had worked to my advantage. Adrenaline began pumping heavily through my body as I tried desperately to stifle the excitement I was feeling. I could feel the pull toward her grow stronger, and damn I wanted to just fucking go with it. If we didn't hurry up and do this, my mouth was going to be too dry to kiss her appropriately. I needed to get my fucking nerves straight.

We looked at each other, and I knew what I needed to do—what I had fucking wanted to do for months. I had dreamt about this, imagining it happening, for so long, and I was facing my chance just then. I puckered my lips and leaned in with my eyes closed, ready to deepen the kiss the minute I had her acceptance. I wanted this…no…I fucking needed this. I eagerly licked my lips before puckering up. Much to my dismay, it was chaste and over all too quickly. I groaned, knowing yet another opportunity had knocked on my door, and the door had been slammed in my face then tightly sealed. Fuck my life.

When she apologized for the kiss, I wanted to tell her the only thing she had to apologize for was not giving up a real one. It wasn't that I was frustrated with her; I was incensed with my own cowardliness. My balls had apparently been sucked up into my chest, because I definitely was not using those fuckers for any amount of courage.

She ran off before I could gather my thoughts, so I went about the business of pretending to be a man among men—crazy old men who liked to stretch the truth when it came to retelling certain events. While Bella was busy with Mom and Aunt Esme, I was in the living room, watching football and listening to my father and Uncle Carlisle try to outdo each other with their stupid patient injuries. Thankfully, Bella's name was never brought up. I didn't want to have to worry about beating elderly ass. Not that I would have, but I would have seriously thought about it. Probably. Maybe not.

Later on, Dad and Uncle Carlisle were jokingly telling a story about how they had gone into the woods behind our property and cut down the Christmas tree themselves. We all knew they were lying, and soon Bella was in a fit of laughter causing the rest of us to laugh along with her. She was so damn beautiful, and I wanted to just fucking grab her and kiss her hard on the mouth. Instead, I kept my ass glued to the ottoman I had occupied for the evening and smiled at her. I didn't think the night could get any better.

I was wrong, of course, because somehow I had forgotten that it was the first night Bella was staying at our house. She was going to sleep in the room across the hall from mine. It was like Christmas had come early and she was my gift, waiting to be opened. Being the horny teenage motherfucker that I was, I was looking at her as if she was a possession—could anyone really have been surprised by that? I wanted to go in there, see how she slept and what she slept in. _Please be something loose and thin!_

After everyone had gone to bed, I snuck out of my room and crossed the hall to Bella's. I slowly turned the handle and began to open the door and sure as shit the motherfucking thing creaked so damn loud I thought for sure I had woken my parents. I let go of the handle and raced back to my room, closed the door as softly as I could, and jumped in my bed, lying as still as possible while holding my breath. I soon gave that up, because it was hard as hell. The fear of my parents finding out that I was trying to enter Bella's room had me breathing heavily, like I'd smoked a pack before running a scrimmage.

It was probably a good thing, considering a lack of breathing might be cause enough for concern. Although heavy breathing might have them wondering if I was whacking off. Either action would have forced whoever came to check on me to approach my bed and investigate more closely. I slowly steadied my breathing and listened for footsteps from the hall. As I lay there, I thought through the last few months and tried to figure out how I had allowed myself to get so wrapped up in Bella Swan. My family loved her, and she was permanently woven into our lives whether I wanted her there or not. Truthfully, I wanted her there all the fucking time. Emmett knew it. Mom and Dad knew it. Shit, even Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle fucking knew it! Too many fucking people knew, and yet the one I really wanted didn't. I needed to hash out how I was going to get Bella and myself on the same page. She needed to know how I felt without me coming across as the ass I'd always acted like.

----{()}----

During breakfast the next morning, I excused myself and ran up to my room. Before anyone had gotten up that morning, I had safely tucked a can of WD-40 in my trash can under my desk. Carefully checking to be sure no one was coming up the hall, I crossed to Bella's room. I sprayed the hinges and instantly smelled the pungent chemical odor. I tried fanning the hinges with my hands, then blowing on them, and finally giving up, ran back to my room, into the bathroom, and grabbed the flowery air freshening spray that Mom had insisted would help hide the "unwelcomed and unpleasant stenches of manhood." She could have just said my shit stunk.

I ran back into the hall and sprayed an overly generous amount of the floral scent around the door frame. The combination of the two chemicals smelled like Tanya's mother's perfume—that shit had always made me hurl. I was battling the urge to gag when I heard someone coming up the stairs. I darted back into my room and into my bathroom, being careful to shut the door quietly. I dropped to the floor, threw open the cabinet doors in haste and stuffed the air freshener in the very back of the cabinet so that it couldn't be seen unless someone was really looking for it.

The knock on my door startled me, and I nearly hit my head on the cabinet in my rush to get back up.

"Edward, sweetheart, are you feeling all right?" Mom's concerned voice called out from the other side of the door.

I backed up to the toilet before answering. "Yeah, Mom, I'll be out in just a minute."

"Are you sure, sweetheart? You left the table rather abruptly, and you've been gone for a while."

"Mom! Give a guy a break!" I seriously did not need this shit right now. No pun fucking intended.

"Well, just don't use so much air freshener next time honey. I can smell it all the way out in the hallway. It only takes a little to cover it up, honey."

"Mom! Seriously! Can we not do this?" I was losing it. My mother was outside my bathroom door, lecturing me on the proper use of air freshener to cover up the stench of my shit. Literally, my shit. Fuck my life.

"It's okay, honey. It's a natural process of…"

"Mom!" I had to cut her off because this conversation couldn't be happening while Bella could just walk by and hear my mother talking to me about my fucking bowel movements.

"Okay, okay. Let me know if you need Pepto or some toast."

I flushed the toilet to keep up the charade and ran to the door, pulling on it roughly. "Mom. I seriously need you to stop with this mess." I peered around the doorway, past my mother toward the hall and thankfully saw no one else out there. I knew Bella hadn't been by because her door was the way I had left it.

Mom loosely covered her mouth with her hand and spoke softly. "Oh, right. I will be quieter next time. I hadn't thought of the embarrassment of Bella walking by. But really, honey, it's only natural." She winked at me. My own damn mother, who could ruin me with her _when Edward was little_ stories, winked at me, knowing that the person I desired most in this world could walk by at any minute and hear this ridiculous conversation.

After breakfast, Bella went home to spend some time with Chief Swan. He had the day off but would be back on shift first thing the next morning. I spent the entire day trying to keep from going stir crazy. I still hadn't managed to get a gift for Bella, and I was at a loss. As desperate as I was, I decided to ask for my mom's help, giving up my internet searches and going downstairs to find her.

She was flitting around the kitchen, preparing dinner before Dad got home. The table was only set for three people, and I again felt the absence of Bella. She'd only been gone a few hours, but it was as though she had been gone for weeks or months.

"Mom, what did you and Dad get Bella?" I asked.

She didn't halt her preparations and didn't bother looking in my direction. "Well, honey, Bella wanted us to keep it simple. She said that she didn't want to be fussed over, so I honored her request. I enjoy her company too much to upset her. You should try that someday."

"That's not very helpful to my situation, Mom. Wait…what the hell? I don't upset her!"

She chuckled, and then turned to face me. "Don't you raise your voice to me, young man," she said, playfully waving her finger at me. "You know just as well as I that you have a way of sometimes upsetting that poor girl." Her brow furrowed slightly as she looked up at me. "What is it, sweetheart? Haven't you found a gift for her yet?"

"No and I don't know what to get her. I thought about jewelry, but I don't have a clue what she'd like. She's got every book she's ever wanted. I just don't have any ideas of what to get her."

She sighed, cupping my face and giving me a pitied look. "My poor baby boy. You really do like her, don't you?"

"Aw, Mom. I'm not your baby, and please don't make me say this sh-stuff all over again. You already know how I feel about her."

She narrowed her eyes and stared into mine as if she were searching for something. "Edward, honey, what makes you think she doesn't feel the same for you?"

I had to roll my eyes at her question. Bella feeling that way about me would be my dream-life meeting with reality. I just didn't see that happening…yet.

She dropped her hands and expelled an exasperated breath. "Well, I suppose you know her better than the rest of us. You know her likes, her dislikes, her dreams and goals. What can you derive from these things that could help you figure out a gift for our beautiful Bella?"

I couldn't help the smile that quickly spread across my face. My mother had called her _our beautiful Bella_, but unfortunately, my mother had clearly lost all concept of what help actually was. I was obviously on my own in my hunt. Bella liked the classic novelists, and she loved writing; of those things I was certain.

----{()}----

Later the next day, armed with that information, I drove to Port Angeles, praying I could find what I was looking for. I decided to start with Bella's favorite book store. I enlisted the assistance of Laurent, who had no clue as to what I could give Bella that would combine both. He sent me to his wife, who was just finishing a storytime reading session with a group of kids. I waited for her to say her goodbyes to the kids before approaching her.

Irina told me of something she and her husband had seen in a recent publication. It was a box of notecards. Each notecard held a quote from an author's work. The quote was scripted on the front and the backside of each gave information about its location in the book. She showed me that among the notecards were tabbed dividers with each author's name containing a brief biography with a list of their works. It was perfect.

She told me they had been unable to get a shipment in, because all the major bookstores had pretty much cleaned the company of their stock. Irina walked me to the front counter where she went online and did a search for me. We quickly found that every outlet was out of stock. I was determined to have one for her, but I was obviously out of time with Christmas so close.

I thanked Irina for her help and rushed from the store. If I couldn't buy what I wanted, I would have to go about making one. If it took me staying up every night until Christmas, I would do it. I had just one week, but Bella was worth every effort to get this done. All I needed were Google, notecards, dividers, a box, and some good pens. I flexed my hands, thinking of the cramping that was bound to happen numerous times over the next several days.

**----{()}----**

Two nights later, I took a break from my task and snuck across to Bella's room. I opened the door slowly, anticipating a soft squeak, but heard none. The room would have been dark if not for the moonlight coming through the large window. The silhouette of her body beneath the covers enticed me forward. While my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, I slowly made my way to her. She was lying on her side in the middle of the bed with her hands tucked underneath her pillow. A lock of hair had fallen in front of her face, making me want to move it so I could see her.

Moving slowly, I sat down gently on the bed and waited just long enough to see if she would stir. When Bella didn't move, I grasped the silky threads of hair and moved the offending strands to lie at her back. A small smile appeared as she nuzzled deeper into her pillow. I grinned, knowing that even while she slept I could make her smile. Yeah, it could have been her dream, but a guy could wish…couldn't he?

"E." I leapt from the bed, fearing that I had awoken her. "Please…stay," she spoke breathily.

I stared at her glowing, moonlit face. Her eyes were still closed, and she hadn't changed her position on the bed. She was still sleeping. Dreaming. I started running through a list of names in my head of all the guys at Forks High whose name started with an 'e'. For the life of me, I couldn't remember what she called Emmett or anyone else. I couldn't bring myself to believe that she was calling out to me.

"Edward."

Did we know any other Edwards? My brain made quick work of our class roster. I couldn't think of anyone, but that didn't mean there wasn't another fucker out there that she wanted more than me—that is if she wanted me at all.

"Kiss me."

_Whoa! _I thought maybe I'd heard her wrong since it had been just a whisper. It made me wonder if my mom hadn't been correct in her assessment of Bella's feelings for me. Hope implanted itself in my chest as it imprinted the memory of this moment into my brain. If Mom was right, my timing had to be perfect. I had to make sure that I did things right with Bella. One wrong move and I could be regretting my actions for a very long time.

I thought about the previous week, when Dad and I had talked about how he knew when he was in love with Mom. He said he'd made sure he had no regrets with her. He took action when he felt it was warranted. He said he couldn't let her be the one that got away. _I_ couldn't let Bella be that for me either. I didn't know if I loved her, but I knew I had very strong feelings for her, and I couldn't see myself without her in my life. If that was any kind of love, then so be it. Call me a hooked motherfucker, and take me off the market; I didn't care.

I stood where I was at the side of the bed, looking down at Bella's sleeping form. "Soon, my Bella." I whispered. "Very soon."

----{(QQ)}----

Christmas Eve morning I woke late to find Bella's room empty. When I questioned my mother, she'd told me that Chief Swan had shown up and whisked Bella off for a few hours of family time. I was instantly grumpy. As selfish as it was, I felt no remorse for my feelings. I knew it was ridiculous to be jealous of her father, but I wanted Bella with me. Having her here in my house had been both a blessing and a curse. The blessing was being able to spend time with her, learn more about her and just be. The curse of it was not being able to touch her, tell her how I felt, or kiss away the crease in her brow when I found her deep in concentration. I wanted to be everything for her, just as she secretly was for me.

I had planned on doing something, anything with Bella when I had awakened, but finding her absent had me wandering the house aimlessly. I had finished the last bit of her gift late last night. My hands were cramped from their overuse in the last week, but I didn't care. I had the next week to let them relax…if they weren't busy touching Bella. A guy could dream.

I was trying to find something to keep me busy. My room had been kept impeccably clean, because I hadn't wanted Bella to think I was a slob, so there was nothing to clean. There were no chores to do, because Mom always kept a tidy home. I wound up wandering into the parlor, eventually circling the family Steinway, tracing the beveled edges of the aged wood with the pads of my fingers. The shine on the wood was evidence of the care Mom had always given it.

I pulled the velvet padded stool out from the antique piano and sat eyeing the eighty-eight keys. It had been so long since I had played, and I knew Mom secretly hoped I would play this Christmas. Aunt Esme had been dropping not-so-subtle hints that it would be the perfect Christmas gift. I lightly set my hands on the keys, hearing the soft tunes sound from under the lid. I closed my eyes, hearing a melody play through. I didn't think I had heard it before, but it was a soft piece of music. After a few minutes of letting it settle into memory, I pushed it aside and began playing _Deck the Halls. _I was a little rusty, but by the second chorus my fingers were again moving skillfully over the ivory.

I was in the final refrain of Silent Night when I heard Dad greet Bella at the door. I saw her standing just at the edge of the parlor and decided to continue to play. I let my fingers walk over the keys playing _Away in a Manger_, choosing to let her see me in this way. No one outside my family had ever seen me play. I had always felt vulnerable and exposed. I was letting her see a part of me that I had never cared to share. It was a monumental moment for me, and I would have to tell her about it someday.

----{()}----

That night, I drifted in and out of sleep—dozing really—taking miniature naps throughout the night. My mind and body both knew Bella was across the hall, but if she was as excited as I was, she wasn't sleeping much at all. I couldn't risk entering her room tonight for fear of being caught. She'd think me a pervert or a stalker, and I'd never be able to explain myself.

I started pacing the hall between my room and Bella's as soon as I heard my parents leave their room to head downstairs. I thought I heard a muffled scream come from her room and grasped the knob ready to pull it open. I thought better of it, because I didn't know if Bella was dressing and fell or what really was happening. _Don't you want to see her naked? _Common decency won out, and I quickly put my ear to the door. I heard her shuffling around in there and the anticipation became too much. It took all my willpower to control my knock by keeping it gentle.

The door was thrown open almost immediately, and I couldn't keep from smiling when I saw the expression on Bella's face. She had the widest grin I had ever seen grace her face.

"Well, aren't we a happy one this morning. It's only—" I looked at my empty wrist pretending to check the time. I was only guessing at it since I didn't really know how long I had been in the hall. "Eight in the morning."

"It's a special morning!" She exuded so much excitement that it was difficult to contain my own, but I had to tease her. It was our thing.

"Who are you, and what have you done with Bella Swan?"

I watched as she unsuccessfully made an attempt to shift her features to one of anger. Her eyes were dancing with excitement, and the smile was still prevalent on her face. "Be nice or you won't be getting your gift from me."

_Oh, Bella. You have given me a gift. You just don't know it yet. _I furrowed my brow, gritted my teeth and leaned in close to her. I looked her in the eyes and playfully stated, "There's a little of the Bella I know and lo-ike." If I had just ruined everything that I had been building with her all these months, it would destroy me. I only hoped she hadn't heard my error and moved on quickly, extending my hand to her. "Now come on! We have some major gifts to open."

As soon as our feet hit the lower steps, my mother's camera was flashing as my family greeted us. Aunt Esme tugged Bella's hand from my grasp, and I emitted a low growl. Uncle Carlisle must have heard me, because he quirked his brow and frowned at me, shaking my recently emptied hand.

Aunt Esme and he traded places, and she pulled me into a hug, whispering in my ear, "She's just as beautiful as ever. You would do well with her, Edward." As she pulled back from me I gave her smile and a wink.

I walked over to my Mom, who hugged me so tightly I thought she might crack a rib. I watched as my father greeted Bella. When the two of them hugged with such earnest, I felt so proud to have such a loving family. They were so accepting of my Bella, and I knew with the utmost certainty that they would be by my side when I finally introduced her as my girlfriend.

Mom passed her camera off to me and made her way over to Bella. After teasing my father, Mom hugged Bella and whispered something in her ear. I took a picture, wanting to capture the closeness shared by two of the most important women in my life. Through the lens, I watched as Bella's eyes became glassy and her smile widened. I instantly wanted to know what my mother had said to her to make her cry. A part of me wanted to hold her and tell her not to worry, but I held back. I was sure Mom wouldn't have said anything to upset her.

We all took a seat in the living room near the tree as my father—donning a Santa hat—began to pass out the gifts. I had asked him just the other night to be sure to start with Bella so we could get the focus off of her as quickly as possible. I had learned in these few short months that she didn't like being the center of attention. I wanted her to be comfortable here…always. I didn't want anything to make her feel like she wanted to leave.

Dad decided a round-robin would be best, but began with Bella. She opened my parents' gift and seemed happy with it. I think she was happier that they hadn't gone overboard. I was itching for Dad to get to my box so I could see whether she liked it or not. My thoughts bounced back and forth between feeling excited about it and dreading it. The whole thing had me feeling apprehensive, because I didn't know if she'd like that I had to make the shit myself. I thought about getting to the tree and hiding her gift in the hall closet, but I couldn't work out how to accomplish the task.

All my fears collapsed in a heap when I saw what Bella had done for Mom and Dad. I knew it was more for Mom, but Dad would be happy to finally have the photos removed from his desk. When Mom asked Bella where she'd bought the hatbox, Bella explained to her that it was a unique piece, but that she'd be happy to show Mom how to decoo-something. The fuck if I know! Mom actually teared up. I didn't remember ever seeing my mother tear up over a gift. Dad just kept rubbing her shoulders and whispering in her ear. I wondered what he was saying to her, because she just kept nodding, and I thought she may have said "I hope" at one point.

Apparently, my parents' decision to not go overboard on the gifts included me. I definitely was not getting those new wheels for the car. Damn! I had to use my own damn money to buy those fuckers. They were a sweet set of wheels too. I had worked it out to have the Cullen crest etched into the center of the cap. Mom and Dad, instead, gave me an iTunes gift card…same as Bella's. Yay. I didn't mean to be ungrateful, I was just really hoping for the wheels.

I got Mom and Dad a two-night stay at the Manresa Castle in Port Townsend. It wasn't really that big a deal; I just thought they could get away for a couple of days. Maybe one weekend…I could be alone in the house…have a friend over…maybe more. I was just trying to increase the number of opportunities I would have to be alone with Bella. That in mind, I booked the same for Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme. Might as well clear the neighborhood!

I guessed Mom had told Aunt Esme about Bella's wishes too. They had bought her a new backpack. There wasn't anything special about it—it was just a fucking backpack—but Bella treated it like it was the best thing in the world. I had to admit her backpack wasn't exactly in the best of shape, but to get that excited over a bag? Only a girl.

I watched as both Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle got weepy over their gift from Bella—which was still sitting in the damn box. What the hell was this girl doing to my family? No fucking way in hell was she going to get me to cry. They were thanking her without pulling it out. I tried sitting up taller to see what it was. Finally, Uncle C pulled it from its box and held it up. On the front was a frame that said "Cullens' Kids". They didn't have kids and I was the only kid with the last name Cullen in Forks, so I didn't get what the fuck the idea was. I started to get mad until, through tears, Aunt Es started explaining what was inside the binder. Bella knew my family much better than I thought she did. It was perfect.

Her gift for Mom and Dad was perfect, and they could make more together. That would mean Bella spending more time in my house and I didn't care that it was with Mom and not me. Her gift for Aunt Es and Uncle C had letters from all the kids they had been around all these years. Again, perfect. I became excited at what Bella would give me. How well did she know me?

It was down to Bella's and my gifts for each other. I couldn't wait any longer. I was going to rip the damn thing open, but I didn't want to look like a total ass. I took it painfully slowly, carefully removing the wrapping paper and folding it. I noticed the box was taped. Damn this girl for making me take this long to open a gift. Shit! I took my time again, making sure I didn't rip the box while I was trying to break the tape. I finally got the lid off and quickly unfolded the tissue paper, not giving a shit if it ripped anymore.

I looked in and saw a leather folio with a leather strap around it. I was confused how well Bella could know the rest of my family and be so out of sync with me. I released the folio from its binding and opened it up. I felt like a complete ass when I realized what she had done. She did get me. She got me completely, just like she had the rest of my family. There were blank composition papers neatly stacked inside of it. The only thing to hold them in the folio was the leather strap. It was just like all the great composers of history.

I felt my eyes start to sting, but I wanted to look at her so bad. I needed to see what it was in her that knew us so fucking well. I noticed she wasn't looking at me, so I moved toward her. She still hadn't opened her gift but was toying with the corners it. I took a chance and wrapped her in my arms.

"Thank you, Bella. You have no idea how much I needed this." I really did. The melody I had set aside in my mind only yesterday was ready to be put to paper. I would start composing again.

"Yo-You're welcome, E. It's okay if you don't like it, I'm sure I could…" she stuttered.

I had to stop her. How could she think I didn't like what she'd done for me? I pulled back, but kept my hold on her. I wanted to feel her in my arms for as long as I could. "No! I love it. I've had something stuck in my head and with this…I think I'll finally get it down." If Bella hadn't been there in front of me, I probably would have started the second I'd realized what it was. "It's your turn. Open up."

She started biting on her lip, which was helping to slow my anxiety, but was going to cause a problem in my pajama pants. If I had been wearing jeans, it might have been easier to hide. She tore through the wrapping quickly and got to the box. My anxiety shot to new heights. Any issues I had been concerned about only seconds ago were lost.

She lifted the lid, and I watched as she read the note I had lying on top of the cards. I felt like the air was getting thicker with every millisecond that ticked on. For a chick that read a lot and liked to read, she sure as shit was a slow reader. Then, I saw a tear fall, and I knew I had done something right. Fucking finally!

----{(QQ)}----

The day after Christmas, Bella was gone from the house again. I knew her dad's schedule, so I knew she hadn't gone home. When I questioned Mom about it, she said that Bella went to go see a friend on the reservation. I ground my teeth together and went back up into my room.

I was pissed. We'd been spending all this time together, getting closer, and after the gift she had given me, I knew this girl knew me. Really knew me. She knew all of us…cared about all of us. If I had to guess, I'd say Bella was psychic, could read minds, or was just an extremely smart girl. I'd always believed she was smart.

There I stood, wondering if she really was smart. I mean, she had me and then there was her _friend_ in La Push. I was the better choice. That guy was a fucking hothead, always looking for a fight. Next time I saw him, he'd get one for sure. That fucker needed to be taught a lesson in how to leave _my_ Bella alone.

After I'd calmed down, I went back downstairs and spent some time with my mom. Thankfully she gave up the remote and let me watch the football game.

When Bella got back to the house, she went straight up to her room without so much as a word to either of us. Mom and I just kind of looked at each other for a minute before she patted my knee and got up from the couch. She went straight to the kitchen and made lunch. Every part of me wanted to know what had happened on the reservation, but I didn't want to upset her.

Mom called Aunt Esme to come over for a visit. When she arrived, Bella came down seemingly back to normal. Whatever had upset her didn't seem to exist anymore. The rest of the afternoon, I watched football while they went through photos and talked about the New Year's Eve party. I probably couldn't tell anyone the score of any of the games, because I really wasn't paying attention. I kept watching Bella.

I knew within minutes that everything wasn't alright. Mom and Aunt Es may not have noticed, but when they were busy chattering to each other, Bella's nervous habits started. She would be biting her nails, then she'd chew on the sides of her cheeks, and once in a while she'd just stare out the window. She glanced at me only once, but when I returned the look, she quickly turned her head and found something on the table to capture her attention.

Late that night I crossed the hall again. There was no creak from the hinge as I opened the door. The only sounds were Bella. Bella was whimpering and speaking very low. I closed the door behind me, afraid of what would happen if I got caught sneaking into her room. The last thing I wanted was for them to pull the plug on Bella's sleepovers.

Bella's words were in whispers, but as I got closer they became clearer. I just wished I understood what it was all about. I couldn't tell if she was scared or worried.

"You're wrong."

I sat gently on the bed in front of her. I wanted to hold her and comfort her.

"Edward…please."

It was like she'd read my mind and was asking me to. I slowly moved my hand to hover over her shoulder.

"He's wrong."

I held my breath and lowered my hand. She felt tense at first, but almost immediately relaxed. I felt the difference and saw it in her face. Her features fell back to their natural state, and she smiled. I had made her smile, again.

"Stay."

Fuck, I wanted to. I really fucking wanted to. I wanted to lie down beside her and hold her, feeling the length of our bodies pressed together while we slept. I was again warring with myself over what was the right thing to do. Fuck that! I knew what the right thing to do was, but I was trying to figure out if there was any way to get away with doing the wrong thing.

If I did lay there and she woke up, would she freak out? Probably. She might even scream, which would wake my parents. Waking my parents would have been a bad thing. Waking my parents would mean no more Bella sleepovers. I couldn't let that fucking happen.

I saw her lips form a pout, and I knew what I wanted to try. It couldn't hurt to try one thing, right? I quickly worked out my reasoning for being in her room. If she woke up I could just tell her I'd heard her crying and wanted to check on her. It could work. I removed my hand from her shoulder and pushed myself off the bed to stand. She hadn't moved, and her lips were still in a pout, begging me to kiss her.

I placed my palms on the bed to steady myself so that I didn't fall on her. I leaned down and whispered, "Everything will be okay, Bella. I am here…always." Before I stood, I let my lips gently touch her temple, then pulled back before I did anything else. I went back to my room feeling like a bit of a pervert. I really needed to stop creeping into her room at night.

----{(QQ)}----

New Year's Eve was spent at my aunt and uncle's house. They had invited numerous people from the hospital and some colleagues from the Olympic Coast. Why all these old fuckers decided to drive to this town, I couldn't figure out.

Because Bella had been such a big part of the planning and I was in their lives, they had allowed us to invite Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper and their families over. The Brandons were invited too, but they weren't going to be back in Forks for another couple of days.

Midnight was quickly approaching, and there would be no one for me to kiss. I knew Jasper was missing Alice, but he had already snuck up to a room and was talking to her on the phone so they could enjoy the beginning of the year together. Chief Swan was on duty and unable to attend. Everyone else was coupled up except for Bella and me. I decided I would make a fast exit a few minutes before the countdown started.

Five minutes before the countdown, I walked out back and onto the deck, needing to get some air and get away from the pressure. Unfortunately, I found Rosalie and Emmett sitting on one of the loungers wrapped up in a blanket, whispering to each other. They were oblivious to my gawking as I hid in the shadows. He'd smile, stroking her cheek, and say something. She'd place her hand on his chest and kiss him in response.

The sight of the two of them like that made me jealous. Jealous because they were doing what I wanted to do. They had what I wanted to have. I wanted Bella and me--together. I instantly thought of claiming an obligation to kiss the only other single person at the party. I could do that, couldn't I? It wasn't really an obligation…more like a fucking burning desire! I needed this to happen more than I wanted it to.

Determined, I walked back inside and searched for her. I found her quickly and stalked over to the very beautiful girl that could give me everything. She headed for the front door. I sped up to catch her before she could leave, and just as the countdown started at ten, I grabbed her arm, spinning her around. "Hi."

Her response was so quiet I almost didn't hear her. I didn't really care. I just needed to say what I was going to say and do what I desperately wanted to do.

"Listen, I am going to kiss you. Neither of us has anyone to kiss, and it's the New Year, so just go with it alright? No arguments."

Her blush spread swiftly, and I suddenly felt very warm myself. I knew I was blushing and didn't really give a shit. This whole thing could go one of two ways. She could hate my guts and never speak to me again or she could feel the same way and give herself to me. I really hoped she gave herself to me.

"3… 2… 1! Happy New Year!" The cheerful voices resounded off the walls as I leaned in, gently brushing my lips with hers. My lips experienced the same shock I felt every time our hands touched. I wanted more. I needed more. I needed her to know what she had done to me these last few months. I pulled her against me wrapping my arms around her, wanting her to open her mouth to me. I ran my tongue along the closed separation of her lips, urging her to open to me. As my tongue crossed over the center, her tongue darted out to meet mine. The tip of my tongue tasted her, but I still needed more. I pushed forward, penetrating her mouth, and I could swear I heard her whimper as her hands came up to my chest.

Then she wasn't in my arms anymore. She had shoved me, and her hand was covering her mouth as her eyes widened. She looked as though she were going to cry.

I didn't understand, but reached out to her. "Bella?"

She turned then, quickly pulling the door open, and ran out. I started to go after her, but Emmett stepped in front of me, stopping me. "Dude! What the fuck was that?"

"Emmett , man, look. I'll be happy to explain everything, but right now I need to talk to Bella." If I didn't get to her soon…she'd think this was all a game.

I'd only realized the day before that I knew her as well as she knew me. I knew what she was going to do. Bella would do what she always did when something upset her. She was going to withdraw from everyone. But I knew where I could find her; she had at least shared that part of herself with me. The problem with that was I didn't know exactly where. I only knew where it started.

"I don't fucking think so, bro!" He put his arm out, clotheslining me and keeping me from going after Bella. "You have some explaining to do to all of us." He motioned behind me.

I chanced a glance over my shoulder and saw two sets of eyes glaring at me. One of those also had her arms crossed over her heaving chest. If looks could kill, I would have been dead at least four times over. This wasn't going to be easy.

Emmett's hand came down hard on my shoulder, gripping it painfully tightly.

"I'm going to go look for Bella," Rose stated, her tone dripping with so much hatred.

"Babe, I don't want you going alone."

"Emmett McCarty, give the He-man attitude a rest! I can't just let her wander around out there alone! Did you hear her truck start? No! That means she's out there, alone and upset, because of this asshole!" Rose punched my arm hard, and I had to admit, she had some real power in her swing.

"I'll go with you. It's not like I have anything in here to do except knock the shit out of the asshole anyway. You got this covered though, don't you, bro?"

I knew Jasper wasn't talking to me. I knew exactly where my ass-kicking would be coming from.

Jasper and Rosalie rushed out the door in search of Bella. Emmett still had a tight grip on me, and I didn't know that he was going to be loosening it anytime soon.

"Look, Em, I know what you're thinking, but don't. It was just a kiss. I just…"

"You know, man…I told you. I fucking told you, to make damn sure you knew what the fuck you were doing before you did it."

"Emmett…"

"No! You fucking listen! We all told you in the beginning how important she is to all of us. How protective we all are. You were warned. You stay the fuck away from her!" He shoved me hard against the wall before he left out the same door our friends had.

Fuck! I didn't even know if I still had friends. I didn't know if I still had Bella. The possibility of losing her felt like a tourniquet tightening around my chest. I couldn't think of anything that would immediately fix this. I didn't even have a friend to talk to about it with, because I was the villain. I was the outsider that, even after all the warnings, had seriously messed shit up.

I went out the front door and sat on the boulder on the other side of the driveway. I wanted to go look for her, but didn't know if that was the best idea. I was sure wherever she was, she was better off with them than she was with me. I sat there, staring out into the woods and tried to figure out what the fuck I had done that was so terrible. Yeah, I knew I had fucking kissed her, but what the hell was really wrong with that? She had kissed me back. I knew that fucking much. Her arms had been wrapped around me too—hell, she had clawed at me.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt pressure on my back.

"My goodness, Edward. It's just me, honey. Everyone is leaving; you should come say your goodbyes." Mom always knew when something was wrong and would rub my back. She was doing that now, so obviously she was trying to distract me without knowing what the problem was.

"Not now, Mom. I'm waiting for…" I didn't know what to tell her. I didn't even know what to call them anymore.

"What is it?"

"Mom, I think I really messed things up with Bella."

I ran through every detail of what had happened. I included my agonizing over the decision on whether or not to kiss Bella and the eventual disaster that turned out to be. Mom just listened and continued her nurturing.

"Maybe it isn't as bad as you think, Edward."

"Really, Mom? Because right now, there are three people out there looking for her, and I don't know if I have any friends left."

"Edward, you're exaggerating. Give me a few moments to inform your father of what's happening, and then we will see what we can do." She patted me on the back, before she walked off toward the house.

Mom had just stepped inside when my cell phone rang. "Jasper, did you find her?"

"We're on the way back with Bella. We found her, but she isn't conscious. Let your uncle know." He hung up the phone before I could beg him for more information.

I jumped down from the boulder and ran into the house, calling out for my family. I told them what little I knew. Mom went into the kitchen to boil some water for tea to warm everyone up, while Aunt Esme ran upstairs for some blankets to lay over Bella. Uncle Carlisle and Dad discussed the different possibilities of her condition and started running through action plans.

Suddenly the door swung open startling all of us. I looked over to find Emmett with Bella's limp body cradled in his arms. The sight of her like that knocked the wind out of me. I stood silently, watching as everyone went into action around me.

Emmett set Bella down on the couch and backed out of the way, immediately pulling Rosalie into his arms. Uncle Carlisle was barking orders while he and Dad examined Bella. Mom came back into the room, moved into a kneeling position near Bella's head, and immediately began stroking her hair—careful to stay out of the way—as Aunt Esme knelt behind her. Jasper was standing back, but glaring poignantly at me.

I knew what he was thinking. He had to have been thinking the same thing I was: I had caused this to happen, and Bella's current condition was my fault.

I moved closer, wanting to check on her and needing to know anything about how she was. "Dad, can I…" My voice was shaky.

Uncle Carlisle interrupted, looking directly at my father and spoke about needing to get Bella to the hospital. My stomach started to twist into knots, and my chest tightened even more. They were talking about getting x-rays and worrying over her condition, because they didn't know how long she had been unconscious.

Emmett's face was screwed up as he told Dad and my uncle about how he'd found Bella and almost stepped in her vomit.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the best thing in the world happen. Bella moved. Uncle Carlisle instantly tried to get her to stay still. He asked Aunt Esme to grab something from their personal medical supply. He ordered Mom to call Bella's dad and have him meet them at the hospital.

I started to feel nauseous. That man had guns. Lots of guns. And not all of them were locked up in the gun case. I needed to do something to start fixing things. Anything.

"What can I do?" My own voice sounded foreign to me; it was too soft. I sounded fucking pitiful.

Emmett didn't seem to care who heard him as he went off on me. I really couldn't blame him. I was blaming myself for the entire thing already. What surprised me was Jasper coming to my defense. Or at least he tried to get Emmett to back off for a little while. I could tell he was still pissed when I looked at him, but I knew it was only out of concern for Bella. I gave Jasper a smile in thanks, and he quickly shifted his attention back to Bella.

"Why don't we let Bella decide what she wants later, and in the mean time we all go home?" I was stunned. Who knew Rosalie Hale could be a voice of reason? She walked toward Bella and narrowed her eyes, pointing in her direction. "You listen to what these fine doctors say. Text me when you get up tomorrow and I will come and see you. No arguing, Bella Swan! I see that look on your face, so don't you dare deny me."

"Yes, mommy dearest. I will be on my bestest behavior, and I promise, promise, promise to text you as soon as I wake up." It was then that I realized that Uncle Carlisle had given something to Bella. I made sure to stifle the chuckle in my throat. I was just so fucking happy, because even in her drugged haze, she could still win at a mindfuck game. It made me feel better about her state of mind.

Uncle Carlisle confirmed my suspicion when Rosalie questioned him. He had given her a shot of morphine for the pain she was bound to feel in her arm. Dad questioned whether or not that was wise without having the chief's permission. Uncle Carlisle was quick to reassure him, pointing out that Bella had been in to see him numerous times over the years. He then asked Bella for affirmation.

"Yes sir we do, do, do, do, do…" Bella's voice drifted off into nothingness with every _do _she uttered.

It briefly reminded me of the night she had been so wasted, that Emmett had to carry her home. That would make two times Emmett had rescued her after my failings. Although this time was definitely the worst.

Mom came back into the room informing us that Chief Swan was on his way to the hospital. The next few minutes went by in a blur as Uncle Carlisle set things in motion. He got Emmett to carry Bella out to the Mercedes and set her in the back with him so he could keep an eye on her. Dad jumped into the driver's seat, and they headed out to the hospital. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper piled into Emmett's Jeep without so much as a glance back at me, and they were gone as well. That left me with Aunt Esme and Mom, who both looked at me with pity. I did not need that shit.

"I'm going up to my room." I didn't wait for a response, before running back into the house and up to my room. I slammed the door behind me in frustration. The night had not gone well at all. What a way to start a new year.

I flipped on the TV and tried to get my mind to focus on anything but Bella. It was useless. My mind was occupied with questions about us. Would we still be hanging out together? What had she thought about the kiss? Could we go back to being friends? Why did she run? Would she be coming back here tonight? Would I live to see her again?

Okay so the last one was far-fetched, but I was seriously worried about Chief Swan's opinion of me. It still mattered to me whether or not Bella's father liked me. Even if she and I couldn't be together as a couple, I needed to be her friend. I could always work on the couple thing again later.

I must have dozed off at some point, because I woke to the sound of a door closing and muffled sounds coming from the hall. I watched as the light from under my door became shadowed as I heard the sound of my door handle being turned. I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I chose to feign sleep.

"Should we let him know she's al lright?" I heard my mother's whispered question.

"We can tell him in the morning. I don't believe Bella will wake before anyone else. Come, Lizzy. You can smother our son in the morning."

"I do not smother our son, Ed. You know how he feels about her."

The door closed as their conversation continued, and I listened intently as they made their way down the hall to their room.

Bella was okay, and she was here, sleeping across the hall.

I got up from my bed and made my way over to my desk, turning on my laptop. I needed to figure some shit out before morning, but there was one thing I needed to do before anything else, and no one could know what I was about to do.

I had to check on her. I had to know how she was, and Emmett's presence had been enough to keep me away from Bella since he'd found her in the woods. After everyone had left, I had been afraid that my own mother would ban me from going anywhere near Bella. It wasn't like I had physically hurt her, but I knew how protective everyone felt over her.

I couldn't take back what I had done, and I really didn't think that I wanted to. I'd finally been able to feel Bella's lips on mine. I'd been able to taste her mouth, feel her body pressed to mine and, in that kiss, reveal what I had been feeling for months. I knew what I had done changed our relationship, but damnit she had kissed me back and clutched onto to me before she ran.

The crushing feeling that I had fucked things up between Bella and me was still too much. I needed to be near her, to feel that she was all right and that we would be okay. That was why I was going to sneak into her room. I couldn't help it. My actions had somehow upset her and I couldn't be sure why.

After my parents had been in their room for a bit, I snuck across the hall and entered Bella's room. I didn't take my usually cautious steps, instead choosing to just get the fuck over to her.

Her breathing was steady and she looked peaceful. There were no murmurings like there had been all the other nights. She didn't look worried or scared, just beautiful.

I reached out and gently touched the hand that was laying on the bed in front of her. She didn't stir so I wrapped my fingers around it, lightly holding onto her. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Please don't leave me. Forgive me."

She whimpered just then, and I let her hand go. I saw her brow furrow and wanted to kiss her worry away. _That's how she got hurt in the first place you fucking asshole!_

I left her bedroom quickly so that I didn't do anything more that might wake her up. I needed to fix things with her; I just needed to figure out how.

----{()}----

Mom had just gone up to get Bella for breakfast when Chief Swan showed up the next morning to collect his daughter. Dad invited him for breakfast and a cup of coffee, which the chief began to decline, but Dad insisted it would be best if Bella ate something before she left because of the amount of painkillers she had been given last night.

Chief Swan took a seat across from me at the table. "My daughter sure does like to break things when it comes to being around you, Mr. Cullen. Care to explain why that is?"

_Holy fuck, he is going to kill me! _ "I…I…" Stammering was all I could do. What the fuck do you say to that?

"Relax, Edward. It was a joke." He chuckled. "Bella's always breaking or spraining something. You can ask your uncle." He took a sip of the coffee Dad had just set down in front of him.

Dad took the seat between the chief and me, and they began talking animatedly about football season coming to an end. I probably would have paid more attention if it weren't for the pounding of my own heart in my ears. I was surprised I hadn't pissed myself. I wasn't afraid to admit that Chief Swan had just scared the holy fuck out of me. Joke or not…I wasn't sure.

When Bella came down for breakfast we all sat at the table together. Bella and I were the only silent ones at the table. I hadn't looked at her once since she'd come down. Truth was I was afraid to. I didn't know how the chief would react, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see the look on her face. If her look showed anything but happiness, it would have fucking killed me. I was safer playing with the food on my plate. I excused myself before too long, because I didn't want the awkwardness of a goodbye.

I was up in my room when I heard the door across the hall open and close. Five minutes later it opened again and I saw a shadow darken the floor under my door. I held my breath and waited. If she knocked, we were going to be fine. Everything would go back to normal. If she didn't…I was fucked.

I saw light fill the crack under my door before too long and ground my teeth together. I really had a lot of repair work to do. I royally fucked shit up.

I spent most of Friday up in my room, hiding out and playing Guitar Hero. Mom and Aunt Esme were out shopping and Dad and Uncle C were both working. I didn't hear from anyone.

Saturday, Mom made me leave the comfort of my room and move downstairs. She demanded I watch a movie with her. At first, she let me pick, but when she saw that I had picked "I Am Legend", she insisted I watch a movie of hers first. I agreed because I knew she'd pick some romantic comedy bullshit, and I needed all the ideas I could get to fix the problem I had created. I was fucking desperate, don't judge me! Of course, the help I thought I was going to get wouldn't happen, because Mom picked that dumbass musical "Mamma Mia". Fuck my life.

I suffered through and got the damn theme song stuck in my head. Don't get me wrong, I was all about music, but fuck...the movie could have been an hour long without all the singing. When we finished watching my movie it was only mid-afternoon. I still had a day and a half before I could busy myself with school. Tomorrow was going to be one very long day. I at least had my run with Emmett to look forward to. It was routine but it would help me to gain some focus.

Sunday noon rolled around and I hadn't heard from Emmett. I texted him fifteen minutes later and waited for an answer. I flipped on ESPN to check some scores and try to figure out what I had missed over the last couple of days I had spent in my own misery.

Half an hour later, I still hadn't heard from Emmett. I texted him again and checked the listings to see what would be on later. My phone vibrated with a message from Emmett.

_**Go without me**_

That was it. The anticipation of heading back to school on Monday shifted into reluctance. If Emmett couldn't keep to a routine we had been doing for months based on what had happened the other night, I couldn't imagine Bella being able to forgive me either.

My desire for focus was strong enough to get me out the door. I started on our usual path at a slow and steady pace as my playlist shuffled through my workout list. When "Next Contestant" came through my earphones, it forced memories of Halloween to the front of my mind. Touching Bella and feeling the charge every time I was around her. Mike Newton staring at Bella's ass. Tyler Crowley trying to make a move on her. Every guy in the room watching her in that cheerleader outfit. Jacob Black and his pup-ass touching Bella, holding her hand and leaning into her.

I came to an abrupt stop as anger filled my mind, increasing my heart rate. Without thinking about it I punched the nearest tree. I cried out in pain as I heard bones crack and pain radiated through my hand and into my wrist. I immediately started running back home, knowing I had fucked up my hand. A bad enough injury could fuck up my grip on a ball. Dumbest fucking move for a player.

Uncle Carlisle had me in x-ray as fast as he could. I ended up with a boxer's fracture. Basically I fractured my metacarpal bone on my pinky finger. Uncle Carlisle ended up putting me in a cast I would have to wear for four weeks. He wrote a prescription for pain killers and sent me on my way. I felt like such a fucking idiot. I knew better than to lose focus. I had let my anger and frustration over the last few days—or months—get to me, and I ended up physically injuring myself.

Monday morning came up way too soon, and as I went to step in the shower, the realization of the situation I had put myself in hit me. I couldn't shower normally, writing would be difficult, and I sure as shit couldn't carry anything in that hand for a while. The injury mixed with everything that had happened with Bella and having to face her and the rest of them today had me wanting to stay at home and hide away. It was a pussy move—I knew that—but I was more afraid of facing her than anything else. I just wanted us to be okay.

My injury slowed my morning routine, so I ended up being late to school. I didn't care too much, because that meant I didn't have to face the ignorance. I didn't get really nervous until fourth period. I knew I would have to face Alice in gym. She was the only one of the group who hadn't been there, and I didn't know how much they had told her.

When Alice saw me enter the gym, her eyes went wide staring at my cast. She looked up at my face, and I gave her a half smile. Her eyes narrowed and it looked like she huffed before she turned to talk to the other girls. On the other side of the group I saw Lauren give me a little wave. I wanted to ignore her, but she'd been the only one outside of my family to give me any kind of attention in days. I gave her a quick smile as Coach called for our attention.

After Alice's reaction to me in gym, I didn't have the balls to go to lunch and face them all. I pussied out and headed for my favorite smoking spot.

The air was still cold and the quiet of the rarely-used restrooms was oddly calming. I smoked one cigarette after another trying to prepare myself for the next hour. I would have to face Bella. Bella, who I shared a lab table with. Bella, the only person I really gave a fuck about in this whole damn hole of a town.

I heard the first bell for the fifth period ring and made my way toward building four. I saw Bella walk into the room ahead of me, followed closely by Mike Newton who was talking away at her. I waited just a moment longer, took a deep breath, and then crossed the hall to find out whether or not I was in Bella's good graces. Her reaction to me today would determine where we went from here. I entered the room and made my way up the aisle toward our table. Bella was already seated and opening her book for today's lesson. I pulled my stool out and sat down as I set my bag on the table. I pulled out my Biology book to open it in preparation for class and heard a sharp intake of breath.

**________________________________________________________________{(O)} ________________________________________________________________**

**Are you still there? I know it was a long one…but you know how our boy is. He does love to hear himself talk.**

**Thank you to my lovely and talented betas Tiffanyanne3ff and Carabeth. I *puffy heart* you both!**

**So many things have happened since the last update. I cannot thank you all enough, because without you, not of it would have happened. **

**On May 6, 2010, we had a great time during our interview with Mrs. Peacock over at PicffCorner ****http://picffcorner(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/05/mrs-peacock-goes-smoking-in-boys-room(dot)html**

**On May 10, 2010 it was announced that **_**A Life Eternal **_**won Judges' Pick in the TwiCanonFodder Challenge ****http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2277143/TwiCanonFodder****It is now posted in my profile.**

**On May 13, 2010 (Rob Pattinson's Birthday), **_**Smoking in the Boys' Room**_** was made Fic of the Day by TwilightAwards ****http://www(dot)thetwilightawards(dot)com/**

**AND at some point we were added to RpattzProject's FanFic Recommendations list **http://thepattinsonproject(dot)wordpress(dot)com/fan-fiction-recommendations/

**Give them a visit… **

**See you next chapter.**


	13. Chapter 12: Instrumental Use of Injuries

**So that you all are aware, I did send a submission into **_**Fics for Nashville**_**. It is BPOV of "Moonlit Porch". If you make a donation to the cause you will receive the ebook with numerous other authors' contributions. **http:/www(dot)thetwilightawards(dot)com/2010/05/fics-for-nashville-how-you-can-help(dot)html

**-{(QQ)}-**

**To my betas Carabeth13 and Tiffanyanne3FF: Thank you for having my back and loving my characters and their stories as much as I do. It means so much to me. Thank you for pushing me to update faster this time around. It did wonders for my happiness level. *giggle***

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**Bella's got some 'splainin' to do!**

**-x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x-**

******Chapter 12: Instrumental Use of Injuries**

_Edward was kissing me in my beautiful meadow. It felt so right, lying in his arms. So warm. He held me tightly against his body. I could feel the muscles of his chest, the strength of his arms and the power in his kiss. He wanted me and was proving it in the way his tongue danced with mine. We were a tangle of need in the flowers one minute, clinging to each other as if our lives hung on the balance of our next move. I heard my name being called in the distance, and then he was gone. _

I slowly opened my eyes when I felt a very cold hand lightly stroking my cheek. I flopped my head to my right to stare into my father's face. His tender smile—partially concealed by his pornstache—greeted me.

I gave him a small smile in return. "Hi, Daddy." My throat was very dry as evidenced by the hoarseness of my voice. I should have been used to how this felt. I had been drugged so many times that this whole situation should have been old hat by now.

"Daddy, eh? Whatever Carlisle gave you this time must have been a doozy." He was laughing at me. I hadn't called him Daddy since I was eight, unless I had been heavily drugged—which, due to my predisposition for accidents, was too often.

I pressed my tongue hard against the roof of my mouth, trying to get some saliva to pool so I could speak a bit clearer. I looked around and realized I was in the hospital. I groaned aloud, which only elicited another chuckle from my father.

"What? It's been at least two months since you've been here. Didn't you miss your home away from home? Well, your old one at least." He grimaced but quickly leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Do you need anything, Bells?"

"Water, please." My voice was so scratchy, but I knew it had to be from whatever drug had been given to me this time. I couldn't remember taking anything, but I'd imagined Dr. Cullen had taken care of me just like he always had. Dad handed me a cup, and I gulped it down without hesitation. My mouth felt like it was covered in a layer of peach fuzz. "What time is it?"

Dad looked down at his watch. "It's almost three in the morning."

"Holy crow! How long have I been out?" I croaked.

"Well, now, that's something we'd all like to know." Carlisle's voice rang out from behind the curtain. "May we come in?"

"Yeah, Doc, come on in. She's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed." Dad turned to me and winked, giving me that ridiculously overgrown mustache of a grin.

A giggle came up from my belly seeing my father act so carefree. He'd been acting like such a clown since the Halloween party. His antics reminded me of Emmett—which was probably why I loved that big lug so much more these days. In a sibling kind of way. I'm no idiot. Rosalie Hale would have my ass if I went after her man. Not that I would. I wasn't that into having a jock for a boyfriend. Not that I wanted a boyfriend. Moving on.

Both Doctors Cullen entered my quasi-room wearing their hospital coats. I hadn't noticed how much they looked alike until seeing them as a matching pair of Ken dolls. I laughed at the sight of them side by side. Whatever drugs they had me on had to be some really good shit, because I was laughing my ass off at everything.

"What did you give her?" I heard Dad ask.

"I administered a shot of morphine at the house. I believe…" He opened the folder in his hand and flipped through a couple of sheets. "Yes…the nurse gave Bella a Vicodin about an hour ago. I'll probably write out a prescription for a week's worth of Hydrocodone to get her past the worst of it. After that she can stick to Tylenol."

"How long on this one before she has it removed?"

I stifled another giggle. I wasn't sure what I had found so funny, but everything definitely seemed funny and my head felt very heavy. I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.

{(QQ)}

_Edward and I were in my meadow, lying among the flowers. Varying shades of blues, yellows and oranges littered the floor around us. The charge in the air between us was so familiar, and I wanted to dance through it forever. I felt him grasp my hand as he whispered to me. I could feel his hot breath on my ear as his lips touched the edge. The warmth in his touch as he held me was like a blanket, making me feel safe. _

_Without notice, the sky grew dark and cold. For Forks that wasn't necessarily an odd occurrence, but for some reason it unsettled me. Suddenly we were on our feet and Edward began backing away from me slowly releasing my hand as he moved. His voice was soft and filled with sadness._

"_I'm so sorry, Bella. Please don't leave me. Forgive me."_

_His hand left mine, and I became drained of my happiness the further he drifted. _

_I tried to go to him, but realized when I looked down that my feet were planted firmly into the ground. I tried to speak, to tell him I wasn't leaving him, that in fact he was the one leaving me. But when I attempted to call out to him, I found myself mute. _

_Perplexed, I continued watching him as he disappeared into the trees, reaching out for him and grasping at the air. I wanted him back with me, and I needed to know what had saddened him. An unhappy Edward was not an acceptable situation for me. I much preferred a happy, fun-loving Edward—just like he had been Christmas morning._

_He disappeared into the trees, and finally finding my voice, I called out to him. There was no answer but the wind's howl_.

_I began seeing flashes of memories of the last few months. The day I met Edward and his beautiful green eyes. Our day in Port Angeles. The Halloween party and all those heated touches—no matter what the reason, each one had felt so damn good. The day after Thanksgiving at the restaurant. Decorating. Mistletoe. Christmas Day. The kiss last night._

I woke up just before the memory began to play my-stupid-ass-hatted-self pulling away from Edward. I shook my head in disgust, still unable to fully understand why I had left his arms in the first place. It had felt so good to finally kiss him and feel our bodies pressed together. Gah! The way he had kissed me! Granted I hadn't kissed anyone like that before, but there was no way anyone could be better than that. The boy had some skill. That tongue of his could work some magic… I shivered at the memory and cried out when I felt pain radiate through my right arm.

I groaned, remembering where my running off had gotten me. Alone and hurt, before I was ultimately found—completely and utterly humiliated. When was I going to stop embarrassing myself when it came to Edward Cullen?

I was trying to remember how I had gotten back to the house from the hospital when I heard a rapping on the door. I quickly inspected my condition to be sure I was covered.

"Come in!" I called out in welcome.

I watched as the door opened slowly before Lizzie's head popped out from behind it.

"Bella? Breakfast is about done, sweetheart. Do you want to come down and eat with us?"

"Mmm. Yes, thank you!" I hummed, climbing out of the bed and reaching for my robe to pull it on.

"If I'm not mistaken, your father has just arrived. Do you want me to help you pack up your things?" she asked as she approached me and helped me with the robe.

I had enjoyed every minute of being in her home. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I had a true mother figure in my life. I knew Alice's mom had always been there for me, but Mary just wasn't the motherly kind. She was more of a friend than a mother. I hadn't learned much from her, because her forte was shopping—which was where Alice got her spark from.

"No, I made sure I packed everything yesterday before the party, but thank you for the offer. I really appreciate you letting me stay here these last couple of weeks."

She smiled at me and then patted my left arm. "You are welcome here any time you wish, dear. We've loved having you."

Lizzie and I walked downstairs arm-in-arm. When we reached the kitchen, she shooed me off to go sit at the table while she brought the food out. Just before I got to the archway for the dining room, my heart started pounding heavily in my chest. The realization that I hadn't seen Edward since he'd kissed me had me feeling suddenly awkward. The heat of embarrassment spread quickly throughout my body, and I couldn't think of anything fast enough to squelch it.

I heard Lizzie utter another "shoo" so I took a deep breath, looked down at my feet, and walked to the table to sit beside my father. Usually I would sit next to Edward, but I just wasn't ready for that yet. I didn't know if he'd be mad, and truthfully, I didn't know how I was feeling about it. Well, okay, that wasn't completely true. I had liked the kiss. Very much. Too much in fact; that was why I had clung to him like a ravenous slut. It scared me to think of what he might have been thinking of me.

I sat and silently ate my breakfast while staring diligently at the plate in front of me. The only voices that could be heard were the adults'. Dad was talking jovially with Edward's father about who they thought should be making it through the playoffs for the Super Bowl.

Before I had made it halfway through the meal, Edward excused himself, and I watched his back as he walked away. He was slightly slumped, but I imagined he was tired from all the excitement last night. As I watched Edward's retreating form, my appetite for food wavered. I felt the impulse to just get home and out of sight. I excused myself, telling Dad I would be down shortly with my bag and went upstairs to change and gather the last of my things. Sadly, with Christmas break being over, there was no reason to keep anything there anymore.

Then another thought occurred to me. What if Edward didn't want me here anymore? I felt a tightening in my chest, as that thought overtook everything else that had been in my mind.

I went to the room and closed the door behind me, too afraid to see Edward. I knew I would need to talk to him, but what should I have started with? _"Hi, Edward. So, I'm sorry I ran out on you last night, but you freaked me out because you were giving me everything I ever wanted from you, and all I could think about was what Jacob had told me about how you and I would be together."_ I knew for a fact that would not have gone over well. What guy wants to hear that you were thinking of another guy while you were kissing them—no matter what the reason? If I wanted to bust the male ego that would certainly have been the way to do it. Or to piss him off.

_He may already be pissed at you._

My shoulders felt weighed down and my throat constricted as I thought of Edward choosing to put a stop to our friendship. I didn't think I could handle that at all. I wanted him in my life, at the very least as a friend.

I did a final walk-through of the bedroom and adjoining bathroom, and then stood in the doorway, taking one last long look around. I was going to miss that room. It had been my home off and on for the last couple of weeks.

I eyed the door across the hall and, taking a deep breath, set my bags down and walked over to it. I was poised to knock on the door, but thought better of it and rested my hand against the wood. If he had wanted to talk to me, he wouldn't have hidden in his bedroom. He probably thought I was just some stupid small town girl for running off the way I had. I had really messed things up. I grabbed my bags with my good arm and made my way back downstairs. After some gentle goodbyes and thanks from Ed and Lizzie, Dad and I insisted they stay in the warmth of their home.

When we got outside, I didn't see Dad's cruiser and stopped in my tracks.

"Where's the cruiser?" I asked.

"At home," he stated with a hint of irritation.

"Well, then how did you get here?"

"I had one of the boys drop me off, Bells. You couldn't drive with that thing today—not to mention, you are currently under the influence, young lady." Cop Dad was back.

I groaned, handing him my keys, and climbed into the passenger seat of my beast of a truck, allowing my father to take pleasure in driving it. He'd loved this thing from the day he'd agreed to buy it from Billy. He drove it around for two months before announcing that it was my present on my sixteenth birthday. I knew he secretly missed driving it around.

Once we started up the long path toward the road, I saw Dad glance at me, open his mouth as if to say something, and then shut it again. When we hit the main road he repeated the same actions.

"What?" He was making me anxious. I never knew my father to be at a loss for words.

"What, what?"

If he hadn't been my father, I would have thumped him hard on the arm like I did Emmett.

"Dad, you've looked like you were going to say something twice now. I've never known you to not speak what's on your mind. Third time's a charm?"

If he didn't speak then, he'd only be pestering me when we got home. All I wanted to do was go hide in my room and once there, not come out again until I had to go back to school on Monday.

"How did this one happen…exactly? Why were you in the forest at that time of night, young lady?" I knew that tone. He was in cop mode; Daddy mode had been pushed completely aside so that he could interrogate me like I was some kind of criminal.

"I needed to get out of the house, that's all." I shrugged and began finding the lines of my cast very interesting, tracing them with my fingertips while wondering what everyone would write _this_ time.

"No, that isn't all, Bells. Are you going to tell me, or should I go back and ask your friend Edward?"

"No! You wouldn't? Dad, please don't," I pleaded. The thought of him asking Edward about last night was too mortifying to even imagine.

He quirked his brow, keeping one eye on the road ahead and inclined his head slightly toward me. "Do you want to test me, young lady?"

I grimaced. This definitely was not a good time to try negotiating with him. Not when I would have to do it around the subject of Edward.

He smirked and turned back to face the road, knowing he had me.

The last thing I needed was my cop father interrogating a guy I really wanted to spend some time with. A guy I really liked. _The_ guy I had run out on like an idiot. I made a move to cup my face in my hands, forgetting that one of my arms was casted. My hand was quicker than my brain, and I bumped my mouth with it. I felt my teeth bite into my lip from the inside and groaned, instantly tasting blood and feeling nauseous.

"Dad, it was my own stupidity. Can't we please just leave it at that?" I sucked on my lip, willing the bleeding to stop before I passed out.

"I don't think so, Bells. Not this time. Edward looked like he was going to soil his pants when I asked him why you seemed to get hurt around him."

"You didn't! Oh puh…holy…you…wha…gah…augh! Dad, tell me you didn't ask him that. Tell me you didn't embarrass me like that." _Someone please kill me if he isn't kidding! _My nausea was beginning to peak.

"I may have suggested that it happens," he deadpanned.

I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide...forever. Never mind school or any of my future plans. I couldn't face Edward again. Images of me moving the contents of my bedroom into a cave hidden in one of the mountains near the meadow played out in my mind. I could still write and mail manuscripts, maybe do some freelance work for money. Maybe write articles on the ease of living on a budget in the middle of nowhere. I wouldn't need much money. I could sleep all day and only come out at night to get whatever I needed from the land, making as few trips into town as possible. I made a mental note to grab a survival guide from Newton's and stock up on candles before I moved. I ran through a list of the contents of the camping gear tucked away in the corner of our garage to figure out if I'd need anything else from Newton's.

I jumped a little when Dad gently shook me. I must have dozed off when I had gotten lost in my thinking. I hadn't realized we'd made it home. I couldn't really remember much of the drive.

"We're home, Bells. Come on."

"Sorry, Dad. I guess I'm just tired." I was tired, but I couldn't stop thinking of what my Dad had done. I didn't know how I was going to face Edward. He was probably thinking that I was an absurd little girl after my father's antics. I not only had that to worry about, but I'd have to explain why I had run off the way I did.

"Well then, let's get you inside and up to your room so you can rest." He exited the truck and pulled my bags out of the back.

We went to my room, and Dad left me there with my pills and a bottle of water to recover. I knew he'd soon be asleep on the couch—television tuned to football—exhausted from his long shift and worry over me.

Rose texted me later, reminding me of my promise to let her come over for a visit. I texted her back and asked that she wait until Sunday so that I could explain everything to her and Alice at the same time. She relented but not before promising to hand me over to Mike Newton or Eric Yorkie if I didn't hold up my end of the bargain. At that point, I wouldn't have put it past her.

{(QQ)}

I must have picked up my phone a million times on Saturday—every time thinking I would finally have the nerve to call Edward—only to put it back down again. I just didn't know how to start that conversation.

Saturday night, Alice called me, letting me know that she was on her way home and that I had some explaining to do. Apparently, Jasper had filled her in on the little he knew. Alice said she'd demanded to talk to Rose, because his gossip lacked detail. She'd called me when she wasn't satisfied with the amount of information she had been given. I promised her that she and Rose could come to my house the next day and we would talk about it all. I just needed to figure out, what that "all" was.

Saturday night's dream wasn't much better than the two previous nights. I was again in the meadow with Edward, only this time, I didn't feel warmth. I felt empty and cold. This time, after Edward disappeared into the trees, Jacob appeared, reminding me that I was just a play thing for Edward and that was why he had left. I fell to the ground and began sobbing as Jacob's form dissipated.

I woke up with tears running over the bridge of my nose, across my cheek and onto my pillow. I hoped Alice and Rose could help me figure out what I was going to do.

{(QQ)}

"So let me get this straight," Alice started, "he kissed you, you kissed him and then you ran? You ran because you heard Jacob Black in your head? The guy that has had a crush on you since you were in diapers?"

"That about sums it up." It sounded so stupid when she said it so simply.

"But why did you run? I thought that was what you wanted. Why didn't you stay there and figure out whether or not Jake was right? Hell, why didn't you just hang onto him and kiss him as long as you could?" Alice questioned.

"Because she's a chickenshit, Alice," Rose chimed in with her two cents.

"Hey!" I interjected.

"Don't even try to deny it, Bella. You had him. Edward kissed you. You kissed him back. Shit, to hear you talk you would have crawled all over him if you hadn't thought about Jacob. Oh! And one more thing, when you have a hot guy kissing you, it is such a bitch move to think of another guy," Rose pointed out.

"It's not like I did it on purpose! You two act like I committed a cardinal sin."

"No, you just created a hard issue that probably needed to be dealt with later." Alice started giggling hysterically after her statement. I knew what she was getting at, but there was no way that Edward Cullen had been turned on by me.

"I'll bet that's why he locked himself in his bedroom the next morning. He couldn't handle seeing Bella in her robe after she tried to climb his rod." Rose was giggling along with Alice.

"You two, out!" I shouted.

"Oh! I brought a movie!" Alice exclaimed, completely ignoring my command. "I just knew we'd need a good rom-com to seal the deal." She pulled a movie out of her bag and placed the DVD in without telling us what it was.

After we sat through a couple of lengthy previews, Rose and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. We knew it was an older movie and could only guess what Alice had picked for us to suffer through. Rose and I had never been big on watching romantic comedies. When the screen went fuchsia and the music started to play, we knew…_My Best Friend's Wedding_. Only Alice.

I heard Alice's giggle as I turned my head to look at her. I found her wearing her signature evil pixie grin. _What the hell are you up to Alice?_

As soon as Julia Roberts fell off the bed, I knew Alice's message. I threw the toss pillow at her with my left arm—bad idea—nearly knocking her drink to the floor.

She giggled manically. "What was that for?"

"As if you didn't know. I got the message loud and clear, you brat!"

I pulled Rosalie's pillow out of her lap and whacked Alice with that one too. Rose snorted, which caused me to stop and look at her incredulously. Rosalie Lillian Hale had just allowed a snort to escape. She just shrugged and backed Alice's point.

"You have to admit she's got a point, Bella. Do you want to end up like Julianne? Chasing after your best friend, only to realize you're too damn late, because you slacked off, thinking he'd always be there pining away for you?" Rose asked with her own questioning stare.

"Pining? Really, Rose? Have you been watching chick flicks behind my back? You both know it's not that I don't want him, but…"

"Good! We're in agreement. Bella, stop being a mopey bitch and go fix this shit," Rose interrupted me; obviously she had known what I was going to say.

Even I didn't believe that things weren't like that. Not after the kiss. I knew exactly what it was like and what I wanted. I wanted more Edward.

"I'll have you know, you both suck ass." I pouted. I hated when they were right about things, because those two could rub it in your face for years. I knew that first hand.

{(QQ)}

I was not ready for Monday morning at all. Alice and Jasper picked me up like we had agreed, and we made it to school fifteen minutes before the bell. The entire drive through the parking lot, I was looking for Edward's car. I was anxious as hell, because I still hadn't figured out what I was going to say to him. Different scenarios kept playing out, but they all had the same outcome: Edward wanting nothing to do with me.

"Bella, take a deep breath," Alice interrupted my thoughts.

"What?" I didn't understand why it was necessary.

"Belly, you're breathing too fast, you're going to hyperventilate and pass out. Do you want someone to have to carry you to the nurse's office in front of all of these people?"

She definitely knew how to get me to focus. She knew I'd hate the humiliation that would have brought. It was bad enough people were going to be looking at my cast, wondering what the hell I had done this time. When I had sprained my ankle after that first party of the year, I found out that Mike, Tyler and all their friends had placed bets on how I'd done it.

Jasper opened the door and grabbed my bag before I could get a hold of it. I took a deep breath and climbed out of the back of the convertible. Alice began rubbing my back as Jasper came around to meet us.

"It won't be that bad, Bella. You just need to talk to him. Between the two of you, you can figure out where to go from here." Alice was trying to be reassuring, but my anxiety level was on high.

"Just let us guys know what's going on, so we know whether or not Emmett is going to need to pound him into the ground," Jasper chimed in.

"Jasper! I already told Alice and Rose, so I know you both know... He didn't do anything wrong. I just overreacted. It was just a New Year's Eve kiss between friends, and I stupidly freaked out. It's my own damn fault I got hurt, not his. I don't know why you guys would think this was his fault in the first place."

Jasper stood in front of me and lifted my chin so I would look at him. Alice was now grasping my left arm as if she were trying to keep me from running.

"Bells, all we knew was that he kissed you and that you didn't seem to like it much, because you ran off and hid. You ran off to hide and got hurt. So, from our perspective, he forced himself on you, and you had to get away," Jasper explained.

"Yes, but Jazz, he didn't force himself on me. I did run to get away, but it's only because I was embarrassed at how I had reacted to it."

His curiosity was piqued. "How did you react?"

"Never you mind that information, Jasper Whitlock Hale," Alice commanded. "That is girl talk. All you need to know is that Edward didn't do anything wrong in Bella's eyes, so you and Emmett need to stop thinking about beating Edward."

"That's what I have been trying to tell this oaf for the last twenty minutes." Rose's voice sounded from behind us.

"Babe, I told you I just wanted to hear it from Bella." If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought Emmett was whining.

"Oh, so you don't trust me! Is that it?" Rose challenged, smacking Emmett's hands away when he went to reach for her.

"Come on, babe." He leaned in with his hands behind his back and kissed her cheek. "You know I trust you with _everything_." He waggled his eyebrows, and I giggled when I saw Rose's sternness falter.

Everyone started laughing, and for the first time in days, I felt myself relax a little. The guys knew that Edward had done nothing wrong. I hadn't had to spill the details of my feelings for him or why I had run. Truthfully, as guys, they probably couldn't care less, but I knew they were just trying to protect me. They had all always been so protective of me.

{(QQ)}

When lunchtime came around, I was apprehensive about entering the lunch room. I still didn't know what I was going to say to Edward. I briefly thought about hiding out in the library, but that would just get our friends thinking I had lied to them about the situation. I really didn't want to get Edward into any more trouble with them, so I decided to bite the bullet and walked into the cafeteria.

My stomach was churning with anxiety so I grabbed some crackers and croutons from the salad bar and a bottle of water from the cooler and headed toward our table with my head down. I took a deep breath then looked up and saw that everyone was there, except for Edward. I plastered on a smile when I saw Alice look up at me.

"Hey guys. Is today a grueling first day back or what?" I asked a little too excitedly. Apparently, I wasn't fooling anyone.

"Oh yeah. Grueling. Absolutely." Rose and her damn sarcastic tone.

"Okay, fine, whatever. I was just trying to make conversation."

"Oh! I have something to talk about!" Alice chirped. "Edward has a cast too! I saw him in gym and let me tell you, Lauren would have thrown him a pity party right there if Coach Clapp would have let her. She kept looking over at him, and I'm pretty sure he waved at her. Or maybe he just smiled." She shrugged and went back to eating her hotdog.

_This can't be happening. _"How are you so sure he was smiling or waving at _her_?"

I saw Jasper's and Emmett's heads turn in my direction, suddenly interested in the conversation they had been ignoring only moments ago.

"Because I _saw_ him? Wow, Bella, aren't you at all concerned about his hand?" she asked in her innocent tone. "Where is Edward anyway?"

"Whoa, time out," Emmett interjected, forming the familiar hand signal in front of us. "He has a cast? Which arm?"

Alice shrugged again before she answered. "His right."

"Shit!" Jasper and Emmett exclaimed in unison.

"What are you two worried about? The season's over," Rose pointed out.

"If it's a bad enough injury, it could affect his passing ability, babe." Emmett braced himself on the table and started twisting his body, looking around the cafeteria. "Has anyone else seen him today?"

Everyone looked around the table at each other. Apparently that answer was _no_. The rest of the lunch period was spent writing on my cast and talking about the upcoming semester finals.

{(QQ)}

I had just exited the lunch room and was on my way to Biology, when Mike Newton was suddenly beside me. He wanted to know how I had broken my arm _this_ time. When I told him I'd fallen, he told me how much that sucked, then proceeded to brag about his Christmas break and the cool things his parents had gotten him. I increased my pace, wanting to separate myself from him as quickly as possible.

When I walked in, Edward wasn't sitting at our station yet. I was disappointed and slowly made my way up the aisle to our table with Mike still jabbering away behind me.

I sat at my stool, ignoring Mike's chatter, and noticed that the day's lesson was written on the board. It was going to be a book day so I pulled out my Biology textbook. I set my brand new bag down at my feet and felt a warmth spread throughout my chest. I smiled, thinking about Dr. Cullen and Esme on Christmas Day. All of the Cullens had been so good to me. Especially Edward.

I had looked through that entire box over the weekend and realized he had handwritten every card. His writing was so elegant in comparison with mine. Mine looked like chicken scratch—at least, that's how Dad described it.

As I started to open my book, I heard Edward's stool scrape across the floor. I let my hair fall into a curtain between us so I could watch him in secret. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him heft his bag onto the table and pull his Biology book out. He opened his book and rested his right arm between us on the table. I gasped when I saw it. His pinky and ring finger were wrapped in a cast that ran across his hand, below his thumb and up to the middle of his forearm.

I turned to face him without thinking about it and blurted out, "What did you do?"

"Oh, I uh…fractured my hand. No big deal." He shrugged his shoulders, but hadn't removed his eyes from his book.

"How?" I needed to know. It wasn't curiosity but worry that bothered me, knowing that he had hurt himself. I wasn't worried for the football team. I was worried because it was Edward. I cared about him and didn't want him injured or in pain.

"It's not important. How's your arm?" He nodded, indicating my arm, but didn't look up at my face.

"It's not important." It was childish, but damn it, two could play the avoidance game if that's what he wanted. I turned back to my book, allowing the curtain to veil my expression just as the bell rang.

I heard him groan beside me. "Look, I'm sorry, Bella. Can we talk after school?" he whispered into my hair. I could feel the heat of his breath and closed my eyes, remembering that same breath as he had approached my mouth the other night.

I nodded my head and paid as much attention to Mr. Banner as I could. I kept my hair in a curtain between us, so that I could peer at Edward whenever I wanted to. His lips went into a tight pucker when he started concentrating on something. He drew his cheeks in at one point, and it made me wonder what he was thinking in that moment. I saw him doodling on his notebook, not paying much attention to anything else in the room.

I was startled when the bell rang, not having realized how much time had passed. I packed my things back into my bag and winced when my fingers caught on the bag. "Son of a donkey's…!"

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, sounding slightly panicked.

"Yeah, I just caught my hand on the edge of the bag is all." I moved to grab the bag in my left hand, but Edward was faster than I was.

"Let me get that."

"E, you aren't in any better shape than I am."

"No…" he bit his lip and then spoke softer, "but you're hurt because of me."

"E, really, it wasn't…"

"Bella, really it's okay. Look, if you carry your bag over your left shoulder you won't have to worry so much about your right hand. You'll just have to lean slightly and let the bag slide down when you're ready."

"I've had a broken arm before, E. I know what to do. The first few days are always an adjustment."

"Right. I forgot. Okay then." He held the strap of my backpack open for me to slip my arm through. "See you after school."

He rushed off before I could say anything else. I felt like such a shit, because I'd heard the condescending tone in my own voice. I was not starting things off right. If I kept going the way I was, I would need more to do some pretty hefty repair work on our relationship. Or…what was left of it.

I headed off to gym, dreading Coach Clapp's knowing glare. He should be happy that I wouldn't be able to participate since I seemed to injure people whenever I played anyway.

Gym just plain sucked. What I thought would have been a good time to get some homework done turned into social hour. Coach Clapp had left earlier in the day, so the TA just let us hang out, citing that we deserved a break because Coach always worked us hard. I would have been more grateful if Mike Newton wasn't in my class. He'd decided he needed to talk to me some more and try to find out how I'd hurt myself.

I tried telling him it wasn't any of his concern, but he said he'd known me so long that he couldn't help it. When I reminded him how often I'd broken or sprained something, he said I needed someone to take care of me. I didn't know what came over me.

"Edward can take care of me," I blurted out, shocking myself at the declaration I had just made to the asshat.

Mike looked stunned. His mouth was agape for a few seconds before he spoke. "So…so are you two…together? Like…like…dating?"

I rolled my eyes. _Messed shit up again, didn't you, Swan?_ "No we aren't dating. He's just a really good friend. Just like Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett. We all hang out together, remember?"

"Yeah, right. So, do you need a ride home? I saw you showed up with Alice and Jasper this morning."

_Great. So now he's stalking me._ _Is he also scaling walls and peering into my bedroom at night? _"If I rode in with them, don't you think I'd have a ride back home?"

"Well…yeah…I mean sure, but if you want…"

I put my hand up to stop him before his mind ran with whatever fantasy he was conjuring up. "No, thank you. Edward is giving me a ride home, so I'm set."

Mike's face fell into a deep frown. "Right. Well if you need a ride in the morning, just call me. You have my number right? If not I could write it down in your notebook for you." He was reaching out to take my pen and spiral from me.

_Unbelievable! He just doesn't know when to quit! _I gripped both items tightly in my hands. "It's a small town. I'm pretty sure I can find it if I need it. I would bet I'll be fine, considering I have Rose, Alice, _Emmett_, _Jasper_ _and_ _Edward_." I made sure to stress the guys' names so he'd remember not to push me. It was useless because the threat of them didn't seem to settle into his feeble brain.

"Yeah, I know, but ya know…if something happens or whatever and they can't help you out, you can call me."

"Mike, I seriously doubt anything would happen to all of them at the same time or that I would be desperate enough to call you." That right there should have ended things for him.

He started to say something else, but thankfully the TA interrupted, dismissing us all. Relieved, I ran off toward the locker room. It wasn't my best idea, given my propensity for accidents, but I really needed to get away from Mike. His pushiness was starting to weird me out. I was happy when I only stumbled once on my way to the door.

As I left the girls' locker room, I walked as fast as I could, heading toward the parking lot while trying desperately to avoid Mike. When I went to turn the corner I ran into a solid but familiar chest.

"Whoa! Slow down there, Bells. Are you trying to hurt yourself again?" He looked over my shoulder. "Who are you running from anyway?"

Thank God for Emmett. I knew there was no way Mike would approach me with him near me.

"Just trying to avoid someone. Where are you off to?"

He quirked his brow at me, and in the deepest voice I'd ever heard from him, he asked, "Who?" It was kind of menacing and I had to admit…sexy. No wonder Rose was so possessive.

"What? Oh! Just Newton. He weirded me out in the gym. "

"Are you sure it's just Newton?" Emmett asked, still in his serious mode.

"Yes. Who else would I be running from?"

"Edward." Emmett crossed his arms over his chest in front of me.

"Emm, I've already told you guys! Seriously, so done with the whole running from Edward thing. As a matter of fact—" I carefully crossed my arms over my chest, being sure to take it slow with the casted arm. "I was on my way to meet him. He's taking me home." At least, I hoped he was. I hadn't thought to ask him earlier.

"So you're sure everything's good?" He looked like a kid about to explode.

"Yes, Emm, I think everything's good. We're talking at least." I smiled as a huge grin spread across his face.

"Well, all right then!" He pulled me into a hug, and I couldn't help the yelp. "Oh, sorry, Bells. I just…well, I like the guy."

Those few little words held so much meaning. I knew I really needed to fix things with Edward. We were all friends, but out of loyalty to me, no one had spoken to Edward and that just wasn't fair. Emmett and I separated, promising to talk at lunch the next day.

When I got to the parking lot, I didn't have to look very far. Edward was at his car watching the stairs that led out of the school. He saw me and started walking toward me. My mouth started to water with anticipation, and it was like that first day—as if he were walking in slow motion with his shirt lifting in the breeze created by his gait. I swallowed hard when he came to a stop in front of me.

"Hi," he said reaching out, taking my bag from me.

"Hi. Thank you."

"Sure. Do you need a ride?"

"Yes, please."

He nodded and then motioned for me to head for his car. I was suddenly conscious of him looking at me from behind. It made me uneasy after everything that had happened. I walked a little slower than normal, not wanting him to walk behind me.

His long legs carried him into position beside me. He opened my door for me before walking around to the driver's side and climbing in.

I was tracing the edge of my cast around my palm when I heard Edward clear his throat. I looked up to see his furrowed brow.

"What's wrong? Why are you chewing on your lip?"

"It's nothing. I was just thinking about how weird today was. How was yours?" I wanted to ask about his encounter with Lauren in the gym, but I didn't want him to think I was spying on him.

"It's getting better…I hope." He'd said the last part so lowly I didn't think I was meant to hear it.

The car ride home was a quiet one. There was no radio, no conversation, and to be honest I didn't think either of us breathed much. The air between us was thick with a fog of caution, awkwardness and uncertainty. Neither one of us seemed to want to approach the subject.

When we pulled up to the house, both of us just kind of sat there, unsure of what our next move should be.

"Edward, I…"

"Bella, look…"

We had started speaking at the same time.

"You go ahead," Edward offered.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked with every ounce of hope in my being.

"Yes, that would be great," he said, smiling passively.

My nervousness skyrocketed, but I held myself together. I had to do this to fix my wrong. "Good. Bring your bag; we should probably get some studying done." I didn't honestly know if we were going to study. I knew there would be a big fat elephant in the room, and we'd have to get it out if we were going to continue to be friends.

He looked a little confused, but ducked back into the car and collected his bag along with mine, before following me into the house.

"We'll just sit around the coffee table so we can listen to some music. Do you want something to drink?" I offered. I wanted the music as a distraction in case the fog settled back between us.

"Sure, whatever you've got." He sat down on the couch and let out a long breath as he drummed on his legs. It was oddly comforting seeing that he was just as nervous about things as I was.

I grabbed two waters and went back to the living room, plopping down on the couch beside him.

"Should we chase the elephant out of the room first?" I asked.

I watched as Edward sucked the corner of his upper lip between his teeth and nodded as the crease between his eyebrows grew deep. He stared at a spot on the floor in front of him and stroked his lower lip with his left hand.

"I'm sorry I ran off on you the way I did, E. I don't know what was wrong with me. I knew you were just trying to be nice…"

"Wait. I know you've probably been thinking about what you were going to say to me all day, Bella. If you don't mind, I'd like to get my shit out of the way. I know it's not the gentlemanly thing to do, but we both know I'm not exactly that way."

"E, really…" I started, but clamped my mouth shut when I saw his knee start to bounce. That was always the sign that Edward was extremely anxious. If I didn't let him speak now, he might get irritated enough to leave. "Okay, you go ahead."

He took a deep breath and exhaled, before starting. "First, I have to apologize to you, Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get carried away like that. I just thought it would be nice to be able to kiss someone at midnight, and when you didn't say no, I figured we were okay. I never wanted to mess up our friendship. You and the others have been really great to me. You especially, and I don't want to ruin what we have."

He'd paused, so I took a chance. "E, you didn't—"

He interrupted me again. "Please let me…let me just get this out. Second, if you don't want to continue to hang out with me, I completely understand. I put us in a weird position, and I don't want to cause you any more problems."

"E, seriously you haven't done anything wrong. I just overreacted. I knew that you were just being nice because everyone else was partnered up. Honestly I think I took things too far." I knew my face was turning a shade of cerise, because I could feel the heat spreading from my ears down to my neck. I hoped he took it as embarrassment and not what it really was—a lust for that same feeling right then.

"I don't think you were the one that took things too far, Bella. You are the one that ran out and got hurt."

"Yes, the one of us who is prone to breaks and sprains ran out of a house into the woods and got hurt. Could you really have expected anything less? I'm just lucky all I broke was my arm." I giggled and hoped it would help to lighten the mood.

I saw him grimace and couldn't help but reach out and rub his shoulder. "Really, E, I'm okay. I'd be more okay if we were all right. Are we still friends?"

His head snapped up and jerked in my direction to look at me. "Of course we are! God, Bella, did you think I didn't want you in my life? You're one of the best things in my life right now." He looked back to the spot on the floor and I saw his jaw flex.

"Okay then. Friends it is." _Damn it! Just tell him! _"Now, do you want to tell me how you hurt your hand? Or should we get to studying? Because I am not afraid to admit I am a little worried about the Government final."

His downtrodden attitude was getting to me. I needed us to get back to what we were before the damn kiss. Our fun times. Even the stupid paper football game. I'd have to learn how to make them. I decided I would Google it when he left and make a few that night. I'd make sure to have them for our next study session.

Things seemed settled for now. Although there was a slight bit of unease, I knew we could get it all back. I just needed to remember to Google those damned paper footballs.

{(QQ)}

By the time finals came around, Edward and I were back into the swing of things. I had brought out his playful side the day after our talk by throwing the paper triangles at him. He'd decided after my third toss that he needed to teach me how to play properly. After that, everything was back to friendship normal. _Damn it! _

I really did want more, but I didn't have the nerve to tell him what I was feeling. I needed to figure out the best time to do that. After what had happened over Winter break the last thing I wanted to do was ruin things for us again.

The previous week, we had agreed that since we both liked a challenge, we should draw something on each other's cast with our opposite hands. Everyone else had resorted to signing their name or writing some nonsense so we thought this would be fun. We had agreed to give ourselves nearly a week to practice. I quickly discovered the best I could do were cartoon faces. So I practiced drawing cartoon images of Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice.

We were sitting at the island in Edward's kitchen, having completed our first two finals of the week. We were using a standing binder as a way of blocking the other's view. It was hard like this because it wasn't like I could turn his arm. I had to twist my own body just so that I was able to draw at the right angle.

"Okay, I'm done." I looked at my handy work and wasn't very happy with it, but had to admit for being a righty, I hadn't done too horribly with my left hand.

"Just a few more seconds…" he dragged out his words, "and done!"

We looked at each other with big goofy grins. I was excited to see what he had drawn.

He grasped a hold of the binder. "Are you ready?"

I nodded and he pulled it out from between us. I pulled my cast to me and saw what looked like some sort of flower.

"It's an azalea. I thought you might like something other than the normal stuff." He shrugged, but I could see he was anxious about something in the way he was biting the inside of his lip.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I prodded.

"What? Oh, nothing. Sorry. I guess I was just zoning out looking at your cartoon." He was evading. I didn't want to push him. We were finally okay, and I didn't want to spoil things with my own stupid curiosity.

I made one last attempt. "Okay. If you're sure…"

He simply nodded, and I knew he was shutting down.

"It's beautiful. Thank you for sketching it on my cast. It's nicer than having all those signatures with the teasing."

"Sure. What are these? Or should I say who?" His smirk was back, and I happily giggled that he seemed to be coming back out of his shell.

"If you let me write with my good hand, I'll label them."

He held the sharpie out to me over his casted wrist. "You may proceed."

That night, after Edward left I Googled Azaleas. They were noted as "royalty of the garden." I Googled the meaning of an Azalea flower and found that it referred to passion. On the meaning was listed as "Take Care of Yourself for Me, Temperance, Fragile Passion." The first phrase of words kept repeating in my head. I wondered if Edward was trying to tell me something.

{(QQ)}

After our talk, Edward and I had been studying five days a week, because there was no football practice. Honestly, Edward couldn't have played if he wanted to. He'd finally told me he fractured his hand, but he wouldn't tell me how. We found out that our casts were due to come off about the same time, so we made a date to try to go in together—for moral support.

Then, after our week of semester finals, the stress seemed to have just disappeared. Edward and I had worked things out enough to continue our friendship, and we were all back to our regular routines.

Every Saturday we had gathered as a group to have some fun. We'd go to someone's house and play games or watch movies. Sometimes we would drive out to Port Angeles and catch a movie and have a meal.

Every Sunday, Emmett and Edward were back to their running routine, only this year Jasper had joined them. The thought of the three of them continuing their friendship made me so happy. I wanted Edward to be happy, and I knew how much he valued their friendship. They were already making plans on how to better the team next year. Next year, they would be the seniors and they would be running things, so to speak.

One Saturday, Emmett suggested we all go camping one weekend soon. We'd all looked at him like he was nuts. The snow in the mountains gave us every indication there was no way in hell we could have survived in the cold like that. Emmett was crestfallen but insisted we all go when the weather warmed up. Neither Edward nor Alice looked very thrilled at that prospect. It didn't bother me any since I had been numerous times with Dad, Jake and Billy. Rosalie and Jasper were used to it, because they had gone with the McCartys nearly every summer since Rose had moved here.

During one of our study sessions, Edward asked me how it was that Rosalie came to live in Forks so much later than Jasper. I had to explain the sordid details to him, but knew I had permission to do it. It was still a bit of a tender issue with Rosalie, with her situation the way it was with her mother, and she didn't like to explain things herself. She hated showing any kind of weakness.

I explained to him that Rosalie's father, Peter had been unfaithful to her mother. He had managed to get both his wife and mistress pregnant only weeks apart. After Peter and Maria separated, he married Jasper's mom, Charlotte. People that didn't know the history of the Hale family thought Jazz and Rose were fraternal twins.

"Wow. What a mess," Edward was a bit shocked.

"I know, but you wouldn't know that Rose and Jasper had a strained relationship before. It kind of gives you a sense of hope when you think about all the other messes out there." I was really referring to the trouble Edward and I had found each other in a short time ago. If Rose and Jasper could get past their parents' situations, we had hope.

{(QQ)}

As Valentine's Day approached, both Rosalie and Alice got a little crazy. I couldn't tell who was more excited between the two of them.

Alice told me that Jasper had demanded that she make no plans for that day at all. They were going to spend the entire day together. I asked Ali what Mary had thought of Jasper's plan, and she said that he had already prearranged everything with her mom. She was on cloud nine.

Rosalie and Emmett also had a day trip planned. No one knew how much of a romantic that big lug could be. Last Valentine's Day, Emmett had spent the better part of an hour sprinkling rose petals on the ground outside Rose's bedroom window, spelling out _I love you_. She told me she'd cried for a good half hour. I wondered what he would do this year to beat the last.

The Saturday before Valentine's Day we were all at Edward's. He was hosting that week's movie theme—Old West. We had just finished watching Tombstone when Jasper asked Edward if he was taking anyone out on Valentine's Day. Edward's face twisted into a look of disgust as he answered.

"No, I don't really have a sweetheart, just _friends, _and most of them appear to be busy."

"What about you, Bella? Has anyone asked you out?" I couldn't believe Alice had just thrown me under the bus. She knew damn well that someone had. Two someones as a matter of fact.

"Alice!" I hissed.

"Yes, Bella?" She batted her eyelashes at me, tossing popcorn in her mouth.

_Your innocent act doesn't work on me, Alice Brandon!_ I rolled my eyes at her. "Yes, I have been asked out. But, I have declined both invitations."

"You were? By who?" Edward demanded. Suddenly all eyes and ears were on us.

"Well, Jacob Black asks me out every year. He's asked me to go out with him every Valentine's Day since we were six. It's nothing new." I shrugged before continuing. "When I lived in Arizona, he'd call me and ask me to fly to Forks to be his Valentine. One year he even tried to convince Billy to fly him out to Phoenix." I giggled at the memory, because Billy had caught Jacob trying to book a flight when he was ten.

"Who else?" Edward asked.

I looked around at our friends who all had smirks on their faces. They were up to something, but I couldn't figure out why they all looked like Sylvester the Cat after he'd caught Tweety Bird.

"You probably could have figured this one out if you'd thought about it for a few minutes, but…Mike Newton. He's been trying to get me to go out with him, incessantly, since after New Years. I'd swear that guy is stalking me some days."

"Do you really think he is?" Edward seemed very on edge.

"E, I doubt it. He's not the smartest guy in the world, but you'd have to be completely insane to stalk the Police Chief's daughter." I really thought he would have to be insane to do that. Hell, anyone would've had to have been. Mike's persistence over the last month was beginning to disturb me. I had already thought about talking to Dad about it.

"Well…" Edward started rubbing at the back of his neck—a nervous habit I was very used to. "Why don't you get him off your back and just hang out with me that day? We could mess around here or go to Port Angeles. I don't have any plans."

Messing around with Edward sounded pretty damn good to me, but I doubted he meant it in the way I was thinking. "E, you really don't have to do that. I'm fine really," I reassured.

"The hell you are, Bells! You should hang out with E. Your dad is working anyway," Emmett bellowed. How had he known my dad was working?

"Yeah, Belly, look at it this way…it will get Mike Newton off your back and Lauren and Jessica off of Edward," Alice chimed in.

"Oh really?" I looked to Edward, who was sporting a lovely shade of pink on his face. _Not so cool when the shoe's on the other foot, eh Edward?_

**-x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x- -x{(O)}x-**

**I want to thank all of you for supporting my kids! So much has happened as of late, and I don't want to forget to take the time to let you all know how much I appreciate each and every one of you. With my thanks, I give each of you a squishy bewbie hug and a drink of booze. XO ~Corrina**

**If you don't remember "the fall" off the bed it's in the beginning of this vid **http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=LToyxk97rus

**A few recs for you:**

_**You Should Know**_** by my beautiful beta, Tiffanyanne3 – A Jake I want to castrate JS**

_**Chasing Victory **_**by my fic-wifey, Mpg – So good you'll love to hate E. He may teach you a few things too. ;)**

_**It's Been Ten Years**_** by the wonderfully talented, rpfangirldc – A Jake that needs to be kicked in the family jewels repeatedly**

_**Freeze Frame**_** by the sexy ass Jewels64 – I really love Emmett in this one. REALLY. **

_**A Beautiful Mess**_** by one of my favorite people, Risbee, and her partner in crime, coldplaywhore – It's another high school based fanfic only with more "citrus".**


	14. Chapter 13: Sweet Melody in My Mind

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**Edward's excited are you?**

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

**Chapter 13: Sweet Melody in My Mind**

The mere sound of her voice brought back the melody I had been trying—unsuccessfully—to remember all weekend. I wanted to close my eyes and remember every note, committing the chords to memory, so that I could put it to staff when I got home. Bella was speaking to me, and I knew I needed to pay attention. I had been desperate to talk to her for far too long already and waiting any further was not an option.

"Oh, I uh…fractured my hand. No big deal." I shrugged dismissively and stared down at my book—too afraid I'd imagined her there and was in fact talking to myself. I had seen her, heard her voice and felt her lips on mine in my dreams nearly every night since New Years. It wasn't a fantasy, because I woke up as alone and confused as she'd left me that night.

She asked how I'd broken my hand, sounding concerned while staring at my cast and the music grew louder in my mind, trying to draw me in.

I kept my focus by staring down at the space between us with her body in my periphery. I wanted nothing more than to just fucking look at her and tell her that I didn't give a shit about my damn arm. What mattered was whether or not she would still want to be around me. If she didn't, I would be royally fucked without her. I took a glance at her arm, making sure I kept my eyes from her face. "It's not important. How's your arm?"

"It's not important," she replied, clearly irritated.

It had been less than five minutes into our conversation and I'd already pissed her off. The music descended into a decrescendo passage as my anxiety grew.

She looked down at her book and let her hair fall between us, hiding her face from my view. The bell rang to begin the period, so I was about to lose any chance I had of fixing things. I leaned as close as I could without falling off my stool and whispered, "Look, I'm sorry, Bella. Can we talk after school?" Being that close, I could feel the electricity flow, making me want to kiss her again—or at least hold her and not let her go. _No more running, Bella._

She nodded, but that was all I got. Her hair hung like a curtain, keeping her hidden from me for the rest of the class period. She'd agreed to talk after school; I just had to accept that and not bother her the rest of the hour.

I jotted down the lesson that had been clearly written on the board into my notebook. There was no way I'd be able to pay attention and get shit done in class with the melody now demanding my attention by pounding out each note in my head. Once I was home, and the tune on paper, I'd be able to read through the entire chapter—completely alone. I spent the rest of class scrawling every note as best I could. It was difficult because I had to twist my arm to do it, and it hurt like hell.

I couldn't believe how bad I had fucked up, not only with Bella, but with myself. I knew I'd have to go through months of therapy just to strengthen my wrist. Even if the therapist gave me the go-ahead, I didn't know if I'd be able to throw the football again. If I couldn't throw the ball, would I still have a shot at having a real relationship with Bella? I knew the answer to that question already. It was ridiculous how I was questioning everything about us, all because of one fuck up. I put the thoughts aside and went back to my songwriting.

I was trying to concentrate on the chords playing, making sure I got every note down precisely as I'd been hearing it. Using notebook paper to compose on a five-line staff would have used too much notebook paper, so I was trying to keep the beats and measures small and tight—just to notate. This melody had been playing because of Bella…I knew that much. I hadn't heard a hint of it until I had realized just how important Bella was to me. It had been building slowly ever since. It was only this weekend that I had realized I wasn't hearing it anymore. It was obvious now that the mood between Bella and me was what determined whether or not I would hear it.

When the bell rang to end the period, I was a bit surprised and a little frustrated. I hadn't been able to get the entire piece down. It was a good start, but I was afraid I would lose it again. If I lost all relationship with Bella, I knew I'd never find it again.

I started packing my things away in my bag, making sure to be careful so that I didn't damage my hand more, when I heard Bella cry out. I turned quickly to face her, hitting my own hand on the stool I had just vacated. I tried like hell not to cry out myself, but my voice shook when I asked her if she was alright.

She grumbled that she'd caught her hand on her bag.

What a pair we made—both of us physically injured, doing emotional harm to ourselves and each other. Only she didn't know that she was hurting me.

I grabbed my bag from the table, throwing it over my left shoulder and then reached out, grasping hers. She tried to argue with me, but I reminded her that I was the reason she was hurt in the first fucking place. _Just let me fucking do something right!_

"Bella, really it's okay. Look, if you carry your bag over your left shoulder you won't have to worry so much about your right hand. You'll just have to lean slightly and let the bag slide down when you're ready." I was trying to be helpful, but when she gritted her teeth, I knew I'd fucked up again. _Holy fuck! I'm on eggshells here; cut me a break._

"I've had a broken arm before, E. I know what to do. The first few days are always an adjustment." She was pissed, and any other time the flaring of her nostrils and the look on her face when she was slightly irritated would have set me up for a good fantasy later that night.

Honestly, I hadn't been able to… since that night. The kiss and the consequences of it after played on a loop in my mind all the fucking time. I decided I needed to just hurry up and get the fuck away from her. I held the weight of the bag in my left hand while holding the strap open for her with my right. It was awkward because I had to cross my arms to do it but again, I was trying to fucking help. When she was set, I hurried out of the room, headed for Spanish class and to face Emmett. I thought about ditching the period, but it wouldn't have gotten me anywhere. I'd only have to face him the next day.

I came to a stop outside the door to Mrs. Goff's class and took a deep breath, listening to the melody that was becoming very smooth in its tone. I began to take a step through the door when I felt a hand come down hard on my right shoulder, causing me to wince. In my surprise, I ended up choking on the air I had just taken in. Emmett hadn't been anywhere near when I had approached the door, but he was right fucking behind me then.

"Dude! Take it easy, E." He started pounding on my back, I guessed to help me stop choking. He only managed to make me choke on my saliva.

I finally stopped coughing and took in slow, measured breaths in an attempt to breathe normally. I forced a few coughs again in an effort to clear my throat—and secretly waste a few more seconds of time so that I didn't have to talk to Emmett for too long.

Emmett chuckled. "Didn't mean to scare ya, man. Just wanted to say hi."

"You didn't scare me…the uh…I think I just inhaled wrong." I wouldn't have believed the shit coming from me either. It wasn't that I was afraid to admit—to _myself—_that the size of the guy scared the shit out of me, but I wouldn't admit that shit out loud.

"Whatever, man. So we're cool, right? No issues?" Emmett asked, waving two fingers between our chests.

I smiled, happy to still have the fucker around. "Yeah, we're cool." I went to fist-bump him, before I remembered I'd had a cast on that hand.

Emmett's arm stopped mid-air as he gaped at my cast. "E, man…What the fuck did you do?"

"I got in a fight with a tree," I said dismissively and walked into the classroom, heading straight for my desk. I wanted to avoid telling him exactly what it was I had done. It'd only piss him off anyway, and I really didn't need another fucking lecture on the damage I may have done and what it'd cost me. I'd already been down that road with Dad.

"You hit a fucking tree? What…you were running and didn't see it in front of you? I told you, you got to be careful out there." Emmett laughed and patted my shoulder.

"Yeah, well it got in my way. I told it to move, but it just stood there so I punched it in the gut," I deadpanned, sliding into my seat.

"You did that shit on purpose?" he demanded incredulously, at top volume.

"Mister McCarty!" Mrs. Goff's voice rebuked from the front of the room.

"Sorry, Missus Goff," he apologized, sheepishly sliding into his seat next to mine. He leaned into the aisle and whispered, "E, man, what the hell were you thinking? You can't do shit like that."

"I wasn't exactly thinking about what I was doing, Emmett. If I had been, I doubt I would have punched a fucking tree," I hissed. What had I been thinking? I had thought about how fucked up things had gotten. I was thinking about how everyone I thought had become my friends had turned on me. How the one girl I had ever really given a shit about kept getting hurt because of me. What was I thinking? I was thinking I wanted to punch the living shit out of myself, and since I couldn't do that, the tree was the asshole that needed to be hurt. Of course, my hand took the damage that should have been dealt to my gut.

"Let's just hope your ass can still throw a football next season." He turned in his seat and faced the front just as Mrs. Goff started class, effectively ending our conversation.

I knew he was right. I would have really fucked things up for the team if I did irreparable damage to my hand. They had finally had a taste of victory and if I screwed shit up that bad, I would take Newton's place as the asshole fucker of Forks.

After the period ended, Emmett simply said, "See ya," and was out the door without another word. I gathered my things and made my way out, pausing just outside the door. I wasn't sure if I should have gone to meet Bella at the gym or just go wait by my car. I wanted to go to the gym, but if she'd changed her mind and decided she didn't want to talk to me, that would be the end of everything and people would be around to see it. If I waited out in the parking lot, at least then I could save myself the humiliation of her rejecting me. _When the fuck did I become such a fucking pussy worrying about shit?_

The music began its rise and fall as I walked out to the parking lot. I dropped my bag in the backseat and started to sit down so that I could close my eyes and breathe in time with the melody. I decided instead to wait outside the car so that I could see Bella come down the stairs. If she came out alone I could approach her, and if not, I would have waited for her to come to me.

Luckily, she did come down the stairs alone, and I made my way to her as the music played faintly in my mind. She was chewing on her lower lip, which made me want to kiss her just to get her to fucking stop.

We said our hellos, I offered her a ride, and then we were off toward her place. I quickly figured out that the music would grow to silence when my anxiety rose.

She was chewing on her lip again in the car, and I had to find out what the hell she was so anxious about. Truthfully, I needed her to talk so she fucking quit with the biting the lip shit, because it was creating a problem in my pants—which by all counts wasn't a bad thing, considering I hadn't sported wood since New Years.

"What's wrong? Why are you chewing on your lip?"

"It's nothing. I was just thinking about how weird today was. How was yours?"

She was avoiding shit again, and I was getting frustrated with how we were acting because it wasn't us—at least not the 'us' I liked—but it was better than what we had been over the last few days. She was finally talking to me, and that was an improvement.

"It's getting better…I hope." Hope was all I had left for us. If I could just get us back to talking and at least acting like friends again, I could start over at working on building her trust. I wanted her with me, and if all she could handle was being friends, then I'd fucking have to take it.

We sat in silence the entire drive. I hadn't even bothered to turn on the radio, afraid I would miss her saying something. I wanted to roll down the window, because I felt like I was going to choke on the stifling air in the car, but that would've created another kind of noise. Noises meant less hearing; less hearing held the possibility that I would miss something she uttered in her hushed whispers.

When we pulled up in front of her house, I didn't want to assume she wanted me to go in so I sat there, figuring the car was as good a place as any to talk. We both started speaking at the same time, but I offered to let her go first. I was glad I had, because she invited me into the house with a little enthusiasm. I was a little annoyed when she told me to bring my backpack in so that we could study. I didn't want to fucking study, I wanted to talk our shit out, but I did it anyway. I'd do anything that girl asked.

She decided we'd work on the coffee table. I set our bags down in the middle of the couch, sat down and took a deep breath, drumming on my legs as I exhaled. I couldn't remember ever being this nervous in my life. Hell, Bella had been the only chick to make me feel this way since probably the fourth grade.

Bella sat down on the couch and asked if we could have our talk first. I wanted all the shit out of the way, but I was too nervous to say anything or even look at her, so I concentrated on the floor. She started to apologize for shit, saying that she knew I was just trying to be nice. Being nice had been the last fucking thing on my mind that night. Kissing her, touching her, maybe grabbing her ass…yeah, but being nice? Fuck no!

I had to stop her from apologizing because that shit was just absurd. "Wait. I know you've probably been thinking about what you were going to say to me all day, Bella. If you don't mind, I'd like to get my shit out of the way. I know it's not the gentlemanly thing to do, but we both know I'm not exactly that way."

She started to interrupt me but let me continue when I cocked my brow. I took another deep breath before speaking again. "First, I have to apologize to you, Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get carried away like that. I just thought it would be nice to be able to kiss someone at midnight and when you didn't say no, I figured we were okay. I never wanted to mess up our friendship. You and the others have been really great to me. You especially, and I don't want to ruin what we have."

"E, you didn't—" she attempted interjecting, but I wasn't going to let her save me. This shit was on me. There was no other way to look at it.

"Please let me…let me just get this out. Second, if you don't want to continue to hang out with me, I completely understand. I put us in a weird position, and I don't want to cause you any more problems." Actually, I didn't want to fucking lose her. I needed her like I needed air. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I wasn't going to risk a destruction of our relationship—however it was.

She tried yet again to let me off the hook by apologizing for overreacting and taking things too far.

_Too far? Not fucking far enough!_ I didn't understand how she could have thought that things had gone too far. We hadn't done shit but kiss. I told her that I didn't think it was her that "took things too far," because she was the one that had run away from me. Obviously I had taken things too far and the result of that was Bella getting hurt. Again.

She reminded me that she was the one prone to injury. As true as that was, it didn't really make me feel any better; it actually made me worry about her even more. What was going to happen to her if I went to Chicago for Spring Break? What if she went away for the summer like she'd done every year? My mind started swimming with all the dangers of Bella being out there without me. All my worrying decreased slightly when I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"Really, E, I'm okay. I'd be more okay if we were all right. Are we still friends?"

_What the fuck?_ "Of course we are! God, Bella, did you think I didn't want you in my life? You're one of the best things in my life right now." _Oh shit! Did I actually just say that shit out loud? _ I looked back to the floor and hoped she wouldn't back away from me again. I bit down hard, grinding my teeth and balling my fists. If she told me to get the fuck out, I'd do it. It would piss me off and probably kill me, but I'd do it.

She confirmed our friendship and then asked if I would tell her how I hurt myself. She hastily offered up studying for the Government final, and I jumped on it. I had already told Emmett about hitting the tree. One person in our group knowing what I had done was enough.

When I heard Chief Swan's cruiser pull up, I decided I needed to make a fast getaway. While hurriedly packing up my stuff, I made a lame-ass excuse that I hadn't realized how late it was and that Mom had invited Aunt Es and Uncle C over for dinner.

Chief Swan walked in the door just as I rounded the corner. I called out over my shoulder to Bella, telling her I'd see her at school and made a hasty exit. It was rude and I knew it, but self-preservation won out, and I'd rushed out the door. If Mom would have known, she'd have kicked my ass for my bad manners, but she hadn't seen his gun collection, and I hadn't forgotten his accusation about Bella seemingly getting injured around me. He'd said it was a joke, but how the fuck did I know that? Because he said so?

When I got home, Mom was setting the table for five—at least I hadn't lied to Bella about having company for dinner. She told me to wash up and that she would then need to see me in the kitchen. As I walked up the stairs to my room, I tried thinking of what I could have done wrong. She hadn't said anything and really didn't sound mad, but the last time she had wanted to talk to me in the kitchen, I had been in deep shit.

After washing up, I went back downstairs and into the kitchen to meet up with her. I figured acting innocent would be the best way to go since I didn't know what the fuck it was I had done anyway.

"What's up, Mom?" I asked, leaning in to look over her shoulder and into the pot she was stirring.

She started a little. "Edward Anthony Masen! You're going to give your mother a heart attack! You shouldn't scare me like that," she scolded, and waved her hand in my face.

I laughed and went to sit at the island. "Sorry, Mom. What were you concentrating so hard on?"

She knocked the spoon clean on the rim and covered the pot before turning around to face me. "Bella."

_Oh shit! Here we go. _I had figured between her and Dad they had probably talked about my feelings for Bella. As much as they loved her I didn't think they'd ever tell me not to bring her over, but after everything that had happened last week, it wouldn't have surprised me. I gulped down what felt like a huge phlegm ball before speaking.

"What about her?" My voice actually squeaked. It was like I was going through puberty again or some shit.

Mom started to giggle but cleared her throat quickly to cover it up. "I was thinking we should send her a Get Well bouquet. Maybe some camellias or azaleas. We could just say they are from you so that she doesn't feel like your father and I are spoiling her. They would make much more sense coming from you anyway."

"Flowers, Mom? Can't I just get her a Get Well card? Wouldn't that be easier?" Flowers had too much meaning. If she was running from my kiss, she was going to hide from me if I sent her flowers.

"That may be easier, Edward, but far less thoughtful. Why don't you consider it? I can stop at the florist tomorrow afternoon when I go shopping in town." She turned back around, lifted the lid and began stirring the pot again.

"Well, make them from all of us, then. She won't think you're spoiling her, she'll just think we sent her some flowers—as a family."

"No, no. They're fine coming from just you. You just tell me which one, and I will be sure to have them sent," she insisted.

It made me wonder exactly what else my mother was trying to stir up. She must have had a motive in sending Bella flowers from just me. She could have made them from all of us, but she'd insisted they come from me. I was determined to figure that shit out, maybe toss a question in here and there at dinner.

I'd hardly been able to get a word in at all during dinner. Dad and Uncle C were at it once again, comparing patients and their stories—without naming names of course. Aunt Es and Mom were involved in hashing out details of an upcoming function they were co-hosting at the hospital. During dessert they were all talking about going to Chicago for some benefit during spring break. I wasn't going. The only person worth seeing back there would be James, and even he wasn't a good enough reason to make me want to leave Bella.

I finally excused myself from the table, stating that I had homework to finish.

"Edward?" Mom called out, causing me to turn back to face her. "Don't forget to tell me which flowers you'd like me to send to Bella." She gave me an extra wide grin before turning back to the conversation about Chicago. I had forgotten about the flowers until Mom reminded me.

"I'll take a look and let you know before I go to bed," I promised. I retreated to my room upstairs before she could demand anything else.

When I got to my room, I sat down and Googled both the camellias and azaleas and found out exactly what my mother had been trying to get me to do. She was sneakier than I was! The pink in both of the flowers made me think of Bella's blush, and the meaning of them were true, but would she think to look that shit up? And if she did, was it something I would want her to know after everything that had happened?

One meaning in particular stood out: azalea—take care of yourself for me. Mom had done her research because when I looked up camellias the three different meanings for the three different corresponding colors was unmistakably how I felt about Bella. Pink meant, "Longing for you." Red meant, "You're a flame in my heart." White meant, "You're adorable."

I immediately got up from my chair and made my way downstairs to the living room where I knew she had to be.

"Neither and none," I stated simply as I entered the archway, seeing the tops of my parents' heads over the back of the couch. Mom and Dad cuddling in their usual positions on the couch—Dad watching game highlights and Mom tucked under his arm, reading her girl magazine. "There is no way you are going to send flowers to Bella, Mom."

"But, Edward, they would be so nice for her." She was relentless.

"What's this about flowers for Bella?" Dad asked, pausing the sports broadcast.

"Mom thought it would be a good idea to send Bella some Get Well flowers from me. Only I looked up the meanings of the flowers," I informed. "Nice try, Mom."

"Well, that was very industrious of you, Edward," Mom praised, but she was not going to avert my attention. "You're so resourceful. So what will it be? Azaleas or Camellias? Or did you come across something else?"

"Not working, Mom. I am not sending Bella flowers."

"Now, Edward," my father began. "Flowers aren't such a horrible idea as far as Get Well wishes go. People do it all the time."

"I know that, Dad, but did you hear the specific flowers Mom had picked out?"

"Liz?" My father quirked his brow, letting my mother's name hang.

I prayed my father was on my side.

"The pinks in the flowers made me think of Bella's beautiful blush, Ed. I didn't mean anything by it," Mom said, patting Dad's chest.

I saw a flicker of recognition cross Dad's features. He knew we were being played.

"Liz," he admonished.

"Oh, Ed." She frowned and swatted his chest. "I was just trying to help our son to get on with it."

"Liz, Love, I don't think now…"

"What I mean to say is—" She leaned forward as if she were trying to get a better look at my face. "Edward, sweetheart, just tell her how you feel so that you can both get on with things. Honey, you've been holding it in. I've watched you two; you are so good together. You each know the way the other moves. You sense when she is in need of something and you give it to her."

I clearly hadn't hidden my feelings regarding Bella as much as I had thought. I knew I'd told my mom a bit, but she knew way more than I had told her. "Mom, I kissed her on New Years and you saw what happened after that! She got hurt, because she felt like she had to run from me. If I tell her how I feel, what's she going to do then? I can't lose her because I am being some stupid aah—" I'd caught myself in time "—idiot by trying to take her when she doesn't want that. She has a plan for her life, okay? Right now, I'm only in it as her friend. It has to stay that way."

"Edward, maybe if you told her…"

I interrupted her before she could finish her thought. "No, Mom. I can't do it. If I push too hard I could lose her. I almost lost her last week because I was stupid enough to try. I can't do it again. She's only known me a few months. She wants to be friends, and that's the way it will stay until she decides otherwise." I turned and ran up the stairs to my room. I didn't want to talk about it any more. I just needed to get through the night and see Bella in the morning. When I saw her and we talked again, everything would be fine.

Everything was fine. Fine and busy as hell. Finals week came up fast. Bella and I had been studying hard for exams, which basically put us back into our old mode. Not completely back to normal, but normal enough that I didn't worry about us anymore.

To Bella's credit, she was the one that had kicked us back into gear. The day after our talk, I was in the middle of writing my term paper when something hit me in the head and bounced on the table in front of me. I looked up to see Bella with her hand over her mouth giggling.

"What's this?" I asked quizzically, snatching up the folded paper triangle. "Bella, did you make a paper football?"

"Yep." She couldn't have had a bigger smile on her perfectly beautiful face, making my heart skip a beat. She was obviously very proud of her work.

"Why?" I asked, and I saw her face fall. _Fuck! _"What made you want to make one? I have tons of these things."

She shrugged her shoulders and twisted her mouth. "I just thought it would be fun. Sorry." She sounded so fucking upset as she crossed her arms over her book and placed her chin just right so that she could still read the text.

I needed to lighten shit quickly before I completely fucked our day again. "They are fun…if you play it right." I arched a brow and positioned the paper football in front of me then flicked it in her direction, hitting her square in the chest just below her chin.

"Edward Cullen!" she mocked.

"And _that_ is how you play paper football," I stated and went back to work, smiling into my notebook.

I saw one fly over my shoulder, but acted as though I hadn't seen it at all. I had a hard time not laughing when the third one landed on top of my backpack over six inches from my elbow. "Should I stop doing homework and teach you the fine art of Paper Football?"

She giggled and agreed, everything returning to a somewhat normal playing field again. I was happy because I had been able to get close enough to touch her again. I wasn't being a perverted prick; I was trying to show her how to hold and flick the triangle. Maybe I was a perverted prick.

{(0)}

"So when are you going to let me sign your cast?" I asked Bella one day while we were studying for finals.

"You want to?" she asked, furrowing her brow as she tilted her head.

I shrugged. "Sure, why not? You could sign mine too."

I put my pen down and scooted closer to her so that I could get a better look at the numerous scribbles on her cast. I saw that Alice, Rose, Emmett and Jasper had all written something teasing Bella. I saw signatures and bubbles, little sketches and then there was Mike-fucking-Newton. He'd written "You need anything, call me. Mike Newton." _Dumbass fucker! If you feel the need to put your last name down that means you __already know you __aren't that fucking important. _I hoped she'd never call him. She always seemed irritated with that asshole, but after everything that had happened between us I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

I had a sudden thought occur to me. "How about we sketch something?"

She groaned and the sound made my dick harden and push on the buttons of my fly like they were a panel on the wall of an elevator, needing a lift. _Top floor please-roof access! I need out!_

"I can't draw for crap with my good hand and you want me to try with my left? You are nuts." She looked down at her book, returning to her studying.

I didn't move from my new position, twisting my head this way and that, reading all the different scribbles. I was determined to draw something in the empty space on her cast, and I already had it picked out. "How about you save me this spot," I pointed to the blank space on her cast that was the perfect size, "and in a week, I sketch something there?"

She tilted her head and looked at me sideways. "If I say no, you'll just ask again, won't you?"

I grinned and nodded my head. "Yep."

"You really are a pain in the ass, Cullen."

"And you like me that way, Swan." I leaned into her, bumping her shoulder with my own.

"Unfortunately, you seem to be growing on me." She smiled.

I opened my mouth to play our little game, but then thought better of it. I just laughed and let her have that one. She didn't know how true her statement was.

A week later, we were sitting across from each other drawing on each others' casts. I had drawn an azalea—or something similar. I had practiced drawing that fucking flower all damn week, and it still looked like shit. Of course that could have been because I had concentrated too much on how to work my initials into the petals. My initials were flawless; the flower…looked more like the alien plant from _Little Shop of Horrors. _

I announced that I had completed my drawing, knowing there was no way in hell I was going to be able to make that thing look good.

Bella said she needed just a few more seconds and was grinning while biting on her lower lip. I couldn't help but smile as my dick gave its own approval. I stood up and shifted my stance so that I could sneak in a ball adjustment. When she announced that she was finished, I gripped the binder separating our casted arms and asked if she was ready, before removing it.

I bent my elbow to glance at what she had sketched. What I really wanted to see was what she thought of what I'd done.

"It's an azalea. I thought you might like something other than the normal stuff." I was more nervous about her reaction. The different ideas of what she'd say or do were running rampant through my mind. I became keenly aware of my need to run my hand through my hair. I had realized how often the desire to do that came up since breaking my hand. I'd hit my head so many damn times it was a wonder I never got a concussion. Hell, with as often as I wanted to run my hand through my hair, it was unreal that I wasn't already bald.

Noticing my obvious nervousness, she asked what was wrong. I didn't want to tell her that I was nervous about what she was thinking, so I looked down at my cast and gave her the lame-ass excuse of zoning out over her drawings. She told me that my sketch was beautiful and that it was better than all the other boring shit.

I decided I needed to avert her attention quickly so that we didn't focus on the flower too long. I really didn't want her asking why I had chosen that particular flower.

"What are these? Or should I say who?"

She giggled, and I instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulders. She offered to label each cartoon character—representations of our friends—for me before she left.

That night, I slept the best I had in weeks. Things were finally returning to normal. As normal as normal could be considering Bella and I had to be the oddest couple of teenagers when it came to friendship. I wanted her as my girlfriend, she wanted me as a friend, and between the two of us we were a fucked up mess.

**{(QQ)}**

After semester finals, things were finally settling down. Saturdays were fun again and I didn't mind hanging out with everyone those days anymore. One thing I had realized during those first few dreary weeks was that I couldn't let Bella completely consume me. I still wanted her so fucking bad it hurt, but I needed to get out and do shit with the others more. I had other friendships to consider, not just Bella's.

Emmett and I were running again on Sundays, only this year Jasper had decided to join us. He said he wanted to get in better shape and try out for baseball when the season started in March. That first run we all talked about going out for it. The only problem was I couldn't. I'd need lots of therapy just to be able to play football in the fall; there was no way I'd be able to throw a baseball only one week after getting my cast removed.

I wasn't too disappointed, because I knew things were cool for a while. I liked Emmett and Jasper a lot, but I knew if it came down to me or Bella, it would be her over me, always—no matter how hard I worked on our friendships. There was no "bros before hos" in our group.

During one of our runs Emmett was giving us a hard time, because we hadn't backed his camping idea with the girls the day before.

"You could have backed a brother up, you fuckers. Where were your nuts yesterday? A little camping and we all get what we want. The girls huddled up to us for some heat." Emmett grinned manically.

"I can proudly say mine were firmly locked in Alice's capable hands last night. They wouldn't have been there if I had agreed to camp in the snow like an Eskimo." Jasper had been grinning since he'd arrived at my house at noon. He had definitely gotten his rocks off recently. _Lucky fucker._

"Jasper, you still owe me for when Rosie moved here. Man, you could've had my back."

"How long are you going to play that card? I don't mind backing you when you make sense, but, dude, do you _want_ to freeze your sac?"

I wondered why Jasper owed Emmett anything. I thought about asking, but the two kept up their bickering for the remainder of the run. When we'd returned to my house we'd finally agreed to trick the girls into going on the trip when the weather warmed up if they refused again.

The following day, while Bella and I were studying for our upcoming Biology exam on cell cycles, I asked her about how it was that Rosalie showed up after Jasper. When she told me the few details, I was shocked. I didn't know what I would've done if my father had a mistress. Actually, I probably would have kicked his ass. I knew Rosalie had gone to a private school in New York, but I had no idea about that kind of fucked up mess.

When I'd talked to those two, I never knew they were only half-siblings. They acted like everyone else, teasing each other like other siblings do, but you could tell they loved each other. And apparently, Jasper owed that to Emmett. I was sure it would all come out eventually, but I was in no rush to find that shit out.

**{(QQ)}**

Tombstone is one of the greatest fucking movies ever. Let me repeat that. Tombstone _is_ one of _the_ greatest fucking movies _ever_. Emmett, Jasper and I were all in agreement on that shit and it was our Saturday to pick a movie. No fucking chick-flicks allowed. We were all gathered at my house the weekend before Valentine's Day—we wouldn't do this next Saturday because the couples had plans.

Jasper had made arrangements with Alice's mom to secretly pack a bag for her. He was going to surprise her with an overnight trip to Seattle for a concert. Lucky-ass son-of-a-bitch had Alice's mom eating out of his hands. I doubted Chief Swan would let his daughter go out of town unchaperoned with any guy overnight, let alone me.

Emmett made similar plans for him and Rosalie. They were going to Seattle, but he had an entire spa package picked out at one of the hotels up there. He had to make certain promises to Rose's dad, like separate rooms and no "funny business." Emmett had agreed, but what he told me later had me in fucking stitches, I was laughing so hard. He'd made sure that the rooms were adjoining rooms—technically they were still separate rooms. He'd also worked it out in his mind that "funny business" didn't include sex, because there was nothing funny about sex. Smooth fucker. He made me swear not to tell Jasper, because he didn't want him to have to lie to his folks.

When the movie finished, we were trying to decide what to do the rest of the night. I saw Alice and Jasper whispering to each other and was just about to ask whether anyone wanted to go to Port Angeles.

"So, E, what are you doing for Valentine's Day? Are you taking anyone out?" Jasper asked.

Damn fucker. He knew I had no plans. I couldn't believe he was asking me that shit again. He'd already asked me last Sunday when the three of us went for our run. Now I was pissed off because he'd asked me in front of Bella.

Honestly I had thought about asking Bella out, but I knew there was no way in fuck I was going to get away with that shit. "No, I don't really have a sweetheart, just _friends _and most of them appear to be busy." I started to give him a what-the-fuck gesture but flipped him off instead.

"What about you, Bella? Has anyone asked you out?" It was Alice's turn to make someone uncomfortable, but I had to admit my interests were piqued when I saw the glare come off Bella, aimed at Alice's smiling face.

"Alice!" Bella did not sound happy at all about the questioning she was getting either.

"Yes, Bella?" Alice threw a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth and grinned at Bella, blinking kind of fast. Something was up with Jasper and Alice; first the whispering and then the questions…

"Yes, I have been asked out. But I have declined both invitations," Bella admitted through gritted teeth, and my stomach twisted into a tight knot.

I had to know who the fuck was trying to move in on _my_ territory. I knew Bella wasn't fucking mine, but I didn't want anyone else going after her. There were plans in place. Plans I couldn't work on if some other guy stepped in and took her from me. What the hell was I supposed to do?

"You were? By who?" I demanded while trying to keep my cool. _ Guess what folks…possessive motherfucker is back. This time, he's not going anywhere!_ I didn't give a shit what anyone else was doing anymore; I only wanted to know what was going on with her. After what had happened in January, I wanted to take things slow, but this bit of information had me wanting to step up my game. I was not going to let some other mother fucker step in and take my girl.

"Well, Jacob Black asks me out every year. He's asked me to go out with him every Valentine's Day since we were six. It's nothing new. When I lived in Arizona, he'd call me and ask me to fly to Forks to be his Valentine. One year he even tried to convince Billy to fly him out to Phoenix." She giggled, but I didn't find any of that shit fucking funny. That kid was still trying to get to Bella. If she had told him yes, then I'd have known he was the one. But she hadn't, which meant there was still someone else. Someone that could potentially take her from me, flipping me on my ass.

"Who else?" I was trying like hell to keep all the disdain I was feeling at bay. It wouldn't do me any good to let Bella see it. It certainly wouldn't score me any points with the others, and we had been on pretty good terms for the last few weeks.

Bella looked around the room, but I could only watch her—look at her. I needed to know who else. She was taking too damn long so I was just about to ask her again when she started to speak.

"You probably could have figured this one out if you'd thought about it for a few minutes, but…Mike Newton. He's been trying to get me to go out with him, incessantly, since after New Years. I'd swear that guy is stalking me some days."

I made a tight fist in each of my hands thinking of that motherfucker. He and I were going to have to have another talk. _If I break his legs, he won't be able to follow her anywhere._ No way in hell was he allowed to stalk her. Who the fuck did he think he was? She'd already made herself clear. He needed to back the fuck off. "Do you really think he is?"

It didn't escape my notice that our friends necks were snapping back and forth like they were watching a tennis match. They were paying close attention to every word coming out of our mouths, but I didn't get why they were so interested. I mean sure, Bella being hounded by Newton was annoying as shit, but it was nothing new.

"E, I doubt it. He's not the smartest guy in the world, but you'd have to be completely insane to stalk the Police Chief's daughter." She had a point, but given my own actions when she had stayed at my house over break, I wouldn't put it past him either. All I had thought about that entire time was seeing Bella. I hadn't really thought about the consequences if Chief Swan found out; I'd only cared about my parents finding out and saying Bella couldn't stay with us any longer.

"Well…" I lifted my right arm to rub my neck, but felt the weight of it, reminding me of yet another nervous habit I had become aware of. The thought had barely registered in my mind when I spoke. "Why don't you get him off your back by hanging out with me that day? We could mess around here or go to Port Angeles. I don't have any plans." _Fuck! Just say yes. Please just fucking say yes, but don't go out with anyone else if you say no._

"E, you really don't have to do that. I'm fine, really."

She didn't want to go. That was the end of it. I'd done what I could, asked what I wanted to ask, and she'd said no.

_You need to stop being a pussy and just fucking tell her! _I took in a deep breath, ready to walk over, grab her and take her outside so we could talk alone. Thankfully, I was interrupted.

"The hell you are, Bells! You should hang out with E. Your dad is working anyway," Emmett bellowed. He turned and fucking winked at me. I didn't know if he was trying to help me or trying to keep Newton off of Bella. Either way was fine by me.

"Yeah, Belly, look at it this way…it will get Mike Newton off your back and Lauren and Jessica off of Edward." Alice piped in with her own encouragement, but leave it to her to remind me of my awful Friday.

Those chicks, Lauren and Jessica, had been all over me. Every time I'd turned around, one or the other or both had been there.

"Oh really?" Bella looked at me and, God help me, I blushed.

I knew I was turning red the instant I'd felt the heat in my cheeks. I was scrambling for something to say, stuttering like a stupid ass.

"Dude! You let those chicks get on you?" Emmett's insinuation made me want to beat the shit out of him. In that moment, I didn't care how big he was.

"What? Shit no! Every time I turned around yesterday, there they were. It was annoying as fuck. I don't even know what they fucking wanted." I admitted.

I heard Rose groan and looked at her while Emmett held her closely to his side. "They want their star quarterback. They want you," she insisted.

"Don't they all?" She'd spoken the words so faintly I probably wasn't meant to hear, but the disapproval in Bella's whisper was clear. Only problem was, I didn't know if it was toward _me_ or _them_.

"I have no interest in either of them right now, and I am pretty sure I've made that clear to _both_ of them," I emphasized.

Silence filled the room after that until Emmett couldn't take it anymore, demanding that we all go to the diner and "grab some grub."

**{(QQ)}**

What the hell should I have gotten the girl—who I wanted so bad that I had completely fucked up by kissing her—for Valentine's Day? Had kissing her really been so wrong? _She did run away from you and break her arm, asshole!_ I didn't have one fucking clue of what to get her. I knew she didn't like having money spent on her—and I'd already done the crafty making her something, sentimental bullshit—so it had to be something really small, because fuck me for all my trying, she still wasn't mine and it was a long time before I could convince her to be.

Mom suggested flowers and chocolates—the same old traditional bullshit. I didn't mind the suggestion, but to be honest they were more of a couple type of thing to give. I'd completely given up and decided nothing was the best idea, when Mom sent me down to the store to pick up some things for dinner. The longer I was in the damn store, walking every aisle looking for the items Mom wanted, the more pissed off I was getting. All the Valentine's Day crap wasn't helping my mood either: bears holding hearts that said "be mine," cards, balloons, rose bouquets, cellophane wrapped hearts with chocolate surprises hidden inside…it was all too much.

I walked past a stand that had those stupid multi-colored candy hearts and thought they were cheap as hell and completely absurd. Then the wording of one caught my eye. "Kiss Me," it prompted. It was corny as hell and held enough meaning, but I could pass it off as a typical gesture of Valentine's Day friendship. I picked up a couple of boxes before continuing down the aisle to get the last of the ingredients Mom needed for dinner.

When I showed up to pick up Bella, I noticed a red junker of a Rabbit with a black top parked just behind Chief Swan's cruiser. I couldn't remember ever seeing it before and really didn't think anything of it, figuring it was a friend of his.

I knocked on the screen door, anxiously shuffling my feet. If I hadn't been so nervous, I probably would have realized that there was still a winter chill in the air.

The door opened and there stood Chief Swan; he sized me up before turning his head and calling out to Bella.

"Miss popular, Edward Cullen is here." He opened the door for me and allowed me to pass into the house. "Go on into the living room, Edward."

"Thank you, sir." I smiled, nervously stuffing my hands in my pockets. When I rounded the corner and the living room came into view, two things happened simultaneously: my heart sank and my blood boiled. The kid was sitting on the couch talking to Bella. He was sitting way too close to her, and I wanted to kick his ass for it. When I got closer I could see he was holding her hand which really pissed me off.

Bella looked up and pulled her hand out of the kid's grasp. I think he may have groaned.

"Hi, Edward. Do you remember my _friend_, Jacob?" She'd stressed the word friend, but I didn't know if that was for my benefit or his.

"Yeah, hey." I nodded, acknowledging him but giving him nothing else. I turned back to Bella and asked, "So, are you ready to go to Port Angeles?"

The second she bit her lip, I knew my day was going very wrong. "I…uh…" she started.

Her stuttering was making me nervous. My immediate thought was that no matter what, I was too late. The kid had finally won her over, and I was out in the damn cold, alone, without Bella. I swallowed hard, getting ready to hear the words, saying that I needed to leave.

"Hey, it's cool. If you made other plans, I can probably find something to do." I hoped it came across as me not really giving a fuck, because I didn't want to push her away any farther, but I felt like my head was going to explode.

"What? Oh! No, no, no…we're still going. I just…well…" she stammered.

"I'm coming with you." I turned my head to look at the kid and his dumbass grin as he spoke. "Bella invited me."

_Fuck!_

"You and Dad invited you. I had nothing to do with it." She'd actually growled at him, and the look on her face gave me back my hope.

I wanted to laugh. It was the kid's turn to fuck up. It felt good knowing that it hadn't been Bella that wanted him to go, it was her dad. I sat down on the other side of Bella and she turned to me. I went to take her hand in mine and tell her it was alright—even though it wasn't—when I saw them. There in her hand was the same box of candies I was going to give her. _Damn cheesy fucker. _I was determined for us to have a good time in Port Angeles, no matter what. I knew just how to do it too.

"We'll have a good time, I promise." I rubbed her arm in as friendly a manner as I could, because if I had stroked her cheek like I really wanted to do, I would have leaned in and kissed her. I needed to show this kid that she wasn't his. She couldn't be his. "I'll be right back, okay?"

She looked at me quizzically.

"I just need to make a phone call," I said, standing and reaching into my pocket for my cell.

She nodded and I walked outside to gain some privacy. I made a call to Bella Italia to see if they had any openings for dinner. The only time they had available was 4:45pm so I jumped on it, making the reservation for a party of two. I called the movie theater to see what movies were playing and if any of them were very nearly sold out. "Confessions of a Shopaholic" only had five seats left for their last showing at ten o'clock. A fucking chick flick. I didn't particular want to suffer through one, but if my plan worked, it would all be worth it. I asked if the tickets could be held at the window, to which they agreed. I pulled out my _emergencies only_ credit card and bought all five tickets.

_It is an emergency. I'm trying to protect Bella from being taken from me and living a miserable life with someone else. Sue me._

I walked back into the house, my steps feeling a lot lighter—if I wasn't a guy, I'd probably have skipped back into the house. Bella and the kid were still talking on the couch.

I was rehearsing what I was going to say in my head and couldn't really pay attention to what they were saying. I let out an exaggerated sigh as I sat down on the couch next to Bella. I placed my hand gently on the middle of her back to let her know I wanted to speak when she was done.

She turned slightly to face me, and I removed my hand.

"I'm really sorry, Bells. I didn't know we would have a third person joining us or I wouldn't have made plans for just you and me," I said, staring only at Bella. "I just called the restaurant and the theater to see if I could change things to add one and they couldn't do it." I sucked in a deep breath through my teeth before continuing. "If you really want me to, I can cancel the restaurant and we can just hang out here."

"Why couldn't they change it?" Bella asked, seeming a little confused.

"It's Valentine's Day, Bella. Bella Italia is booked solid and the theater said the show was sold out. I can't get a refund on the tickets, but that's no big deal." I shrugged, starting to feel like a manipulative asshole. If my plan worked, I'd get over it.

"Oh. Well, I don't want your money wasted." She turned her head to the little douche, keeping her body turned to me. "Jake, honestly, I think you should go and spend some time with Quil and Seth. Do a single guys' night out." Bella patted his knee as she spoke.

I heard it and wondered if Bella did too, because I felt her stiffen beside me. It took everything I had to stay in my spot and not shove the fucker out of the house for growling at her.

"I thought you said you two weren't serious, Bells. Obviously, you lied to me." He got up and headed for the door.

Bella stood up and chased after him. "Jacob, I did not lie to you." She sounded angry.

_Score one for me!_

He stopped and Bella ran right into him.

He turned around to face her, towering over her, which caused me to get up and move to protect her. "Then why did he make your trip into a date night?" he asked, pointing his finger at me. He looked like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum. Okay, a very tall kid.

"I thought Bella deserved a nice time out. She's my friend, she's been through a lot, and I want to make sure she has fun." I was defending not only Bella, but myself.

"_You_ don't need to tell _me_ what she's been through. _I've_ been here." His hands were shaking as he spoke.

"Jake, it really isn't any of your business why he made the plans he did. Edward is my friend. You are my friend, you're just not my only friend," Bella admitted.

The look on the kid's face almost had me feeling sorry for him. Almost, but not quite.

"Whatever." He turned to walk out the door.

"Call me tomorrow," Bella called out after him.

"Sure, sure," he called back in defeat.

I watched Bella's shoulders fall as she exhaled a long breath after he'd closed the door behind him.

"That didn't go so well. I probably won't hear from him for a while. He's been my best friend forever, and I just keep hurting him." I heard her sniffle and felt like an ass.

I moved around to stand in front of her and saw the tears falling down her cheeks. I pulled her into a hug without thinking and she collapsed against me, shoulders shaking. I'd won the battle, but held a wounded Bella in my arms. I couldn't celebrate my victory, because yet again, Bella had been injured by me.

"Hey, look…if you'd rather go hang out with him, I'll understand Bella. If you want we can hang out together." I kissed the top of her forehead and as soon as I realized what I'd done I stiffened my posture, waiting for her to run.

She squeezed me tighter and I relaxed. "No. He'll be fine." She pulled away and started wiping her eyes. "Thank you for trying to make today special for me, Edward. You're a really good friend."

I was beginning to hate that word. I mustered up a small smile and moved a few errant strands of hair back off her face. "Anytime, Bella. Anytime."

The trip into Port Angeles wasn't as bad as I'd expected it to be with all the shit that kid had created—or did I create it? We talked about school, what our friends were doing, and our upcoming SAT preparation studies. By the time we'd arrived into town, it was three o'clock. I suggested we park at the restaurant and walk around the shops near there since we had about an hour and a half to kill.

I still had the candy hearts tucked away in my jacket pocket. After the kid had given her the hearts, I wasn't too sure I wanted to do the same. I wanted to see if anything in the shops would catch Bella's interest. I knew she didn't like people spending money on her, but to hell with that. She'd have to indulge me just this once.

"Do you mind if we go into Port Books so I can see if Laurent and Irina got anything new?" I wasn't going to deny her the visit simply because I knew it was most likely her favorite store in all of Port Angeles. Every trip into town she'd either be sure to go or look at it longingly as we passed by it with our friends.

I placed my hand at the small of her back and guided her forward down the street toward the bookstore. I was going to make this as friendly and good a Valentine's Day as I was able to. I just needed to remember to rein in the romantic crap. I was fighting the urge to get her chocolates and flowers and all that other romantic shit—everything Mom had suggested. I had already known that Asshole Newton and the kid wanted Bella, I just didn't think they really had a shot, but I was still worried about all that shit; more now than ever.

We walked into the bookstore, and I heard Irina before I saw her.

"Bella! My darling girl!" she exclaimed, obviously excited to see her. She sprinted to Bella and quickly pulled her into an embrace. "You naughty girl. You have been away for far too long. It's been nearly three months, for heaven's sake."

I couldn't help but smile. Everyone loved Bella. There were very few I could think of that didn't like her and that was probably because they didn't know her. Well, the two I was thinking of were jealous of Bella; I knew that much.

Irina looked over at me and raised her brow. "And you young man…" She motioned for me to move closer so I walked toward her and she pulled me into a three-way hug. "_You_, I have not seen since the week before Christmas. You too have been away far too long, young man."

It was oddly comforting in a weird way to be held that close to Bella, even if I was being rebuked for my absence.

Irina ended up pulling Bella to her favorite cabinet and showed her their latest acquisition. It was a first edition copy of Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." It was in good condition; the cover was still intact. Irina was giving Bella all the details of it, and I was looking forward to getting it for her.

"How much?" I asked when Irina was mid-sentence explaining the owner and all the other non-essential bullshit.

Irina turned to me, again with the raised brow, and stated flatly, "Twelve-hundred."

"What? But it's old, the cover is worn out and everything."

Bella and Irina giggled.

I didn't get what was so damn funny. It wasn't like it was Shakespeare's first edition Sonnets or some shit. It was fucking Ernest Hemingway! He was around in the last century not four or five-hundred years ago.

Irina tried explaining the finer details of why older books cost more based on edition and authors, and I suddenly wished it was time for dinner.

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

**Thank you my lovely betas, Tiffanyanne3ff and Carabeth. I have been working you and working you and you have been excellent. **

**I will be putting an SitBR outtake up for bid in the upcoming Fandom Gives Back Charity Auction, benefiting Alex's Lemonade Stand. I_luv_Spunk approached me and asked if I would be okay if she drew a team together. I accepted and so began her quest. She is Team Leader for Team Button-flyward. She's created a Team blog with the information ****http:/teambutton-flyward(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**** Make sure you follow the blog so that you don't miss out on the details. She's asked that you all think about what missing scene you'd like to see or a scene you wished was extended. She will be compiling a list and very probably will be polling you all. If you aren't familiar with the Fandom Gives Back Charity Auction please take some time to visit the website ****http:/www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com/**


	15. Chapter 14: Love It or Leave It

_**My apologies to all of you for the tardiness of this update. My goal has been to update every two weeks; unfortunately, real life interrupts the fantasy and updates come out late. Thank you all in advance for your continued patience. On with the UST!**_

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

**Chapter 14: Love It or Leave It**

The closer Valentine's Day drew, the more nervous I became. Not for the reasons one would think. I wasn't worried about what to get my date for "our special day"; I was actually a little excited that I wouldn't be spending it alone…at first.

I had managed to be tricked into going to Port Angeles with Edward on Valentine's Day by Alice and her cunning manipulation. How the others had gotten involved in all the fuckery was still confusing to me. Emmett had been a bit pushy in his own right, and once the others put in their two cents worth, I was spending the day with Edward. What had possessed them to make him spend time with me? I'd imagined he had better things to do.

I finally had to convince myself to stop thinking about it, because all the wondering and guessing was driving me nuts. I didn't want to ask what they were trying to do, because frankly, I was a little afraid to hear the answer.

If they all knew what I wasn't ready to openly admit, then I was not as secretive about my feelings as I had hoped. If they knew, that could mean Edward knew. If Edward knew, then he was being a nice guy so that he wouldn't have to hurt my feelings. Maybe, just maybe he was trying to make sure he didn't have to reject me. He wouldn't want to hurt a friend. Maybe he wasn't being the nice guy. Maybe he was waiting for me to say something so that he could have time to figure out how to let me down easy. Then again, that would have been the nice guy thing to do. When did things get so damn complicated?

It was all so frustrating, scary and confusing as hell. I couldn't even begin to know what was going on in anyone else's head, let alone mine. What I had been able to figure out was that they had only pushed the issue, knowing that they all would be out of town and that I would have been alone…again.

Emmett had been right. Dad was going to be working, but I didn't believe I'd need a babysitter. Yet the faster the day approached, that's what Edward started to feel like—my own personal, absurdly cute babysitter. He would be my pity-party of a guardian while the "fabulous four" were out of town. It was embarrassing to know that my friends felt like I needed to have someone forced into spending time with me. I would have been perfectly fine with my frozen pizza and a good book. The same book I had chosen every year. Romeo and Juliet. It was always a good read for Valentine's Day with its tragedy of love and life. It was fitting because, truly, my love life was tragic.

I don't know that I would have pulled a "Roliet" and killed myself, but I definitely would have lived alone rather than lose my true love. Yet, by deciding to keep myself out of the dating game, I had created a life of loneliness already. I had no one to blame for my situation but myself. I made the decisions that threw me into a position of solitude by telling everyone that I didn't want to date. Honestly, when I'd made my choice last year I had known everyone in Forks for years—having visited every summer vacation—and I knew that I didn't want to be with any of them. So when I had made that statement, I hadn't imagined meeting anyone around town to grow a serious relationship with. I mean who really makes the decision to move to a small town like Forks, Washington? I hadn't and I couldn't have imagined anyone else making that choice.

I certainly never dreamt of meeting Edward or anyone like him. There was no way I could have foreseen a drop-dead gorgeous guy—my age—moving into town. I had created my mess, so how was I going to begin to get myself out of it?

I'd acted like a complete idget on New Years when I'd run from Edward's kiss. I'd let Jacob get into my head and plant doubt into the root of my brain where it festered and grew until that moment of dizzying heat. I realized—albeit too late—that it was probably out of jealousy on his part, but I felt so vulnerable in that instant. By then I'd spent a couple of weeks in Edward's family's house and was feeling very close to them, but was also worried about losing it all. I had felt like Edward's family was my family, and I didn't want to miss a single moment with them. That was partly why my reaction after the fact was so desperate.

I had literally melted under Edward's touch when he'd grabbed a hold of me and pressed his lips to mine. The taste of his kiss still lingered—especially when I was alone with my thoughts. The feel of the gentle stroke of his tongue as it had slid against mine still pulsed through my memory. My body vibrated at the remembrance of it all.

My mind continually swam with what-ifs. What if I had stayed and let the kiss take its course? What if I had just run out the door and stopped on the deck? What if I had pulled back and just admitted how I really felt about him? What if…

All week I had warred with myself on whether or not to back out of going to Port Angeles with Edward. More what ifs began chasing any certainty I had and chaining it down, turning it to doubt. Where I was once certain I would ask Edward to pretend to be my boyfriend, I was then scared that I would lose his friendship at the request. I went back and forth like that every day. I knew I wanted to spend time with him; that much I was certain of. Mostly.

On the one hand, it would have been nice to just relax and hang out with him again. We could work on getting back a lot of what we had before my screw-up. On the other hand, it was Valentine's Day—a day for couples, romance, and love, not friendship.

Mike Newton solved my little dilemma for me on Friday when he came into Biology and plopped down onto Edward's stool.

"So, Bella, any plans for Valentine's Day? Ya know, there isn't anyone else better than you to take out on a day like that." He leaned forward, dragging the stool across the linoleum toward me. "We could go to a movie or dinner or something. We could like…go to Port Angeles or just hang out at my house." His smile grew as he shrugged his shoulders when he'd made that final suggestion.

_As if I could trust you in your own house. Not a chance! _"Actually, I have plans but thanks all the same." I turned my attention back to the book in front of me, practically burying my nose in it to avoid talking to him any further. I'd already done the reading for the day's lesson, but it was just better not to look at Mike. He was sure to take any attention as interest in him, and I most definitely was not in the least bit interested.

"Well, who's taking you out?" he asked tersely, leaning even closer.

"Did I _say_ someone was taking me out?" I asked without looking up. "I believe what I said was that I had plans." His presence was getting increasingly annoying. I hated being questioned, and it was quickly becoming a constant with Mike.

"Newton, you're in my seat." Edward, my welcomed bodyguard of the moment, sounded just as irritated as I felt.

"Give me a second, Cullen. I'm talking to Bella." I could hear the wide smile in his voice as Mike snidely replied to Edward.

"Actually, we were done." I lifted my head to look past Mike and at Edward to be sure he'd understood that I really was done—completely and utterly done with listening to Mike's barrage of questions and unwanted attention. More to the point, I really didn't think anything having to do with me was any of his business.

I watched as Edward put his bag on the table before bringing his left hand up and gripping Mike's shoulder so hard that Mike winced as Edward's knuckles whitened.

"There ya go, Mike. You have Bella's permission to get up and leave. She's made it clear that you're done here." Edward, still gripping Mike's shoulder, pulled a stumbling Mike off the stool and away from me.

"Dude, hands off! You weren't even in your seat." As Mike spoke, he reached up and gripped Edward's wrist, pulling it from his shoulder and spinning to look at him.

"I'm here now," Edward said through his clenched teeth. He balled his left hand into a fist, and I knew I needed to do something to stop the impending fight.

"Hey, Mike? Why don't you ask Jessica Stanley? Didn't you two have a great time at the Halloween party?" I questioned.

He glanced in my direction, obviously happy that I had seemingly offered to extend our conversation.

I saw Edward glaring at him, so I decided to continue to distract Mike. "I'm sure she'd be more than happy to go out with you for Valentine's Day. She's a lot more fun for you than I would be anyway. I'm pretty sure I heard her talking about you in the locker room the other day."

Mike rolled his arms and shoulders like he was going to punch Edward, but Edward didn't even flinch. There was absolutely no reaction on his face or in his body language. It was like he was waiting and willing to take a punch.

Mike walked to the front of our lab table and leaned on it toward me.

I quickly straightened up so that I could keep my distance.

"Come on, Bella. You know I've wanted to take you out since freshman year."

Mike was a relentless, idiotic ass. He really couldn't be deterred by anyone or anything.

"She said she has plans, Newton, so back the fuck off," Edward snarled out as he took his recently vacated seat.

"I wasn't talking to you, Cullen. Why don't you stay out of our conversation, and let the beauty talk for herself?" Mike threatened.

"I could shut you up permanently." Edward ground his left fist into the palm of his cast, quirking his brow and glaring meaningfully at Mike.

I watched a glimmer of fear cross Mike's features as he straightened up. He seemed to gather his composure quickly before he spoke to me again. "We'll talk later, Bella. I still want to take you out on Valentine's Day, since I really don't think you have plans."

I tightened my lips and wondered if Edward would be alright with what I was about to say. It had to be done though. It would be the only way to get Mike off my back. "Actually, I do have plans…" I glanced at Edward before continuing. "…with Edward."

I glanced again and saw Edward fighting a smile. It put me at ease to know that he was fine with my admission to Mike.

"You aren't serious?" Mike questioned, incredulously.

"She is," Edward stated and scooted his stool even closer to mine.

Where Mike's closeness had made my blood boil with anger, Edward's made it flow with a different kind of heat. The kind of heat that would make my entire body blush with desire.

The idea of us pretending to be in a committed relationship wasn't looking too bad after all. He had brought it up once before, but would he be willing to go ahead with the plan? It would definitely get Mike off my back, but it would also limit Edward's availability. It wasn't that he had dated anyone since he'd moved here, but the possibilities were definitely there. I couldn't imagine any single girl in Forks not wanting to be with Edward. Me included. Okay, maybe Alice and Rosalie.

I leaned over to Edward, and he leaned toward me—a smirk playing on his lips. I got as close to his ear as I could and whispered, "Thank you. Can we talk later?" I leaned back slightly so I could see his face, but stayed close to make it appear to Mike as though Edward and I were definitely together. I could deal with the consequences of my actions later.

Edward smiled and leaned further toward me, gently brushing my cheek with his to whisper into my ear. "Yes, we can talk later. Don't worry, I have your back. Newton won't know a thing as long as you don't want him to."

I turned my face into his, pretending like I was going to kiss his cheek and whispered a second thank you. I heard Mike huff before hearing a very loud scrape as a stool was pulled across the floor.

Edward chuckled. "I think you're safe. He's gotten the message," he whispered.

Crisis averted for the moment.

For the remainder of class, my knee bounced on the footbar of my stool. I was nervously running through a mental script of the talk I would have with Edward. If he refused to help me out in that way, I would understand, but I was growing increasingly desperate. Mike's efforts toward me were reaching an all-time high in frequency. It was the only way out that I could see.

When the bell rang to end the class, Mike glared in our direction and then rushed out the door.

I exhaled loudly in relief and turned to Edward. "Thank you so much for that. I didn't see any other way out."

Edward chuckled tossing his book into his bag. "It's alright, Bella. I understood what you needed. You and I always seem to know what the other one needs." He paused, getting a distant look in his eyes and rubbing his cast. "Anyway, I told you a long time ago, whatever you need; you just let me know."

"You may regret that decision," I said under my breath, but he'd heard me.

"No, I meant it. _Whatever_ you need," he reaffirmed, lightly gripping my shoulder and staring into my eyes.

"Can we talk about it later? When we hang out tomorrow?" I asked, hopeful. I tried averting my gaze by looking at the floor, but that brought other things into view and that was the last thing I wanted to be thinking about at school. That was for my dreams. _Insert predictable Bella Swan blush here. Damn traitor body always giving me away._

"Absolutely." He smiled and followed me out of the room. "Do you want me to walk you to Gym?"

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind?" I really didn't mind walking alone, but his offer was a welcomed one. Any extra time with Edward was a good thing.

"Nah, it's cool. Might as well keep up the appearance so that douche doesn't bother you again today."

"Thanks, E. I mean it. Thank you so much."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me under his arm. "What are friends for?"

_Damn! _"Right. Thank you." Like I'd said…my mess to clean up.

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

The sun had been out for a while when I finally rolled over to look at the clock. Ten in the morning. Three hours before Edward would pick me up. Three very long hours to think about what I would say to him—what I would ask him to do for me. It was such a big favor, so I needed to ready myself for the rejection. There was a sliver of hope because he had brought it up before when _he_ had needed the favor.

I groaned loudly, throwing the covers off, and went to my dresser. I looked at myself in the mirror above it and glared at my tousled reflection. I'd hardly slept that night, tossing and turning and thinking about how the conversation with Edward would flow. Would he reject my request or would he willingly help a _friend_? If he didn't want to help me out, then I would have to find a backup plan or cave to Mike's request to go out on a date with him.

My mind flitted to Jake for a brief moment, before I shook that thought right out of my head. Only if I were absolutely and completely desperate would I use Jake as my backup plan; but not before explaining every detail to him so that there was no misunderstanding. I knew what Jake wanted, but like I'd said before, no one in Forks interested me. That meant La Push as well.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are an idiot. You need to do whatever it is you're going to do to let Edward know how you really feel about him. No arguments!" I pointed at the exhausted image that stared back at me to emphasize my point. While staring at the finger reflected back at me, I knew in that moment that I'd lost my mind. Insanity would be the excuse I would give Edward if he asked whether or not I was serious about my request. It was the only explanation I had for talking to and chastising my mirrored self.

I started gathering my clothes, grabbing my bra, underwear, and socks with ease. When I went to reach for the rest, I was stumped. For the first time ever, I was worried about whether or not what I was going to wear would be attractive to the opposite sex—to Edward.

I thought about calling Alice, but letting her know how nervous I was about something so minor as an outfit choice would only fuel the fire she already had for getting Edward and me together. I just didn't need that hassle with my nerves already bouncing around like a bug caught in a jar—constantly slamming against the container trying to find a release.

Apparently, I was more nervous than I thought, because I didn't even realize that I was gnawing on my lip until I tasted the blood. To stave off the imminent nausea, I focused on my task and pulled out my most comfortable pair of jeans. I opened the drawer to my dresser that held my t-shirts, closed my eyes and dove into it with one hand, grasping a shirt and pulling it out. It was the easiest way to figure out what the hell I was going to wear without creating a load of drama.

I stood up straight, swaying slightly and ran to the bathroom, ready to empty whatever was left from last night's mac 'n cheese dinner. I heaved into the sink, not daring to take the last few steps to the toilet. It was going to be one hell of a rough day.

After making several attempts at cleaning the bathroom, I turned on the shower water to heat it and then prepped my cast. The plastic cuff was finally showing some wear, but I wasn't going to need it much longer. I was due to have my cast removed on Monday. Edward and I had a date then too.

I instantly felt nervous again as I thought about watching Edward's cast being removed from his hand and forearm. It wouldn't be as muscular as it had been, but would I still have that urge to touch it?

_Pull it together, Bella! You have to get through today first._

I climbed in and tried to let the steam calm my nerves. I just couldn't relax, thinking about the conversation to come. I knew what I wanted to ask, and I knew what I wanted to happen, I just didn't know _how_ to ask. I didn't want to try to manipulate him into agreeing to it; it just wouldn't have been fair to either of us. I didn't want him to get pissed off at me either.

I decided I was done with my futile attempt at relaxation-it just wasn't going to happen—so I washed up quickly and exited the shower. Since I still had a little over an hour, I decided to blow-dry my hair to kill some time. I couldn't remember the last time I had done it myself. Anytime I had gotten ready for anything requiring more than a brushing or a ponytail, Alice had always been the one to take care of my mop. I knew it was ridiculous, I could have just let it dry on its own, but I didn't want to face Dad just yet. I groaned aloud, realizing he may question the shift in my morning routine.

I put the dryer down and got dressed before making my way downstairs to eat something light. The butterflies were creating hurricane force winds in my stomach, and I felt like I was going to hurl again.

"What are you doing up so early? And what's with the blow dryer? Do you have a hot date or something?" Dad teased as I entered the doorway to the kitchen.

"Dad, you know I don't have a date. Like I told you yesterday, Edward and I are just going to hang out P.A. The blow dryer was just to kill time."

"Well, you're sure up early. And eating breakfast?" he continued.

"Just toast. Hey, what's with the sudden interest in my activities anyway?" He hadn't questioned my weekend activities before, so I couldn't figure why today would be any different.

"Bells, it's Valentine's Day. You're hanging out with a boy. I think a little interest is called for."

"Edward and I are just friends, Dad. You know that. He's got so many girls chasing after him it's unreal." I felt the familiar lump bop in my throat. I hated thinking about all the girls willingly throwing themselves at Edward.

"Yes, but you seem to be the one that has his attention," he said, coffee cup poised at his hairy lip as his eyebrow arched.

"Puh-lease! He's our friend, Dad, nothing more. Mine, Emm's, Rose's, Alice's, and Jasper's. No funny business."

"Yes well, you could change your mind." He sipped from his cup, but I could see the wrinkling of his eyes so I knew he was trying to hide a grin.

"Do you want me to have a boyfriend? Do you want to worry about who may be de-virginizing your daughter?" I knew it would send him into a tailspin, spiraling from his cloud of jovial teasing, but I could be just as relentless.

He choked on whatever liquid had caught in his throat. When he was done spluttering coffee all over the kitchen floor, he coughed out his next question. "Do I need to be worried about what you are or aren't doing when I'm not around? You know there are precautions you need to take and well…" He furrowed his brow and rubbed at his stubbly chin. "Why don't we sit down?" He pulled out a chair for me and took a seat himself, gently placing his coffee cup on the table.

"Really Dad? We're going to have _the talk_? You do realize I am seventeen and sex education was taught in health last year, right?" I went about making my toast. The last thing I needed was to have the sex talk with my father. I already knew what went where and all the different contraceptives available at the local drug store. I also knew about all the things that could be prescribed by my doctor. My stomach flipped realizing that I would be going through Dr. Carlisle Cullen-Edward's uncle—for any prescription, or at the very least a reference to a doctor that dealt with feminine issues.

The butterfly wings started to tickle the inside of my belly, causing bile to rise into my throat.

"Humor your father. It's not exactly easy to talk to you about this kind of thing. I'd always hoped your mother would be the one to tell you about this stuff." He patted the seat next to him.

I swallowed the vile taste that had started to build in my throat and sat down in the chair, dreading what would come next.

"Bells, you need to go—"

There was a heavy knock on the door, and I didn't care that Edward was early. I was so grateful that he had halted our conversation indefinitely. I jumped up from the chair, shouting, "I'll get it!" and ran to the door, pulling it open forcefully. "I have never been so happy—" _Jake_. _Crap! _ "Jake, what are you doing here?"

"Well, good morning to you too, beautiful." Jacob's grin was the widest I'd ever seen. "I brought ya a bagel-" He held up a bag and shook its contents. "—and coffee." He shoved the paper cup forward, and although I probably didn't need the caffeine, it was still a welcomed addition to my morning.

"Thanks, Jacob," I said, gratefully taking the warm cup and sniffing from the sipping hole while closing my eyes. "What are you doing here though? I don't remember us planning anything for today," I said contemplatively, walking into the living room.

"Bells, it _is_ Valentine's Day. We have a standing date every year, don't we?"

"Jacob! How are ya, kid?" Dad practically shouted, walking into the living room and greeting Jacob with a pat on the back and a good handshake.

"Hey, Charlie. I'm good. Dad said to say hello and that you need to stop ducking out of your fishing plans. He said if he has to, he'll get Harry and Sam to kidnap you and tie you up until you reach the shoreline."

"You tell your father kidnapping is a crime, and I _am_ a cop. I'll jail anyone who tries to kidnap me." He laughed, patting Jacob on the back again. "You kids have plans today?"

I looked at my dad, irritatingly quirking my brow, because we had just finished talking about Edward and me hanging out for the day. "Dad," I growled sternly. "You know I have plans today."

"Maybe you could include Jake here," he smirked, patting Jacob on the shoulder and gripping it. "You did say that you and Edward were just hanging out, didn't you?"

I narrowed my eyes and gritted my teeth. "Yes."

"Well, then it looks like you could add one more to the party." He beamed a smile that I wished I could wipe off his face.

"Cool! What are we doing?" Jacob asked, splaying his hands out before clapping them together in front of him.

Dad silently turned and walked back into the kitchen, clearly pleased with himself.

"I don't know what Edward and I are going to do. But he's due here _soon_." I made it a point to stress the word soon, hoping that Jacob would just take the hints I was dropping and leave. If I was going to have any hope of trying to work whatever this thing between Edward and I was out, then I needed Jacob to keep his distance.

"Cool, then we can talk things through and figure out what we're doing." He plopped himself down on the couch, and I felt like I had bounced on a trampoline, ass first.

"Jake, honestly, we hadn't planned on anyone else coming along, and I don't want to force Edward into hanging out with you when he barely knows you."

"This is the perfect way for him to get to know me, Bells. Besides, he has to know he can't hog my girl."

_Your girl? _"Jake, look—" I began.

He sat up then and grabbed my hand. "I got you somethin'. Close your eyes."

"Jake, honestly—"

"Just do it, Bells. Have I ever done anything you didn't like?"

My brow arched at that one. "Well, now that you ask-"

"All right, maybe once." He obviously saw the look on my face. "All right, more than once, but trust me this time. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."

I closed my left eye, peering out from the open one. "So help me, Jacob Black, if you do anything wrong I will have Charlie out here so fast you won't know what hit you. You hear me?"

"You think Charlie would stop me, Bella? Just relax and close your eyes." He ran his hand over my eyes like a visor.

I closed my eyes and felt something hard and angular being pressed into my palm.

"Can I open my eyes now?" I asked as he slid his hand under mine.

"Yeah, sure, sure," was the immediate response.

I opened my eyes and saw the box of candy hearts Jacob had given me every year that we had been friends. I breathed a sigh of relief, happy that it was nothing really romantic.

"See? That wasn't so bad was it?"

"No, I guess it wasn't," I said with a smile on my face, because when he'd told me to close my eyes I had expected much worse.

"Hey, Bells?"

I looked up at Jacob, and my smile fell away instantly.

His mouth was twisted like he was chewing on various spots of the inside of his mouth at the same time. "How serious are you and this Edward dude?" He gestured into the air with his hands.

"Jake, really… do I need to go down this road with you again?" He and I had already had this discussion at Christmas. It was what had made me run from Edward at the New Year's party. Edward and I were just friends. That was all Jacob needed to know. I hadn't revealed my feelings to Edward so I didn't need to let Jake know anything…yet.

I rolled my eyes before continuing. "Edward and I are just friends. You know Rose, Emm, Jasper and Ali? We're all friends. We hang out as a group, but the four of them are up in Seattle, having their private Valentine's Day celebrations. Emm and Ali talked us into hanging out together, that's all."

He reached out and grabbed a hold of my hand. I tried to pull back, but he gripped it even tighter.

"Bells, if you tell me this guy means nothing, that you're just friends, then I'll believe you. I just hope you remember what I told you before. He's not going to be good for you, Bella." He lifted my chin with his index finger then used that same finger to sweep my hair back from my cheek. "Look, you and I have been friends for a very long time, but what if I want more than that?"

"Jake, I've told you—"

"I don't care what you've told me, Bella. Things change. People change. You have to feel something toward me."

I heard a knock on the door and for the second time in a few hours, I felt relief at being interrupted. I moved to get up, only to have my father call out that he was getting the door.

"Bella, do you feel something for me? Do you feel anything at all?"

"Miss popular, Edward Cullen is here," Dad called out from the front door.

"Now isn't the time, Jake."

"When is the right time, Bells? You've run from me every time I've asked you that question."

"And that should be answer enough," I whispered softly.

I saw Edward enter the room in my periphery and turned my head to look up at him, finally pulling my hand from Jacob's grip. I made an attempt at reintroducing them and the air grew thick.

Edward didn't really give Jacob a second glance before asking if I was ready to head out to Port Angeles.

I stuttered trying to answer him and regretted my hesitation the instant I heard his voice. He sounded reserved and a little irritated, offering to find something to do on his own. People that didn't know Edward wouldn't realize it, but I knew him pretty well. I knew that slight inflection in his voice meant he was not happy. I needed to keep him from leaving somehow, so I started to tell him what had happened, but was unsure how to broach the subject with Jacob sitting right there.

"I'm coming with you," Jacob blurted out. "Bella invited me." He smiled broadly, while staring at Edward.

My hands fisted in response to the anger that flooded its way through me. I had done no such thing, and he damn well knew it. "You and Dad invited you. I had nothing to do with it." I was trying to keep my tone even, but I knew the moment I started, that I sounded mad.

Edward came around the couch and sat next to me. I turned to face him—mostly to keep from lashing out at Jacob. I didn't want him to go with us. I always had fun with Edward and even though our time together was not going to be romantic in any way, I wanted to be alone with him.

"We'll have a good time, I promise," Edward insisted, gently rubbing my arm.

I instantly felt calmer. I knew, no matter what, that as long as I was with Edward, I was going to be all right.

I was confused when he excused himself, but he quickly explained that he needed to make a phone call.

After he'd left, Jake decided it was time to pick up the conversation where we'd left it when Edward arrived.

"Bella, I'd really like to know what's going on. You tell me that you and this Edward guy are friends, but he doesn't look at you like you're his friend. He looks at you like he could consume you."

_God, help me, I'd let him! _"I don't know what you're talking about Jake. Edward and I are just friends. Like I said, we hang out together. He's got the female population of Forks High chasing after him anyway," I said dismissively.

"Are you included in that population? Do you _want_ to be his, Bella?"

I looked down at my hands which were clasped together in my lap—my knuckles white from the tightness of my grip. I took a deep steady breath, trying to figure out what to say to Jacob. I wanted his friendship, but I wasn't willing to take the step into a more serious relationship. We had known each other so long, and I didn't want to lose what we had. He had been my best friend from such a young age, and I honestly felt like we were more like brother and sister. Jacob obviously didn't feel the same.

Jacob let out a breathy sigh. "Bella? How much do you really know about this guy?" He repeated his question from a couple of months ago as he placed his hand gently on my knee. "You and I have known each other since we were little. My love for you has grown every year, and I know there is no one else for me." He took a deep breath.

I stared at my hands, not daring to look up into Jacob's waiting face. What more could I have said? Hadn't I said it all? Hadn't I told him over and over again that I didn't want anything more than friendship?

"I'm asking for a chance here. I deserve a chance with you, Bella. I can make you happy if you'd just let me show you how we can be together."

"Jake, I've always told you, I just don't want to get tied to anyone. I have plans, and they don't include _any_ guy. It's not just you. I like having you as my friend. Edward and I are just friends," I stressed.

"Bella, you and I both know that I am not just any guy. And this guy," he gestured in the direction of Edward's exit. "This guy barely knows you. You barely know him. I've waited for a long time to get my chance. Don't I deserve a chance?"

Just then I heard the door open and listened intently for his familiar footsteps. I could always pick out the sound of them because he always kept that same steady gait. I heard him sigh as he sat down next to me again. I felt his hand on my back, and I wanted to squeal. I turned back to him slowly—not wanting to lose the contact—before I realized I had stopped listening to Jacob. I didn't know if he had stopped talking; I just wanted to see Edward's face.

"I'm really sorry, Bella. I didn't know we would have a third person joining us or I wouldn't have made plans for just you and me," he said with a pitied gaze, and my heart raced.

Edward had made plans for us. The numerous possibilities started running through my head. Had they been romantic plans? Would we go for a romantic candlelit dinner or a stroll on the beach? Would he finally tell me that he wanted me? Would the words I had heard from Jacob about his want for me, echo from Edward's lips? A girl could hope with every cell of her body.

I refocused my attention as Edward continued to speak.

"I just called the restaurant and the theater to see if I could change things to add one, but they couldn't do it. If you really want me to, I can cancel the restaurant and we can just hang out here."

My insides were jumping up and down excitedly. There was still a good chance that Edward and I would be alone. I just needed to get rid of Jacob. But I needed to play things off as if I were disappointed in Edward's failed attempt to add Jacob into our day. "Why couldn't they change it?"

"It's Valentine's Day, Bella. Bella Italia is booked solid, and the theater said the show was sold out. I can't get a refund on the tickets, but that's no big deal."

_Bella Italia!_ "Oh. Well, I don't want your money wasted." I was trying so hard not to sound eager. I turned my head so that I could see Jacob. "Jake, honestly, I think you should go and spend some time with Quil and Seth. Do a single guys' night out." I patted his knee, hoping he couldn't hear the happiness in my voice.

Jacob growled, and I was afraid of a confrontation that was sure to bring my father into my mess. I didn't want things to go horribly wrong before they got really good.

"I thought you said you two weren't serious, Bells. Obviously, you lied to me." Jacob rose and stalked his way toward the door.

I felt bad. I had omitted the complete truth about my feelings, but it was to protect his. Even though I didn't know if how Edward felt about me was more than friendship, I did know my feelings for him. Edward wasn't just anyone to me. Edward was what I wanted—fuck my plans.

I stood up and ran after Jacob. I needed to somehow convince him that I hadn't really lied to him. I couldn't lose him; his friendship meant everything to me.

"Jacob, I did not lie to you," I said with all the conviction I could find.

He stopped dead in his tracks, and I couldn't stop myself fast enough to keep from running into him.

He spun around and pointed in Edward's direction. "Then why did he make your trip into a date night?" he spat.

How the hell was I supposed to answer that when I had no idea of the plans before a few seconds ago?

"I thought Bella deserved a nice time out. She's my friend, she's been through a lot, and I want to make sure she has fun." Edward answered for me, suddenly by my side.

It wasn't exactly what I'd wanted to hear, but I could deal with that later.

"_You_ don't need to tell _me_ what she's been through. _I've_ been here," Jacob reminded forcefully.

"Jake, it really isn't any of your business why he made the plans he did. Edward is my friend. You are my friend; you're just not my only friend." It was the truth in its minimal definition of our circumstances. Edward was at the very least my friend. I just wanted more and would tell him in my own time. I would not be forced to say anything to anyone about what I really felt for Edward Cullen. How much I felt for Edward was between myself and my dreams. _ For now._

The pained look on Jacob's face brought tears to my eyes. I saw how much I was hurting him, but it wasn't like I had been lying to him all this time. I had always told him that I was only interested in being friends with him. I had never given any indication that I wanted anything more.

"Whatever." He turned back toward the door and paced the few long steps it took to walk out.

"Call me tomorrow," I almost pleaded with him.

"Sure, sure," he called sounding completely deflated.

I felt horrible, as if I had truly been lying to him all these years. It was causing an ache in my chest. I stared down at the floor and could see Edward's shoes as he turned toward me.

"That didn't go so well. I probably won't hear from him for a while. He's been my best friend forever, and I just keep hurting him." A tear trailed its way down the tip of my nose.

Edward stood in front of me and pulled me to him, hugging me. I let my body melt into him and cried. I cried because I truly didn't mean to hurt Jake, but I couldn't help what my heart wanted. It didn't want Jacob Black; it wanted one Edward Cullen and wouldn't be satisfied until it had him held deep within its chambers.

"If you'd rather go hang out with him, I'll understand Bella. If you want we can even hang out together."

I felt warm lips on my forehead and some of the tension I had been feeling was released. I held onto him tighter and felt his body relax into mine.

"No. He'll be fine." I backed away slightly so that I could get rid of the wetness that had poured from my eyes. "Thank you for trying to make today special for me, Edward. You're a really good friend." _Hopefully more one day—sooner rather than later._

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

On the way to Port Angeles, Edward and I made small talk; all the while I was trying to listen for clues as to what he may feel for me. Unfortunately we kept it to small talk: school, Rose, Jasper, Emmett, Alice and more school.

Edward explained that he had gotten early reservations at Bella Italia and that we would be seeing a movie after. I didn't even care what movie. I was going to be in a darkened room with Edward—and thirty or forty other couples.

Bella Italia would always hold a special place in my heart, even if the skankiest hos in all of Washington worked there. It had been the first place Edward and I had eaten at together—other than our homes.

We parked in the lot behind the restaurant, deciding to go for a walk around the shops before our reservation was up. I asked if we could go into Port Books because I hadn't seen Laurent and Irina since well before Christmas. It had been the longest I had gone without entering the store since I'd gotten my license.

Edward's hand went to the small of my back again, sending a chill up my spine. I loved the feel of his hands as they rested there and it took everything in me not to shiver. His hands didn't move the entire walk up to the shop. I hadn't been so giddy since the Halloween party.

Almost immediately after we entered the bookstore, I heard Irina's voice screech out my name, calling for me and demanding to know where I'd been all these months.

Irina recognized Edward and I thought he must have made quite an impression on her for only seeing him the one time. When she said she'd seen him the week before Christmas, I was shocked. I wanted to ask about it, but felt like that would be an intrusion on Edward's private activities. My heart sank a little when the thought of him coming into _my_ bookstore with another girl popped into my mind. I decided to shelve it for later when I could talk to Irina—woman to woman.

Irina dragged me over to the locked showcase cabinet to show me their latest acquisition, and I had never wished I had an overflowing bank account until then. She showed me the first edition Hemingway of "For Whom the Bell Tolls," and I nearly fainted. It was in such good condition and its smell…my God its scent was heavenly. It seeped just the right amount of mustiness from the yellowing pages. I wanted to weep.

"How much?" I heard Edward ask from behind me.

I knew the number wouldn't be pretty, but it was much less than I had expected. It was only twelve-hundred dollars.

Edward gasped, and I could imagine his mouth sitting agape. "What? But it's old, the cover is worn out and everything."

Irina and I giggled almost manically. It was a common occurrence for anyone who had no true knowledge of the value of some books or even some authors. I knew, and it never surprised me to hear of their value.

While Irina tried explaining the ins and outs of the historical value of literature and their scripters to Edward, I grabbed a pair of linen gloves from the counter. I pulled them on and gingerly began turning the pages.

Irina was still schooling Edward on the inherent value of some authors even after I had glossed over the entire book. I decided a rescue was in order, because it had already been twenty minutes. I felt bad, because I knew better than to look at something so precious. I lost all track of time when I got into the store and especially when something piqued my interest.

"So you see Edward, even though Shakespeare's work is older, it doesn't necessarily mean all of his work is wanted, therefore some values are skewed based on the demand for them. Just as books are now." Irina paused, and I jumped at my chance.

"Edward, don't we have a reservation to get to?" I asked, poking his right bicep. I hadn't remembered his arm ever being so soft. My mind flitted to a memory of how he'd held me when he kissed me. How I had clutched at his arms before grasping at his back, trying to consume him…before I had ran out like a chickenshit prude.

"Yes!" he shouted in relief, causing Irina and I to laugh out loud.

"Thank you so much for showing me the book, Irina. It's beautiful. I hope it goes to a good home," I said, hugging her gently.

"I will be certain that it does, even if it must go home with me." Irina winked at me in her usual way. She was always so much fun. "Edward, you must return so that we can discuss Dickens and Hemingway some more."

Edward laughed. "I think I'll stick to sports."

I gave Irina a hug and asked her to say hello to her husband for me. I stepped aside so that Edward could say his goodbye and watched as she pulled him into a hug. He was definitely startled, because his hands were just waving in the air at her sides for a few moments before wrapping his arms around her and returning her affection.

Edward gave me a light push at the small of my back to let me know he was ready and, after a final goodbye, we walked out of the store.

"Thank you for that. I haven't been there in a really long time." I smiled and glanced over at Edward just as he looked over and grinned back at me.

"You're welcome. That lady, Irina, is nice."

"She and Laurent are both good people. Laurent always says she is his forgiving angel. To hear him talk about her…it's like she saved him from death."

"Sounds deep," Edward said as his brow furrowed.

I shrugged. "I asked Irina once, but all she would tell me is that he is a very different man from when they first met. Their love is so deep, ya know? That's the kind of love I want." _Hint hint! _"Don't you think that love should be that deep? Utter devotion and commitment." _Real subtle, Bella. Are you trying to scare him away? _"It's just so rare, you know what I mean?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "I mean I see how my mom and dad are. And you know how my aunt and uncle are. They're all really happy. I guess I just want that."

Guys and all their complex simplicity could be unnerving. Why couldn't they be more descriptive when they talked about life? It's always "cool" or "all good" or "yeah that." It's completely frustrating. Why couldn't he just say what he was feeling?

We walked in silence for a few minutes. I was trying to process whether or not I could make Edward happy. When we were studying, we had fun. We'd play that stupid paper football game, crack jokes, and even give a playful shove or two. We were happy then. Even the days we hung out as a group, Edward and I would sometimes sit together, and I'd thought we were happy then. But my mind quickly reminded me of the times we hadn't been happy. The walk to the meadow, the kiss at the party and the awkward weeks that followed it…

If I were being completely honest with myself, things weren't completely back to normal yet. Things still got a little awkward at times. Like the walk we were taking toward the restaurant. I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye and could see he had that look he always got when he was deep in thought—brow furrowed, staring into nothing, and cheeks sucked in, exposing his sharp bone structure.

I decided to nudge him, thinking maybe he'd be willing to open up a little bit. "What is it?"

"Huh?" He must have forgotten I was there. "Oh, I was just thinking about whether or not two people could really be that happy all the time. What I mean is, I hear my mom and dad fight sometimes. I guess there isn't really a perfect marriage."

"To expect something to be perfect is begging for disappointment, Edward. Nothing can be that perfect." Just look at me. The opposite of perfection. Clumsy, scarred, plain, small town… someone stop me.

"Yeah, you're right. But how do you know when you've found the one person you're supposed to be with?"

He was asking me? Like I had all the answers to life's questions.

I shrugged. "Everyone tells me that you just know. My dad said he knew with my mom and look how that turned out. He's still pining away for her like a puppy. It's sad. Mom says she knew when she met Phil. It made me sad for Charlie, because he really loved her. I think he believes he's still in love with her."

That was the end of that conversation. I don't think either one of us knew what to say after that little downer of a revelation.

When we got to the restaurant, that same skank from before was there. She was more alert this time, greeting us as soon as we walked in the door. This time she made it a point to shake Edward's hand, which was odd. I couldn't remember ever seeing a hostess doing that.

I did have to stifle a giggle when I saw Edward wipe his hands on his jeans before sticking them deep into his pockets. I may have been able to stifle the giggle, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I was gloating. He didn't want her—he seemed put off, and that made me the happiest girl on the planet in that moment.

There were no booths available this time, so we were placed at a table for two. Edward held my chair for me, while the waiter questioned us about our drink choices. Then, as the waiter left, he did something else I hadn't expected. Edward briefly gripped my shoulders before running his hands down my arms. I couldn't stop the shiver that ran through my body, and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Are you cold?" Edward asked, leaning over my shoulder to look at me.

I turned my head slightly to look at him. His face was so close to mine that if I puckered, I'd swear it would have counted as a chaste kiss. "No, I should be fine. I'll warm up soon enough." As I said that, I felt heat radiating from my chest and through my body. I was going into a full body blush and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

He rubbed my arms gently and asked, "Are you sure?"

His hot breath blazed across my cheek, and I wanted to kiss him so desperately. _Stay calm, Isabella Marie. You have to tell him how you feel first!_

"Yes, thank you." I knew my face was red. I could feel the heat of the blood in my cheeks and ears.

He moved from behind me and went to sit down in his chair. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, just looking around the restaurant at all the couples enjoying their Valentine's Day.

My heart gave a little jolt when I saw a guy and a girl snuggled up in a booth. She was holding his face and crying gently as her ring sparkled in the light. I knew they must have just gotten engaged. It was a sweet moment so I averted my gaze to give them back their privacy.

I heard Edward take a deep breath, causing me to look directly at him. "So I heard Newton yesterday when he said he's wanted to go out with you since freshman year. How long has Jake wanted you?"

_Oh hell!_

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

_**Author's Note: I know this chapter was a shorter one, and you all probably hate where I ended it, but honestly I wrote this conversation from Edward's point of view first and I think it's better that way. It won't be long before you get to see it. **___

_**For those of you that don't know, Team Button-flyward won the Fandom Gives Back auction bid on the SitBR outtake. They raised $130, and I don't think I have felt so blessed in quite a while. You girls made me so happy and proud. Ideas have been running through my mind. So the outtake you chose on the blog was the two weeks they were getting to know each other after Bella's injury at the first party. I have already begun outlining it, and I hope you all like it.**_

_**I hope you all have seen Eclipse by now, if not… no spoilers here, but fist bumps all around for the leg hitch! David Slade did a good job. I just can't believe that we have to wait another 400-plus days for part one of Breaking Dawn. UGH!**_

_**I hate sounding redundant in my thanks, but I truly love my girls. Tiffanyanne3FF, Carabeth, I_luv_Spunk, mpg… you ladies are my rocks. I love you all. Thank you for taking this journey with me and taking care of me.**_

_**Team Button-flyward …. You know who you are and I CANNOT thank you all enough. You ladies keep me going. Thank you.**_


	16. Chapter 15: Man Up or Puss Out

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**Button-flyward wants answers!**

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

**Chapter 15: Man Up or Puss Out**

If Bella wasn't friends with that Irina lady, I probably wouldn't have stood there, listening as she lectured me about book values. All I really wanted to know was whether or not she could knock the price down to fifty bucks, but I couldn't get a word in. There was no way Mom and Dad would have let me get away with spending a cool twelve hundred on a gift for Bella—no matter how much they liked her.

When Bella finally came over to save my drowning ass, I was relieved. I stood back and watched as she and Irina gabbed again about the damn book before they said goodbye. When it was my turn, and that woman pulled me to her to hug me, I freaked out. I didn't know the woman _that_ well, yet she felt free enough to get all affectionate with me. I glanced at Bella and knew I needed to return Irina's embrace. I gave her a quick squeeze and then released her, backing away and placing my left hand on the small of Bella's back. I was ready to get the fuck out of there and start things.

We exited the store and started walking back toward the restaurant, making small talk along the way. She thanked me for taking her to the bookstore, and then we ended up talking about perfection in love-Irina and her husband, my family, Bella's parents. Things got real quiet for a while after that.

My mind was cycling through everything that had happened in Biology with Newton the previous day. I wanted to bring that shit up, but I wasn't sure how to start the conversation. That douche had tried hard to get Bella to go out with him for Valentine's Day. I had to admit, I was surprised when she'd told him that we had plans, but I was happy to let that asshole see that she was mine. Kind of…well, for the day _at least_.

I mentally started running through different scenarios in my mind of what could happen when I finally confessed my feelings for Bella. Trying to guess at the outcome of each conversation was driving me fucking nuts. I didn't want to say anything stupid and have her close up on me again. It was her signature move when she felt uncomfortable, but I couldn't allow it to happen—not this time. It was too important for her to be honest with me, because I really wanted to fucking tell her that I wanted to be everything for her and not just her lame-ass friend. Okay, so telling her right off that she was everything I'd ever wanted would be stalker-ish, but it was the damn truth. _Fuck!_

I felt her bump my cast as she asked, "What is it?"

At first, I thought I'd said something out loud, but when I looked at her, I knew I hadn't. She would have quirked her brow. Like I said, I knew her expressions.

I had to scramble for an answer and quick. Instead of making some shit up, I reverted back to our earlier conversation about couples and marriage and all that other shit. "I guess there isn't really a perfect marriage," I surmised.

She basically told me that to expect perfection was stupid. Nothing and no one was perfect. I had no choice but to agree with her. She was right, but another question came to mind. The answer she gave would determine how I proceeded with my confession of my feelings for her.

"But how do you know when you've found the one person you're supposed to be with?"

She filled me in on what she felt about it, which ended up being no fucking help at all. I wanted to know if she'd actually found someone yet, but her answer just left me with more questions. I was more confused then than I had been before we even got in the fucking car.

I let Bella enter the restaurant ahead of me and stiffened a little when I saw the same hostess from our last visit. She smiled at me, and I quickly stepped in front of Bella to avoid a repeat of their last confrontation. The chick decided she wanted to shake my hand, and I thought it was odd at first, but realized she had shoved a piece of paper into my palm. I rubbed the paper along my jeans and then buried it deep in my pocket so that Bella wouldn't see. I'd have to remember to throw that shit away later. I left my hand hidden to keep the chick from trying to hold it. Not that she tried to, but I didn't want to risk it, because I didn't need Bella thinking I was interested in the girl.

She was walking us toward the only vacant table in the restaurant—a table for two. I wanted a booth, but when I examined the table, I realized it was actually better. We'd be sitting directly across from each other, and she wouldn't be able to hide from me.

I gave myself a quick mental pep talk as we closed the distance. I was going to make my move. I just needed to be slick about it and not push myself on her. I held Bella's chair out for her as our waiter walked up. He took our drink order while I helped Bella adjust her seat. When he left, I leaned down, lightly gripped her shoulders and then slid my hands down her arms. I wasn't trying anything…not really. I just wanted to test the waters a little and see how she'd react to something new.

She shivered a little, causing my smile to spring to life. It was a good thing she couldn't see me from the position we were in. The only thing was I didn't know if it was in response to my touch or if she was actually cold. The air inside was a little cooler than the weather outside had been.

"Are you cold?" I asked, again leaning over her shoulder-my cheek nearly grazing hers. _Keep it simple, Cullen. Don't freak her out._

She turned her head to look at me, and I swear it took everything in me not to fucking kiss her right then. Her lips were right fucking there and perfect in the way they drew together. When she licked her lips, it nearly killed me. I couldn't allow myself to kiss her after what had happened a little over a month ago. I couldn't afford to lose her this time. I rubbed her arms again, wanting reassurance that she was just chilly and not reacting to my touch.

She assured me that she was just a little cold and would warm up soon enough.

I walked around to the other side of the table and took my seat. I had a hard time getting comfortable because I was trying to calm the boner that was raging in my pants. I had to adjust myself a couple of times because instead of my dick calming the fuck down, it was like he was searching for a fucking exit.

I opened the menu up and hid behind it, thinking that if I even looked at Bella, she'd know what was going on down below. When I'd finally finished looking at the entire menu for the third time, I looked over at Bella. She was staring off into the distance with this weird look on her face. I followed her gaze and saw a couple completely engrossed in each other. The chick was holding onto the dude's face and crying. The dude had nowhere to escape to. It was almost funny, but I felt sorry for the guy, because no one wants to see a chick cry. They fucking cry forever and it's always enough to fill a river.

Bella looked down at her menu, and I took a deep breath to steady myself for my first of many questions for the night. I didn't know if what I was going to say to her to start things off would be the right thing, but I had to give it a try.

She looked up at me quizzically, and I just let go.

_Balls to the wall, Cullen. Here goes nothing. _ "So I heard Newton yesterday when he said he's wanted to go out with you since freshman year." Forgetting about my cast, I started to run my right hand through my hair. That could have been fucking embarrassing. I'd had the damn thing on for almost six weeks; one would think I'd have gotten used to the fucking thing. I switched hands quickly, allowing my left to rake through my hair before running it down the back of my neck, gripping it and tugging to try and calm myself down. "How long has Jake wanted you?"

My knee began bouncing uncontrollably under the table. I couldn't stop it; I was suddenly nervous to hear her explanation. I knew she didn't want the fucker-she'd said that back at the house—but if she did secretly want him, then why hadn't she insisted that he come with us?

"Um…awhile, I guess. We've been friends since we were little." She shrugged then smiled forlornly. "Every year he gives me those little candy hearts in a box. It's sweet and sort of a tradition with us. He just…he's a good friend."

I rushed into my next question, anxious to hear more of her answers so I could get the hell off the subject of these other assholes and on with us. "So…have you two ever gone on a date or…whatever?" _Fuck! If she says yes, I may have to punch the kid the next time I see him._

"No, not really. I mean, we've hung out and stuff." She let out a long sigh. "He asked me today. Ya know…if I would consider dating him." She looked down at her hands and started picking at her nails.

I tensed up when I saw her finger go to her mouth. I knew she was going to bite on her nail, but fuck me, it was hot. I swallowed hard and readjusted myself in my seat. "What'd you say?" _ Fucking say, no! Just tell me you didn't fucking agree. __And for my sake get your damn finger out of your mouth!_

She shrugged again, thankfully dropping her hand into her lap. "I told him what I always tell him—we're just friends and I have a plan. I—" she drew in a deep breath and then seemingly breathed it all out before she continued. "I made a decision a while ago that no guy was going to distract me from my goals. So I put off dating and pretty much having a social life outside of Emmett and the gang."

"So, no dates? With anyone?" I cleared my throat because my voice had just sounded like I was going through puberty again. I was anxious to find out if she'd dated anyone yet, because if she hadn't that still left the door wide open for me. I would be her first, and I really liked that idea.

She looked up at me then. "Nope. That was the plan. But-"

_Oh fuck! Here it comes! __She's got someone in mind._ "But what?"

"But if I can't get Mike off my back, I may just let him take me out just to shut him up. It's getting ridiculous how many times I have to fight him off every week."

"No!" _Too loud, Cullen__. _I gripped my leg under the table as I tried to recover from my little outburst. "What I mean is…you don't want to do that. He'll just keep coming after you. Once he's taken you out, he'll think he has you and can ask you over and over again. Things wouldn't be any better than they are now. They might get worse." I hoped I sounded convincing, because the last thing I needed was that douche getting his hands on Bella.

"I don't know…maybe. Well, that's why—" She leaned forward on the table, and I found myself leaning toward her, noticing that she'd set her tits on the tabletop. "—look, I'm sorry about yesterday when I told Mike about our little thing today, but—"

"Here are your drinks," the waiter interrupted and began setting our drinks down in front of us.

_Fucker has some fucked up timing. Hurry the hell up, man!_

Bella leaned back in her chair, and I cursed the fucker for moving so fucking slowly. I was trying to get some damn answers, and it was just getting good—especially with the view I'd had just seconds before.

"Have you two decided on what you would like to _nibble_ on?" He was looking right at Bella, and I wanted to punch his face in for the innuendo. That was my fucking game.

_All right, fuckhead! Game on._

"Bella, _honey_, did you want the mushroom ravioli again?" I asked, hoping like hell she'd play along. I was taking a big fucking risk, doing that shit without asking. But to hell with it, because she had done that shit with Newton.

She blinked twice, looking confused. "Uh…oh! Yes… _honey_, thank you." She still had that same look of confusion on her face, but I didn't care. She'd understood enough to play along.

I must have had the sloppiest fucking grin on my face. I loved playing these games with her. I missed doing this. We'd gotten a little of it back over the last few weeks, but it was starting to feel less awkward.

_Take that, fucker! _"And I'll have the Tuscan Steak." I snatched up Bella's menu, added it to mine and held them both up to the waiter.

He wasn't even paying attention to me so I shoved the menus into his arm, causing him to look directly at me.

I cocked my brow and clenched my jaw, grinding my teeth together. _I dare you to piss me off, Fuckhead. _

He bowed his head and backed away without another word.

I turned my attention back to Bella and leaned forward onto the table, hoping she would do the same so that we could resume the intensity we had before we'd been interrupted. "So you were saying?"

"Do I have anything in my hair or on my face or something?" she asked.

"No, why?" I was confused; the question had come out of nowhere.

"That guy was looking at me funny. I thought maybe I had something…" Her mouth twisted into a cute little pucker as she bit the inside of her lip. "Are you sure? Maybe I should go check." She started to get up, but I reached across the table with my left arm and grabbed her casted wrist to stop her.

"Bella, I would tell you if you had something in your hair or on your face. Trust me, you're perfect." _Shit! Was that too much too soon! _"That guy was looking at you, because he wants you. Just like Newton and your friend, Jacob. Why do you think I called you honey?"

Bella's eyebrows drew together as confusion took over.

I wanted to laugh. The girl really had no idea how fucking beautiful she was. It was absolutely absurd to think that she honestly had no clue about the attraction guys had for her and her brown hair…and dark coffee-colored eyes…and red plump lips. _Knock it off, Cullen! Not helping your situation._

"So the waiter wants you, that douchebag Newton wants you, and Jacob Black wants you…anyone else I should know about?" If she were to give me more names, I would have had to punch the fucking waiter for adding himself to the list. "You know, we bodyguards have to know what we're up against." I was trying to play shit off, but I was pissed.

"Bodyguard or babysitter?" she asked.

"Babysitter? Who the fuck am I supposed to be babysitting?"

"Don't be such an idget, E. Me. You really didn't have to spend the day with me, ya know? I'm sure you had plenty of other options out there."

_She's nuts. _"Nah, it was either spend it with you or watch my mom and dad love up on each other all day."

"Well, I'm sorry I was your only other option."

_What? _ "No, wait…that's not what I—"

She put her hand up to stop me. "It's okay, E. I know what you meant." She giggled lightly, putting me at ease.

I still hadn't gotten the answer to my question. "So…is there anyone else you wanted to date or are all guys off limits right now?"

She covered her face with her hands, and I saw her flinch, rocking back in her seat a little. "Ugh. Do we really need to talk about this?"

"I was just curious. Emmett and Jasper said that Jacob has had a thing for you for a long time. Newton sure wants to get a piece of you. You said you haven't dated anyone, so I was just curious if you're holding out for somebody else." _So long as it's not either of those two, I should be okay. Maybe. Okay, fuck that. If it's anyone but me, I'm so fucking screwed because I'll have to kick his ass—or their asses. Shit._

Bella let out a long sigh as she folded her arms on the table in front of her, placed her forehead down on them and then rocked her head from side to side. "When did my life get so complicated?" came the muffled question. The whole thing would have been funny as hell if I hadn't been waiting for a damn answer.

I tried swallowing the lump that was growing in my throat. Our day was not turning out to be the day I'd thought it would be. I was growing more and more aggravated. "So you have a lot of guys after you. How do you keep them all straight? Do you have them written down in a diary or some shit?" That may have sounded really fucking bitter. I couldn't help it. I wanted this girl, and all signs were pointing away from me and to all those other fuckers.

Her head snapped up, and she straightened up in her seat. Her nostrils flared, as her chin jutted out, and I watched as anger colored her face. Her eyes had to have been shooting fiery daggers toward my ass, because I was suddenly feeling very warm. "What the hell, Edward? You say that like I'm some kind of skank. Like I'm…I'm…a slut!"

Heads suddenly turned in our direction, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and gnaw on the foot I had just inserted into my mouth.

_Real smooth, Cullen. You want to try a little side of ass with your foot—she's going to hand you a little of your own in a minute._

"Bella, I didn't mean—"

"Here is your Tuscan Steak," Fuckhead said as he set the plate down in front of me.

Fucker really did have some kind of timing.

"And Mushroom Ravioli for the lady." He leaned toward her as he set the plate down, so I cleared my throat, reminding him that I was still sitting right fucking there. He glanced back at me and straightened up. "Is there anything else I can get you? That you want to take a bite of?" he asked, looking back at Bella.

_What the fuck? I'm right fucking here, you asshole! _"No," I growled. That fucker was flirting with Bella, and I was sitting there, having to watch the whole fucked up thing play out in front of me.

"No, thank you," Bella said a little too fucking sweetly, causing me to look in her direction. She had a goofy look on her face and was blinking kind of fast.

_Is she fucking flirting back? Fuck my life._

"Bella, are you okay, _honey_?" I used the endearment, trying to make sure the asshole backed the hell off.

"I'm fine, Ed-ward." She dragged out my name like it was a curse, and I knew I was in a heap of trouble.

_I'm fucked__._

We ate in silence, because frankly, I had fucked shit up. I wanted to go back and begin all of this shit over again. I should have started off by telling Bella that I didn't care who wanted her. Admitting to her that I wanted her all to myself would have been the smarter thing to do rather than accuse her of keeping tabs on every guy in Forks High that had ever paid her any attention. I knew at that point that if I'd said anything more, I would have been tasting leather for a few months—eating shoe after shoe—for all the times I undoubtedly would have stuck my foot in my mouth.

The silence at our table was thick and left me plenty of time to think over what I had said. I _had_ made her sound like she was the town skank. _How do you keep them all straight? Did I really ask that shit?_ I groaned audibly.

"What now?" Bella asked, putting her fork down on her plate and leaning back in her chair—clearly irritated with me.

"Bella, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I just meant…" I tried reaching for her casted arm, which lay resting on the table, but she pulled it away and hid it under the table. "Fuck, I just meant you have to know guys are attracted to you, right? I mean, Newton trying to get a piece of you. Your _friend, _Jacob, definitely wants more than just friendship. Fuck, Bella, even the waiter wants to consume you. He all but crawled into your lap when he brought the food out. Do you really not see that shit?"

"I don't understand it. It's just—" She shrugged. "—ridiculous," she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"What's ridiculous?"

"E, be real. Who wants a small-town girl who-" she sighed and threw her head back against her chair. "Who wants an inexperienced small-town girl, who'll be lucky if she can get into a decent enough college to move toward her career? I'll probably end up going to a junior college, dropping out and working as a checkout girl for the rest of my life."

"Bella, you really don't have a clear picture of yourself. Hasn't anyone told you what you look like from out here?"

She gave a single chuckle. "Yeah, my father, but he has to say nice shit. It's his job."

It was time. My moment had arrived. She'd left it wide open for me—inviting me to just spill my guts.

"Bella, you're—"

"Dessert for either of you this evening?"

_Son of a fucking bitch, this fucker just doesn't quit! _I closed my eyes and bit down hard to conceal my growing agitation with the guy. I tried reasoning that he was just trying to do his job and that I needed to cut the guy a break. That was until I regained my composure enough to look up at the fucker. I wanted to beat his ass when I saw that he was staring directly at the V of Bella's t-shirt. I cleared my throat in an attempt to get his attention, but that didn't work. "Do you have a menu for us to look at or should we just guess at what desserts there are?"

"E, I really don't—"

I stood from my chair and faced the guy. He wasn't as tall as he'd originally appeared. He was actually a few inches shorter than me. "I can come with you to find the menus or to see the desserts for myself." I tucked my left hand in my jean pocket to keep from swinging at the asshole and prayed that the weight of the cast would be enough to remind me to keep my other arm still.

The guy took a step back and seemed to take in my appearance before he spoke. "I'll be just a moment with the menus."

I sat back down after he'd left and tried like hell to calm the fuck down. I needed to focus so I didn't say some stupid shit to Bella, destroying everything I wanted us to work toward.

"What was that all about?" she asked, her voice sounding unsure.

"The guy was trying to look down your shirt." I sounded angry even to my own ears, but it wasn't nearly as loud as I was feeling.

"Oh." She looked down at her chest, and I looked at the table next to ours because I didn't want to get caught staring at her tits.

"Well…crap." She giggled.

_What the fucking hell? "_What's so funny?" _ What the fuck is so funny about a guy trying to look down her shirt?_

"E, what makes you think he was trying to look down my shirt and not _at_ it?" She was fucking laughing.

I didn't know what could be so funny about a fucking shirt. I admit I hadn't paid much attention to what was on the shirt, only who was in it and the swell that, from the right angle, would peek out from the revealing V of the shirt. I may have caught a glimpse or two in the car on the drive up.

I looked down at her shirt as Bella straightened up and sat tall in her seat.

_WARNING:  
When you say  
"Bite me,"  
I consider it  
foreplay._

The words "Bite me" sat deliciously at the front of her breasts. My dick reacted to the sight just as my tongue slid out of my mouth to lick my lips. _Fuck me! No really…please! Fuck me! _My cock was screaming for attention, while once again desperately searching for the nearest exit.

"What made you wear that shirt?" I shifted in my seat, leaning back to try to ease some of the pressure.

She chuckled again. "Honestly? I didn't really think about what I was wearing. I just reached in, grabbed a shirt and put it on. I didn't think to look at it after the fact."

"Well, then I guess I'm not surprised your friend didn't want to leave you alone with me. But I am surprised no one has bitten you…yet." I bounced my brows suggestively.

She groaned, which caused my dick to work harder at snaking his way through my pants to find the opening to my button-fly.

I would bet that if I went to check, I was bound to have the impressions of the buttons embossed on my cock. That shit was just painful.

"Can we not start that again, please? I swear you're full of shit. I mean I know Jake and Mike, but… there's just no way anyone else is even the slightest bit interested in me. Mike is an idiot and Jake is just too young to know any better."

She was insane. She really had no idea what she did to them, and I found myself feeling sorry for them. If their situations were anything like what I was going through right then, there was no way in hell I should get pissed at them for trying. But I could and would beat their asses if they made a move when I was around.

"I can drop the subject for now, but you do know Mike is going to be all over you on Monday. He's like a chick. He has to know all the fucking gossip."

"What exactly do you mean by 'like a chick?' she asked, crossing her arms under her breasts, causing them to rise just a little.

_Well, hello ladies! _"You know, like a normal chick, all gossipy and shit."

She arched her brow, cocking her head to the side, as her lips moved into a straight line.

I was again inserting my foot into my mouth without much thought. "Oh shit, not that you're like that. I mean, fuck! You're normal; you're just not gossipy like most chicks. Wait!" I pointed at her, arcing my arm to gesture in her direction. "You're better than normal. You're real and you're—"

"Give it up, Edward, or you'll be begging for forgiveness through the movie, and that would just piss people off."

"Are you so sure it's forgiveness I would be begging for in a dark room?"

There it was. I knew I had her when I saw that beautiful blush of embarrassment. Our quiet little game that we had been playing all those months was back to the tornado of fury it once was. I was master of the mindfuck once again.

"If given the chance I'm sure I could make you beg for something else."

I sat there-mouth agape—wondering when the fuck she had gotten so bold. It was awesome. I had just been pushed out of the head chair of mindfuck. As much as I enjoyed being master and ruler of the mindfuck, I could let her sit in the seat for awhile. It was definitely playtime.

"And what would you have me beg for?" _A kiss? Your hand on my—_

"If I told you that, you'd have time to figure out a defense, and I don't think you deserve that much." She smirked and kept that sexy-ass arch in her brow.

A part of me wanted to kneel in front of her opened legs and straighten the arch with the touch of my fingers before kissing her hard on the lips. So many things I could do to her while on my knees. My thoughts began floating through images of Bella, caressing my skin with her lips. Bella pulling her shirt off and exposing what I had only been able to peek at. Bella—

"Ed-ward?" She'd annunciated both syllables of my name again, only this time it was in a singsong tone.

"What?"

"I asked if we should be heading out for the movie."

"Oh, well yeah. We should get out of here, but the movie isn't for a few hours yet. Do you want to go for a walk along the harbor?"

"Okay."

I motioned for the waiter, when I caught sight of him staring in our direction—no doubt looking at Bella. He walked over and I informed him that we needed the check. He handed the bill over instantly. So much for him retrieving our dessert menus—not that it mattered. I was glad to get Bella out of there as soon as possible. I handed him enough cash to cover and allow for a minimal tip. It wasn't like the guy had done me any favors. In fact, he'd interrupted every good start to the conversation that Bella and I had tried to have. Which reminded me…

"Hey when you were apologizing about telling Mike about our plans, was there something else you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh. Well, yeah, but can we talk about it while we walk?" She seemed anxious to get going.

"Okay, cool. We're all paid up and ready to go."

She rose from her chair and started heading for the door.

I jumped out of my seat and caught up with her, placing my hand at the small of her back. I liked my hand there, feeling the curve of her back sway as she moved. A part of me wanted to "accidentally" drop my hand to her ass, just to find out if it felt as good as I'd imagined it was.

When we reached the harbor, I stood back and watched Bella as she leaned on the railing, looking out over the water which was reflecting the purples and pinks of the sky above. She was breathtakingly beautiful to watch as her hair blew lightly in the breeze. A few strands whipped out from behind her ear—seemingly pointing at me before allowing the wind to carry them across her face. It was as if they were motioning for me to approach her, and I couldn't resist. I walked up and stood beside her and let my urge take over. I reached out, pinching the strands between my fingers and tucked them back behind her ear.

She shivered, and I realized how bad of an idea the time we'd spend at the harbor would be.

"You're cold. We should go someplace warmer."

"No, I'm fine, really."

"Bella, you just shivered. I shouldn't have brought you down here. It's still too cool, especially this late in the day."

"Edward, seriously…relax. I'm fine."

What was I supposed to do? Stand there and argue with her, making our day that much worse? To Hell with that. "All right then, if you insist, we'll head out when you're ready."

She gave a single nod and continued to look out over the rippling waves. "I love this," she whispered.

I didn't know if I was supposed to respond to her, because I didn't know if that statement was meant for me to hear. "What are you thinking?" I asked instead.

"I was just thinking about how things can be so complicated all the freaking time, and then I can look out at something as simple and beautiful as a sunset and forget every complication in my life." She shrugged and chuckled lightly. "It's comforting in a way, I guess."

"Yeah." _Real smart comeback there, Cullen._

I heard her take a deep breath beside me, but kept my eyes trained to the sky in the distance, watching as the purples began to slowly shift into black.

"Speaking of complication…I have a favor to ask." She twisted herself to face me, leaning the right side of her hip on the rail. She had her fingers laced together, but was playing her own little game of thumb war.

I kept my forearms on the rail, but turned my head to look in her direction. "Sure, what is it? I'll help any way I can."

"You may want to hear what I have to say before you answer that. It could cause complications for you too," she insisted.

"Whatever it is-" she looked down, so I took a stance to mirror hers and used my casted hand to lift her chin. "—I'll help. But you have to tell me what it is that you need me to do."

She tightened the line of her lips and exhaled forcefully through her nose. "I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am—"

"You aren't a burden, Bella."

"—anyway, what I was saying is that I have a favor to ask."

I nodded, keeping my silence so that I didn't irritate her anymore. I'd caused enough trouble for one day.

"Do you remember…a while back, you said that we could pretend to be each others'…well…um…significant other?"

"Yeah…" _Oh, this could be very good._

"Well, would you…I mean, do you think we could—"

The words tumbled from my mouth before my brain could connect to stop them. "Yes. Absolutely. Happily."

"Are you sure? Because that would mean taking you out of the Forks High dating pool. But I swear, if you find someone you want to take out, I am totally okay with that. We can stage a break-up or whatever."

I turned back to the water and slightly away from Bella to hide the grin I was achingly trying to control. The day just got so much fucking better, and I had to tamp down my excitement. I cleared my throat and held my stance. "Bella, I don't think that'll happen. I can't think of anyone there I would want to date." _Because the one I want is you, and you're here with me, offering to be my girlfriend. Or at least pretending to be one. _ I could deal with the logistics of our facade later. Acting as if we were a couple could steer us in the direction I needed us to be in much faster than the plan I had originally laid out.

"Oh," she breathed out, sounding disappointed.

I glanced at her to gauge the reaction on her face, but her head was turned away.

She'd sounded upset, but I had to have misread the emotion in her voice, because we were both going to get something out of it. She wouldn't have those assholes chasing after her anymore, I wouldn't have those bitches, Jessica and Lauren, after me and to top it off…our relationship could only get stronger.

"So how are we going to play this? Do you want the whole hand-holding business? My arm around you? Should we just play this by ear?" I was getting happier with every question that spilled out. I'd be able to touch her… a lot… and in public.

"I hadn't thought that far ahead really. I'll leave that part up to you, I guess. I can play off whatever you decide, but E, are you sure this is okay? I don't want to be more of a problem for you than I already am."

"Bella, trust me when I say it's not a problem. I won't have to deal with chicks chasing after me, and you won't have to deal with Newton and his cronies. Both of our problems will be solved." I couldn't have planned this shit. I mean, I knew I'd brought it up before, but that was a long time ago and I had no idea what I was thinking then. But now…now my mind was filled with ideas. We'd walk the halls holding hands or I'd wrap my arm around her waist. I could wrap my arm around her shoulders, holding her against me. I could kiss her cheek or... "How do you want to deal with the whole kissing thing?"

I knew it would be a sensitive subject. Our last kiss had ended up hurting us both physically and my pride was wounded. A little. I couldn't remember a girl ever running from me after I'd kissed her. Well, except Janey, but we were ten years old and her twin brother, Alec, would have kicked my ass if his mother hadn't stopped him. Apparently, I had given his sister cooties.

Bella's body language shifted as she tensed up. "What kissing thing?"

"Well," –I turned toward her—"that's what couples do, don't they? I mean, how do we—"

She shrugged, still looking out over the water. "We don't." She seemed distant, and I couldn't figure out what had changed in just a few short minutes.

"What do you mean?"

"We don't have to do the whole PDA thing. It would get too crazy then, wouldn't it?" She turned to face me then, and I saw that her nose was red and her eyes were a little pink around the edges.

"You're cold. Let's get back to the car; we can talk there and more at the theater."

She nodded and I held my hand out to her, causing her to look at me quizzically.

"Practice," I said, grinning.

She slid her hand into mine and the sparks flew through my hand, up my arm and into my skull. Our relationship had definitely shifted for the better. I could feel it.

{(QQ)}

Monday was our first day in our pretend relationship, and it had gone pretty smoothly. Some people were a little taken aback by it, but most of them didn't really say anything. The only people that weren't surprised were our group of friends. Bella and I had made sure to fill them in on our plan before classes started. To be honest, I think they were just as excited as I felt.

Emmett and Jasper had been a little worried about it at first, but we'd talked it all out after our run on Sunday. We had started later than usual, because they had driven back from Seattle earlier that morning.

I'd wanted to wait until the end of our routine so that we'd actually finish. Once Jasper and Emmett got on a subject that they wanted to talk about, we'd end up stopping in the middle of a run to stand there and talk. It was counterproductive. And if I was being honest, I wanted them to be a bit more worn out than they already were. It would make for a quicker getaway for me.

{(QQ)}

"You guys want to come in for a minute?" I asked when we'd arrived back at my house.

Jasper and Emmett both pulled out their phones simultaneously to check for messages.

"I'm free," Emmett said.

"I don't have plans until dinner, so yeah," Jasper confirmed.

"Cool. I got something I want to talk to you about." I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking straight into the kitchen and standing behind the island. "Water?" I asked, my voice squeaking as I was stalling for time.

Jasper and Emmett looked at each other, grins spreading across their faces.

"What's going on?" Jasper asked. "Your panties bunching up around your sack there, Pube?"

"Fuck you, Jasper. Just need a drink." I turned to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water, offering it to Emmett. "Do you want one or not?"

"Sure," Emmett said, taking it and twisting the cap off immediately.

I pulled one out for myself and closed the door.

"Hey, man. Where's mine?" Jasper asked incredulously.

"I didn't think you wanted one, douchebag."

"What has your nuts in a bind?" Jasper asked.

He always knew when something was going on. It used to give me the creeps that he could read me so well, but now it was just fucking annoying.

"Bella and I were talking yesterday, and—"

"Well that's good, considering you were spending the day together," Emmett interjected.

"Yeah, yeah…shut the fuck up, will ya? Look. Bella and I were talking and we've decided to play like we're in some sort of relationship."

"You mean like boyfriend and girlfriend? That shit?" Emmett asked, standing up straight, widening his stance and crossing his arms over his chest. It was fucking intimidating.

I gulped hard and noticed that Jasper too was standing up straighter and his brow was furrowed.

"It's not what you think."

"What _are_ we thinking?" Jasper asked.

"Hey, Bella brought this up okay. Let me just get it all out before you all decide to rip my head off."

I went on to explain everything to them, making sure I didn't leave anything out. I needed to make sure that I covered every inch of the plan so that there were no surprises and I didn't get my ass kicked.

"So that's it. We're going to start this shit tomorrow. Are you two cool with it?" I asked, really hoping they were, because I knew it was the way to get Bella to be mine.

"You think you can pull this shit off?" Jasper questioned.

"Yeah, we're pretty sure we can. I mean, a lot of it is going to have to be played by ear, but yeah." I couldn't be completely sure things were going to go smoothly, but I had high hopes.

"What if she meets someone? Or you do?" Jasper was asking all the questions, while Emmett stood there like a fucking statue. A very menacing statue.

"Bella says we stage a break-up or whatever. It's no big deal."

"You're sure you can do this? Without hurting her?" Jasper's voice had become more stern.

"Yeah man. I'm doing this to protect her." It was a piss poor excuse, but it was partly true. I was actually doing it to keep her from others. To protect myself from losing her to anyone else.

"Dude. It's about fucking time!" Emmett exclaimed, breaking his stance and rushing behind the counter at me.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, bracing myself for impact.

"Edward, man, seriously? We've known you liked Bella for a long-ass time. If we didn't know before New Year's, we knew after for sure," Jasper explained just as Emmett got to me, slapping his hand down hard onto my back.

I winced at the force of the blow. I didn't think he understood just how much power he had. "We're only pretending, man. This shit ain't for real," I insisted.

"Yeah, man? Whatever the fuck you say. You're so full of shit though," Emmett said, laughing and pounding me on the back.

"Emmett, man, seriously… get off my dick. This is just so that those douchebags leave her alone."

"So what's in it for you then?" Jasper inquired.

"Nothing…wait…what do you mean? What _could_ I get out of this?" I knew what I wanted out of it, but there was no way I was going to admit that shit yet.

Emmett and Jasper looked at each other, then looked at me and spoke in unison. "Bella."

The next hour was spent with them giving me shit over what they had seen over the last month. They knew a lot more about my feelings for her than I wanted them to. I hadn't known they were so damned observant. By the end of the hour, I just wanted to fucking bury myself in the woods behind the house. Emmett said that if anything happened to Bella as a result of our little charade, I would pay dearly. Jasper backed him up and I was suddenly nervous about whether or not things were going to work out.

{(QQ)}

The next morning, I drove to Bella's to pick her up for school. We hadn't really talked about doing this, but I assumed it was a given.

I had walked Bella to her first class and paused at the door, trying to figure out what to do. Before I could make a decision, Bella smiled at me and said she'd see me later before abandoning me in the hall. I couldn't figure out what was so hard about all this shit. I'd been someone's boyfriend before and never stalled. Hell, I'd mauled Tanya in the hall every day before first period, but with Bella things were different. Okay, so we weren't really in that boyfriend/girlfriend relationship thing, but I wanted to be, and I wanted things to be different with her. I just needed to figure shit out and take it slow. If I played my cards right, I could turn this fake relationship into a real one.

The next few hours dragged on fucking slower than they ever had before. Every time I looked at the fucking clock, I'd swear that thing was going backwards.

I showered quickly after gym and ran off toward building three to meet up with Bella and walk with her to lunch. She exited her Spanish class with Jessica close by her side. Both of their backs were to me, but Jessica looked like she was being her usual nosy self. I quickened my pace and when I reached Bella, without much thought, I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned into her neck, kissing it gently. Bella jumped in surprise.

"Hello, beautiful. Did you miss me?" I grinned, releasing her a little so that she could move.

She turned to face me and gave me a wink in such a way that Jessica couldn't have seen. "Of course, I did. Are you hungry?"

"Starving. And not just for food." I winked at her and gave a devilish grin.

Bella chuckled, tightening her lips. "Behave." She turned to Jessica and without hesitating, said, "I think you have your answer now, don't you, Jess?" Bella walked off toward the cafeteria and I quickly stepped in beside her, placing my hand on the small of her back.

"What was that about?" I asked when we were out of earshot.

"Jessica was asking me if the rumors about you and me were true. She'd heard that we were dating from Mike Newton, and she said she didn't believe it because she couldn't see you with anyone like me."

"Well that's bullshit. Why wouldn't you be with me?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Why would anyone be with me?"

_Not again. _"Bella—"

"Anyway, she'd said she heard about us from Mike during second period. But how would Mike have known anything about us so soon?"

I knew exactly how and was pretty fucking proud of myself. "I told him in first period, but in my defense, he asked for it." I went on to explain to her how Mike had been talking to Eric Yorkie in the seat behind me.

{(QQ)}

Mike was telling Eric how he was finally going to get Bella to go out with him and that he was going to make his move in Biology that very day. It pissed me the fuck off because he knew that Bella and I had been together for Valentine's Day. We'd even gone so far as to give him a little show on Friday, and he was still being an ignorant asshole.

I'd turned around in my seat and let him know exactly what I thought of what he was saying.

"I don't fucking think so, Newton. You _will_ be leaving Bella alone from now on."

"Says who, Cullen? You?" he scoffed. "You don't have a claim on her. In fact, you barely know her."

"Actually, douchebag, I do have a claim on her. She's mine and you're going to leave her the fuck alone."

"Bullshit. Why would Bella be with you? She has better taste than that. Besides, I'm more her type." Mike held a mixture of confusion and anger in his expression.

"I have news for you, douche. She doesn't date assholes that don't know how to take a hint. Actually, she told me she wasn't into dating at all until she met me." It was a bit of a stretch, but it could work to my advantage.

"You're lying," was Mike's feeble retort.

"Am I? I don't know why Bella chose me, and frankly it doesn't matter why. I'm just happy to say that she did and she's mine. So back the fuck off." I growled out my last statement, trying to make my point perfectly clear. He wasn't allowed to go anywhere near Bella anymore. She was mine. She only thought I was playing a part, when in reality, I was living out what I wanted. Bella…as my girlfriend.

{(QQ)}

"You don't mind that I said something to him do you? I thought you wanted him off your back." I pushed the lunchroom doors open in front of us, staying close by her side.

"No, I don't mind. I just couldn't figure out how Mike Newton knew. You were right; he's like a girl with the way he gossips." She laughed. "Then again, you, Jasper and Emmett are like a bunch of old women when you get together and talk."

"Hey, don't mess with the three of us. We are full of information."

"Oh, you're full of something all right; I just don't know that it's information." She gave me a light nudge, leaning into me with her entire body.

My nerves started buzzing at the proximity. I liked our new circumstance a whole fucking lot more than I should have. I had to keep reminding myself that we were supposed to be pretending and that, as far as Bella was concerned, we were playing a role. The thing of it was that it was real for me. I liked touching her. I liked holding her. I especially liked it when she got extra playful in Biology class later.

We were studying the human reproductive system. Mr. Banner had given each station a chart showing both the male and female reproductive organs in an outline form—nothing labeled. We were to name each piece and describe its function. I thought it was pretty fucking obvious. Insert boner, spew my boys, impregnate, and out pops the kid nine months later. I didn't see the point in knowing how it was all connected, I was just glad mine still was.

I walked Bella to gym class and saw Mike out of the corner of my eye, watching us. I grabbed Bella by the elbow before she could get away from me. I lowered my voice. "Bella, do you trust me?"

Her eyebrows drew together as a little grin spread across her beautiful face. "Yes, why?"

Instead of answering, I risked everything. Stepping closer to her, I lightly gripped her elbow. "Don't move," I whispered before kissing her full on the lips. Rather than run away from me, she reciprocated.

Her hands lay gently on my forearms as she pushed forward. I heard a little moan and knew that if I didn't pull back, this kiss was going to grow hungrier. My dick was sliding into a more comfortable position, which would have been really bad considering Bella was beginning to lean into me. As much as I wanted to keep going, I knew I needed to draw back. We had classes to get to, Mike had disappeared the second my lips met Bella's, and even though she seemed to be responding, I didn't want to ruin my chances by getting overzealous.

I reluctantly, pulled back just enough so that I could whisper into her ear. "He's seen us kiss now, so he shouldn't doubt that we're together."

I heard Bella hum. "Who?" she asked breathily.

I pulled back and noticed Bella looked a little out of sorts. "What's wrong?"

"S-s-sorry. I just…I—" she stammered. "I just wasn't expecting…_that_. I mean, we decided no kissing, remember?"

_Shit! _"We did say if it was necessary or some sort of emergency, we'd work with it, right? Isn't Mike watching us a necessity?" I fucking thought it was.

"Sure, but-"

The first bell rang just then, ending all conversation.

"I'll meet you at the car after class so we can see about getting these fucking things off today," I said before running off toward Mrs. Goff's Spanish class. I didn't look back at all. I was too afraid that if I looked back at her, she'd be glaring at me for taking the liberty of a kiss like that. I may have taken advantage of the situation, but she'd returned my kiss without knowing what it was about. A grin spread quickly across my face. _Didn't she ask who?_ The situation was already working in my favor.

{(QQ)}

After school, Bella and I had another "date." The day previous, I had spoken to my uncle about the removal of the casts. I'd asked him how hard it would have been to keep them mostly intact, because I'd had an idea for a possible gift for Bella. I didn't know if he bought my reasoning, but he'd agreed to try. He'd only ever successfully done it that way three times and those were for little kids whose mothers wanted the memory of their first broken bone.

I wasn't completely sure what I wanted to do with the cast, but I'd worked hard on the drawing I had done on hers. As far as my cast went, it had Bella's doodles; need I say more?

Instead of meeting her at the car, I picked her up from gym class and we walked hand-in-hand to the parking lot—trying to keep up the appearance of being a couple. Bella was quiet and I really wanted to know what the fuck had happened in the last hour to make her that way. I knew from experience that I needed to give her time.

I drove us to Forks General, where my uncle would be removing our casts. When we got there, he was busy with another patient, but had made sure that the x-ray technician knew to take us back as soon as we'd arrived. After the scans were done, we were sent to his office where we waited. We'd been sitting there in complete silence for five minutes before I decided I couldn't take it anymore.

"Bella, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" she replied, staring into her lap.

I got out of my chair and moved into position on my knees beside her. "You were fine when I dropped you off at the gym, but then after school you were different. So what happened in Gym?"

"Nothing happened _in_ Gym." She kept staring at her hands instead of looking at me.

I hadn't missed the stress in her words. She was going to make me work to find out what was going on in that head of hers. "Okay, then what happened before Gym or after Gym?"

"E, really, I'm fine. Nothing happened." She took sudden interest in the bookcase opposite me, turning her face from my view.

I reached out and cupped her chin and very gently tried coaxing her face back into view. Then I felt a drop on my hand…and then another.

She was crying and I had no idea why, because she wouldn't talk to me. I needed to know what the fuck was going on so I could fix things. If it was me, I really needed to know if I had blown my chance with her.

"Bella, I can't read minds. You're going to have to tell me—"

"Bella…Edward…are you two ready to have those things taken off?" My uncle's voice boomed when he entered, causing Bella and I to jump.

**~-{(QQ)}-~**

**Edward was in such a pissy mood. I even had to tame what he was telling me.**

**So what the hell happened in Gym class? You'll have to wait and see. :^) **

**Thank you to all of you for hanging in there and reading about my kids. They sometimes take on a life of their own, and I get the joy of following them on their journey. *smooches***

**I know this chapter was a bit shorter than normal, but I was assured that you all wouldn't mind…**

**Tiffanyann3ff and Carabeth – thank you ladies. You are full of awesome and I am so happy to have you on my side. **squishes****

**I_luv_Spunk … I know I tell you every day, but I don't feel like I say it enough. I 3 you.**

**My wifey, mpg, thanks for talking me off the ledge yet again. ;^)**


	17. Chapter 16: Impervious Pursuit

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected. **

**Have you missed her ?**

{(QQ)}

**Chapter 16: Impervious Pursuit**

_Oh hell! Kill me now. What do I say? Since we were kids? For as long as I can remember?_

I hadn't expected the question at all, and it most definitely was _not_ something I was ready to answer. I gave him the only answer I could without telling him how long Jake had really wanted to be more than "just friends". I didn't want him believing that I wanted Jake or even worse… I didn't want Edward thinking that _he_ didn't have a chance with me.

If I was being honest, and that was the idea, I did want him to have a chance. Hell, I wanted him to _take_ the chance. I was begging for Edward to get the balls up to ask me out. Then again, if he was really trying to be just another one of my overprotective friends, I would be revealing way too much about my own feelings and be that absurd little girl with a puppy crush on a guy that was way too good for me.

I thought I had answered his question simply enough, but Edward just pushed for more information than I really wanted to give. He asked if Jake and I had ever gone out, and I decided rather than trying to bother hiding our long mixed up friendship, I needed to just tell the truth—the least bit of it that was absolutely necessary. I had nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of; I had been honest with Jacob, and I had to do the same with Edward. Mostly.

I told him that Jake had asked me to date him. I just didn't tell him that it was about the umpteen-millionth time since I'd moved to Forks permanently. When we were younger it was one thing, but now… now that I knew what I could actually feel, things were very different. I had never felt this strongly about anyone—until Edward.

I reiterated my original life plan, knowing full well that things had changed, and hoped Edward understood that he was a part of my social life when I spoke of Emmett and the gang. I began to question whether or not he was paying attention, because he asked me about my dating anyone all over again. The redundancy of it was getting to be a bit insane; then, it hit me. Jacob wasn't going to back off until I didactually date someone. There was no sign of Mike Newton letting up on his pursuit either. I was screwed from two sides—not in a good way—and the one guy I did want, didn't want me. Yet.

"But if I can't get Mike off my back, I may just let him take me out just to shut him up. It's getting ridiculous how many times I have to fight him off every week." It was true and I felt my stomach twinge as the mucous in my throat began to thicken. I started to swallow and nearly choked when Edward raised his voice which caused a woman to turn and look in our direction. She looked me up and down, before eyeing Edward. If I hadn't seen it for myself, I wouldn't have believed it. The woman literally stared open-mouthed, gawking at his jaw as if she were entranced by it. The guy she was with had to tap her hand to bring her back from whatever place Edward's chiseled structure had sent her.

"No! What I mean is…you don't want to do that. He'll just keep coming after you. Once he's taken you out, he'll think he has you and can ask you over and over again. Things wouldn't be any better than they are now. They might get worse."

He had a point; although I couldn't imagine things getting any worse than they already were. I decided that it was time. He had given me the perfect segue to bring it up; so why not? What was the worst that could happen?

_He could say no. _ A little annoying voice replied to my unasked question.

I leaned onto the table, preparing to tell him my idea and hoping that he'd help me out. It would solve my problems with both Mike and Jake.

_Or "hell no,"_ the voice continued.

Edward leaned forward, mirroring my position, and I wanted to reach out, grab his face and kiss him full on the mouth. It wouldn't have taken much. A simple lift of my hands from the table, grab onto his collar and plant a fatty on his lips. His lips seemed a little brighter in the dim lighting, and I just knew they were calling to be sucked on…maybe nibbled.

_Go ahead. But if he bites, don't say I didn't warn you._

I could handle being bitten. I'd just started to move my arms when the waiter showed up at our table, interrupting us. He had brought our drinks and began setting them down in front of us. As if the guy had just read my mind, he gave me this strange look and asked if we wanted anything to nibble on. I felt the familiar burn creeping up my neck and prayed for death.

You could have knocked me over with a feather with what happened next. I could swear I'd heard right. Edward had just called me honey. Hadn't he?

I had to go over our conversation in my mind and try to figure out if I'd already had the discussion with him. I quickly realized he was yet again protecting me from someone else he thought was hitting on me. He was so obviously mistaken though, because really the guy had to be in college. What the hell could he have wanted with a high-schooler, let alone me?

After I gave the guy my order, I looked up and saw him staring at me. It made me really nervous. When I looked at Edward, he was staring at the guy with an angrily cocked brow. He pushed the menus at the waiter, but the guy just kept staring at me. He was seriously creeping me out, so I looked down at my hands and pretended there was something on my palm that held my interest.

When he finally left, I asked Edward if there was anything wrong with my appearance. I couldn't remember if I'd brushed my hair, washed my face, or if I had put mascara on as Alice had suggested.

_Maybe I smudged the mascara when I put it on. Ugh! I must have raccoon eyes. I should go to the restroom and wash my face. _

That annoying little voice came back and was poking me in the back with the sharp blade of doubt. _Yes, you should. You look like you've been in a boxing match. _

_Maybe if I ask Edward…but why hasn't he said anything to me? How embarrassing! Oh my God, I have to get out of here!_

_Run fast…and duck your head so no one sees you. _I needed to kill that bitchy little voice.

"Do I have anything in my hair or on my face or something?" I asked frantically, worried that I had embarrassed him right along with me.

"No, why?" He gave me one of those looks that people give you when they're questioning your sanity.

"That guy was looking at me funny. I thought maybe I had something…" I started to explain, but then it made me wonder if he had really looked at me. I mean, it wasn't like Edward was actually interested in my appearance anyway. "Are you sure? Maybe I should go check." I moved to go to the bathroom but felt a tingling on my casted wrist. I knew without even looking that Edward's hand was there, but I didn't stop trying to get up until I felt the tug.

"Bella, I would tell you if you had something in your hair or on your face. Trust me, you're perfect."

_Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Did he just…did he really…holy shit!_

Before I could get too excited, Edward brought me back down to Earth, reminding me that as far as Mike and Jake were concerned, I was perfect. He'd only called me honey to keep me safe from a set of prying eyes.

_Fuck my life._

When he asked if there was anyone else, it made me feel like I was some kind of attention whore. Where the hell did he get off? I hadn't asked him to be my babysitter or bodyguard or whatever the fuck he was playing at.

_What an ass!_

I may have been a bit sensitive on the subject, possibly a little overly excited, because after I'd said my piece, Edward's eyes started darting around me, looking at other people. I wasn't going to look, but I could guess that I had attracted some attention when I'd raised my own voice.

Thankfully our waiter showed up with our food, and I was saved from Edward telling me even more information on his view of me as the slut of Forks. I couldn't tell if I was more embarrassed or pissed. If that was really what he thought of me, there was no way in Hell he was going to help me, and I didn't know that I wanted his help after that little revelation.

The waiter was kind enough to ask me if there was anything else he could get me, and I figured what the hell. Edward thought I was the town whore, so I wanted to show him how I could compete with the likes of Jessica and Lauren.

_Well, if he thinks I'm a slut…so be it! Watch this, Ed-dee._

"No, thank you," I said with a pitch in my voice that I'd heard Jessica use when she'd talked to Edward. I batted my eyelashes and smiled as big as I could. I was being…ridiculous. There was no other way to describe it. I didn't know how to flirt; I didn't know how to do any of the girly stuff. All I had to go on was what I had seen others do, and what I'd witnessed had always made me laugh my ass off. Yet, there I was, making a complete and total ass of myself, because I was trying to make a guy that didn't want me jealous. It was like banging my head against a brick wall over and over again, expecting a different result. I wanted him to want me, but I knew no matter what I did, it just was not going to happen.

After we finished eating, Edward tried explaining what he had actually meant. He didn't understand that I couldn't see why Jake and Mike wanted me. It was absurd to think that anyone with half a brain would want me…okay, so _maybe_ I could understand why Mike thought he wanted me…but that was beside the point.

Our waiter came back to the table, and holy shit if Edward didn't overreact at a simple question of whether or not we wanted dessert. He was rude when he'd asked for a menu, then he stood up right in front of our waiter, forcing the guy to take a step backward. The poor guy practically ran off toward the kitchen. I thought for sure he was going to get the manager to kick us out; then, sadly, I'd be banned from my new favorite restaurant.

"What was that all about?" I'd heard of alpha male antics, but that was over the top.

"The guy was trying to look down your shirt," he spoke lowly and through gritted teeth making it sound like a growl.

I looked down at my shirt, noticing what I had absently thrown on that morning, and burst into a giggle. I really should have paid attention to the clothes I had picked out or at least looked at myself in the mirror. Alice did sometimes ask if I ever really bothered taking a glance at myself, and after today, I thought I just may have had to start.

_WARNING:  
When you say  
"Bite me,"  
I consider it  
foreplay._

"E, what makes you think he was trying to look _down_ my shirt and not _at_ it?" I was in such a fit of giggles that my sides were starting to hurt. I remembered reaching into my dresser drawer and not caring what I pulled out as long as it was a shirt.

"I'm surprised no one has bitten you…yet." He bounced his eyebrows like Emmett did when he was trying to be cute, and I made a mental note to have Rosalie take up more of Emmett's time so that the two of them couldn't hang out as much anymore. If Edward started taking on my friend's traits, I'd probably strangle him. One Emmett in Forks was enough.

Edward started talking about Mike and Jacob again, and I began to pray for one of those cartoon rabbit holes to appear so I could just drop out of sight. Fat chance of it happening, but a thoroughly embarrassed girl can dream.

I pretended to be irritated when Edward said that Mike was gossipy like a girl. I knew it was true, but I'd missed all the fun we used to have before "the incident." I wanted our game play back, so I decided to tease him a little.

"Give it up, Edward, or you'll be begging for forgiveness through the movie, and that would just piss people off." If he'd just beg to take me out on a real date, I'd be the happiest girl in the entire state of Washington. Although…he wouldn't have to beg; I'd accept a suggestion of one.

"Are you so sure it's forgiveness I would be begging for in a dark room?" Edward taunted.

_Ungh! No, not entirely. _"If given the chance I'm sure I could make you beg for something else." _ I'd probably be begging you anyway. Begging for you to kiss me, maybe grope my…_

"And what would you have me beg for?" He quirked his brow in that deliciously sexy way, and I felt the yearning to kiss him burst through the doors of my heart again.

_Have you got about thirty years? My list is long, although the list of what I would beg for is definitely longer. Me on my back, you…_

I shook my head, needing to stop the thoughts or I was _not_ going to be able to peel myself off my chair. I was certain my ass and girly-bits were melting into its padding as thoughts of Edward and me in various make-out situations entered into mind.

"So. Should we start heading out for the movie or do we have time to do a little more wandering?"

Edward had a blank look on his face and wasn't answering so I waved my hand in front of his face and called out his name in a singsong tone-Alice always did that to me when she wanted something.

He suggested we go for a walk along the harbor, and I got a little excited. I always loved watching the sun kiss the water. It always looked as though it were melting into the sparkling comfort of the waves below it as the colors changed the further it sank into the watery embrace of the night.

When we reached the top of the harbor I immediately leaned forward on the railing and waited for the breeze to run over my face. I closed my eyes and basked in the coolness of it, shivering a little. I wasn't cold; I just realized that I wasn't alone on the day meant for lovers. Even if I wasn't his lover in life, I was in my dreams and that had been the thought that made me tingle.

Edward, however, took my shivering as a sign that I was chilly—even though my jacket was pretty thick. After I assured him that I was fine, he asked me for my thoughts.

I explained to him how I felt in that moment, looking out over the water. I didn't tell him everything. I didn't want to tell him the secret of my longing for him. When I was done, I looked across the harbor again and took a deep breath. It was time to make my proposal. "Speaking of complication…I have a favor to ask."

"Sure, what is it? I'll help any way I can." He hadn't paused a single moment; he'd just agreed to help me without even knowing what the favor was. Edward was being a good and helpful friend—same as always. Damn it.

"You may want to hear what I have to say before you answer that. It could cause complications for you too." _No taking other girls out—although I can't say I'd be unhappy about that one. You'd be holding my hand now and then to show affection—even if it is fake._

"Whatever it is…I'll help. But you have to tell me what it is that you need me to do." He had touched my chin, forcing me to look into his face. As I looked into his eyes, I couldn't help but notice that the green seemed darker, and the flecks of gold in the iris seemed more prominent.

"I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am—"

"You aren't a burden, Bella."

_I hope that's true. _"—anyway, what I was saying is that I have a favor to ask."

He gave me a simple nod, allowing me to continue uninterrupted.

"Do you remember…a while back, you said that we could pretend to be each others'…well…um…significant other?"

"Yeah…"

_Time to bite the bullet, Swan! _"Well, would you…I mean, do you think we could—"

"Yes. Absolutely. Happily."

_Hold the phone! What? Did I actually ask? Is he sure he wants to…?_

"Are you sure? Because that would mean taking you out of the Forks High dating pool. But I swear, if you find someone you want to take out, I am totally okay with that. We can stage a break-up or whatever." The words just came tumbling out, and I hadn't even remembered rehearsing them as part of my request. I did lie a little. I wasn't okay with him taking anyone other than me out.

He turned to the water, and I thought for sure he was going to change his mind. I felt my heart drop into my stomach, knowing that he definitely didn't think of me in any sort of way except friendship. If he turned me down for this, I knew I'd have to give up. There would be no hope of being anything more than friends with Edward. I heard him clear his throat and braced myself for his denial.

"Bella, I don't think that'll happen. I can't think of anyone there I would want to date."

Well if that statement hadn't made things crystal clear, I didn't know what would have. He couldn't think of _anyone_ at Forks that he'd want to date.

_Well, Swan, now you know for sure. He doesn't want you._

I felt the tears welling in my eyes and looked in the opposite direction. I couldn't let him see the hurt he'd unintentionally inflicted. It wasn't his fault that I wanted him so bad.

"So how are we going to play this? Do you want the whole hand-holding business? My arm around you? Should we just play this by ear?"

_Well…at least he's willing to help me out. I guess this would keep Jessica and her hoochies off of his back too. We'll label it a mutual sacrifice. _

_Yeah. Like a lamb to the slaughter,_ my little voice said.

Nope. I couldn't handle the PDA. It would be too hard. I knew I couldn't have him touching me. He and everyone around me would see the desire I had for him.

"I hadn't thought that far ahead really. I'll leave that part up to you, I guess, but I really don't think we need it. I can play off whatever you decide, but E, are you sure this is okay? I don't want to be more of a problem for you than I already am," I repeated. I really didn't. I was a burden, and he didn't have to bear me. Baring me on the other hand…

"Bella, trust me when I say it's not a problem. I won't have to deal with chicks chasing after me, and you won't have to deal with Newton and his cronies. Both of our problems will be solved."

My thoughts had been correct. He didn't want to have to deal with the hassle of girls flirting with him any more than I wanted to deal with Mike and Jake. We would be helping each other.

"How do you want to deal with the whole kissing thing?"

_Kissing? Is he serious? I can't. Could I? It felt good before. Really good… No! I definitely can't. Has he forgotten how I had acted so absurdly with our last attempt? _

The kissing thing had never entered my mind at all. Okay, that was a lie. I had thought about it—every single day…and night. Especially after I had learned how he had tasted—all minty and just…yum! "What kissing thing?"

"Well, that's what couples do, don't they? I mean, how do we—"

I needed to figure out a way out of that one. If he kissed me again, I was bound to melt into a pile of goo. Swan goo. It wouldn't have been pretty. I focused on the last bit of sun peaking over the water. If he were to kiss me again—like he had that night—I'd cry, knowing that he had to have been thinking about someone else. Someone not in Forks. "We don't."

"What do you mean?"

There was no way. I wasn't going to be able to handle the whole public display thing. Everyone would be able to see right through my act. They'd know that I really did have feelings for him—and they'd see he didn't feel the same about me. The thought of that humiliation had the tears stinging my eyes again. I shut them tightly, willing the flow to stop, and when I had it under control, I turned to him. "We don't have to do the whole PDA thing. It would get too crazy then, wouldn't it?"

"You're cold. Let's get back to the car; we can talk there and more at the theater."

I was glad he'd mistaken my pain for the chills. How would I have explained tears? Crying over the beauty of the setting sun? Right!

I was confused when he pushed his open hand out toward me. I stared at it, confused at what exactly I was supposed to do.

"Practice," he said with a smile.

I slowly slid my hand into his and felt the familiar charge run its course through my body, making me tingle all over. If he wanted to practice helping me, who was I to argue? Bella Swan—girl falling for a guy she could never have.

It was going to be painful when we decided to end it. I just hoped it was much, much later.

{(QQ)}

I couldn't sleep at all Saturday night. Usually, I'd call Alice, and we'd talk until the very early hours of the morning, but she was in Seattle with Jasper doing things I couldn't even imagine—and really didn't want to.

My time with Edward was playing on a loop in my head. We had held hands the entire walk from the harbor to the car. He'd let my hand go long enough for me to get in and allow him to walk to the driver's side. Almost immediately after starting the car he'd clasped my hand in his, insisting that we needed to get used to the contact if we were going to pull this off.

It wasn't that I minded at all, but I hadn't expected it. I was relieved that he was so willing to help me, and I couldn't be happier because I could say that Edward and I were a couple and not lie. Well, not completely. No one except for our small group had to know it was all a ploy to keep others away from us.

When we'd gotten to the movie theater, he'd climbed out of the car and raced around to my side. He pulled the door open and grabbed my hand again, sending a current to my heart and causing it to flutter with a false hope.

"Edward, do you really think it's necessary to do this tonight?" My brain and my mouth were communicating, letting me know that I needed to gain some perspective. They were warring with each other; my mind was telling my heart to slow the hell down and not get too excited while my heart was leaping for joy, beating unevenly in my chest. My irregularly thrumming life source was winning.

"Well, I guess we don't have to, but are you going to be okay when I grab a hold of your hand tomorrow or are you going to jump?" He still had a hold of my hand and raised it between us as he moved to stand in front of me.

I had to look up to see his face and when I saw the smirk, I'd given in. I was a pushover when it came to Edward Cullen.

{(QQ)}

I had just started to doze for a nap when Alice's new ringtone started to play. I grabbed the phone from my nightstand, pushed the call button to answer, and fell back on my pillow, yawning out my greeting. "Hi, Alice."

"Sounds like I wasn't the only one getting my freak on last night! I'm so happy for you!" Alice screeched into the phone.

"Alice, I would appreciate keeping my hearing. Calm down. What the hell are you talking about?"

"You, silly. You sound exhausted," she explained. I could almost see the beaming smile on her face. "I'm coming over! I want to see your face when you spill every last juicy detail to me."

"Alice you're—"

"Hush! Don't say a word! I want to see your face." She hung up before I could say another word, and I knew I had just five minutes to nap.

She had to have been around the corner when she'd called because the doorbell sounded only moments later. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, so I texted her.

_**You know where the key is. Use it. ~B**_

Seconds later I heard the door open and then slam shut just as two feet started stomping speedily up the stairs. She came running into my room and plopped down on the end of my bed.

"So?" she asked. I felt the mattress dip slightly beside me as she scooted closer.

I kept my eyes shut and my tone even. "What? Still no hello?"

"You're going to make me beg aren't you?" she whined.

"There's nothing to tell, Ali. Nothing that could possibly build up to what you think happened." I knew exactly what she was thinking. Did she really think I was that easy? Or that he was?

"You're lying," she insisted, poking my arm.

I rolled my head from side to side. "Nope. We went to Port News, La Bella Italia for an early dinner, the harbor for a walk, the theater for a movie, and then he brought me home."

"And then what?"

She really wasn't taking the news well.

I felt a slight vibration in the bed as a humming sounded.

"Hold that thought," she commanded. "Hi Rosie! Okay. Yes, we're up in her room. The key's in the usual spot…I know, I know. Don't worry, we'll wait. See you soon."

I heard the tone of the phone when she ended the call. I still wasn't prepared to open my eyes. A part of me was hoping I was dreaming and none of it was real. I was really asleep and this was just practice for what was to come. Alice proved me wrong.

"Rose is on her way," she informed.

"No kidding," I deadpanned.

"Ooh! You really didn't get any sleep."

"No, I didn't Alice. I'm really tired and would rather just lay here and die in peace."

"Exaggerate much?"

"Alice, you are seriously—"

"I can hear you whores talking all the way down here! Shut it until I get up there and can get caught up!" Rosalie had obviously entered my house and was under the same delusions Alice was. We could hear her slowly making her way up the stairs. I counted each step, feeling my feet grow leaden as fatigue slowly crept over me.

I heard her familiar pace enter my room before I felt a sharp pain in my upper arm, causing me to yelp and open my eyes. I looked into Alice's smiling face which could only be compared to that of the Cheshire Cat.

"That's what you get," Alice chided. "You need to stay awake and give every last detail of your little tryst with Edward. Or was it a big one?" She giggled, and I groaned loudly, just wishing the day would end.

"I don't think he can beat Emmett for size," Rosalie chimed in.

"We could compare Jasper and Emmett if you—"

Rosalie interrupted her. "Please do not talk about my brother's dick. It is the last think I want to know about."

"Aww! Well fine, but I am sure we both want to know what happened with Belly and a certain someone else's…"

Both of them looked at me right then and smiled at the exact same time. "Are you kidding me?" I started. "You two really think that he'd be interested in me in that way?"

They turned, looked at each other, and then turned back to me with wide grins, nodding their heads like a couple of bobblehead dolls. In unison they stated with absolute certainty, "Yes."

"Gah! You're both delusional." I pulled my pillow back over my face in attempt to end the confrontation and pass back into sleep. Before I had a chance to relax, the pillow was pulled from my grasp.

"Not so fast, Belly. Why are you so tired if you and Edward didn't do the dirty deed?" Alice interrogated.

"Oh, so she's _that_ tired?" Rosalie asked, only adding to my frustration.

"Look. Edward and I talked. We devised a plan to solve my issues with Jacob and Mike. He was happy because he felt it would solve his problems as well. End of story." I tried to tug my pillow back from Alice, but quickly found it was a battle I was going to lose. I sat up, leaning back against my headboard. They were looking at me expectantly. I had as yet to answer their question, and they were not going to give me a moment's peace until I gave them all of the information.

I took a deep breath and readied myself for a lot of curious and confused stares, as well as even more questions, after I finished telling them about our Valentine's Day. I only hoped they would forget their original question about why I was so sleepy.

I told them everything from the wardrobe mistake in grabbing whatever was in the dresser, to Jake's visit, to Edward and I at the restaurant, and our waiter noticing my shirt and his innuendos-which Edward had called flirting. I told them about our talk at the harbor and Edward's insistence that we practice—for appearances' sake.

"So now, we're just going to play this out. If anyone asks you guys, please tell them we're together. The more people that think we are, the better. I won't have to worry about Mike constantly asking me out, and if I have to, I can tell Jake that I have a boyfriend." I looked up from my hands that I had been nervously picking at, hoping they wouldn't have any questions.

Rose was the first to speak. "So…you two are going to pretend that you're dating…but you'll be doing all the PDA bullshit?"

"Edward seems to think it's the easiest way to convince people. Actually, he made a good point. If we didn't put on a good show, no one would believe it. And you all know what a terrible liar I am."

Alice knocked another block from my pedestal. "Horrible, actually. Terrible implies there is hope for you."

"Why am I friends with you two? You both suck." In truth, I loved them dearly. I couldn't imagine my life without them in it.

"Because you love us. Your inadequacy in lying is why Emmett wants to teach you how to play Texas Hold 'Em. When we get older he wants to take you for every dime," Rose teased.

Alice had grown quiet and her brows were drawn together. Suddenly a smile shone on her face. "Oh, he's one smooth player," Alice sang.

"What?" I asked perplexed. "Who?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Gah! Edward, of course!"

"How do you mean?" I asked, still confused.

"Practice, Bella? Really?" Alice had her hands on her hips.

"How does him saying something that makes sense make him smooth?"

"I agree with Alice. There's no way he's doing it for any other reason." Rose had a grin spreading across her face so widely that it almost made her look like Barbie.

"Will one of you let me in on the joke please?" I didn't know what they were getting at, but I was beginning to get even more nervous about what Edward and I would be doing.

"Gah! Bella! I swear you are so naïve sometimes. He. Likes. You," Alice insisted.

"Of course he does. He insisted on the PDA," Rose added.

"You two are completely nuts."

For the next hour Alice and Rose sat on my bed going back and forth over everything that I had told them about Edward's responses and actions. I began to see things from their perspective. Edward Cullen actually liked me. If what they were saying was right, I may have inadvertently gotten myself a boyfriend. Albeit pretend, it had the potential to become real.

One could hope.

After they left, I found myself restless with a new found optimism. I cleaned the entire house from floor to ceiling, then cooked my father his favorite meal-steak, potatoes and corn on the cob. Too bad he was working that night.

Unfortunately, later that night, the same bad dreams that had kept me from sleeping the night before reappeared to torture me even more.

I was watching Edward play in a game, cheering him on, when the game halted and Jessica Stanley wandered out onto the field. She planted a firm kiss on his lips and he returned the favor. He had pulled back from her only to look at me and say, "We're through." He waved at me and turned himself and Jessica toward the parking lot and disappeared into a thick mist.

After that dream, it was Lauren Mallory—same dream with the same ending. The dreams seemed to line up, one after the other—Angela Weber, June Richardson, and Ashley Dowling. Later it was Rosalie, which was just absurd because she and Emmett were tighter than tight. Finally it was a blonde I could only see from the back. She had long, beautiful slender legs that seemed to stretch for miles. Her walk was slow, almost methodical in movement. Her kiss had lasted the longest, and I awoke in a cold sweat with the realization that Edward Cullen would never be mine.

{(QQ)}

My optimism was murdered by an unknown blonde in the middle of the night. I had a difficult time getting back to sleep and when my alarm went off all too soon, I'd slammed my hand down on it so many times, I'd lost count. When I finally looked at the clock, I had twenty-five minutes to get up, showered, dressed, and off to school. To say I was running late was an understatement.

I deserved a medal for how fast I had gotten ready. I had to forego breakfast, settling for a quick gulping down of the last of the orange juice.

I grabbed my backpack and keys from the living room and quickly made my way to the door to head off to school. I pulled the door open to find Edward with his hand raised to knock on my door.

"Hi," I said hesitantly. "Did I…what are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I thought it would help with our little charade."

I wondered what Alice and Rose would think about this and made a mental note to talk to them about it later.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"That is why I was heading out the door." I stepped out onto the porch, forcing Edward to take a step back. I pulled the door closed, locked it and turned to Edward. "Let's get moving. We have ten minutes to get to class."

He grinned, grasping my hand. "That's not a problem. I am an excellent driver. Especially at high speed."

"Let's not break any laws. My father is the police chief," I reminded him as he opened my car door.

When we got to the school, Edward walked me to my class, which seemed odd, but I decided it was more of the act for our new situation. He was standing at the door shuffling his feet like he was going to say something. I didn't want him to be late to class because of me, so I told him I'd see him later and went into first period.

As the hours passed, I noticed more and more people gaping at me, and I couldn't help but get increasingly nervous with every stare. I kept checking my clothes to make sure I didn't have a tear in places there shouldn't be. I had requested to go to the restroom a couple of times to make sure there was nothing in my hair or my teeth. I couldn't figure out what the hell people were staring at me for. A few times I would catch someone gawking and then whispers would be exchanged with the person sitting next to them. It was unnerving.

In Spanish, it was Jessica Stanley that made me the most nervous. She kept pointing at me and whispering to her desk partner. After class, as I was packing my bag, Jessica came to my desk.

"Someone started a rumor that you and that hottie Cullen are going out. Mike Newton even believes it and told me he'd heard it in one of his classes. I called him a liar because I don't think Eddie would go for a girl like you." I looked into her face and watched as she slowly looked down my body. "Definitely don't see the interest."

I reminded myself of what Alice and Rose had said. _"He likes you. There's no way he's doing all the PDA and doesn't feel something for you. What guy does that?"_

The dream of Jessica started to play in my mind, but I shoved it aside, shrugging. "That's your opinion, and honestly, it doesn't mean anything to me." I walked toward the door with Jessica following closely behind.

"There's no way he'd be with you. What could he possibly see in you?" she sneered.

I felt the familiar charge as arms wrapped around my waist and hot breath followed by lips, tickled my neck. I couldn't help but jump in surprise, but then the words uttered by his velvety soft voice made me close my eyes and smile. He felt so good. Safe.

"Hello, beautiful. Did you miss me?" He released me, and I felt a pang of regret for the immediate loss of his warmth.

I turned, wanting…no needing…to see his face. I needed the reassurance that he was real and that what we were doing, was as real as it could be. "Of course, I did." I hadn't realized how true that statement was until I'd spoke it aloud. I had felt a bit of emptiness on Sunday—and in the last few hours—that I had not expected. It was different from the times before. It was truly like a part of me was missing, but I was now whole in his presence. "Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Starving. And not just for food." He winked at me with that all too familiar smirk playing on his mouth, bringing to mind a certain nibbling I had longed to do at the restaurant.

I tried desperately to contain my smile and subsequent giggle, but he had done all this in front of Jessica which made me feel all the better. "Behave," I said, laying my hand on his chest before turning back to Jessica. I told her she had her answer and left before I did anything else. I hoped Edward was still willing to play along after that display.

He asked what had happened, and I gave him all the information I had.

Edward quickly let me know that he had been the one to tell Mike. As he spoke about what he'd said, the butterflies in my stomach fluttered in a swirl of happiness. He asked me if I minded and to be honest, I was relieved. I knew that no one would have believed me if I had tried to tell them. As all my friends so eloquently point out every time, I am a _horrible_ liar.

In a moment of mind-numbing glee, I leaned into Edward. I meant it to be a nudge, but I found myself glued to his side as we walked to our lunch table. The buzzing between us intensified and I began wishing for it to never end. I didn't want to pretend; I wanted it all to be real. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me because he wanted to, not because he had to out of some misguided obligation to protect me.

I could see myself getting lost in our act and trying to make it all real by telling him everything, but I knew that little nagging voice inside my head wouldn't fail to remind me of how very different people we were or that it all could go terribly wrong. I was me and Edward was… well, he was… Edward. All you had to do was look at the two of us and someone would think that he was either brave or stupid to be standing next to me. They'd assume that he was pulling a prank on the town's plainest girl in existence.

While we sat at our table Ali and Rose let me know that Edward and I were officially the day's gossip story. No one could figure out how we ended up together. That insinuation was not lost on me. I knew exactly what they meant. Jessica had made the point very apparent earlier. Forks's new star high school quarterback and the town klutz couldn't possibly be dating. They were as confused as I would have been if he had actually asked me out himself.

"_What does he see in her? He's athletic and she's just not."_

When we walked into Biology, I wanted to run to the library and hide. There in glaring white chalk on the newly cleaned blackboard were the words that had me begging for a beanie to pull down over my face to hide my embarrassment.

The Human Reproductive System  
and  
How You Use It

When I saw the charts on the reproductive organs lying on our table, I had to stop myself from sounding like that five year old in that old movie "Kindergarten Cop" that so proudly stated the knowledge he had acquired on this very subject. "Boys have a penis; girls have a vagina."

I had to have died and gone to Hell. There was no other explanation. Someone, somewhere, was trying to torture me through Mr. Banner. Edward and I had just decided to pretend to be into each other and were supposed to act like our hormones had us wanting to fondle each other and play tonsil hockey—not a hard task, mind you—but I had to sit at our table and talk about penises and vajayjays with Edward. Fuck. My. Life.

I spent the beginning of the period, using my hair as a veil between us. What brought me out of it was when Edward wrote "he was cold when he modeled for this" next to the guy's penis. I may have giggled. Okay, I giggled…loudly. Mr. Banner even looked up from his papers, clearing his throat, and raising a brow at me. I couldn't help it; it was funny. So…to add to the hilarity, I made sure that the woman had areolas around her nipples. It was only fair!

When we were through with the real labeling, we erased our humorous remarks, which we knew would be lost on anyone else, and handed the work in just as the bell rang.

Edward walked me to gym class and just before we got to the building, he grabbed my elbow, stopping me. "Bella, do you trust me?"

Had I not made that abundantly clear just by asking him to pretend to be mine? "Yes, why?"

He stepped closer. "Don't move."

Without another word he was kissing me hard on the lips. I didn't think; I just did. I kissed him back, grasping onto his arms and leaning forward. I wanted more. I needed more. Just as I was about to wrap my arms around his neck, he pulled back just an inch from my face.

"He's seen us kiss now, so he shouldn't doubt that we're together."

My mind was foggy. I felt unsteady. My knees felt like jelly so I gripped his arms slightly harder to keep from swaying. I licked my lips, slowly opening my eyes. "Who?"

"What's wrong?" he asked, sounding worried.

"S-s-sorry. I just…I…I just wasn't expecting…that. I mean, we decided no kissing, remember?"

"We did say if it was necessary or some sort of emergency, we'd work with it, right? Isn't Mike watching us a necessity?"

"Sure, but-" But what? But I want you to kiss me like that again? I deem it necessary every day…repeatedly? I just needed to tell him how I felt. This whole thing was ridiculous. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, the first bell rang.

"I'll meet you at the car after class so we can see about getting these fucking things off today," he called out as he ran off toward his next class.

{(QQ)}

I was still in a bit of a daze when I walked into the locker room. I gently ran my fingertips over my slightly swollen lips. I could still feel Edward's mouth…taste him on my tongue…feel his arms in my palms, but I could _not_ stop smiling.

Jessica Stanley's voice drew me out of my reverie. "This has to be, like, some kind of joke. I mean, like, really? Klutzella couldn't get a dog to follow her around, but she has Eddie Cullen? I don't think so."

I stopped at the locker aisle just before Jessica's, so that I could listen in unnoticed.

"He is, like, way too hot for her. I bet that big idiot, Emmett McCarty, asked Eddie to like do him a favor," she sneered.

"You're probably right," said another voice.

"I know I am. I, like, heard from a friend of one of the girls dating one of the other players that Emmett threatened to take my Eddie's head off if he, like, dumped Bella. How ridonk is that? I mean, like, really? She can't get her own date, so people have to threaten other people to, like, date her? Like, for real?"

Pain shot through my heart. It hurt. I backed up and hurriedly headed down another aisle that led to the restrooms. Was it true? Had Emmett made that threat? I knew we were pretending, but would Emmett have made him do all of it? Were our kisses even partially his idea, or was it all to keep Emmett off his ass?

I didn't want to think that Emmett would ask Edward to play me like that, let alone force him to, but I couldn't help but feel that some small part of it was true. I was hidden away in the restroom a while, because before I knew it, the bell to end the period rang out. I darted out of the gym locker room and nearly crashed into Edward.

He smiled, took my hand, and we silently walked to the parking lot. Everything Jessica had said was still repeating itself in my mind, and my self-doubt was beating a hammer against the bones of my chest to get to the glass that encased my heart.

We remained quiet the entire ride in the car. When we stopped, I pushed the door open and got out of the car, pulling my bag with me, thinking I was going to finally be able to cry it all out. When I looked up, I realized that we were at the hospital. I had completely forgotten that Edward and I were having our casts removed. I dropped my bag back into the car and walked toward the entrance.

Edward asked for his uncle, but an x-ray technician met us instead and took us back to have scans done. We were silent during the walk to the x-ray room, during the scans, and the escorted walk to Dr. Cullen's office.

I sank into one of the round, comfortably upholstered chairs and remained silent, running through different scenarios in my mind. Why Emmett would threaten Edward at all was beyond me. I knew he and Jasper were protective of me, but to threaten him to keep up with the charade was going too far.

Edward broke through my thought process. "Bella, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I couldn't look at him. I was afraid that if I did, I would burst into tears. It was all too real. After that kiss, I had been dazed with happiness. The feel of him against me, kissing me, tasting him… then to have it all explode into a mess of deceit and resignation…it was a lot to handle.

Edward knelt in front of me and asked what had happened in Gym, because when he'd dropped me off at class, things were good.

I let him know that nothing had happened in Gym. It wasn't a lie. I never technically entered the gym—just the locker room.

He caught my intent and asked what had happened before or after.

I insisted that I was fine and that nothing happened. I didn't want to be humiliated by him confirming what Jessica had said. I was still trying to decide how to talk to Emmett about the whole thing. Emmett was supposed to be my friend—my big brother—not someone who had to force someone else to date me!

I felt the sting at the bridge of my nose. My throat felt like it was closing, so I swallowed hard. My eyes began to water, so I turned my head and looked at the bookcase beside me so that Edward was out of my periphery.

His sudden gentle touch to my chin only made my tears fall unbidden.

I wanted to believe that he was being genuine. I wanted to believe that he cared for me in the way that I cared for him.

"Bella, I can't read minds. You're going to have to tell me—"

"Bella…Edward…are you two ready to have those things taken off?" Dr. Cullen's voice surprised us both causing us to jump. "My apologies, I didn't mean to frighten you both." He paused, but I couldn't bring myself to look up.

I turned my head and started wiping at my eyes. It was all so embarrassing. Not only had I cried in front of Edward—like a complete idiot—but I was crying in front of his family. It wasn't that Dr. Cullen hadn't seen me cry before—he had multiple times—it was that I was crying over his nephew.

"Do you two need a moment?" Dr. Cullen asked, concerned.

"No."

"Yes."

Edward and I spoke at the same time. I didn't want more time. I wanted to get this over with and go home so that I could cry it out in private. I didn't want to humiliate myself any more than I already had. I stood up a little too quickly, almost falling back into the chair, but Edward grasped a hold of my arms quickly. The heat of his touch instantly seared into the skin below his fingers.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

"I'm fine. I'll go first, Dr. Cullen," I insisted, rushing toward the door.

"Bella, can we—" Edward began.

"I'll see you when I'm done, Edward." I walked past Dr. Cullen and out into the hall, pausing to wait for him.

I heard hushed speaking begin, but tuned it out and moved further down the hall to avoid eavesdropping. No doubt it was a family discussion about dinner or something.

"Well, Bella, what is this one? The twelfth since I've known you?" Dr. Cullen teased, walking up to me.

I gave him a meek smile. "At least. I've lost count, to be honest. I have a doctor with a file a foot thick to keep track of that for me."

He laughed heartily. "I believe it very well may be a foot thick. Oddly enough, Sara does complain of back aches when I ask her to retrieve your file."

"Har har. Tell Sara she can keep my file in your office since I am in so often."

He chuckled lightly, ushering me into a room. "That's not a bad idea." It was already set up with a little circular saw and various other instruments, readied to remove yet another cast from Bella Swan.

The entire time he was removing my cast, our conversation flowed easily and light-heartedly. He had made me momentarily forget about what I had been so concerned with.

By the time he had cut my cast into two, I was laughing and joking around with him. When I looked down at the pieces, I noticed Edward's sketch and a question came to mind.

"Doctor Cullen?"

"Yes, Bella?" He stopped what he was doing and looked directly into my face. While most times it made me nervous to have an adult look at me that way, it no longer bothered me where Dr. Cullen was concerned. I now knew him both professionally and personally, putting me more at ease.

"Can I ask you a question about Edward?" _I can do this, I can do this, I can do this._

"You may…with the understanding that I do not have to answer. I may instead refer you to my nephew," he responded.

"Understood." He was only being fair. "Does Edward…what I mean is…did Edward ever have a serious girlfriend in Chicago?"

"Edward hasn't told you?" He continued examining my arm, twisting it back and forth, without changing his expression or looking at me.

"He keeps changing the subject."

"Ah, I see. Then I'm afraid I must refer you back to Edward." He rested my arm on the small table between us. "I'm sure he would tell you if you asked him directly." He patted my shoulder. "Now, do you have any questions? Or do you remember the regimen for aftercare?"

"I remember. How much physical therapy this time?"

Dr. Cullen walked me through a schedule he wanted me to follow with the therapist and recommended that I be extra careful in lifting since I hadn't lifted anything unassisted in the last six weeks. After we scheduled my first appointment, we walked back to his office where Edward had been waiting.

When we entered, Edward was sitting behind Dr. Cullen's desk with his feet up, reading the biology textbook. He quickly dropped his feet to the floor and moved from behind the desk.

"Making yourself comfortable, I see."

"Uh…yeah. Sorry, Uncle C. You took longer than I thought."

Dr. Cullen hummed. "Yes, well, I was being extra careful _this_ time."

Something seemed off somehow, and I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Shall we?" Dr. Cullen motioned for Edward to enter the hallway. "We'll return soon, Bella. Please, make yourself comfortable." He winked at me and then turned to follow Edward out the door.

Fifteen Trig problems and half an hour later, a laughing Dr. Cullen and Edward returned to the office. Hearing their laughter somehow made me uneasy and brought my earlier hopeless feelings forth, breaking the waves of the thickening air.

"You ready to go, Bella?" Edward asked enthusiastically.

He couldn't wait to be rid of me, and I couldn't wait to go home and soak my pillow with the frustrated well of tears waiting to be freed from the dam of my eyelids. I suddenly felt sick and wanted to crawl into a fetal position, burying myself deep into the comforting cushioned womb of my bed.

A list of questions were forming a line in my mind.

_Do I confront Emmett?  
Do I talk to Rosalie?  
Should I ask Edward if what Jessica had said was true?  
Do I tell Edward how I really feel about him?  
Does Edward still have a girlfriend in Chicago and that's why he doesn't want to date anyone here?_

Only one question could be answered with a "yes," and it wasn't the one I wanted.

{(QQ)}

**A/N: Thank you to my forever-understanding readers. Your patience with me and love for my kids, amazes me. I am sorry that I have been away for so long. It was somewhat unavoidable between husband, car accidents, Mother Nature wreaking havoc on my house, house repairs, insurance agents, and multiple phone conversations with various contractors. Bless you all for hanging in there. The work is still ongoing. I hope it is all over **_**before**_** the end of the year. **

**My dearest wifey, mpg and I_luv_Spunk, thank you for being there for me when I needed a shoulder…and for the ass-kicking. You two have been overly patient. Love and kisses to you forever.**

**My beautiful betas, Tiffanyanne3ff and Carabeth, thank you for always making time for me and my kids. **


	18. Chapter 17: Hanging in the Boys' Room

**Disclaimer:All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected.**

**Enjoy some EPOV!**

**{(QQ)}**

**Chapter 17: Hanging in the Boys' Room**

She still had that same weepy look on her face from the day before. I instantly regretted that I hadn't asked her to come to dinner with my folks and me after we'd had our casts removed. We'd talked in the car on the way to her house—more like I'd talked and Bella had barely said a word—and I'd been so sure she'd gotten over whatever bullshit had happened during her gym class. Without completely giving up my feelings for her, I'd tried to reassure her as best as I could. If I'd learned anything from previous experience with Bella, it was that I needed to take things slow and be gentle or she would bolt. Only thing was, I didn't know how I could be gentle and still get the hard answers I needed. How was I supposed to get her to realize that she was worth _my_ time and _my_ effort without telling her that I wanted…no...needed her?

_She needs to hear you want her now. Suck it up and just tell her! If she runs, chase her!_

I couldn't tell her, at least not yet, and I didn't have enough time before the first bell rang to get her out of her funk. Everyone walking by in the hall and her worry about them hearing what we were talking about would have been too distracting for her.

I made a split second decision, reached into the Volvo's glove compartment, and grabbed a fresh pack of smokes. I knew she'd probably resist my idea, but I had to at least try. I glanced around, making sure there were enough people around to warrant what I was about to do. I made my way across the lot, walked right up to her, and lightly cradled her face between my palms.

She gasped and stiffened at first, probably shocked that I'd touched her in that way. It was new, but every touch was going to be for a while.

I felt her relax as she exhaled and closed her eyes, gently leaning into my hands. A crazy feeling bubbled up inside of my stomach as I lightly traced her jawline with my thumb. It took everything in me not to caress her lips in some way. She was making it impossible to resist the urge to take her.

My heart was thrumming wildly, and I was beginning to lose focus, but I had just enough brainpower to make a mental picture and file it away for safekeeping. I needed to see her like that again. Hope that she'd have that same look on her face when I finally told her how much I wanted her with me, settled into my heart.

The beating in my chest was getting heavier, like my heart was trying to break out. Part of the reason for the excitement was that I now knew that I had the same effect on her that she had on me. If I was having a rough day, I knew that I could count on a small touch from her to instantly relax me. Her ease gave me the courage to pull her face as close to mine as I dared to without smothering her mouth with mine, but damn I wanted to kiss her. Every part of me was on fire with a need to take her worries away and see that beautiful smile that seemed to come so naturally. Leaving this place far behind us and never coming back until we'd told each other everything would have been ideal…and completely unrealistic.

I knew that if I was ever lucky enough to study every square inch of her skin as well as I'd explored her mind, I'd be happy for the rest of my life. I knew that all my imaginings of her body would never be enough to satisfy me. Seeing Bella's body in the real world would be all I'd need-I would probably blow my wad the first time—that and touching every square inch of her so that she'd know how much I wanted her. Well there's no fucking sense in lying about it; I wanted her that fucking bad.

"You're coming with me. No arguments," I insisted, speaking softly.

She slowly opened her eyes, searched mine as if she needed an answer to an unasked question, and nodded as much as she could with the hold I had on her.

It took me a minute too long to remove my hands from their place, because I couldn't connect them with my brain. Every millimeter of electrified skin knew what my drying lips wanted—her moist mouth pressed up against mine. My mind knew it was wrong and was warring with the rest of my body for control. It wasn't like it would have been the wrong thing to do in other peoples' eyes. We _were_ in the parking lot, and we _were_ trying to make them believe that we were actually dating.

I could see our faces getting nearer; my body was winning the battle. "Let's go," I whispered, forcing my body to relent. Instead I reluctantly took her hand, brushing my lips against her cool skin before pulling her along behind me.

When I made the turn to steer us toward the football field, I felt Bella tug back a little. I immediately stopped and turned to face her so that she knew she had my full attention. In truth, I wanted to see her face. I needed to know that she was still with me—mind and body—and that I hadn't imagined the feel of her hand in mine.

"E, where are we going?" She bit down on her lip, and I scrambled to think of anything I could to get my mind off her mouth.

_Baseball…Third base! Shit! Not good._

_Football…cheerleaders…short skirts…don't go there, Cullen!_

_Fucking focus on what will kill the hard-on! Think…Chicago…Tanya…Tanya's tits…they were some fuckawesome tits. Okay, wrong direction._

_Grandma…Grandpa…walking in on Grandma and Grandpa last Christmas…Yep! That'll do it!_

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked playfully, resetting my mind and trying to clear the image that was now disturbingly playing on repeat for the hundredth fucking time.

She stood on her toes and peered over my shoulder, craning her neck. "No…not entirely," she said hesitantly, rocking back on her heels.

I didn't want to come across as overbearing, but I really needed her to just fucking go with it. "Well, since I said no argument, it doesn't really matter does it?" I gave her a playful wink as I squeezed her hand, hoping that I hadn't sounded too demanding. She had to go with me. She needed a break from those bitches and all their bullshit. Even though I didn't know what all had happened, I knew she still had the rest of the week to get through. If I could set us right before she started classes, I wouldn't have to worry about her while she was away from me for most of the day. Too much.

She shrugged and sighed, shaking her head. "I guess not…but we need to hurry."

I chose to ignore her time concern for the moment and turned back, continuing our walk toward the boys' restroom under the football field bleachers. I had noticed just last week that they were always left unlocked but never used outside of games or meets. They would be the perfect hiding place with no distractions. When we reached the small building, I pushed the boys' room door open and motioned for her to walk in ahead of me. "Ladies first."

"I can't go in there!" she exclaimed repugnantly.

"Why not?"

"It's a _boys'_ restroom, Edward," she grimaced, stating the obvious.

"I know that, Bella, but no one uses it. We're just gonna hang out for a while."

"In there? Do we have to? Why can't we go in the girls' room?" she asked, looking past me and wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"It's locked." I didn't know that for sure, but I sure as shit was not going to go into a chick's restroom. Who the fuck knew what was in that place? "Would you rather go to class and listen to a bunch of gossip?" It was weak, but I hoped it'd work.

"You expect me to cut class? E, I don't think I—"

"Yes you can. It's one period, Bella, and it's not like you're failing any of your classes. Are you even getting any grade below a B?"

"Well, no, but Edward I seriously—"

I pulled out my pack and pounded a stick loose. I placed it between my lips, then pulled my lighter out and walked into the space, allowing the door to swing closed behind me.

"What are you doing?" she asked, following me in.

How I succeeded in not grinning like an idiot, I'll never know. She'd followed me in out of curiosity or a strong desire to be with me—either way, I didn't give a shit. She was there and that's all that mattered.

"I'm lighting a cigarette, Bella. Do you need a play by play?" I quirked my brow as I lit the end, inhaling and relishing the slight burn at the back of my throat. The familiar fragrant tickle slithered its way through my sinuses, burning a mild trail as it moved. I felt my nerves relax slightly as my lungs filled with the tinge of tobacco smoke.

"That stuff can kill you, you know."

"So I hear. " I blew the smoke out and tried to judge her thoughts based on her expression. She was staring at the pack in my hands, and I thought for a minute that she might want to try it. "You want one?" I offered and knocked a stick up from the pack, holding it out to her.

She looked at it for a moment while biting her fucking lip—_why'd she have to do that shit all the fucking time?—_slowly raising her arm as if to take it. Her fingers hovered over the cig before she quickly pulled her hand back and tightened her lips. "With my luck, I'd set myself on fire."

I couldn't stop the laugh. She had a point. If she didn't set herself on fire, the building was bound to go up in flames. My girl wasn't exactly coordinated.

_My girl._

I was finally able to say the words aloud. I could call her my girl without letting everyone know just how badly I'd fallen for her; but I guess the idea was to make them think that I had… so what the fuck. Of course people outside of our group and families had to be around…but whenever I wanted to, I could tell any of these fuckers at the school that she was mine.

"What happened between the time I dropped you off last night and when you got here this morning?" I didn't think it was possible for Jessica Stanley to have Bella's phone number and be stupid enough to call her, but what the fuck did I know. Maybe she'd called to add to whatever fucked up mess she started at the gym. I hated not knowing the shit she'd said to make Bella so upset, but I'd guessed she tried to make Bella feel like less than she was. My girl was fucking perfect, and that bitch knew it.

"I don't know what you mean." Her eyes were darting around the tile nervously. She looked like she was afraid something would jump out at her at any minute, grab her and drag her into a dark sewer.

_Grabbing her isn't a bad idea. Taking her to a dark place isn't too bad a thought either. It could be considered more practice, couldn't it?_

"When I dropped you off last night, you seemed okay after we talked about Jessica being a bitch to you in Gym. What the fuck happened?"

"Nothing, Edward. I just… I'm tired. I didn't sleep well." She walked over to the sinks on the wall and hopped up on one, allowing her legs to dangle over the edge. She stared down at them and slowly began to run her hands down to her bent knees and back up to the tops of her thighs.

I was fucking mesmerized. The sudden feeling of an uncomfortable situation just below the belt had me needing to adjust my stance. I leaned back against the wall and discreetly shifted my junk by pretending to dig something out of my pocket. It felt like my dick was trying to cut a hole through my jeans—in Bella's direction. He certainly knew what he wanted, and he wasn't afraid to express himself. I couldn't be that open yet, at least not as open as he wanted me to be.

I knew I needed to keep my distance, but all I wanted to do was walk over, stand between her thighs, take her face in my hands, and kiss the fuck out of her. If that didn't break her out of this shit, then I didn't know what would have…but I would've had a lot of fucking fun trying.

"This whole thing…with you and me…it's just getting really complicated," she said flatly, causing my nerves to spring and stab painful sparks into my ribs.

I felt my chest tighten, my throat constricted, and I felt like I was going to choke.

_Fucking hell! What the fuck did they say to her?_

"Bella, it's only been two days. Things will get easier. You just have to give it some time." Time. I felt like I was running out of it and needed to get some answers before she ran again. "Are you going to tell me what the fuck happened in Gym?" I needed to know this shit. I couldn't fight whatever the fuck was bothering her if I didn't know what the hell I was up against. The whole fucking thing was starting to piss me off, and it was getting hard to control my anger, but I didn't want Bella thinking I was mad at her.

"Nothing happened _in_ Gym. No one said anything to me _during_ class." She sighed heavily and started messing with her hands. Her hair fell off her shoulder, and I lost sight of her face, only adding to my aggravation.

"Then what the fuck happened, Bella? I can't read your mind and this is bullshit! You know Jessica and her friends are no good. They're a bunch of gossiping, whiny bitches that don't have anything better to do than sit on their asses and talk about other people to make themselves fucking feel better." I realized I was waving my hands in the space in front of me as I spoke and quickly busied myself by placing my cigarette loosely between my lips and running my zipper up and down on my leather jacket.

"I know." She sounded like she was going to cry, so I tried scrambling through my brain for something to say to calm us both the fuck down.

I walked to the stall opposite Bella and leaned against the outer wall. I took a long drag on my cigarette before I spoke again. "Look, I'm sorry I snapped, but you have to know that they'd say anything to upset you. You can't let them do this shit to you, Bella."

She started nodding her head as I watched her mouth twist over and over again. I could tell she was chewing on the inside of her lip nervously. Her mind was working something out, and I really wanted her to tell me what the fuck was going on.

"Just tell me what the fuck they said," I demanded, exasperatedly.

I watched her chest rise as she took in a lungful of air; then as she released it, her shoulders fell. "They didn't really say anything _to_ me. I never actually made it to class. I heard my name and sort of…eavesdropped on Jessica's conversation." She grew quiet again, fumbling with the end of her hoodie sleeve.

I didn't know where all my patience had come from before, but I'd lost it when she said that nothing had happened in class. "And?"

"Gah! This is stupid! I don't want to talk about it." Her mouth formed a pout and for some reason it made me so fucking mad that I lost it.

"If it's stupid then why the fuck is it bothering you so fucking much? Just fucking let it go, Bella! You shouldn't be so upset over some dumbass bitch talking a bunch of bullshit." I stomped the cigarette butt out and began pacing the floor. "If it's bothering you so much, then it had to be something bad about you. You know she's just fucking jealous of you and has to talk shit." I spun around, hearing a snort come from Bella's direction. "What?" I would have been sorry for the outburst if I wasn't so pissed off.

"Jessica Stanley is _not_ jealous of _me_. That is completely absurd."

"Why's that?"

"You're kidding, right? Look at her, Edward! Hell, forget her and look at you, and _then_ look at me. I'm as plain and ordinary as it gets. She's girly, bubbly and…primped. Guys like her and her type…a lot. I'm just…I'm not like her."

She couldn't be serious; we were back to this shit again. She was more beautiful than Jessica ever could be. All that makeup wasn't pretty, it was fake, tasted horrible, and got all over my fucking clothes. Okay, so that was what I had in Tanya before, and I didn't care then, but since meeting Bella, I'd learned there was more. I wanted the more. I wanted the girl that made my head spin when she talked and made me want to drop to my knees and beg her to spend just a few minutes with me. I wanted Bella.

"Thank fuck for that. Bella, look—"

"I don't want your pity, E. I know how guys think…it's so obvious. They hang all over girls like Jessica and Lauren. I'm nobody." She slid off the sink and grabbed her bag. "I need to get to second period."

"Bella, wait." I couldn't get my mind to work with my mouth and say what needed to be said. _Why is this so fucking hard? _"You don't honestly believe that guys don't want you, do you?"

"Yes."

I went with the only thing I could think of. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to use, but I had to get her to see without making her want to run away from _me_. "What about Mike Newton? Or…or your friend Jacob?" _You suck. Bring up the only two guys in Forks that you are absolutely fucking sure she doesn't want to fucking date._

"Mike Newton is an idiot that doesn't know his head from his ass, and Jacob Black just wants off the Rez." Her face twisted like she'd just gotten a bad taste in her mouth. "If it's that much of an issue, we can just drop the whole thing. Look, I'll talk to you later." She made the short walk to the door and was gone before I could say anything more.

"Fuck!" The word boomed, bouncing from tile to tile, echoing my frustration. I grasped the sides of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. "Where the fuck did your balls go, Cullen? Why is it they disappear whenever she's around? Find your fucking balls and just fucking _tell_ her." I wanted to punch myself in the face for being such a fucking idiot. If it weren't for Bella, I would have jumped in my car and drove off, heading for anywhere but there, but I couldn't be that far away from her. I wanted to be around if she needed me again, and I needed to hold her at lunch—to feel her in my arms. Out in the open, with other people around, I could touch her and no one would be the wiser. I could try to make her feel what I wanted her to, just by doing the whole boyfriend thing. Real or not.

{(QQ)}

Thankfully, second period became a study hour, and I took the time to calm down. A part of me was worried that she didn't want to go on with the charade anymore. Until I could figure out how to explain my feelings for her, I needed our act to continue. I was enjoying her body pressed against mine too fucking much. I couldn't get enough of feeling her lips or skin on my mouth. The last couple of days, her scent had still been on my clothes when I'd gotten ready for bed each night, and I liked it a hell of a lot more than I thought I ever could. I needed it. All of it.

I met Bella after second period and walked her to Mr. Varner's Trig class, where I knew Jessica would be. She needed my help with that bitch in whatever way I could. Bella started to walk into the room, and I grabbed a hold of her hand, pulling her back out into the hall. I stepped to the side, and she did the same. I moved closer, forcing her to lean back against the wall to gain some space. Leaning closely to her neck, I whispered words that I hoped would bring her some comfort.

"She will not win this, Bella. You _are_ beautiful and no one is going to tell me different. I know you have fight in you. So fight." I planted a gentle kiss on her neck just as the first bell rang. I didn't say another word as I straightened up, turned and ran out of the building toward Mr. Mason's classroom and his exam on Faulkner's works.

I knew the answers and completed my test with twenty minutes remaining in the class period. I decided to take the time to think. The only way to be left alone was to put my head down so that I could ignore any fucker that tried to talk to me. Bella's scent was on the sleeve that I laid my head upon and it helped to relax me.

"_Edward."_

_I could hear her, but I couldn't see her. There were trees and a dense fog, but no Bella._

"_Edward, save me."_

_I blindly began to run toward her voice. She'd said to save her, but save her from what?_

"_Edward?"_

_The earth beneath me began to pitch, and I felt unsteady._

"_Edward!"_

I looked around the room, blinking furiously to clear my vision and my mind. "What the -"

"Dude, you were passed out!" Tyler Crowley's hand was still on my shoulder.

I stared at it until he removed it.

"Sorry man, but I didn't think you wanted to stay here and take the test again." He left without another word while I grabbed my bag from the floor.

I hurried out of third period, and decided to wait outside class for Bella to walk by on her way to Spanish. She approached me without any gestured request from me. As soon as she got to me, she immediately looked down at her feet, swaying slightly.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me, turned my face into her hair, and took a deep breath. The strength of her vanilla and strawberry scent calmed my nerves a bit.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, not ready to let her go just yet. I didn't care that I had a class to get to. I would stand outside every door to any room that she was in if I had to.

I felt her nod and exhale before she began to pull away. Letting go of her was hard, but I knew that if I didn't we'd both be late for our next class.

"Thank you." She smiled and then walked away from me.

I stood there and watched her weave through the crowd of classmates as she made her way down the hall. The feeling of loss I felt was fucking ridiculous, because I knew I'd see her in another hour, but my body didn't care what my mind thought. My arms had lost their source of warmth and they wanted her back.

Fourth hour was a complete waste of time. Clapp had us running around the court like a bunch of apes. I hated basketball. I wanted to be outside playing baseball, but there were reports of a big thunderstorm coming through. Who the fuck gave a shit? I had played baseball in the Chicago snow on a field covered in white, and all these pansy-ass fuckers were afraid of getting their clothes wet.

_Newsflash assholes! It rains in Washington State!_

Coach called the game to an end just in time. I was about to beat Newton for hogging the damn ball for the twentieth fucking time. He was captain of the basketball team, and it was no wonder those fuckers couldn't win anything. Newton didn't know how to pass the ball. Son of bitch traveled half the time anyway. Newton's dad had to have Coach by the short hairs, because that shit shouldn't have been allowed.

I ran to the showers and changed out quickly, not bothering to take the time to towel dry my hair. I wanted to get to Bella and walk with her to the lunchroom. The sooner I could get her in my arms, the better.

I ran back toward building three so that I could be outside Mrs. Goff's door when Bella exited the room. I knew she'd had to spend a second hour in a row with that Stanley bitch, so I was a little worried. She had been fine after the first hour, but who knew what could happen when that bitch was given a second chance so soon.

Everyone but Bella had exited the room, and I felt sick. I went to the door and looked in. Bella was picking her bag up off the floor; books were scattered around her on the floor.

"Bella? What happened?"

"Edward? What are you doing here?"

"Picking you up for lunch." I walked up to her, knelt and started helping her gather her things. "So, what happened?" I was trying to be calm, but if that bitch Stanley had done anything, I was going to lose it.

"I tripped, but what else is new?" She rolled her eyes and shook her head, and I knew my Bella had made this mess on her own.

My perfectly uncoordinated Bella.

"Well, you were due for a big spill. Did you hurt anything this time?"

"How about my pride for about the zillionth time? Does it count?"

"Only if you want it to." I shrugged, rising from the floor with books and papers neatly stacked in my arms. "Why don't you let me carry this thing for you so that you don't trip again."

"Hardy har-har, Cullen. Get over yourself and give me my stuff."

"Are you sure you can handle it?" I teased.

"Do you want to keep your feet in working order?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" I couldn't get her meaning. That is until she raised her foot, causing me to take a step back. "You got it." I held the stack out to her so that she could put it all away.

We left the room with my arm stretched around her back so that my hand could rest on her right hip. We easily fell in step together, making our way to the cafeteria.

I spent the better part of our lunch hour clinging to Bella. I probably overdid the whole boyfriend act, but I was happy that we were over all the bullshit from the day before. All the anger I had felt this morning had gone, and we were able to relax and enjoy just being around each other. By the time I looked up to ask Emmett and Jasper about baseball, they were long gone. I hadn't even realized they'd left, and to be honest, I didn't care. I had been so lost in Bella's conversation with the girls, and then ours, that I'd lost all track of my surroundings.

The bell rang, signaling the beginning of fifth period, and I grabbed Bella's bag before she could move to get it. She simply smiled, not saying a word and wrapped her arm in mine. We walked like that toward Banner's room, and I couldn't help thinking that she was finally going to be mine...soon.

Just before we got to Biology, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and stole a glance at it. It was a text from Emmett.

_**Just admit it, fucker. You aren't acting. You got it bad. Later**_

I debated on whether or not to text him back and quickly decided that if I didn't, he'd probably open his damn mouth in front of Bella.

_**Fuck off, Meathead. It's an act, remember?**_

He replied just as Banner started class.

_**Whatever, asshole.**_

He and I both knew that he knew more than I wanted him to, but if he didn't care that I had feelings for Bella, it only made things easier for us. If he wasn't against it, then I knew Jasper wouldn't be either. If I had those two on my side, they could help me convince the girls that I was good for Bella. Everything would work out.

{(QQ)}

The weeks were flying by and before we knew it, spring break was only a couple of weeks away, which meant the summer wasn't far behind. Mom had just brought up summer break the day before.

"Edward, what would you like to do this summer? Should we go college hopping? Is there anything you'd like to do before you graduate? A big trip of sorts?"

"I haven't really thought about it, Mom."

"What?" She placed her hands on her hips, raised a brow, and then spoke again. "Where is my son, Edward Cullen, and what have you done with him?"

"Aw, cut it out Mom. I just haven't thought about it much. I've been too busy."

"Busy with what?" she asked, a slight smirk threatened the appearance of a larger grin.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Just busy."

"Busy with our Bella? Have you been behaving like the gentlemanly boyfriend I have raised you to be?"

"Mom, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Well, you could have fooled me, young man. Besides, Shelly tells me that you and Bella are awfully handsy at school." She winked and her grin grew impressively wider.

I had forgotten about Mrs. Cope when we'd started our little charade. We'd been at it for so long , that I'd thought if Mom had known anything at all, she would have said something way before then.

"It's no big deal. We're just friends." I stared down at my phone and started scrolling through the menu with no real intention of doing anything on it.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really. What's the big deal? You know Bella and I are good friends, Mom."

"Is that what they call two people who steal kisses in the hall?" she asked with a slight lilt to her voice.

"Who says we're kissing?" I felt a blush creeping over my face. My ears were suddenly hot, and I knew she was going to catch my evasiveness. I imagined this was how Bella felt every single time she blushed, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Well if the smile on your face isn't evidence enough..." She let the statement fall, and I went about pretending to scroll through my phone. "Well, you're certainly welcome to invite Bella along."

I jerked my head up to look at my mother's face. "Are you serious?"

"Edward, when have you known me to make a statement without meaning what I've said?"

My moment of hope dwindled, realizing that Bella wouldn't be able to afford anything I would want to do. "She wouldn't go. She can't afford to go anywhere. She said she's probably going to work this summer anyway."

"Why would she need to afford anything? We've taken James with us in the past and never asked a dime of his parents, and goodness knows they have more money than we do."

After that Mom tried everything she could to find out about my "new" relationship with Bella. I kept telling her that Mrs. Cope was probably just as hopeful as Mom was and probably saw what she wanted to see. I finally convinced her that there was no reason to believe any of it, and we talked about all the possibilities the summer held. The only thing that was left to do was to talk to Bella about what to do.

{(QQ)}

Bella and I were sitting at the kitchen island, studying side by side. I had been glancing at her for an hour, trying to work out a new plan in my head, before I finally gave up on my homework. I decided to try and talk to her again about the summer.

At lunch, she'd quickly said no before I could tell her that Mom and Dad didn't want her paying for anything. Then, on the ride to my house, I'd brought up the whole idea again and told her she didn't need to worry about paying for anything she didn't want to. She'd said she couldn't allow it, because she wasn't a member of my family. Apparently my family had no business paying for someone they'd just met months ago, to go on an extended trip where they may have to entertain that same person.

I swiveled in my stool to face her, leaned over, and grabbed her hands in mine. "Just because you aren't blood related, doesn't mean my family doesn't still think of you as a part of us, and it doesn't make them love you any less, Bella." I squeezed her hands gently. "Hey, look at me." I waited for her to turn and look into my eyes before I continued. I couldn't understand why she was so apprehensive about spending so much time with my family this summer. "You spend a lot of time over here. Hell, Mom says you're the daughter she knew she'd always wanted." I knew that wasn't a fucking lie, because she 'd taken me shopping way too fucking much. Since I was the only child, I had to be both daughter and son. And this body is not a body to wear a fucking dress, let alone go shopping for one. "She wouldn't give a shit if you came over when I wasn't here! Bells, don't you see, this summer is going to be so much fun. I know everyone else is going to be gone for like two weeks, so let's take a trip. My family will keep you so busy that you'll forget about things for a while."

She let out a mild groan, and I had to lean over, placing my elbows on my knees to cover the fact that my dick was trying to make its escape out my buttoned hatch.

"I know, E. I love your mom and Esme. They've taught me so much about cooking and it's been fun, but-"

I had to stop her. I knew what she was doing. She'd been hinting at this since she found out that the others were going on a trip together. She just didn't know that Mom and Dad had offered to pay for us to go, but I had declined. I wanted some alone time with Bella and declining the trip was definitely the way to get it.

"No buts, Bella. You will always be a part of my life. Look… we're friends, right?" My heart leapt into my throat when I saw her drop her head and look at her feet.

She gave a minute nod, and I was slightly sated but worried as fuck that she didn't want to be my friend or fake girlfriend anymore.

"Fuck, Bella! We are, aren't we?"

"Yes." She said it so softly, the word barely registered. She tugged her hands out of my grasp and the fear that had been developing rose to the surface.

"Bella, what the fuck? Are we friends or aren't we? Because the way you are acting right now… what the fuck did I do?" I instantly felt like an ass when I saw a tear drop fall onto her jeans. I felt infinitely worse when another followed and then another.

She started shaking her head and then took a deep breath, wiping the tears from her eyes. She turned in her stool to face the island and started packing her shit. This girl was driving me insane!

What the fuck could I do? I'd spent all these months building a friendship with a girl that I'd wanted to be _my_ girl. We'd gone as far as to pretend to be a couple. The realization that she may not want me at all hit me hard, and I was instantly angry. I placed my hands over her arm to stop her and she stilled. I saw tears had fallen onto the island and onto her backpack in front of her. I didn't understand why she was fucking crying. I was the one that should have been crying, because she didn't fucking want me! All this time, I had been pining for her and _she_ didn't fucking want _me_!

Leaning in and placing my forehead against the side of her head, I took a deep breath to calm myself. She smelled of her usual strawberries and vanilla, and I wanted to devour her. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and she turned into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest. Whatever was going on, I knew we were friends at the least. She wouldn't hold me like that if we weren't. I could still work from that. "Bella? Please, just tell me what's going on."

"E, I… I can't." She hugged me tighter and pressed her face harder into my sternum.

"Bella, come on, beautiful." I removed one arm from around her to lift her chin to me. "You know you can tell me. It's just me and you, and we tell each other everything." "You're right. We do." She let out a long breath as she leaned back on her stool, causing me to release her. "Edward, I…"

"Hi kids!"

_Son of a bitch!_ Without fail, Dad had the worst fucking timing every time something important was happening. He'd even interrupted a few shower sessions in the last couple of weeks.

"How is the studying coming?" he asked, grabbing a glass from the cabinet.

"Bella's a real slave driver, Dad. I don't think I've ever studied this hard." I winked at her, but noticed she wasn't smiling at all.

"Bella, we should have you here more than just a few hours a week. If you are able to get him study, we need you here as much as possible. He's a tough one to get to sit still...except when you're here, that is."

She looked up and gave my father a passive smile. "He just has to want it, Mr. Cullen. E can do whatever he wants if he sets his mind to it."

"That's what Lizzie and I keep telling him! And Bella, I've told you before… please call me Ed."

"Yes sir. Uhm, I better get going. I need to fix dinner for Dad, and I promised Alice I would help her with… an essay." I knew she was lying, but couldn't figure out why. If Alice had an essay to write, we all would have had one, because we all had the same fucking classes. I would have called her out on it, but didn't want to do that in front of my dad.

"Okay, well you don't be a stranger. You are welcome here any time… even if Edward isn't here." Dad gave her a playful wink.

I nudged her arm, hoping to lighten her mood. "You see what I mean, Bella? Even my father wants you here when I'm not around!"

She giggled, which made my worry a little lighter. "I will keep that in mind, Mister… Ed. Thank you for the invitation." She smiled, grabbing her bag and tossing it onto her back.

"I'll walk you out." I started to follow behind her, but she spun around to face me.

"No. You don't need to. I know the way. Spend some time with your dad, and I will see you in the morning." She gently patted my arm and gave me a small smile.

I furrowed my brow, unsure of whether or not I wanted the day to end like that.

"Edward, I need your help trying to figure out how to hook my new iPod into the stereo in my office."

I was facing Bella and rolled my eyes so only she could see. The sound of her giggle mixed with the smile on her face was enough for me in that moment. My Bella and I were going to be alright.

{(QQ)}

Spring break arrived and I was in a pissy mood. I'd been trying to convince Bella to change her plans and take a trip with me instead. Mom and Dad had decided at the last minute to go to Chicago and visit with some old friends. They wanted me to go along, but I wasn't looking forward to seeing anyone. I wanted to stay with Bella.

"I can't, E. I promised Dad I would go fishing with him, Jake, and Billy. We do it every Easter weekend, so it's kind of our thing." I fucking hated her spending time with that prick. Every time I saw him at the school for various games, I'd wanted a teacher to kick him off campus. Jacob Black looked enough like a little thug so it wouldn't have been without reason. I had to admit the kid had filled out a lot since the first time I'd seen him last year.

I only hoped Bella wasn't into beefy guys like Emmett. It wasn't like I was weak or anything; I had a solid build, but I was nothing like Meathead or what that kid was turning into.

"Yeah, I get it, Bella. I'm still the new kid and need to learn what everyone else around here does." I sounded like a pathetic pussy.

"I'm sorry, E. Maybe we could do something when you get back. Maybe try to go to the meadow again...without the grumpy-ass version of yourself. We could hang out for a bit then, right?" She was rubbing my arm and it felt so fucking good.

I wanted to grab her, pull her to me and kiss her until we both had to break for air. I wanted the feel of her mouth on mine as her hands roamed over my body. I could trace every curve of her body and memorize it for when I was alone again.

"I promise you, this time I will be on my best fucking behavior."

"So who are you taking there then? Because there will be absolutely no fucking going on, Mister."

"Are you sure you aren't just a little turned on by me?"

She spun around and started walking off. "In your dreams, Cullen!" she called over her shoulder, and flipped me off with both her hands in the air.

_I fucking love that girl!_

{(QQ)}

"Edward Cullen? Is that you?"

I hated the sound of her voice. I didn't know how I'd gotten through a day with it before. Of the thousands of people to run into in Chicago, Mom and I had to run into Tanya and her mother on one of our shopping trips.

Tanya's mom convinced mine to sit and have coffee. They went off into a little corner of the shop, and I could tell by the look on my mom's face, that she was getting caught up on all the gossip.

"So, Eddie, how is life in a small town? It can't be too good, you look pretty...frustrated." Tanya slowly licked her lips, clicked her tongue, and winked at me. She leaned over the table between us to show me more of her cleavage. She'd always had some awesome tits, but I didn't remember them being so round or her being so desperate.

"What have you been fucking lately, Tanya? You look like you've been overridden." I took a sip of my drink, trying to hide the smile on my face.

"Well, I can see the small town life has turned you into an asshole." She leaned back and crossed her arms which only pushed her tits higher up. She probably could have choked herself with those things.

"Funny. I thought I got nicer." I shrugged and glanced over at my mom. In that instant, she dropped her hand to the side of her chair and motioned for me to go to her. I guessed we both needed rescuing. I rose and turned away from Tanya.

"Where are you going?" she whined.

Her voice was so fucking annoying. I couldn't remember what had drawn me to her in the first fucking place. I couldn't even remember if the sex had ever really been that good.

I started walking toward my mother, choosing to ignore Tanya's question. It was none of her business, and I didn't want to spend any more time in Chicago than I had to. It wasn't home anymore. Home was where my Bella was fishing with her dad...and the little prick. I just hoped it was fish they went for and nothing else.

{(QQ)}

"E." Bella whispered against my lips.

"E, come on." I felt her hips rock against my erection, and I hummed in response.

"E, wake the fuck up!" I thrust my eyes open and looked around. I must have fallen asleep because we were still in the damn meadow. I noticed that my body had indeed reacted to Bella's proximity and the very vivid dream of her above me. I was holding her to me with my entire front pressed into her backside. Yep, hard on pressing into her back. Fuck my life!

"Shit! Did we fall asleep?" I quickly rolled away from her to hide the obvious rod that had been poking her in the back. There was no way she had missed it, but if she had, all the more reason to conceal it.

"Yeah, we did and uhm… E? You seriously need to get laid or spank your monkey."

I stared wide-eyed, mouth gaping open in shock, as she threw her hands up with her palms out.

"I'm just saying…you have an obvious issue there." She blushed a petal pink as her eyes raked over my midsection.

I recovered my senses and decided now was the time for our familiar mindfuck banter so that I could distract myself enough to soften up a little. I cocked my brow and smirked at her, ready to see how far I could push my luck. "Are you offering, Bella? It's a pretty _big_ task to take on. It could be very _hard_ for you to finish off." I watched as her cheeks went from blush pink to damn near lobster red.

"Ew! No! I would never place my vajayjay anywhere near where Jessica or Lauren may have been. That's just begging for death."

_What the Motherfuck? Shit!_

Did she seriously think that I could have been with either Jessica or Lauren? I was in Chicago most of the week for fuck's sake! Not to mention I hadn't fucked anything but my hand since I'd fucking met her! I wanted to deny ever fucking anyone. I wanted to tell her she was the only one I wanted to be with.

"I promise you it would be the sweetest death you'd ever know." I might as well have shot myself in the head. I had basically just admitted to fucking them, hadn't I? I definitely hadn't denied it. My brain obviously was not making any connection to my mouth.

"It'd be the only death I'd know, and I would have to come back and haunt your ass for an eternity for killing me like that."

"Dead or alive, an eternity with you isn't such a bad thought."

"Are you crushing on me, Cullen?"

_Fuck! _

She was getting better and better at this game of ours. I was not ready for that response. My heart was beating so heavily in my chest, I'd swear there was a guy banging on the bass drum in there. Why couldn't I have been ready? Was she ready? There was only one way to find out if she could handle my confession, and I needed to know for sure how Bella felt about me.

"Do you want me crushing on you, Bella?" I rolled toward her, and she quickly rolled away, jumping up from the lush meadow floor.

"Time to go you, horny bastard. You need to go masturbate or find one of your trampy whores to help you out with your… problem."

I stood up and slowly started walking toward her, pretending to fiddle with the buttons of my jeans. "I could just whip it out right here. You could watch…" I smirked when I saw her eyes go wide. I stopped my playful assault, knowing Bella was not ready for me to go quite that far...yet. "Come on, little girl. Let's get the fuck out of here before it gets dark." I grabbed her hand, interlacing her fingers with mine, and pulled her with me toward the treeline to head home.

The trip toward her house was a silent one, both of us seemingly lost in our own thoughts. It was only the beginning of May, and I was praying for summer to arrive even faster. Bella and I would be free to spend so much more time together. I wanted to use the summer to show her and tell her how I really felt about her. It was going to feel so good to finally reveal how much she meant to me, and then we'd be able to enter into our senior year of high school as a real couple. She _would_ be mine, and I would take my time to show her how much I wanted to be hers. Until then, I'd continue to build our friendship until I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

{(QQ)}

**A/N: As always a huge thanks to my betas, Tiffanyanne3ff and carabeth. I couldn't ask for better gals to take care of my kids.**

**To my ever-inspiring I_luv_Spunk, thank you for my gift. I will treasure it forever and it will serve as a constant motivator.**

**Wifey (mpg) What can I say? You're W.C.s always do me good. TWSS!**

**Finally, to all you wonderfully patient people reading this, thank you, a thousand times, thank you.**


	19. Chapter 18: It's Time

**Disclaimer:All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. As much as I'd love to be, I am not in any way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Please do not copy, post, print or use any portion of this story without the express permission of the author—namely me. Your cooperation is much appreciated and wholly expected**

**Yes, it's Bella's turn to talk. Brace yourself.**

**{{QQ}}**

**Chapter 18: It's Time**

During the entire ride from the hospital to my house, Edward kept needling me about what had happened in gym, but I couldn't tell him that I'd never actually made it to class. He tried to tell me that whatever had happened didn't mean anything, but he wasn't the one that heard what Jessica had said. I didn't know why I'd let it all get to me in the first place. It wasn't any different than any other gossip she'd spewed before—except that it was about Edward and me. She didn't know how Edward felt about me, and to suggest that Emmett had asked him to do something like that was ridiculous. Wasn't it? I mean, I knew Emmett was protective and all, but he would have known that asking Edward to do that kind of favor wouldn't help, right?

As much as I hated to admit it, Jessica had been right about one thing. Edward was way too good for me. Whenever I was with him, girls either didn't see me or just flat out ignored me. Standing next to Edward, I was invisible—a nobody—who didn't fit in the world around her. Plain, ordinary Bella was not worth talking to, at least not by anyone other than her real friends.

Later that night, I tossed and turned, trying desperately to get some sleep. I couldn't shut my mind off long enough to even talk my body into relaxing. Jessica's words played on a repetitive loop in my head, making the same redundant statement. _"__He is, like, way too hot for her."_ I already knew I wasn't good enough for Edward, but if I'd been stronger—like Rose—I could have stepped up to her and shut her up. Unfortunately, I wasn't that brave or even stupid enough to try anything like that. I'd very probably have fallen on my face before ever actually making it around the lockers to get to Jessica.

When my radio finally kicked on, signaling the time of morning for me to get my ass up, I almost cried. I'd had so little sleep, that I didn't want to leave the comforting sanctuary of my bed. Burying myself under the layers of blankets—my grandmother's quilt closest to me—felt safe. It was warm and had no one in it but me…except for those times when my dreams were really good and included Edward. I rolled over and easily hit the snooze button.

I hit the damn thing a few more times even after the sun decided to finally shine through the normally overcast sky, forcing light through my window. I wasn't in any real hurry to crawl out of bed, because truth be told, I wanted to skip the entire day. Dad was off, but he hadn't come home yet, so I slammed my hand down on the snooze button yet again. I was almost positive that if I hit it enough times, the day just might have passed me by. Or not. It was at least worth a shot.

I wished Dad had worked a double, allowing me to play hooky for one day. It wasn't that I had anything really interesting to do; I just didn't want to go…or see Jessica. I could have stayed at home and pulled a Bueller, coughing into the phone and claiming that some dire illness was attacking my body. It probably wouldn't have worked anyway. I may have been a cop's daughter, but I was a horrible liar. Dad would have shown up long enough to get me up and take me to the doctor or kick me out the door before I could say what phony virus had invaded my system.

I was just dozing off when I heard the crunching of gravel outside my window as the cruiser drove up to the front of the house. I jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom before he could enter the house. If he'd known how long I'd lain in bed, I wouldn't have heard the end of it, and I was way too tired and cranky to deal with the cop-father. I squinted at my appearance groggily and considered skipping the shower. I really wanted to just throw my hair up into a ponytail and pull on some fresh clothes, but Edward and I had been getting so physically close lately that it could have been detrimental to our relationship. The thought of him smelling my body odor was all it took to make me realize what a stupid idea it was. Into the shower I went.

By the time I got to school I was so exhausted that I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day. I was slowly trudging up the path when Edward walked up and grabbed my face between his warm hands. My skin tingled and at first I thought I was dreaming. If that was how the day was going to go, I didn't want to wake up. Ever.

Leaning into his hands, I closed my eyes and wished for his lips to cover mine with a kiss…but it never came. When I opened my eyes, I saw his beautiful green irises and wondered if his eye color would be the dominant gene—if, in the far and distant future, we were to have kids. Not that I'd thought about it at all. Okay, so a girl can dream and if _this_ was a dream, I was going to kiss him. I slowly licked my lips and began inching my way toward his face.

I was a little more than disappointed when he pulled away and commanded me to follow him, but he hadn't let go of my hand, so I complied without protest. I looked down and smiled, watching his legs slice through the air as he walked. Hidden under the low placement of his jeans—anyone else might not have been able to tell that he had one—was a nice muscular ass. I knew the look of it thanks to those wonderful football pants I'd seen him in last season, but it would have been nice to view them as we walked. Absolute heaven.

The stench of the dumpsters as we passed by was horrendous. If that didn't prove that I wasn't sleeping, the next thing to happen would have. We made a turn toward the football field restrooms, and I wasn't sure why we'd be going there. When I asked him where we were heading, he insisted that I had agreed to go with no argument. I relented but insisted that we hurry so that I could get to class in time.

When we got to the restrooms, and I realized what he wanted, I was not happy with the hangout. Not. At. All. The boys' restroom, really? Again? Ugh! There had to be a better place—somewhere without urinals, like the girls' room.

Edward was pretty adamant about where he wanted to go. Then he told me he wanted us to ditch first period, and I got really nervous. I didn't like the idea of skipping classes because I was too worried about it being in my file. If a college looked at it, I didn't want them deciding that I wasn't worthy of a scholarship just because I had missed an hour of class. That was why I'd never wanted to be late for a class either. I really wanted to get on with my life after high school, and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that happened.

_But weren't you considering sleeping the day away earlier? Yep, you were. Get on with it and spend some alone time with the boy!_

He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, and I watched as he placed one between the very lips I wanted to feel kissing mine. He walked into the restroom, and I walked in after him without thinking. As he lit his cigarette, I informed him of the health risks, but he offered one to me anyway. I seriously considered taking one, because I could have used one to help perk me up. Edward and I had smoked together a handful of times, and I liked watching the way he balanced a stick gently in his mouth. It gave me tingles every time he puckered to draw the smoke in. I decided to decline, citing my propensity for accidents. If I set the place on fire, or worse yet choked to death in front of him, the day would have been more of a disaster than it had started as.

The real reason Edward had taken me to our little hangout came out pretty quickly. He started in on me about Jessica and gym, but I tried to avoid the subject altogether.

I didn't get why it was so damn important to him. I was starting to feel really wiped, so I went over to the sinks, dropped my bag and hopped up. I tried to focus on anything but his face, because my mind decided to bring up an image of Edward with Jessica. I didn't want to think about it, but if he wanted someone else, who the hell was I to stand in the way? I had to let him off the hook.

Thankfully he didn't take the bait, but he wouldn't let up on the whole gym thing. He raised his voice and actually got really mad at me, but it gave me a little relief when he said that Jessica and her friends needed to gossip to feel better. Relentlessly, he pounded away at the issue, and I just wanted it to end. In his persistence, he said the most ridiculous things ever, one of which was to say that Jessica was jealous of me. Me? Plain ol' Bella who no guy wanted. Oh no, wait. Edward pointed out that Jacob and Mike wanted to be with me.

_Thanks for that, Edward! Jerk!_

I was pissed. Mike Newton? Really? He knew I couldn't stand the guy and how much I'd wanted him off my back. Then, to bring up Jacob…my friend, Jacob, who wanted so much more than I was willing to give because I just didn't feel that way about him. We'd known each other too long and too well.

He wasn't giving up, and I knew that I needed to get away from Edward before I said something I would probably regret. I snatched my bag from the floor and rushed out the door, but as soon as it swung shut behind me, I turned to go back in. He was only trying to help, and I, being cranky due to a severe lack of sleep, was acting like bitch.

"Fuck!" The shouted word escaped the seal of the door.

I had made him angry. I heard more muted words coming from behind the door, but was afraid to go in. Tears began to sting my eyes, and I was afraid he'd come out and argue with me. If he wound up going off on me, I'd be heartbroken; so I ran. I stumbled into the grass, tears streaming down my face. If I wasn't so worried about him coming out of the building and finding me, I would have curled up into a ball.

Edward showed up after second period and walked me to my next class. When we got there he tugged me to the side, pinning me against the wall. His words sent electricity zinging through my body. He walked off before I could thank him or even apologize to him. The entire class was spent daydreaming about his eyes, the way his hands felt on my skin and the taste of him when we kissed. If anyone had talked to me at all in that hour, I didn't notice it.

I saw Edward standing in the hall on my way to fourth period. He was pounding his fist into his thigh with one hand and gripping the bag on his shoulder with the other. Our eyes met and I walked over to him, keeping my eyes chest level. He surprised me by pulling me into a hug, and then asking if I was all right. He held me tighter, and I let all the air escape my lungs as I nodded. I looked up into his eyes and thanked him. I'd meant it for numerous things. For caring, for giving me a pep talk, for not being mad at my stupidity, for holding me, for being my friend and for being the catalyst to change my vision for my life—if ever so slightly.

Fourth period passed quickly with me wearing a smile on my face. When the bell rang, I was really excited, because it was lunchtime which meant lots of touching with Edward. The next two hours of my day would be spent with him, and I couldn't wait. As I passed Jessica's desk, my foot caught on something and I dropped my bag to catch myself. The contents went flying across the floor.

"Klutz," Jessica sneered.

"Slut," I muttered.

"What did you say?" Jessica asked heatedly.

"Señoritas muevete," Mrs. Goff ordered.

Jessica left me to clean up my mess, muttering something under her breath as Mrs. Goff turned back to her chalkboard. Even though I couldn't prove that it wasn't my own two feet that had tripped me up, I suspected Jessica knew what had really happened. Shortly after Jessica left, my knight-in-shining-armor—my pretend boyfriend—showed up to rescue me. He helped me gather my books and papers and then we went on to the lunchroom to join our friends. As we walked, he rested his hand on my hip, and I was surprised at how quickly I'd gotten used to the feel of it. Like he'd said earlier, it had only been two days, but I could get used to that kind of attention for much longer. The thing was to remember that we were each playing a part. Damn it.

**{{QQ}}**

A few weeks after everything had settled, I confronted Emmett about Jessica's speculations. He adamantly denied them, insisting that he couldn't do that to his baby sister—meaning me. I trusted his word more than anything that fell out of that bitch's mouth. We'd hugged it out, and he ended up asking how mine and Edward's arrangement was working out for me. I told him it was fine and that Edward was the best fake boyfriend a girl could have. When Emmett asked if I was getting mixed feelings about Edward, I lied. I told him my plan was still on track and that I couldn't have any sort of feelings like that for anyone. The look on Emmett's face told me he wasn't buying my line of bull, but he didn't call me out on it.

After the gym mess, every touch and comforting word from Edward made my heart sing. At school, he was as attentive as a boyfriend could be, sometimes overly so when Jessica or Mike had been around. The look on Jessica's face when Edward would lavish attention on me was enough to get me through all her bullshit. Mike continued to worm his way in my direction whenever Edward wasn't around. When I told Edward about it, he made sure that we weren't far from each other for very long.

One day Edward caught Mike at our lab table, leaving a note on my side. With my permission, he picked it up, read it and then ripped it right in front of Mike. The fury on Mike's face was a little frightening, but it didn't seem to faze Edward. Later that same week, we were leaving Forks Coffee Shop and saw that the Volvo had a flat. Edward changed to the spare and we drove to Dowling's Garage where they checked the tire. Edward was pissed when Mr. Dowling told him there was a slice in the tire along the tread, as if a hunting knife had been put through it. We couldn't prove anything, but the both of us knew who had done it.

When our spring break came around, Edward was a little put off by the fact that I was going fishing with Jacob and Dad instead of agreeing to go to Chicago with him and his parents. It was nice of them to invite me, but I couldn't in good conscience accept the invitation. I knew how much a trip like that would cost, and I definitely didn't have the money to spare. Lizzie had insisted they would pay for it, but I just couldn't do that. I could never repay them, not that she would have asked me to.

The fishing trip wasn't different from any of our previous trips. Dad and Billy drank their "Vitamin R's" while trying to catch the "big one", leaving Jake and me to catch up on each other's lives. He told me about his friends', Quil's and Embry's, girlfriends and how he felt like a fifth wheel. He said that when he got back to the rez, they wanted to have a big spring break bonfire. Jake asked me if I wanted to go with him. I could have said no, but Jake and I were having a good time, and it had been a while since I had seen his friends, so I'd agreed.

The night of the bonfire was the night Edward was returning from Chicago. I hadn't heard from him since he'd left—which kind of hurt—so I thought he was still mad at me for not going. I figured that if he still wanted to do what we'd planned he'd call me the next day and if not, I'd just see him back at school—where I would probably have apologized profusely for upsetting him. Why? Because I'm a glutton for the guy's attention.

Quil and Embry gave Jacob a lot of shit for inviting me to the bonfire. They knew everything there was to know about how he felt about me, and they were using it against him. After they found out that I had a boyfriend—not knowing that it wasn't real—they really let him have it. They were teasing him about bringing someone else's girl, and I kind of felt sorry for him. Jake ended up chasing them down the beach while the girlfriends and I sat on the driftwood surrounding the fire. It was an awkward silence…for me. The girls kept looking at me and whispering to each other, making me feel self-conscious. After about ten minutes, I'd finally had enough and headed off toward Jake's house.

I got about halfway there when he caught up with me, grabbing my hand. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Home. I'm really tired. Thank you for inviting me, though. It was really good to see Quil and Embry." I tried to pull my hand away, but Jacob wasn't so willing to let it go.

"Bella, look, I know you're seeing that dude from Chicago, but…I miss us. Don't you miss us?"

"Jake, you're my friend; of course I miss you. But like you said, I'm with Edward. I _really_ like Edward." At least that part wasn't a lie.

"You love me; you just don't want to admit it. You could do so much better with me, Bells." He pulled me into a hug, and I patted his back, letting him know that I was done.

"Jake, don't do this now, okay? And let me go, you're crushing me." His hold on me had gotten a little tighter.

"Oh, sorry. I swear I won't say anything about us. Just hang out a little while longer," he pleaded, releasing me.

"If I do that, I won't be able to drive home."

"You can stay the night. Sleep in my bed." He tried to mask his grin.

"Jacob Black!"

"What? I'll take the couch. It's not like I'm gonna try anything with Dad in the house."

"Your dad's visiting Rachel."

He got a guilty look on his face. "You know about that, huh?"

"Uh, yeah. Nice try, snake." I lightly punched him on the arm—not that he felt it.

"You can't blame a guy for trying." He plastered a cheesy grin on his face.

"I could…and do. Anyway, I really want to go home. I'm so tired. I just want to collapse and sleep in my own bed." _And wait for Edward's call._

He walked me back to my truck where we said our goodbyes. I promised to call him and let him know that I'd made it home.

It was a good thing I'd left when I did. By the time I got home, I had a hard time walking up the stairs to get to my room. I half walked and half pulled myself upstairs. My legs felt leaden and every step felt like I was hiking a steep hill. I sat down on the edge of my bed, kicking off my shoes. I fell back onto the comforting cushion of my blankets and made a quick call to Jacob. I lay there for a while afterward, trying to talk myself into getting up to do my nightly routine.

My phone was shouting at me, disturbing my peace, but I couldn't figure out where the noise was coming from. When I looked around I realized everything was off. I was in the same position I was when I got home, but instead of darkness, light was shining through the windows. I must have been more tired than I'd realized, because I didn't dream, and I couldn't even remember falling asleep. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone; the message light flashed, letting me know I had a voicemail message. It was only nine o'clock, which elicited a groan. It was way too early for anyone to be calling me.

A smile stretched across my face as I viewed the missed call history. It was Edward.

**{{QQ}}**

I let out a contented sigh as I lay with Edward's arm tucked under my neck as a pillow, and my back rested on the cushion of the blossoming spring meadow. I had bared my soul by finally showing Edward my secret place. My meadow would be something only he and I would share. I turned my head and saw him lying there on his back with his head resting on his other arm that was bent in support behind him. His eyes were closed and his breathing even as his chest rose and fell with every life-giving breath.

I tilted my head slightly, looking over his torso. His shirt had risen up displaying that beautiful, copper-colored trail of hair to happiness. His pants were lower than they should have been. I should have seen a waistband for how low they were, but all I saw was skin…and hair and…Oh, dear God above, you can strike me dead now, and I would be the happiest girl in this world for having witnessed heaven on earth. I bit down on my lip to keep from squealing. I couldn't see _that_ low, but the patch peaking out was enough to excite me. My cheeks stretched to their maximum and the muscles of my jaw began to hurt. I slowly drew my eyes back up until I was looking at his face again.

"What do you think of my little meadow?" No answer. "Edward?" I whispered. "E?" I was a little afraid that he would wake up and catch me perusing the landscape of his body, but I could stare at it all day. His patch kept sucking me in. How could I not look?

I started to roll away so that he could rest comfortably—and gain a little privacy—but just as I did, he rolled and grasped me by the waist.

"Don't go," he said faintly and scooted closer to me while trying to tug me back toward him.

_I'm spooning with Edward Cullen! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!_

I prayed he didn't wake up too soon, because this was something new for us. A new touch and with it, new feelings. If he'd been awake, I very much doubted that we'd be in this position. _Spooning!_ My heart was racing with excitement, but I knew I had to settle down and just go with it. I closed my eyes and began telling my body to relax itself so that I could try to catch a nap in Edward's arms. Bliss.

**{{QQ}}**

"Come on, you have to spill," Alice whined. "What did he say when you told him that you loved him?"

"He loves me too!" I squealed. "We're going to go to Washington State together, get a little apartment, schedule our classes during the same times…It'll be great!" I enthused.

"Did you tell him you were pregnant?" Rose asked.

"I'm not pregnant. What are you talking about?"

"Bella, you were just complaining about how it felt like something hard was poking you in the back," Rose insisted.

I was shocked when I looked down at my rapidly swelling belly, and it did feel as though something was pressing into my back. I looked up at Rose and Alice and began shaking my head.

I opened my eyes and began looking around, trying to get my bearings. Edward and I were in the meadow. I had fallen asleep, and he was still pressed up against me.

_Oh my God! Is that…? Oh my God! He's got a hard-on, and he's holding me. Relax, Bella. This is a good thing. _

Just then, Edward nuzzled into my hair and hummed. I turned my head slightly and our lips almost touched. "E? E, come on." I tried to get myself out of his grip, but he just held me tighter, pressing harder into my back. As much as I wanted it to be for me, I was too afraid to hear another girl's name whispered in my ear; I wouldn't be able to take it.

"E, wake the fuck up!" I shouted, because he started murmuring and I panicked, thinking some random girl's name was going to come out of his mouth.

"Shit! Did we fall asleep?" He sat up and started tugging at his shirt, and I tried really hard not to laugh.

I had already caught a glimpse of the crotch of his jeans, and I could have sworn his buttons were going to pop from the pressure.

_You couldn't hide that thing if you tried. _"Yeah, we did and uhm… E? You seriously need to get laid or spank your monkey." _Please spank your monkey, choke your chicken or whatever the hell you guys call it! I'd really rather you didn't try to have sex with anyone but me._

He stared at me blankly—mouth open.

"Hey, I'm just saying…you uhm…you have an obvious…issue there." I meant to simply nod in the direction of his issue but wound up letting my eyes wander over his torso and down to…

"Are you offering, Bella? It's a pretty _big_ task to take on. It could be very _hard_ for you to finish off."

_Fuck! He caught me! Play it off Bella! Think fast! _"Ew! No! I would never place my vajayjay anywhere near where Jessica or Lauren may have been. That's just begging for death." _Wrong play! Gah! You're bad at this!_

I didn't have any proof that he'd done anything with them while I was away, fishing with Jake and Dad, but he did tell me he'd run into his ex in Chicago. The only reason I didn't bring her up was because I really didn't want to know anything about her. If he had been with anyone over spring break, I was sure that it would kill me.

"I promise you it would be the sweetest death you'd ever know."

_I have absolutely no doubt about that! Holy crap, how do guys hide their thing? _"It'd be the only death I'd know, and I would have to come back and haunt your ass for an eternity for killing me like that." _Actually, I just want to be around you—even in death._

"Dead or alive, an eternity with you isn't such a bad thought."

_Wait…what? Was he reading my mind or was he…? Nah! _"Are you crushing on me, Cullen?" _Please say yes!_

"Do you want me crushing on you, Bella?"

_Evasive ass! Damn it!_

He began moving toward me, and it was fight or flight time.

I chose flight and quickly rolled out of reach. "Time to go you, horny bastard. You need to go masturbate or find one of your trampy whores to help you out with your… problem." _Masturbate, yes definitely masturbate. Just don't think of your ex, Jessica or Lauren. Actually, on second thought, don't masturbate to anyone. Do you need to masturbate to get rid of your problem?_

"I could just whip it out right here. You could watch…"

I turned to give him a smart ass remark but saw him pulling open the top buttons of his jeans while walking toward me. I froze. A part of me was cheering with excitement for the offer and watching to see how far he'd go, but another part of me—granted the much, much smaller part—wanted to hold tight to the beliefs my dad had instilled in me. Virginity until marriage. I supposed I could have updated that to "in love." But was I in love with Edward?

_Is he with you? _Damn conscience always knew how to break me.

He grabbed my hand, saying something about going home. At first I thought he said that he was going to _take_ me at home. Then the smarter part of my brain kicked over and realized he'd said he was taking me home; as in dropping me off. Damn the luck.

Once we were in the car and on the road, I glanced over at Edward. I knew I had to tell him how I was feeling. I just needed to find the right time. It would be time…soon. He needed to know, better still, I needed to know. If he didn't want me, then I could get on with the rest of my life and never look back. Right?

Later that night, Alice called me, and I thought about not answering just to prolong her torture. I knew exactly what she was calling about, but if I didn't answer the phone and give her the details, she would have driven over to my house anyway.

"So? How did your day go?" she asked in a high pitch.

"Fine. How was yours?" I asked in a tone equal to hers.

"Come on, Bella! I waited as long as I could! Spill! Did you slip him a little tongue?"

"Alice!"

"I need the deets, girl! Talk," she commanded.

"There was no tongue."

"Oh, you whore! You went lower!" Alice exclaimed. I didn't know whether to be insulted that she thought I was that easy, or gag at the thought of doing _that_.

"Go Bella!" Rose's voice sang out on the line.

"Rosalie?"

"Yes?" she said, feigning innocence.

"You two were ambushing me?" I shouldn't have been surprised. They'd probably been texting each other all day.

"I wouldn't say ambush, Bella. We were already talking and decided to add you into the conversation," Alice contended.

I explained all the details of our trip, leaving out the weird dream about me being pregnant.

"He had a hard-on while spooning with you?" she squealed. "I told you, Rose! You are so paying up tomorrow!"

"Wait, that wasn't the whole bet. He didn't kiss her with said hard-on in full contact," Rose reaffirmed.

"Killjoy," Alice mumbled.

"Hey, I would have paid out _if_ it happened," she insisted.

"Anyway, can we get back to Bella and Edwood?" Alice giggled and Rose joined her.

"Edwood? Really, Alice is that the best you got?" I prayed that was all, because I didn't know if I could look Edward in the face again and not blush.

"I don't know, _Vella_. Do you want to give me sizing details, or should I take a guess?" Alice asked teasingly.

"Don't you dare, Alice!"

"Oh relax, Prudella! We're just having a little fun," Rose chided.

The harassment went on for another thirty minutes, and all I could do was listen. If I'd said anything else, they could have twisted my words into any number of instances.

**{{QQ}}**

The next morning I woke up early and couldn't keep from grinning. I had finally shown Edward my beautiful meadow. He had hugged me so tightly to him that I had been able to feel every inch of his body that came into contact with mine— every delicious, rock-hard, athletic inch. Everything that had happened had given me the best dreams, and I was ready for anything. It was going to be a great day!

We only had a month left in the school year, and then the summer was wide open. Well, almost. I needed to get a job so that I could start socking away for college. Dad reminded me a few days ago that he'd been saving, but I knew there was no way he had enough money to send me where I wanted to go. We had looked at NAU over the summer, but after I'd done some research, I knew U of A was the best choice for my degree. It was U of A or NYU, and I couldn't imagine being that far away from my dad. At least at the University of Arizona I'd be somewhat close to home, because it was half the distance.

All I needed were good SAT scores and I'd be set. I knew I had the GPA; I just needed to get the rest of the pieces to fit into my puzzle. I just had to figure out where Edward fit. I imagined he would be the hardest piece to place, but I would jam him in there if I had to.

The weeks were flying by, and soon summer was just around the corner. Everyone seemed to have their own ideas of what was going to happen. Dad started talking to me about some things he thought we'd do—a college trip, more fishing and camping. Alice and Rose had mentioned a few activities with Jasper and Emmett—way more information than I really wanted to know, considering the guys were my friends as well. Mysteriously enough, Edward hadn't said a word about his summer plans, and I didn't dare ask. I was just happy spending time with him.

Before I knew it, it was the last week of our junior year. Emmett was having an End of Year party for which Alice insisted we go shopping as a group. On top of that stipulation, she added that we needed to go into Port Angeles. We decided to make a day of it, so the Saturday before our last week as juniors, I got up at the god-awful hour of ten. I demanded that we stop for coffee on the way, because I had gotten up two hours before I wanted to.

Honestly, I had no trouble getting out of bed that morning. I was excited to spend a full day with my friends. Next year, we would all be seniors, and who knew what would happen to us after that? I had only just figured out that, as much as I wanted to escape the Forks way of life, I wanted to keep my friends for as long as possible. I just didn't know if they'd want to keep in touch with me.

Although Edward and I didn't need to put on an act with our little group, we continued to play the part of boyfriend and girlfriend. We didn't really talk about it; it just happened naturally—like we were always meant to be that way. Even in the darkness of the theater as we watched Iron Man 2, he'd held onto me. When I jumped he'd squeeze my hand. I wasn't so quick to pull back when our hands touched inside the popcorn bucket, instead pretending to be caught up in whatever Tony Stark was doing. Thankfully, he had a lot going on in that movie.

The final week of school went by too fast. For the first time, I found myself enjoying going to Forks High. Since our trip to Port Angeles the Saturday prior, Edward had walked me to every class with his arm wrapped comfortably behind my neck. I'd entwined my fingers with the hand that hung from my shoulders. It had happened so smoothly. Everything was easy between us and I knew what I had to do. I knew exactly when to do it. I just needed to borrow Rose's vigor for laying it all out on the line.

**{{QQ}}**

After the party, Edward drove me home and we talked about the meadow. He really wanted to go again. Over the last few weeks with finals and all the homework the teachers had been piling up on us, we hadn't made a trip since our first.

"You really want to go?" I asked, smiling widely.

"Yeah, I mean, if you do." He shrugged and glanced over at me from the driver's side of the car. "The weather's decent enough and we can take lunch if you want."

"That would be great. I think Dad's working a double tomorrow anyway, so I have no plans."

"Then why don't we meet at my place, and you can have dinner with Mom and Dad and me. They're already complaining that they won't see you as often—ya know with the lack of studying and all," Edward offered.

"Sure, that sounds great. Thank you."

He nodded his head once in affirmation. The rest of the drive was silent, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was comfortable and easy. I had a bunch of things running through my mind, and I couldn't wait to put them all in order.

Once I was home, I was so excited that I had to sneak one of Dad's Ambien just so I could get to sleep. I'd figured everything out. No matter what happened the next day at the meadow, I was going to tell Edward how I felt.

Every ounce of courage I had gained the previous night disappeared in the seconds it took me to wake up the next morning. I awoke anxious to begin the day and get to Edward's. That anxiety turned to fear over what could happen once I'd told him, and within minutes I was in the bathroom hurling into the toilet.

I still felt sick when I went to leave my house, so I grabbed the Pepto Bismol from the fridge and drank more than I probably should have. My stomach seemed settled enough, so I felt confident that it was safe to leave. To be sure, I took some crackers with me to eat on the way.

The drive to get Edward was easy enough, but riddled with little niggling fears of a million different what-ifs. Some of them were so ridiculous it was a wonder I made it through a day without being a complete idiot.

What if he hated me? _Not possible. Look at how things have been._

What if I trip and fall when I go to tell him? _He'll just chalk it up to another klutzy Bella move and carry you off to get looked at. Just like before._

What if he rejects me? _Then we're back where we started, and you move on._

I'd just pulled up to the house when Edward came jogging down the stairs toward the truck—a small duffle and a blanket in hand. He came around to my side, and I rolled down the window, curious as to why he wasn't getting in. It would have screwed all my plans up if he'd changed his mind.

"Hey, Bella," he said with that so cute smirk on his face.

"Hi." I was too afraid to ask anything.

"Can I drive?" he asked, smiling wider.

"You want to drive my baby? I don't think you can handle her." It wasn't that he couldn't, I was sure he could, but why couldn't I drive?

"Oh, I think I can handle her. Wrestle you for the shot?"

I rolled my eyes and opened the door. "Fine, but if you break her, you're fixing her. I don't care if it's a dent in the fender; you will pay Cullen," I scolded.

"You got it!" He was so excited, that I couldn't keep up the stern look.

"Could you at least pretend to be grateful and not victorious?" I teased.

He twisted his mouth for a moment and tilted his head. "Naw."

I rolled my eyes, walked around to the passenger-side door and got in.

The entire drive to the meadow, we talked about plans each of our parents had for the summer. Ed and Lizzie wanted to take a trip back to Chicago, making me feel sick about Edward seeing his ex again. They also wanted to go to Arizona, New York, Massachusetts, and Pennsylvania to check out some of the universities and campus life. I was again invited to go along at no personal expense. When I told Edward that I couldn't afford to go, he reiterated that they didn't expect me to pay for anything; they just wanted me to go. I told him I would talk to Dad, but that he had plans of his own. We wanted to drive down to Arizona again this summer, but we'd be going further south, down into Tucson. Edward suggested that we all drive together. I assured him that I would talk to Dad, but as much as he liked the Cullens, I wasn't too sure that he'd want to take a joint trip.

When we reached the clearing of the meadow, I felt like something had lodged itself in my throat. I tried to gather enough saliva to swallow and get rid of it, but it seemed set firmly in place. I kept gulping as I watched Edward spread the blanket he'd brought.

He began laying out food, telling me of how Lizzie had prepared lunch for us and insisted that he set it up a certain way so that we would both have easy access to everything. He motioned me over, showing me where to sit, which was conveniently very close to where he sat. Every lean to grab an item had our arms touching. At one point I reached for the strawberries and nearly fell into Edward's lap. Face first. If he saw the redness I felt burning my face from the inside out, he didn't say a word.

We talked more about what everyone had planned for the summer. At the party, Emmett had talked about taking a few group trips to La Push Beach. Alice wanted us to consider rotating brunches every other weekend when we were all able to get together. We both agreed that they had been good ideas. Edward brought up taking a few trips to Port Angeles for some upcoming movies, and my mind drifted to our trip just the week before. It was definitely time.

We ate languidly as we continued to talk about the summer and the upcoming senior year. Neither of us spoke about what would happen the summer after. I wasn't ready to think about leaving him or any of the others for that matter. I suddenly wished for the year to take as long as possible.

Once we'd finished lunch and packed everything away, Edward suggested we go back to the house and watch a movie. He even offered to allow me to pick since his last pick had been a disastrous one. Normally even blood effects would have me feeling faint, but these were just wrong. It looked like ketchup was pouring out of a hole in every actor's costume. I understood that it was a remake of an older movie, but we'd come a long way in special effects since then; they'd proven that within the remake as the guy changed into a werewolf.

Since he was letting me pick, I asked if he'd gotten Alice in Wonderland yet. He cringed, and I choked back a giggle. I reassured him that I had it at home, and since my house was on the way back, we could just swing in and pick it up.

When we got back to his house, we were standing in the kitchen like we had many times before, just chatting about everything. I watched him lean into the opened refrigerator door—the muscles in his arm flexed as he stretched to get a water bottle from the back of the shelf. I remembered how those arms had felt all last week, walking through the halls of Forks High. Natural.

_It's time. You can do this. You have to do this._

I was ready. I couldn't take all the bullshit of pretending to be anything anymore. I wanted it all to be real. It had felt so real already. There was no one around; it was just me and Edward. He had to know by now anyway, I'd hinted at it all week because I knew summer was starting, and I wanted us to be different. It had to be the right time. The only way to know if he felt the same was to just tell him—or show him.

I took a deep breath, walked right up to him, stood on my toes and pulled him to me, kissing him full on the lips. He placed his hands on my hips, gripping my sides and pulling me against him. I gasped and my skin heated with excitement as I wrapped my hands around his neck, grasping at the hair at the back of his head. His hair felt soft as his lips moved harshly against mine, and he gripped me tightly as I ground my hips into his, eliciting a moan.

I don't know what I'd expected, but it wasn't what started happening. I felt him pushing me back, but I didn't want to let go. It was all wrong; he was supposed to continue holding me against his body. I wasn't running away anymore; I was throwing myself at him, but he was pushing me away.

We were both breathing heavily when we pulled apart. He pressed his forehead to mine. "Bella, we need to talk."

It was the kiss of death. I wanted to run to my room and hide, but I was at _his_ house. I couldn't run into the woods; I'd done that over New Year's and wound up hurting myself so badly that I'd been in a cast for weeks. As I stepped back from him, I felt the skin of my ears inflame. I wasn't going to be able to stop the blush, because the embarrassment I was feeling was the worst kind.

Rejection.

I felt a burning at the back of my neck as my chest tightened. I wanted to puke, crawl into a hole and cry the next year away.

"Bella, I—"

One thought screamed, echoing through my mind. _Defense!_ I forced a singular chuckle, and felt the agonizing pain of constriction immediately. My shoulders began to ache, and it took all the strength I had not to hunch over and sob. "Where did that come from? Wow. I'm uhm…wow." I clutched my chest trying to stop my chest from being ripped open from the inside.

_Way to go, Bella! Stammer your way through yet another mess you've made? What excuse do you use for kissing a guy that thinks of you as his best friend? You've been pretending to be his girlfriend for all these months to protect the both of you from this shit happening, and then you go and blow everything! Stupid, stupid, stupid! _

I realized I hadn't completely let go of him and quickly dropped my hands, stepping back further and wiping at my mouth with my fingertips. I needed to get out of his house before anyone came home. What I really needed was to get away from him and the humiliation of being a stupid little girl who had acted on a crush she had.

_No! You have to tell him, and you have to tell him now, damn it! Get it out. Do it so that you know for sure. You swore you wouldn't run!_

I clenched my fists at my sides, digging my nails into my palms and preparing myself for the terrible realization that he didn't want this stupid little small-town girl.

"E, I…you know summer's coming up and well…" I swallowed even though my mouth felt vacant of any kind of wetness and took a deep breath. "Well, we were talking about that at the meadow." I took another deep breath and rushed through my next words. "Edward, I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm done. I'm through with acting like your girlfriend. I want out. Either we're for real or we stop all the bullshit."

He laughed, causing my shoulders to burn as a fire blazed its way up my spine and into the back of my head. He had to be laughing at me, because I was being ridiculous, and he didn't want me. I was entertaining him by making a total fool of myself.

_I'm not okay! I won't be okay! Gah! How did I let this happen? I need to go! I need to go now!_

"Bella." He chuckled again, and I wanted to collapse into a tiny ball and roll down a steep cliff and then plunge into the crashing waves below. "You're not really the type of girl I would go out with. And—"

There it was. The cold hard truth came at me like a glistening blade. My chest felt tighter and then agony plunged its way in as the serrated blade of truth ripped through my heart. The edges of the blade shred pieces of my heart as it pulled back.

"We've gotten to be really good friends, and I know—"

Another ruthless piercing that nicked at my soul.

_He's laughed at me, told me I'm not his type and insisted that we are "really good friends." Great. That's just fucking great! Can I give you a boot, Edward? That way you can stomp on the knife in my heart and finish the job. Or would you rather grip it and twist it in deeper? _

I had to stop it. My heart couldn't take anymore, so I interrupted his speech. "You're right. We are really good friends, and we should keep it that way, right? Don't you think we should?" It was a rhetorical question and I knew it. Of course that was what he wanted. We'd already laid out the boundaries of our friendship, and I was the one changing things. I was the one with the absurd feelings of desire and love. He had stuck to the plan, and he had done his job well.

"Yes, absolutely. And this summer we can hang out and talk about—"

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Gosh! I'm sorry, it must have slipped my mind." I touched my fingertips to my head and then shook it exaggeratedly before splaying my hands out in front of my face. "I'm going to be working this summer, and I know Dad has a few trips planned, well we talked about that, so anyway I probably won't have as much time as I thought I would. So, you know, if you can't get a hold of me, that's why."

"Bella, wait. I thought you were going to ask if you could look at a couple of colleges with me." He sounded disappointed, but I was sure he could find another friend to go with him—someone who wouldn't confuse her feelings with the friendship he offered.

"Yeah, you know, I will talk to my dad about that, but he really wants to go with me. You know a father-daughter thing. Thank your mom and dad for me, but I think I'll just go with Dad. You can thank them for me, right?" I started to back out of the kitchen, desperate to get as far away from his house as I could. If I didn't leave soon, whatever dam was holding my tears back was going to burst from the crashing of waves of the deepest heartbreak I had ever experienced.

I thought I had hurt when Renee had sent me away so that she could live her new life with a new husband. But this...this was different, and I didn't know the first thing about how to fix myself. I turned and ran for the door, not caring if he could read the hurt clawing at my soul.

"Bella, wait!"

I was struggling, trying to pull my keys out of my pocket as I ran to the truck. I got them in the very last second, hopped into the truck and started it as fast as I could. Edward was coming out the door as I slammed my foot down on the accelerator. The truck lurched, and I felt my tears start to fall. I tried the truck again, turning the ignition roughly, as I held the clutch down. As soon as it started, I popped the clutch and pushed hard on the gas again. My vision started to get blurry as I raced up the drive toward Carlisle and Esme's place.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to make the winding path to the main road with a curtain of tears blocking my vision. I also knew that no one was home, because Carlisle was at the hospital and both Esme and Lizzie were working at the center in town. In the last second, I chose to pull around to the back of the house and killed the engine. I heard a car coming toward the house and lay flat on the bench seat, holding my breath. I knew no one could see me, because where I was couldn't be seen from the driveway, but I didn't want anyone to find me. I just wanted to be alone and figure out what I was going to do. I'd never put myself out there like that. I had thrown all my plans out the window because I had been stupid enough to think that Edward and I could be together.

Fresh tears fell and I grabbed the blanket that I had taken to the meadow. I placed it under my head so that I didn't soak the seat. The second I laid on it, I smelled Edward and couldn't stop the flood of tears.

My phone rang with Edward's tone, and I let it go to voicemail. I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not him. As I lay there on the seat, smelling Edward with every breath I took, I tried to calm down. I needed to get away from him and his family. I needed to go somewhere that I could calm down and find some peace.

I steadied my breathing and eventually the tears slowed long enough for me to be able to see again. I pulled up the hem of my t-shirt and used it to wipe at my eyes and cheeks. The sound of a car approaching the house made me freeze in my spot. I heard it pass and I knew I needed to just get out of there. I needed to go to a safe place where I couldn't be interrupted—where I could think. The meadow.

I couldn't remember ever getting to the meadow so fast. I had stumbled more than I usually did—a couple of times because the ringing of my phone had startled me—partly because the tears hadn't completely stopped. I'd tripped over my own feet when I stepped into the clearing, which was ridiculous, because the ground was practically flat.

I kept the blanket folded in half when I laid it out to crawl onto it. I curled up into the fetal position just as the tears started to flow heavily again. _His_ scent wasn't wearing off the blanket fast enough, but I didn't know if that was what I truly wanted.

I sat up and looked around my beautiful meadow, trying to look at everything with a clear head. I had to remind myself that I had done what I'd set out to do. I told him how I felt, how I'd been feeling for a long time. Just because he didn't feel the same way, didn't mean that my life was ending. I just needed to revert back to keeping things the way they were. No guys. No dating. Focus on school. Get into college. Leave Forks and get on with the rest of my life.

I heard Alice's ringtone sound from my back pocket. I was too afraid to talk to her so I let it go to voicemail. She was probably calling to see how everything went, but I just couldn't face the questions.

"Bella?"

I sat up and twisted around at the sound of his voice. I didn't know how he'd found me, because I hadn't told anyone about my meadow except one person. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"You flew by me, pushing your truck to its limits, Bells. I figured something was wrong, and I wanted to check on you."

"But how did you find me?"

He quirked his brow and smirked. "You don't think I know my way around?"

"Jake," I warned.

"All right, all right. I pulled up just after you and followed you up here. Probably a good thing I did too, because dang Bells, you're clumsy. You fell eight times."

"Thanks, Jake. I was wondering that; I'd lost count after two," I said sarcastically.

"Ooh, aren't we moody? Are you being all female? Should I go and get you some chocolate?" he joked, pointing his thumbs back toward the slope.

"You can go, but I don't need anything." I didn't need the banter. I wanted to be alone, but I had to admit that Jake, being Jake, had given my mind a mini-break from _him_.

"No appreciation for my services or friendship," he mocked, falsely hurt, but continued to walk toward me.

"What do you want, Jake?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay." He sat down on the grass next to me, leaving the blanket for me.

"I'm fine; at least I will be." I looked off into the distance half-hoping that Edward would walk into the clearing, but there was no sign of him.

"He did this, didn't he? He hurt you."

"Jake, please don't. I don't need this right now. It wasn't him, anyway, it was me; I did this to myself. We had rules, and I broke them." I shrugged, continuing to stare at the treeline. I shouldn't have said anything. Things were fine the way they were—great, in fact—because at least then, his hands were on me. There was no way Edward was ever going to touch me again. I'd ruined everything with my confession.

"Are you going to tell me what happened? What he did to you?"

"He didn't do anything. There's nothing to tell." Tears ran down my cheeks, and I quickly smeared them into my skin.

"Do you want me to sit with you?" he asked. "I promise I'll behave.

"You don't need to stay, Jake. I'll be fine." I insisted.

"Humor me. I just want to make sure you're okay. When you're ready to go, I'll leave you alone. Deal?"

I knew he would fight me on it if I told him that I didn't want him there. Jake had always been good at looking out for me. Didn't he try to warn me about _him_ twice before? I hadn't listened then and honestly, I needed a friend that had nothing to do with _him_ and me. Jake was my friend just as much as the others, but he'd never really hung out with our group—the group that included _him_. Jake always had something going on at the rez, so as it turned out, it was the perfect friendship for working out the way it did, because I didn't have to worry about bumping into _him_ when I was with Jake.

"Fine. But if you say one 'I told you so', you're out of here. You got me?"

"Yes ma'am." He saluted and then nudged me with his shoulder, nearly knocking me over.

"Boy, you need to lay off the steroids!"

"Very funny. Not all of us can be small, Bells."

He'd just described how I felt. Small. Compared to the qualities many of the other girls in Forks had, I was as insignificant as a gnat. There was nothing special about me. I was just plain ole ordinary Bella, hanging around and smothering someone who I'd had an obligatory friendship with—unbeknownst to me. Jessica had said it all those months ago. _He_ was with me out of obligation.

_Job well done, Eddie. You have been released from duty. Enjoy life._

We sat there for a while, talking about old times—fishing trips, camping, bonfires at the beach. Jake did his best to try to get _him_ out of my mind and it worked most of the time, but _he_ still flashed through my memory, taunting me. I didn't cry, but Jake knew something was wrong and made numerous attempts to cheer me up. I just wasn't ready to feel anything other than _his_ rejection. How could I? The wounds were still so fresh.

**{{QQ}}**

If Jake hadn't been in the meadow with me, it probably would have taken me a lot longer to get out of there than it had. It was dark by the time we started down the hill. He tried to get me to agree to let him go home with me, but I really just wanted to be alone.

When I got home, I decided to check my voicemail. Alice had called at least ten times while I was in the meadow with Jake.

_You have five messages_

_Crap! She's going to kill me._

_First message._

"_Bella, Edward just called me looking for you. I thought you two were together. Call me."_

_New message._

"_Bella. Rose just called. She got a call from Edward too. Where are you sweetie? What happened?" _Her voice had a slight edge to it.

_New message._

"_Isabella Marie, where the hell are you? Call me, please?" _ She sounded almost panicked, but mostly angry.

_New message._

"_Bella, seriously…you're scaring us. Emmett and Jasper are driving around looking for you." _Definitely panicked.

The last of them was recorded just as I'd pulled into my driveway five minutes earlier.

"_So help me, if you don't call me, I am de-friending your snarky, ignorant ass. Call me!" _she commanded.

I knew I had to call her, but going over the rejection in my head was bad enough. I still had plenty of time left in the night to wallow in self-pity, and I didn't need more people trying to cheer me up. I had lost Edward, and I needed time to get over that fact. Talking about it with anyone in that moment was going to kill me. I decided to text her instead, unable to handle anything more than that just yet.

_**I'm okay. We'll talk later. I need time. Can I try calling you tomorrow? ~B**_

I dropped my phone onto my bed then grabbed my sweats and "Bite Me" t-shirt from dresser. The same shirt I'd worn for Valentine's Day and the sweats I'd worn for our movie night just a few weeks ago. Alice's text tone sounded, so I snatched up my phone again, checking the message.

_**Where are you? Are you sure you're okay? I can come over and sit with you. Rose can too. You don't have to talk, I swear! ~Al**_

_**I just can't, Ali. Tomorrow okay? I promise. ~B**_

_**We'll be there around one with Cherry Garcia and Chunky Monkey. ~Al**_

_**Add coffee and I'll agree. ~B**_

_**You got it. We love you! ~Al**_

_**Love you guys too. See you tomorrow. ~B**_

I knew I was going to have to talk to all of them eventually, but it would be easier to cry it all out with my girls and then let them pass the information along. I was afraid that if I saw Emmett, I wouldn't be able to contain myself. I'd probably call that big lug every name I could think of for introducing me to _him_. I knew it wasn't his fault, and I loved the meathead way too much to put either of us through that.

**{{QQ}}**

My dreams the night before had been wrought with the sound of _his_ chuckle and the phrases "not the type of girl" and "really good friends." Jake's warnings that _he_ would hurt me had played their part as well. I just wasn't sure that _he_ was entirely at fault. I was the one that decided I wanted more. He'd been the only one to comply with our original agreement. I'd destroyed it all with one girly love confession. Stupid.

I'd slept so lightly that I'd heard Dad come in the door and clomp his way to the bathroom. I heard the water run for his shower, even counted the minutes until he got out. I listened again as he dragged his feet toward his bedroom and then shut the door as quietly as he could. The springs of his bed squeaked as he lay down and shortly after that, the chainsaw began.

I couldn't drag myself out of bed. I heard the car drive up and doors close. I even heard talking. They rang the doorbell, then knocked, and then rang the doorbell again. I just couldn't bring myself to get up out of bed. I listened as the springs on Dad's bed squeaked as he moved. I heard him fling his door open before he called out for me. I closed my eyes and listened as he stomped his way downstairs grumbling about the old man needing more sleep than the young. I heard hushed speaking and then numerous footfalls climbing toward the second floor.

There was a light rapping on my door.

"Bella? Sweetie?" Alice's whispered voice called out.

Reluctantly, I slowly opened my eyes. The moment I saw Alice's sad little face and Rose's worried frown peaking out from behind the door, I burst into tears. They rushed to my bed, dropping the bags they had brought at the door, and spread their arms out ready to comfort me.

"Do you want to talk?" Alice asked.

I shook my head and used my sheet to wipe at my tears.

"She doesn't need to talk, Ali. She _needs_ Chunky Monkey. Give her a spoon," Rosalie directed.

Rosalie's phone rang, and she groaned as she pulled it from her pocket. "I swear that boy cannot leave me alone for ten minutes." She stood up and walked to the window that overlooked the drive. "What is it, Emmett? Did you not—" She got quiet all of a sudden and her jaw dropped.

All Alice and I could do was stare in wonder while we ate our ice cream.

"Okay, baby. Call me and let me know—yes, I'll let Alice know. Okay. I love you, too." Rose ended the call, the look of shock still on her face. She seemed to recover and bit down hard on one side of her lip. I'd never seen her like that before; it had me a little worried.

Alice stood, walked over to her and took her hand. "What is it? What's wrong, Rosie?"

"Jasper's been in a fight," Rosalie relayed Emmett's message.

"With who?" Alice asked.

She looked directly at me, causing the hairs on my arms to stand. "Edward."

**{{QQ}}**

_**A/N: You all wanted someone to spill; you got what you wanted. Be careful what you wish for. ;) And I know what you're thinking...but this is Vella and she always freaks out.**_

_**In case you missed it, I have an O/S entered in the Fic-A-Pic contest called "Elusive Entanglement"-blame the wifey, mpg, for it coming before the update. She says she'll gladly take the punishment. ;) It's in my profile. Voting begins February 13.**_

_**My kids do love their Auntie Tiffanyanne3ff and Auntie Carabeth. They want to come crash on your couch until Bella and Edward figure this shizz out.**_

_**One final word for ALL of you: Trust! **_

_**See ya next time.**_


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